Should I put my daughter on the pill?

GAYLE - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 136 moms have responded )

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My 15 year old daughter has started to see a lad of 17 and I am not sure if I should ask her to go on the pill. We have a very open relationship and generally can talk about anything. She has been having trouble with her periods and I was thinking about it before. I don't want her think I don't trust her to be careful with this boy if I mention her going on the pill, we have talked about contraception before but I was wondering what everyone else would do in my situation.

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Cheryl - posted on 01/28/2010

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I'm so Old Fashioned I guess, my daughter is 18 - we have talked open about sexual relationships since she was maybe 11 or 12. I don't have problems talking with her. During our discussions she has stated that she will wait (at least try) until she is married. She states that some of her friend's parents put them on the pill when they were younger and they felt that gave them permission to do what ever they wanted. I told Alyssa when she was about 15 and had her first boyfriend that I did not feel she was ready - she was mature and everything, but emotionally I did not feel she was ready to take on all the responsibility and consequences that came with the choice to have sex.

Linda - posted on 01/28/2010

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I know there is no stopping a child, once they are outside the house, BUT, by putting her on the pill, you are consenting to a 15 year old, to having sex. That's horrible. That's suppose to be the most precious moment, between the love of your life, and yourself. Not a 15 and 17 year old. I wouldn't do it.

Christi - posted on 01/28/2010

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Be a good idea....better safe than pregnant! Tell her it is not permission though...only for safety!

Rhonda - posted on 01/28/2010

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I do not have daughters I had sons. I have always talked to them about being careful and birth control. I just do not believe it should all be put on the girls. With that said If she was my daughter, I would talk to her about it, putting her on the pill is nothing to be ashamed of ,it is an act of responsibility. I do not think she would not trust why you are doing it,

Theresa - posted on 01/28/2010

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You are very negative about people on welfare. Maybe u should think about if this happen to u what would u do. Sometimes making a decision about giving away your own baby can very a emotional decision to make, unless u have had to go through this yourself. As far as people who are getting help there is alot of people who do work and are making low wages and need a little support. Someday u never know when u might need this kind of help.

CAROL - posted on 01/27/2010

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I WOULD TELL HER THAT SHE SHOULD MAKE SURE SHE IS IN LOVE. SHE IS TO YOUNG TO HAVE CHILDREN. TO BRING CHILDREN INTO THIS WORLD YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED.ALSO TO USE CONDOMS BECAUSE MY SISTER USED THE PILL AND GOT PREGENT.BECAUSE IF SHE GET PREGANT YOU WILL WIND UP RAISING HER CHILD.

Meredith - posted on 01/27/2010

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I have been through three girls. The oldest is 22 with 2 children and the youngest is 16. My response is absolutely! If you have an open relationship with your daughter, this shouldn't cause a problem. Simply talk to her, and explain that this isn't a license to have sex-it's just a precaution. Besides, she should be using the pill and a condom anyway!

Debra - posted on 01/27/2010

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Unless you want to be a grandparent helping to raise a child I say YES.. I have a friend who has a 16yr old, and ready to give birth, Had her mom been more open to to concept of birth control it could have really been a big help. I have 3 boys and I express each day that no sex is good! But when you get ready to have it please let me know so we can take steps together.

Denise - posted on 01/27/2010

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I would put her on the pill. My daughter became sexually active at 15 we have a good relationship but I have found that even with all the talks we had she still made her own choice to have sex I had a hard time putting her on the pill but when young people get together things happen.

Tracy - posted on 01/27/2010

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I have two daughters. One is 23 and one is 15. Both my daughters and I have a very open relationship. I never had that with my parents. There was no talk of sex, or birth control, etc.....It was all hush, hush. I was on the pill at 15 due to ovarian cysts. I never had sex until I was 18. When my oldest daughter had her first boyfriend she was 15, almost 16. We talked about sex and putting her on the pill. She had been on it due to her period and issues, but had stopped taking it. I remember sitting with her and saying, now that you have a boyfriend, you will at some point have sex. She got quite upset with me and told me that NO she wouldn't. Well we all went away for a week, and she stayed home with my parents. When I got back, we were in the car and she told me that they had had sex. We got her on the pill right away. She had trouble taking the pill so we put her on the depo shot. My husband never knew. He is slightly older than me and is more like my parents when it comes to talking about sex with the kids......I didn't like doing it behind his back, but sometimes you have too. With my youngest daughter, well, she is trouble, with a capital T. She began drinking at age 13, smoking pot, etc.....she also had sex for the first time at 13. I didn't know about it right away. I found out months later. We all did. I wanted to put her on the pill, hubby said no. His thought was. If we put her on the pill we are giving her the okay to have to have sex. I'm saying to him. No, we aren't telling her it's okay to have sex, but she is better to be protected than to not be protected. So with much discussion we put her on the pill. It wasn't working with her remembering to take it and it was causing her stomach issues, so we put her on the shot instead. She has a boyfriend, and I would be naive to think that they aren't having sex. In my perfect little world she wouldn't be, but since when is anything perfect. At least I know she is protected. She knows she isn't ready for a baby. My oldest daughter had a baby at 21. She was engaged when she got pregnant, but they split. We had her and the baby living with us until a few months ago. I love my grand daughter like I never thought possible, and my younger daughter loves her niece, but she says there is no way she wants a baby yet. I feel that I have taught them both well, but every child is different, and with some, no matter what you do, they are going to do what they want.

Danita - posted on 01/27/2010

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i would suggest that you sit dont and talk to her i mean really talk and dont get upset with her answers talk about being safe as well as being sorry for not protecting herself against std's as well as an unwanted pregnacy.most times no matter how open we are with parent we still don't want to discuss our sexual behaviors with them. maybe find someone her age that you can really trust their thought to get in on conversation,she will feel more comfortable talking to them.and if not the pill teach her how to use condoms just in case because we all know that we were young once and made a bad choice that could affect you a life time. good luck and try to trust her if you have taught her well.

[deleted account]

Better to be safe then sorry. But explain to her with the pill/sex comes great responsibility. This isn't a license to go crazy. Remind her occasionally of the possible outcome of bad choices when you are sexually active. Building self esteem is key when it comes to girls. To often girls make bad choices because of low self esteem, and unfortunately some pay a great price.

Paula Jo - posted on 01/27/2010

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I have a 17 year old and she has been dating the same guy for 4 years. when she was 15 I ask here if she wanted to have any children at this age. She said no and I ask her what she was going to do to stop it and she said, we haven't done anything. I ask what she was going to do if things did go to far and she is the one to bring up the pill. She said do you think it is to early to get on the pill and I told her we would go to the doctors and see what he had to say. She has been on the pill ever sense and she has had a lot less problems with her periods and she still has been true to herself and there is still no sex going on. You just need to be honest with them and make it as if it is all their responsibility. We talk a lot about her life and her future and I honestly believe we are closer then ever. we talk about everything. Good luck with your 15 year old daughter.

Lynn - posted on 01/27/2010

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I would definately put her on the pill, or better yet, the 90-day shot. Then she doesn't have to worry whether she remembered to take the pill. I had it out with my exhusband because he thought I was condoning sex by putting my girls on contraception, but I told him that the average age of girls having sex has dropped to between 11 and 13 years old! I KNOW! HARD TO BELIEVE BUT TRUE! Scared me to death! I'd rather be safe than sorry. I didn't want my babies having babies. That's all there is to it.

Donna - posted on 01/26/2010

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You have been givin some very sound advise. Communication, we just can't state that enough. My oldest daughter was married first. My second eldest was 18, she came to me when she was thinking about it. We then got her on the pill ( she also used a condom ). I have always been very open and honest with my kids. Even my boys waited till they were 18 and 19. We do not live in a perfect world. It's ugly out there as you already know. Never sugar coat anything with your kids. Good luck

[deleted account]

I was that girl who had problems with my period -- I had two a month, for about 7 days each. Complete torture! I also started dating a boy very seriously, at age 14. I started the pill, not for birth control, but to regulate my cycle. I didn't actually have intercourse until much, much later -- seven years, to be exact. So, I say, support your daughter in her decisions. The pill does not mean she will run head first into a sexual relationship. And, who knows, regulating her periods may help her through the emotion road trip she is certain to take in the coming years. (my two cents, for what it's worth)

Pamela - posted on 01/26/2010

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It is always nice to have an open relationship with your children. If your daughter is having problems with her period maybe you should have a doctor check her and then maybe the doctor can suggest it to regulate her period then this can clear you and she will not think you don't trust her. As long as you maintain an open relationship and continue to trust her you should have no reason to believe she will have unprotected sex if she has sex at all. I find that alot of the young girls now are choosing to wait to have sex. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[deleted account]

its great that u have a good relationship...i do with my 16 y.o. she still lied to me about having sex. i had the sex talk and assured her no one would know she was on the pill. she denied even having sex...she ended up pregnant. better safe than sorry.

Sue - posted on 01/26/2010

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I would tell my daughter in a gentle way..that in a few moments time she could make the choice to become sexually active if she isnt already..and you think it would be great if she went on the pill for safety reasons.pregnancy of course..but i would also talk to her and expalin theat the pill will not stop any sexually transmitted diseases..so along with the pill use condoms...also explain to her if her period is all over the place the pill will help her period be normal..

Toni - posted on 01/26/2010

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If your daughter and youself have an open relationship.. I don't see why you just can't speak openly to her and tell her your concerns. I am sure she would understand and possible take action and go on the pill.. however I do agree with others here "safe sex "now-a-days is very important.. and should be disccussed.



I am sure all the advice here will help you in making your decission.. Stacy.



Blessings to you and your family

Robin - posted on 01/26/2010

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Here goes... I am the mom of a 24 year old and a 15year old girl, but I was also a teen mom, I had my daughter 2 weeks before I graduated high school with the boy that was my 1st, we did not stay together even though our relationship had lasted 3/12 years. MY mom and i didn't have open communication, her rule was "DO NOT HAVE SEX'. Would have been a lot easier to tell her I am thinking about having sex, instead of I am pregnant. So I make sure I have a different relationship with my daughters. I talked to my oldest about the pill when she started her period, she was 13, I approached the subject, just by saying, now that you have your period, you are physically able to have a baby, I in no way am sorry I had you, but I know I am a better mom to your brother and sister than I was to you at their age. I want you to know Iif you ever are thinking about having sex I want you to come to me or aunt T, or aunt R. I also want you to know that sex should not b casual, it should b between you and the person you love, once you do it you can't take it back so b sure. You also need to use a condom, because the pill does NOT protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. That is the short version, but it did open the lines of communication and we had quite a long and mature talk about it. She did not have sex until she was 17. So just because you are open with your children about the pill doesn't mean they think you are giving them permission. They are much smarter than we give them credit for, if we speak to them responsibly, and openly. You are welcome to use any of my speech that you wish. By the way I just had this same talk with my youngest, 15, and was very surprised, at her level of maturity, on the subject.

Zoraida - posted on 01/26/2010

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i believe u should talk 2 ur daugther about the pill,especially if u bothhave an open relationship.i have 2 teenage grand-daugther 1 is 16 n the other is 15 yrs old .the 16yrs old has a baby already,and the happened becouse we didnt talk 2 her about birthcontrol,is its better 2 b secure then being sorry later.now a day teenager r active sexually,so if u talk to them r not about birth control,they r goin 2 do what they want n when they want.but atleast u have her protected incase she decide 2 do the wrong decision.Good luck!

Bonnie - posted on 01/26/2010

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My daughters are 17 and 11. In the school district we live in, children have started having babies in 8th grade. I work as a para educator in the high school and have seen too many pregnancies than I care to. One of the kids I work with just had her 2nd baby! They are well aware of birth control, just some refuse to use it, figuring quite stupidly, oh it won't happen to me. I have a very open relationship with my daughters. Whereas I prefer my daughters remain chaste until they are married, this is not the way the world always works. So far, I have no worries in that area, BUT, ultimately I would leave the option of going on the pill to them. It is after all their bodies, not mine. The best we as parents can do is to keep the lines of communication open with them, keep them as educated in the area as we can, and hope for the best.

Carrie - posted on 01/26/2010

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I agree with the general population. I wanted to put my two daughters (now 18 & 19) on the pill as soon as they had their first periods. Every one thought I was crazy! I had my first son at 15, the first time I had sex I got pregnant. Yep! It happens! Any how, my youngest is now a mother struggling to finish high school and we, as a family, are helping to raise a beautiful 3year old (do the math?). While we all as a family have made sacrifices and all have been brought closer because of this, we also all have been putting OUR lives on hold because of a choice SHE made. I don't think the teen realize that YES, IT DOES AND CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! Too many kids just don't have the capability to think of the consequences for their actions and we as parents fell we have to step up/in to take care of it.
But, you also need to get her to see a doctor on a regular basis, make sure she actually TAKES that pill and keeps up with newest developments. If they don't have enough responsibility to actually take the pill, then look for other options. Good luck.
And keep us posted.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2010

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YES, YES, YES!!!! Give your daughter the gift of taking teenage pregnancy out of the equation. I can tell you that she will have sex when SHE is ready and will not be thinking about you or anything or anyone else. Of course it's not 100% effective so you should def talk to her about condoms, etc. Please give her this gift.......

Robyn A. - posted on 01/25/2010

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I think, as a mother of two girls 27 and 17, that first you should let her know of the consequences of doing and adult act which would be the reason for the pill. Pregnancy is really the least of your worries today. Having unprotected sex kills or can scar you for life. Some std's never go away. Others make you go away. 6ft under. I don't care how open your relationship is with her, I don't believe she will tell you everything. At least not right away. Her friends will still be the first to know. Your her mother and they don't want to disappoint us. Put her on the pill to correct her periods but still stress the importance to protecting herself even if she thinks the boy is faithful. Everyone still has a past and it follows them. Aids is the #1 std among teenage kids. More of them have been reported to have it then any other age group. Look that up.

Catherine - posted on 01/25/2010

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Well my daughter is 14 years old and on the pill. She is on the pill because of pms. She had horrible mood swings. I feel like we must teach our children that they should wait until thier married . And to always have safe sex ... at an appropriate age. But in this world now kids grow up to fast . Unfortunately most teenage pregnancies start at the age 14 . My opinion is ... it is better to put your daughter on the pill . Because at least then she will not end up making a big mistake that could alter her life forever. I know we want to believe they will wait ... and do all the right things. But what happens if they don't. Is it really worth the risk of a teengae pregnancy? Speaking from experience ... it would of been easier for my oldest daughter had we of put her on the pill. It changed her life so much .To end up with a baby -having a baby it changed two lifes forever. Then the issue of abortion comes into play . If they had been on birth control ... perhaps there would not have to be abortion. I think it is best to be open eyed, and looking at the world in which these kids live. Please do some research on teenage pregnancy . I think that will give you a good answer to your question. Also one of the most important things is communication with your daughter. I listen to my daughter , and we TALK.

[deleted account]

Our family is a bit different. We believe in courtship therefore our children are not alone with young men/women. It is a protection for them for not only their bodies but also their hearts. And yes, we DO know what our children are doing. We home educate and do things as a family. Twelve of our Fifteen children are already grown and gone. The three that are grown but not married are living with older married siblings. We believe in raising our children as closely to the way the Lord outlined as possible and it has worked great for us.

Ayse - posted on 01/25/2010

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yes i would put her on the pill if only to be safe, and it may help her periods to. maybe also explain to rules of safe sex .

Anne - posted on 01/25/2010

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Put her on the pill. It will regulate her cycle and also provide her with a safety net against pregnancy, although would advise her to continue using condoms as well. x

Donna - posted on 01/24/2010

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You should have a heartfelt conversation with your daughter.My best friend put her daughter on the pill and everything was fine. My sister put her daughter on the pill and she still got pregnant.Mostly it is rather or not your daughter has the sense to be careful.Talk to her.

Tracy - posted on 01/24/2010

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My daughter is almost 17, I would say talk with her first. It's her body, not all girls at their age are having sex, but I remember how I was, so Samantha has made choices, and if her choice is to be on the pill I support her. She knows she may have issues on the pill, since she herself is a pill baby. Absentance is the best rule of thumb.

Joanne - posted on 01/24/2010

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Yes, Yes< YES!!! I just found out my 15 year old niece is pg....she said it was a one and only time thing, with her very first boyfriend (he is 17), so yes, i would get her on the pill....btw, her parents are going to raise this baby so she can have a "normal" teenage life....I think she should put the baby up for adoption; she has no insurance, and her parents have 5 kids and are on welfare......what are they thinking! She gave up her right to a normal teenage life when she decided to have sex!

[deleted account]

Hmmm... If I suspected that my 15 year old daughter was sexually active, I would definately tell her that I was concerned. That at 15, her health, her well-being, and her potential offspring are my responsibility. I would give her the statistics on STD's from HPV (venerial warts) to AIDS, I would give her statistics about teenage mothers, I would definately give her my moral opinion regarding pre-marital sex. We're Catholic, so I would let her know that as unrealistic as it sounds, I believe she should wait until marriage... when she and her spouse can grow to enjoy eachother's bodies, have the emotional maturity to talk to eachother about their emotional, spiritual and sexual needs etc... waiting until she and her spouse aren't thrown into a situation where they have to "grow up and be responsible", but are in a position where they actually are responsible, financially and otherwise, to care for eachother and a child/children. I would ask her if she wanted to get involved with the "silver ring thing", which is a program for teenagers where they vow to wait until they are married. Lastly, I would discuss with her every birth control option legally available to her as well as my opinion and stats on abortion. I would let her know that her choice is between her and God, but to remember what impact it would have on our family. That I would love her whatever her decisions... and that she can come to me about it anytime. I guess as a parent... that's all I could do. Hope that it helps. I guess I don't see it as a matter of trust... but rather an inevitable part of the process of growing up... teenagers are going to want to have sex. But just because they want to, doesn't mean they have to. I'd want to help my daughter with "self'discipline" in this area. But then again, when the time comes for me and my daughter, I might just go nuts, scream like a banchee, and throw everything I thought I'd do out the window!!

[deleted account]

Hi, I work in health care and have always been open with all my children about health concerns. My oldest daughter, now 16, has been on the pill since 6th grade.
Now before you yell at me. We have a family history of ovarian cysts, and after her emergency surgery for removal of a tortioned (twisted) ovarian cyst which included the removal of the involved ovary we put her on the pill to help with stopping formation of cysts.
So I agree... talk to her. Let her know its ultimately her choice when to become sexually active. (I do not need to know) But protect yourself and make sure you don't get pregnant until you are ready to...and she will get the benefit of a regular cycle and hopefully easier periods.

Stacey - posted on 01/24/2010

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It's good that you all have an open relationship, I have had the same conversation with my daughter who just turned 17. Her bestfriend is pregnant and they are the same age. It is really a personal choice, and would you feel that you are giving her permission to be sexually active if you do allow her to go on the pill? But even if she is on the pill, condoms should be used just for the extra protection from stds. Explain to her how you feel, and then have a conversation about how she feels and voice your concerns, It would'nt be a matter of not trusting her, because ultimately her health and well being is your main concern! My daughter is not any birth control, and I think her friends pregnancy has made her look at sex and the consequences in a totally different way! Good luck mom!!

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