Should I let my sister come to live with me?

Bobbie - posted on 08/16/2012

So do you think she will change? I think she will change ~ change your life that is. Change the emotions of your daughters putting them is a position to witness things no child should be subjected to by choice. Who comes first in your heart, your sister or your daughters? I can bet you sister will put that to the test. Seems she already has managed to sway you to do things way above moral support. Have you heard the saying "Not your brother's keeper"? I think you should start repeating that to her right after the word "no" for everything she asks of you. No amount of guilt in the world should make you continue this pattern with her. The cost of helping her again will come at the price your children pay for what she will take from them. Who has to give up time they had with you before she came into the picture? Who has to witness your stress, fights or tears? Who has to hear adult issues like eating disorders, pity to gain attention to eat. Is that wise to have girls subjected to? Your daughter will feel differently about you. They will either see you as loser for allowing her to step into your life again knowing what you know and what you fully expect from her. Or they will see you as just as messed up as she is as they witness the drama that surely follows her every where. Nothing positive can come from welcoming chaos to your home. She will manage though I am sure she will such a great actress telling you how she is going to loose her life because you didn't help her. Users are good at the guilt thing. Sounds like she has it down to an art. Her issues can't be resolved until she resolves them, period. No amount of help from anyone, stranger or family, can change the habits and issues that a person has within themselves. She has to learn new skills to cope with her life and the eating disorder.
Every motherly protective instinct in my body is screaming NO Don't subject yourself to this mess she made. Go on with your life. You have a right to live your life without guilt. You deserve to raise your children. She never was yours to raise and now she has to be told no, grow up and do it on your own. Pray for her and give her moral support, nothing else! Be on your guard to keep her out of your home, even for visits since she manipulates, lies and steals. Decide your new boundaries of where she is permitted in your life and stick to them. If she gets you to budge just one step she will have you back to caring for her in no time. It isn't tough love, it is simply prioritizing what is important in your life and minimizing the risks to it.

Francine - posted on 07/11/2012

I wouldn't let her live with you. It sounds like you need to check her into a facility where they can help her for her anorexia. Tell her this is the only way you will be there for her to help. But she really does need that kind of help. It's not fair to put your own kids through that. Also pray for her don't allow feeling guilty to take over your life. She's an adult she has to learn to stand on her own two feet with proper medical help that could be the first step to recovery.