Should I put my daughter on the pill?

GAYLE - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 136 moms have responded )

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My 15 year old daughter has started to see a lad of 17 and I am not sure if I should ask her to go on the pill. We have a very open relationship and generally can talk about anything. She has been having trouble with her periods and I was thinking about it before. I don't want her think I don't trust her to be careful with this boy if I mention her going on the pill, we have talked about contraception before but I was wondering what everyone else would do in my situation.

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[deleted account]

Having raised four girls, I can completely understand your dilemma. I was always VERY open with my children and by kindergarten, they had extensive knowledge of their bodies and how they work. I am trying to not give too much information so as not to embarass them now. But...if it were me, I would first talk to my daughter to find out whether she was having sex. She may or may not tell you. If she is, she might be relieved that you asked. If not, it's the perfect time to take the opportunity to make sure that she has proper information. No matter how carefully you have taught her in the past, teenagers also tend to listen to and believe their friends, who may have incorrect information. Secondly, I would buy a huge box of condoms (or go to Planned Parenthood where you can purchase them inexpensively or to the Public Health Department where they are free) and make sure my daughter knew that I had gotten them. Make them readily accessible, not hidden in your room somewhere. (The point being not just obstructing pregnancy but protecting against sexually transmitted diseases.) Above all, I would explain my preferences for my daughter. My conversation always went something like this. "I understand that you are getting older and the possibility of you having sex is coming closer. I know that you are intelligent and I pray often for your ability to discern when is the proper time. Of course, I would love it if you wait until you are married. However, I am also aware that you may not choose to do t. Above all, I love you and want you to be safe and healthy. I am providing you with condoms in case you decide to begin having sex before the time I would prefer. I am also begging you to tell me when you decide to begin having sex so that I can further protect you with other means of birth control. Because we are talking about this does not mean I am giving you permission to have sex right now. I am not. But I know that this decision is not entirely up to me. Please know that what I want to give you is knowledge and knowledge is not permission. If you want to know what my choices were and how I arrived at this position, just ask and I will explain it to you. Please also be aware that I promise not to overreact when you decide to tell me anything (including if you tell me now). Soon, it will be up to you to be totally responsible for yourself, but I am thankful that right now I can be helpful to you." Then when the boyfriend was over at the house next, I would have some conversations with him about things in general and work toward protection of your daughter in particular. This conversing with boyfriend usually takes place over time. I continue to let him get comfortable with me, in my home, and since we speak openly about sexual matters in my home, as related to pregnancy and childbirth in particular, I can usually slip in a little support of my own for teenagers in general. He needs, as much as my daughters, to be comfortable with his sexuality and his role and power in that. I know I have run on, but I am very passionate about this subject. Raising a teenage girl is an absolute joy, but you might not know it until she is in her 20s. Happy mothering!

[deleted account]

Hmmm... If I suspected that my 15 year old daughter was sexually active, I would definately tell her that I was concerned. That at 15, her health, her well-being, and her potential offspring are my responsibility. I would give her the statistics on STD's from HPV (venerial warts) to AIDS, I would give her statistics about teenage mothers, I would definately give her my moral opinion regarding pre-marital sex. We're Catholic, so I would let her know that as unrealistic as it sounds, I believe she should wait until marriage... when she and her spouse can grow to enjoy eachother's bodies, have the emotional maturity to talk to eachother about their emotional, spiritual and sexual needs etc... waiting until she and her spouse aren't thrown into a situation where they have to "grow up and be responsible", but are in a position where they actually are responsible, financially and otherwise, to care for eachother and a child/children. I would ask her if she wanted to get involved with the "silver ring thing", which is a program for teenagers where they vow to wait until they are married. Lastly, I would discuss with her every birth control option legally available to her as well as my opinion and stats on abortion. I would let her know that her choice is between her and God, but to remember what impact it would have on our family. That I would love her whatever her decisions... and that she can come to me about it anytime. I guess as a parent... that's all I could do. Hope that it helps. I guess I don't see it as a matter of trust... but rather an inevitable part of the process of growing up... teenagers are going to want to have sex. But just because they want to, doesn't mean they have to. I'd want to help my daughter with "self'discipline" in this area. But then again, when the time comes for me and my daughter, I might just go nuts, scream like a banchee, and throw everything I thought I'd do out the window!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/16/2011

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I put my daughter on bc this summer due to period issues. But it makes me feel better, too. I buy my teens condoms, and talk about stds. They know I don't want them to have sex, but will do anything to keep them healthy. A grandbaby would not make me happy, but I could live with it, AIDS, not so much!

Ayse - posted on 01/25/2010

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yes i would put her on the pill if only to be safe, and it may help her periods to. maybe also explain to rules of safe sex .

Anne - posted on 01/25/2010

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Put her on the pill. It will regulate her cycle and also provide her with a safety net against pregnancy, although would advise her to continue using condoms as well. x

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Renay - posted on 02/17/2014

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Take her to the doc. yes she needs to be on birth control and she needs to know about condoms and the necessity of using them. she needs to understand that every girl that boy has slept with, she is sleeping with. better safe today than sorry tomorrow.

Sophia - posted on 02/16/2014

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I can't understand why a 15 years old need a boyfriend or the pill. Sorry mom but aids continue to take life. I am not putting you down I just don't understand, I have3 boys .

Chet - posted on 02/13/2014

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I think I would talk to my daughter, and help her to come to her own decision about it.

Daniele - posted on 02/12/2014

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I know about 10 moms who put their daughter on birth control. 9 of them are now teen single moms.

Tracey - posted on 06/12/2013

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Love your style, open and honesty is the best way, if a child cannot come to there parents and talk about sex, drugs or anything else then i find it somewhat disturbing, as a parent it is our job to be there for our kids and give them advise and hope that it works. Sounds like this has worked for you and i applaud your choices, i believe most people wish they had a Mum like you or that next door neighbour like you that they could go to if they couldn't go to there own parents definite thumbs up

Tracey - posted on 06/12/2013

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Honestly it is 2013, girls are having sex at 12 and younger these days, peer pressure is always going to be a huge factor as well as they choose to grow up too quickly. I am very open with my daughter and i hope she makes the right decisions in life, but if for some reason she feels she is "ready for sex" i don't want her to not have the knowledge or the right contraception. For those who say it is giving them permission to sleep around i disagree, maybe your in denial and this is where we have teenage pregnancy. Last thing i want to think of is my daughter losing her innocents but id rather know she is protected and not going to be a child having a baby when she has so much living to do. I also believe if we don't judge our children for what they do wrong and talk open and honestly with them then this will prevent them from running away from home, id rather have my child home safe where i know she wont be someones target for rape, molestation or the next murder victim because she knows she can come to me about anything and that she is able to be herself in her own home. My daughter is 14 and a half, at this stage she has not had sex, she has had a couple of boyfriends but nothing too much as yet, she recently tried a cigarette but said how she coughed so badly and hated it and wont do it again, her cousin on the other hand whom is 8 months older then her has already lost her virginity at 12, she smokes and steals from her parents to seek attention. I love all my kids and never want them to go behind my back to do anything wrong, id rather them be able to come to me where i can give them advise and hope that will guide them in the right direction instead of them not knowing the best ways and going off the rails. Congrats to all the Mums out there, i believe at least if your kids are happy and healthy then your doing a great job and deserve to pat yourself on the back.

Sarah - posted on 02/21/2013

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@Caroline Sarian where have you been 15 year old girls have been having sex for past 40 years, now ito's more like 12 and up. My neighbor was like you, my daughter is to young to have sex at 15 (that was in 1984) she is not having sex with her 17 year old boyfriend. I was very open with my girls and by the time they were 10 they new everything they had to know about boys and sex, we had pets that had babies and they have seen that so they asked. I grew up on the farm and new about mating as my grandma call it from tome I was 6. So on summer evenings we would sit on front steps and had girl talks with my girls and their friends and we all noticed Sherry being hot and heavy with her bf in the shadows. My oldest called her over and started talking to her about what was going on and that will probably lead to having sex and advised her to talk to her mom, 4 other girls age 12 to 15 agreed. After giving me hard time neighbor failed to talk about sex or pill with Sherry and Sherry ended up having baby 10 mo. later, just 2 mo. after her 16th birthday. I am proud to say that all the girls from my front porch girl talks were well over 20 when they had their first child, I also provided all the girls with condoms so they would not get any STD and all the parents were greatfull for my little girl talks on all does summer nights.

Lisa - posted on 02/19/2013

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I would think just a mere discussion regarding the overall benefits of birth control pills without any consideration for the actual "Birth Control" would be of interest to your daughter (i.e. period regulation, reduction in cramps, reduced likelihood to certain cancers, etc....). Not a matter of trust when it comes to any of this. Besides, I'm certain that any great parent such as yourself would be encouraging additional barrier forms of protection should the need/desire for sex arise. One can never be too careful when becoming sexually active as anyone can be a carrier for STD's. The pill is great for those in long-term relationships, but for anything new with little to no guarantee of long-term commitment condoms are definitely highly recommended.

Caroline - posted on 02/19/2013

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I see that this post is over 3 years old, but I can't help but respond anyway. Why is any mother of a 15 year old (much less one who has a good, open relationship with her daughter) even ok with having her daughter have sex???? That is way too early to be having sex, regardless of how old the boy is, how long they've been dating, or how mature she is. If you have a good relationship with her, you (the mother) of all people should be able to teach your daughter that she's too young to have sex and you should be able to teach her to save herself until she's older, more mature, and ready for such a commitment. I have a 15 year old, and she's very mature, but yet, consenting to her having sex is the very last thing I would approve, and she knows it. Until parents put their foot down, teenage pregnancy is always going to be a possibility. Plus, if she's having sex at 10th/11th grade, what about everything else in her life? Her studies, girlfriends, sports, hobbies, etc? Fifteen is just way too young to be committing to one person. Also, once she has sex with her first partner, chances are that the second and third partner are not going to be too far away. That is just terrible for a mother to be ok with such behavior. I can sympathize with a parent who's child has run away and you have no control over her anymore, but if she' living in your house and you have a "very open relationship" with her, what's your excuse for not instilling some values in her? That's the job of a parent!

Debi - posted on 02/19/2013

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I have endometriosis, so there is a good chance my 15 year old will also. She currently does not have a boyfriend, but like you, we have an open relationship. If she is even thinking about becoming sexually active, I have told her we would visit putting her on the pill. I say go for it. Better safe than Pregnant. Remind her about STD's too, and it is she and she alone responsible for her safety. (Sorry, I am an RN, and have seen so many problems later in life). Also, bonus for the pill... it keeps her from ovulating, so her egg supply does not diminish if she needed IVF later in life.

MICHELLE - posted on 02/19/2013

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As parents we need to set up our children for success. As humans we are all sexual beings, so put her on the pill, it's not about trust it's about being responsible. Help your daughter be responsible.

Janine - posted on 02/18/2013

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My gynecologist told me that if my daughter (she was 16) was seeing the same boy for over 6 months he recommended the pill. Careful, at 15/17? Hunh? I wouldn't count on that. I know it's a fine line between feeling, as a parent that we are being responsible/realistic and condoning something which we may not be ready for but I took the "safe" route. My daughter is 25 now and takes care of her own business: I don't even ask. But, she has one friend who had a baby at 20 and another that had an abortion around then too. I would just as soon not have her facing either. In my mind it is not about trust: it is about being prepared for a natural eventuality: sex is normal for loving people. Abstinence is not practical just ask Sarah Palin.

Meg - posted on 02/18/2013

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First of all - cudos to you for wanting to speak openly to your daughter! I would have given anything for a mom like you! I didn't have daughters myself, but have friends that do and so, have had similar discussions with several of them. The concensus, I believe among those moms was that it's the way you "frame" the conversation that's most important. If you don't want her to think you are encouraging sexual activity, then start the conversation by talking about the problems she's been having with her period. Ask her if she has friends who are also dealing with those issues and what, if anything, they are taking to help. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she knows girls her age who are on the pill for this reason. If so, you can get her opinion about it and the conversation will proceed naturally from there. You say you've had conversations about contraception, so she already knows that aspect of the pill, but I'd go over other benefits and side effects too before circling the conversation back to that. Then, as others here have posted, I'd reiterate that condoms are the best protection against stds as well as birth control. You'll know if this has been on her mind by her reactions and can feel it out from there.

Lakenia - posted on 02/18/2013

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Prayerfully you've had this conversation with her prior to this situation. My daughter was 16 when she asked to be put on the pill. We had had numerous conversations prior to that. I prayed about it and I actually put her on the pill and the Lord answered my prayer. When the time came for her to renew the shots yes we got the 3 month, she decided that it was overrated and elected to stop. So I'll say trust God pray about it and let him do the rest because when we tell them no, we know that's when they rebel just because we said no. I'll be praying for you.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2013

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I put mine on pill as soon as they got their periods, We talked about it long before that, because neighbors daughters were pregnant at age 14 and 16 and that was way back. We have a family history of ovarian cysts too and I didn't want them to suffer with it. My older one tells her 14 year old son if he doesn't keep it in his pants she'll cut it of, no baby mamas for him, she got him condoms just in case too and told him to double it up, he just LOLed at her. My stepdaughter got pregnant because she was not on the pill and they ran out of condoms, baby daddy is not part of her life, but her son is a blessing for her, she was 19 when she had him.

Laura - posted on 02/17/2013

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Hi! You said that you have a very open relationship so I would sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Ask alot of questions-tell her about some of your experiences and your friends too when you were a teen. I told my daughter about a friend who got pregnant the first time she had sex & what it did to her life. It took away her childhood & the father of the baby was good for nothing-sad to say. Let her know that you would be happy to take her to the doctor if she thinks she needs to go on the pill. Let her know you are there to support her 100%! When parents don't talk-things happen & then they say to themselves-why did this happen? Tell her you want her to have the best life possible. Also, take her back to the gynecologist or a nurse practitioner to see what they can do about her periods. If they last for a long time or she has a history of ovarian cysts that might be a very good reason for her to go on the pill. My daughter who is now 16 had 1 ruptured cyst about 18 mths. ago but has been ok since then. I was recommended however if she got them again that the pill would help & also know the pill will help with heavy periods as well. My daughter & I are very close & talk just about everything-she is open as well too & has had boyfriends as well. So far, so good! She is not on the pill either-she's afraid of having sex & isn't ready I can tell-so I'm happy about that!

Dena - posted on 02/17/2013

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I didn't read through the 117 or so comments, but did you consider an implant or IUD? No chance of user error. I was always pretty forgetful about taking my pill on time. Condoms have their job to do, as well. I have tween boys so I'm not there yet, but I can certainly remember my mistakes as a young adult! I'm glad you have an open relationship with your daughter; you are both very lucky. Best wishes to your family! :)

Ramona - posted on 02/14/2013

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My mom put me on the pill at 16. We now both regret it terribly. It only gave me permission to sleep around. I don't agree with that kind of start in life. My own children have decide to wait until marriage to have sex. It has been the most romantic love story to watch. I will be a grandma in July! Such a wonderful way to start a marriage. Imagine the delight in knowing that a person waited for her one and only true love. Btw he waited for her too!

Ann - posted on 08/10/2012

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NO NO NO==== My 20 year old daughter was on the pill for 1 year and developed eye issues. She wears contacts and a month after starting the pill her eyes were dry, red. a ring developed around them. we went to the doctors and changed lenses. no better. after a year, the eye doctor found a blood spot, or swollen blood vessel behind her eye!!! very serious. we sat down and figured when all of this started and you guessed it, a month after the pill. we went on line and found hundreds of girls with eye issues. she stopped taking the pill and when we went to the specialist 3 weeks later, her eye was NORMAL. not ONE of the doctors said it was from the pill, but you can piece together a time line of this. This blood vessel could have burst in her eye and who knows what else. THANK GOD we asked for guidance on this and were able to reverse the effects.. Who knows what else this horrible pill is doing. DO NOT GO ON IT. i wish some doctor would come out and say just how damaging this is.

Martha - posted on 07/16/2011

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Take it from someone that has had both situations, a boy and a girl that have gone through the teenage years. Talk to your daughter and explain to her your concerns and that you're only trying to protect her. I did this with my 16 year old who told me she was having sex, we went to the doctor together and have been able to talk about everything going on in her life since. She's now 25 expecting her 2nd child both are a blessing and will be her last. On the other side of the coin, i have a son who at the age of 17 found out he was going to be a father with his 15 year old girlfriend, after going through this he repeated the same thing a year later with another girl. He now has 2 children at a very young age. Very difficult to get through from our vantage point let alone from his. He's still struggling to provide for his children. I recommend keeping the lines of communication open about sex with your children even though we did with our son as well as our daughter but I guess it didn't sink in with our son, he failed to protect himself sufficiently. Good luck with your situation.

Michele - posted on 03/13/2010

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Yes, Yes, Yes! Put her on the pill! My 17 year old daughter and I have always had an open relationship.. talked about everything... but she NEVER told me she was having sex, and now... she is pregnant due in July. She said she always wanted me to consider her "my baby", and didn't want me to know the innocence was gone. Please think about this seriously. :)

Kathleen - posted on 03/02/2010

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First: Think of them as medicine to help correct an imbalance in her system. There are issues that hormones can correct. This is medicine for your child!

Second: When she decides to have her first sexual relationship, she may or may not come to you. You have to talk to her now! Let her know what all the dangers are (pregnancy, STD's, cancer (caused by HPV), emotional scars). Tell her to use condoms until she is ready to get pregnant as the pill is not 100% effective. Tell her never to use sex as a weapon. To never think that it will keep him when he is acting like he wants to leave. Yes, he may leave, but do you really want to be with someone who does not respect your wishes?

Third: Tell her how wonderful it can be with the right person at the right time. Casual sex may feel good in the moment but do you really want to look back and realize that you have had more partners than you can count?

Fourth: Remind her of something that she already knows. People lie about their sexual experiences. They even make things up. She should never have sex because "everybody" is doing it. She should wait until she feels it is the right person/right time.

Fifth: Remember that you love this girl you have reared. You have nourished her mind and her heart. BUT she has to make the decision about sex on her own. It is not something you can control.

Finally: Remember how you felt when you were her age. Then give her information that you wish you had been given without judgement.

Ashleigh - posted on 03/02/2010

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I've a 14 year old daughter and she has just started a real relationship with a 16 year old boy. should i put her on the pill or just trust her not to sleep with him?

[deleted account]

I am sure you are very concerned. It's good to have an open relationship. That's why you can tell her that she is too young to be seeing this 17 year old! She should focus on her school work, sport, hobbies and going out in a group together with other young people. If she has a good relationship with you, you can tell her all the facts and how easily she can fall pregnant! How well do you know this lad? It is important for her to be able to bring her freinds to your home and visit with the family. No dating alone yet. I would recommend her not going on the pill, but knowing all the facts and that she can count on your support. Their must be mutual trust. Hope this will help you.

Lois - posted on 02/24/2010

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well...it seems mostly personal preference. when my 14 year old tried to date a 17 year old, I put an end to the relationship. my personal preference was.....not to allow my daughter to date a 17 year old.



my belief was (is) that any 17 year old dating a YOUNGER girl, is out for one thing...nice boy or not. They prey on the innocence of the younger girls. Its cool for a 15 year old to be dating an older boy....what is that....freshman dating a junior??



as far as the pill.....well....for me.... I approached my daughter (at 16) with concerns about the pill. I told her that the pill was to regulate her period. I told her I was against her having sex. We discussed pregnancy, std's, date rape. It ended up a really good thing.



your open relationship with your daughter should help you. talk with her. find out her thoughts, go to planned parenthood. but make the decision together. it will work out better in the long run.

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Pregnancy is the least of your worries - lets talk AIDS, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia... she could DIE. Tell her THAT, and then get her some condoms, show her how they are used. And most girls of her age have irregular and difficult periods - it takes a while for the body to settle into a rhythm, and it's also nature's way of telling us that we're not quite ready yet for pregnancy.

Lisa - posted on 02/22/2010

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hi i have a 19 year old daughter with a grandson who is nearly 4 you do the math my daughter asked me about the pill and we went to see the practise nurse who put her on the pill but unfortunatly 6 months later the test was positive we went on to find out that she should never have been put on the pill in the first place as she suffers with i.b.s but by then the damage had been done may i suggest the implant it lasts for 3 years no remembering to take the pill or make appointment for the next injection but PLEASE dont be one of these mothers that think it wont happen to your daughter i still have friends who think this not me i was the one mother with a pregnant 15 year old

Laura - posted on 02/22/2010

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i personally would put her on the pill for 2 reasons first to regulate her

2nd to orotect her

teenagers hormones dont allow them to stop and prepare

let her know you trust her but feel she needs to take the caution and remind her that the pill only helps prevent pregnancy and does not shield her from diseases

Stacy - posted on 02/21/2010

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I have a 15 year old daughter too and we are going to the doctor next week to get her started. I've debated for a while now whether or not it was the right thing to do. We also talk very openly about these things but I've just learned that she may not have been quite so honest when it came to the topic of sex. At this age, we need to protect them if we can because they certainly don't make good decisions all of the time.

Ellie - posted on 02/21/2010

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I had a talk with my daughter who at the time was just turning 15 and she also has a boyfriend at the time I wanted to think it wouldn't become serious enough to where I would have to worry about her being on any contraceptive and have that extra hormones in her body, but I did give her that talk to open things up so when she thought she maybe ready to take the pill I wanted her to be able to come to me. Which she did at 16

which I discussed condoms as extra protection. I work the medical field and now a days young girls are coming in as young as 14 for fetal ultrasounds. When you have the discussion your not telling your daughter go right ahead even though it feels like it but giving her the chance not to get pregnant and start getting use to being responsible with using contraceptive, because that is a responsibility that goes along with it. On top of that her periods were getting bad along with a bad case of acne which started at 13 since being on the birth control her periods have lessened and her acne has cleared up.

Carolyn - posted on 02/20/2010

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My daughter was put on the pill last year. She is now 13, but was having 3 periods a month. It has helped her alot, but I did give her the sex talk and the respect for herself talk. She is not dating per sey, but she goes out in groups and that worries me. With teens you never know. You need to do what you think is best for her. If she is having bad periods it is probably a good idea. If it's just for sex that's something totally different. A really long talk is needed about respecting one''s self and using other protection due to disease. Good Luck

Shel - posted on 02/19/2010

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Yes yes and YES let her know that its not that you don't trust her just you want her to be prepared just in case. Many times over our young ladies think they are in love and allow themselves to give in to the pressure of having sex. Tell her its not that you are giving your consent but you are giving her a possible protective shield from 9 months of labor and a drastic change in her life plans

[deleted account]

Hi Gayle, I know how you feel. When my daughter was 17, I knew she was having relations with her boyfriend and I didnt want her to be a teenaged mom so I did take her to the dr. and she was put on the pill. Doctor never gave her any further advise and neither did I, so she was not using any other protection right after getting on the pill and got pregnant anyway. She is now 19 and my little grand-daughter is 22mo. old. My daughter ended up getting married at a young age, and I adore my grand-daughter. It all turned out well here, but kids should enjoy life before the huge responsibility of parenting. Just remember if she does get on the pill she should still use other methods of protection for the 1st 3mo. or so.

Maryanne - posted on 02/19/2010

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Hi Gayle, I think if your'e asking this question then you have cause for concern. And unless you want to be a grandma - better safe than sorry.If she thinks she should also - go for it. Maryanne

Gina - posted on 02/19/2010

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As long as you are being very open with your daughter about safe sex, then she should not have any problem with your suggesting she go on the pill. it is a sign of maturity if she is in agreeance Explain to her, if she is active that having a baby in here teen years , will be hell. Being a single mother is not the easiest in the world to be . keep talking with her about safe sex Use a condom at all times if and when she and her boyfriend are having intercourse from me to you gina

Carol - posted on 02/19/2010

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I can honestly say that I have been in your shoes. I was confused and unsure if it would be right to do that because of her being a virgin, so I sat with her pediatrician in order for all of us to come to an understanding that although I have trust for her, I was more so concerned about her being unable to change a situation that she did not mean to get into (pregnancy). I did not want her to be a teenage parent like myself. She waited until she was past 21 before she had childern, so I guess it did work for me. I think it is according to the person's temperament also, so make sure that you both are a part of the decision.

Debbie - posted on 02/18/2010

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my 18 year old has had a boyfriend for a few years and i was glad the she wanted me to take her to the doctors only a few months ago to go on the pill,we have always been able to talk to each other,i would talk to your daughter and say it would be good to go on the pill for when your ready to have sex and it will help with the periods

Jane - posted on 02/18/2010

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My 20 year old daughter and I have a very open relationship....once we had the "sex" talk ( i think she was 12), I told her in no uncertain terms that when she thought that she was going to have sex...or was even thinking about it, to come to me and we would ensure she had the protection she needed to be safe from both STD's and pregnancy. I pounded this into her head and it worked. She dated her boyfriend for almost 2 years before they decided to have sex ... she was 17 and she came to me immediately. We went to the doctor, got her on birth control pills, I bought her condoms and talked more about sex, being ready, etc. I'm 50...I was a hippie...I've always believed in keeping it real with my kids. AND, all that talk worked....while she is on the pill, she and her boyfriend still use condoms as a "just in case". They've been together now almost 4 years, will probably marry, although he was her first boyfriend and I wish she would have dated a little more but I'm glad we've had the talks we've had and that she was comfortable telling me so I could ensure her safety.

I think safer is better than sorry. If you think she's even THINKING about sex, get her on the pill, buy her the condoms but talk to her over and over and OVER again about being mature enough and ready for sex. I think 15 is a little young to be having sex but you can't control that. All you can control is the safety and health of your child.

Donna - posted on 02/18/2010

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I would ask her how serious she is about this guy and if she thinks she needs birth control. I lost my virginity at 14 but went on to marry the guy and we have been married almost 30 years. I would tell her that sex is very special between 2 people who love each other and that in the moment you dont always make good choices and that if she is on the pill she is protected from getting pregnant but it doesnt protect her from STDs and she needs to also use condoms. You are not giving her permission to have sex if you put her on the pill any more than you are giving her permission to get in an accident if she has her seat belt on. You just want her to be protected.

Charlene - posted on 02/18/2010

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If she is now having sex for sure she needs to have more than just the pill, she needs to realize that there are many std's that she could get which could make her sick or even kill her. that's what you should wrap your mind around not just birth control.....

Susan - posted on 02/17/2010

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Definetly! I had to find out my daughter was sexually active at age 14 from a mom of one of her friends - she had overheard the girls talking. Putting her on the pill is a way of protecting her. Let her know that the pill is not 100%, nothing but celebasy is. If she is as mature as you say, talking to you about anything, then she should be mature enough to handle this.

NancyJane - posted on 02/17/2010

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Since you are very close with your daughter, I would have a talk with her. You could tell her even though you don't condone her having relations with this boy at her age, you still want her to protect herself from the risks involved. I would advise her to seek protection for herself and him. She could go to her ob/gyn or to a clinic to get the pill and condoms. I had this talk with my son when he was growing up and reminded him of his responsibilities when he had a girlfriend. They will never admit to you ,but you should let her know how and where to get the protection they both need.

[deleted account]

Better safe than sorry,just make sure you talk about it and say you would rather her wait. Also explain that it doesn't protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Good luck.

Christinia - posted on 02/17/2010

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You cannot force her, but the pill would probably be a good idea. If you have an open relationship just talk to her and be honest. She can get pregnant just one time and condoms are added protection plus they help from std's. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Karen - posted on 02/17/2010

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This is always a real tough call.I would first find out if there are medical reasons for the problems she is already having.In my opinion,having two grown daughters of my own,the best thing to teach them is that having sex is something that should be saved for AFTER marriage.I can't say that was the case with my daughters but I did at times tell them that.Peer pressure these days is very strong and we can't be with them 24-7 but we can teach them good morals.Find a way to Show her the effects of having sex before marriage,letting her know that it will change her life forever.There are many things to be discussed,disease and of course having a child while she herself is still a child.If she has plans of College,being able to support herself,respecting herself and being a strong Woman first, all those things will more than likely be put on the back burnner if she becomes a mother at such an early age.Make her think,find any resource you can to show her the consequences of a wrong decision at her age.Let her know that relationships at her age can come and go just as easy and quickly as it takes to end up expecting a baby,again Make her think about what she really wants for her life.

Karen - posted on 02/16/2010

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Absolutely, Kids are going to have sex, and its best that you make sure that she is protected against pregnancy and you need to let her know that she still needs to make sure that she is using a condom for protection against disease

Michele - posted on 02/16/2010

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I also have an open line of communication with my daughter yet she still got pregnant in matric. Rather offend her than have her go through the trauma of a teenage pregnancy and all the emotional bagage tthey have to deal with afterwards.
I am over 40 and now a granny mommy to an absolute blessing of a child who has radial displaysia and will face many challenges in his life.
My opinion would be to offer her the pill!

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