So many daughters that are single parents!

Diana - posted on 07/09/2010

Don't assume that just because they are irresponsible enough to get a girl pregnant and then not marry her that they aren't stepping up to the plate of fatherhood. The trend is that while more girls are getting pregnant more fathers are insisting on sharing custody or at least parenting. Not always a good thing either, what happens when the "right" man comes along.

Paula - posted on 07/07/2010

There are many, many good parents out there who raised their kids with good, strong morals. There then becomes a time when the child has reached the age where they must now make the decision as to what choices THEY want to make and like with all past generations they break away and blaze their own trail. Sex is one of the first huge choices that they have to make. With all the movies, advertising and media blitz that involves sex is it no wonder that so many throw out what they have learned? My son is 38 and he and his wife are expecting their second child. They were married 7 years before their first child. He waited until marriage for sex but his wife was very active before marriage. He has never judged her as being immoral...just the way it was.

My daughter is 35 and never married. She began having sex in her mid teens and no, I did not know it until her late teens. By then it was too late to do the screaming thing even though I did. I realized that what was more important was to get her on birth control. She has obviously not turned into a nun and has had several relationships, including one involving abuse (which she finally got out of and will never allow herself to be abused again). She does not look at sex as sacred and I am sorry for that. What she does look at is that if she is going to have sex in a relationship then there is no question that she use birth control. She knows I would love a grandchild from her but in the confines of a stable, permanent relationship. She also knows that having a child is impossible for her until she is in a position to raise said child in a stable environment and in one that she can financially take care of said child. Having a father around is not primary to her but taking proper care of a child is. She is performer and constantly doing gigs...unless you are 'famous' performers (and especially dancers as she is among other many talents she has) you do not make a ton of money, so she relies on her 'day' job as a fitness and pilates instructor. Again, not a ton of money.

So, what I am saying here is, 2 kids raised the same with 2 totally different lifestyles. Is my daughter morally deficient. I don't think so. I do wish she could find the "one" man for her but she does not chose her men wisely. She is trying to chose better but...we will see. Morally, as contradictory as this may sound she is one of the most moral people I know.
Is my son more moral than her. No. He is a very moral person but lacks in compassion quite often for those who fall under his moral compass.

BTW...my husband and I have been married for 41 years, have been faithful to each other and always supported the decisions we made concerning our children. There have been times when it has been hard to love our kids when we saw them do something we did not approve of but they have never doubted our love. It is that unconditional love that kept our daughter when she developed a terrible drug addiction (abusive relationship). We lived the tough love...it lasted for 10 years when she finally went to drug rehab and has now been clean for 5 years, realized the life she loved of dancing/performing that she threw aside was the only life she was happy in and is now throughly enmeshed in her teaching/performing and loves and appreciates her family even more than ever.

As to what one person said...this has been going on for centuries and I don't think that it is going to stop anytime soon. Responsibilities for our actions is what needs to be taught and that is where things fall apart. If you create a child than you are responsible for that child for the rest of your life (not just until they are 18) whether you are their Mom or Dad. And if the other parent is a deadbeat parent than stop complaining, go get your child support through the courts and if you still don't get the money as you should, continue to utilize the courts but again...stop whining and do your best to get work that will allow you and your child to survive. You may not live in that mansion you envisioned, you may not be able to buy the kind of clothes you were used to but along with children comes sacrifice. Teach that to your kids. Sacrifice. For if you do not understand all of these lessons then your children will not either and the cycle will continue.

There are many good, hard working single parents out there. How they wound up single parents does not matter once the child is there. What matters then is that they learn and utilize what they are learning to raise a happy child that will become a happy adult who hopefully will want to have the whole family thing.

Sheree - posted on 07/06/2010

im sick of hearing girls should stop sleeping around,people have been doinf=g it 4 thousands of years.in masadonia if a girl was born they would dump her in a street to die if it was a boy they wouls idoilise him.what happened was there where no girl so the men had sex with each other.people need sex and it will always happen maybe the answer is give an iud to a girl as she turns 15 then you will help deal with the single parent problem

Mary - posted on 07/06/2010

educate the parent so we can educate our child not to have child before they ready.. I educate my self them my children they are 17(BOY) and 21(Girl) they have no children. they do not want to bring children in this world they can not afford. teach them about safe sex

Angela - posted on 07/04/2010

i am with you on that, we need to keep educating on birthcontrol and men to our girls.

Lisa - posted on 07/04/2010

My answer to your question of "What can we do for our girls". We can love our girls without judgment. That is the best thing in my opinion we can do for our girls. Blame and anger provides no solution. Love and forgiveness brings answers and openness for opportunities.

Diann - posted on 07/03/2010

because so many males have no sense of responsibility and lie lie lie to make them out to be someone they are not until it's too late and some baby is left with a deadbeat and a mom struggling.

Barb - posted on 07/03/2010

i agree wat do they men r studs well they like tothink they r and females r wat? but they say it takes 2 2 tango but i know wat u mean.

Karen - posted on 07/02/2010

I think that it's too simple and easy to just say don't have sex, it's more than that. And I do agree that you can raise your child the "right" way and they will still make mistakes, we all did. First of all, what I told my Niece (which she said made more sense to her than anything else), before you sleep with a guy, make sure you like him enough to be around him the rest of your life, because if you end up with a child you are both connected to each other, like it or not. She agreed with me that she wouldn't want to spend the rest of her life with herself at that point (she was 16), why would she expect she'd want to be around the immature guys?

I also think we need to raise girls to take care of themselves first - get an education, buy a house, travel, etc. Impress upon them that once you have a child that part of your life is over, you make decisions for more than just yourself. That also goes with it not being OK to live with someone before you are married to them. You need to learn to take care of yourself (change your oil, hire a handyman, get a mortgage) before you can take care of someone else. I know way too many women who were in their 40's, married with kids, who had previously healthy husbands drop dead of heart attacks, if they hadn't learned to take care of themselves they would have been in big trouble, and they weren't kids.

We as a society need to bring back respect for Men. It's become fashionable to "diss" men and convince ourselves that men aren't important in the life of a child. Why would men take responsibility if they are told that they are unneccessary? Part of the problem is the men in the situation. If we raise our sons to be responsible and respect themselves as fathers, maybe they won't be so quick to sleep with the girls, and if they do so, they will own up to their responsibilty and the women will expect better.

I also think that kids have it too easy. Everything can be fixed with google, a pill, a machine, whatever. Kids don't realize that life takes work - relationships, parenting, jobs, etc. Some kids are used to parents fixing everything (ever heard of "helicopter parenting, just ask any college counselor!). Therefore the consequences of actions aren't always thought through because the problem will just get "fixed". Maybe if kids had to solve their own problems more they would think things through first.

Elizabeth - posted on 07/02/2010

be there for them no mater what tell them to go to school get better job so they can support themself and children even if dad is dead beat

Kimberly - posted on 07/02/2010

So many assumptions were made about this post. Shoot, that could have been my 70 year old mother posting that... lord knows she says the same thing.

So where are our single mothers out there? I am one. My mother taught me right. I had sex within the confines of marriage and, believe it or not, that doesn't make a father step up to the plate of being a responsible parent. It doesn't make one whit of a difference. Being married also does not make the father say put as Sandy has pointed out. And what exactly is your definition of responsible? We each have our own vision of what a responsible parent looks and acts like... mine is a father who makes some attempt at paying child support. You can see my standards have lowered over the years.
So what is the REAL problem? It isn't premarital sex or age... this parenting issue spans all ages in the parent years and marital status. Is it that we have become hardened against family? Have we lost feeling? Have we been taught too well that all things and people are replacable? Have we made 'walking away' too easy?

Susan - posted on 07/02/2010

I need to reply to this because I am one of those parents that has a single mom for a daughter. She got pregnant right out of high school. At least she got through high school (unlike some of her friends who had babies while still in school). #1 - I raised my children in church from 6 weeks old. They were both taught right and wrong. When my daughter got to be a teenager the church had a "contract" to obstain from sex before marriage. She started dating and still told me that she was waiting til she got married. I even told her I'd get her birth control pills (just in case) but she assured me that no sex. #2 - Another thing is, we can't watch our children 24/7. You do the best that you can.
I agree with what "Mom Douglas" and "Denise" said. Also no one can judge anyone til you are in the situation. I never thought my daughter would have pre-marital sex. Yes, I wished better for her but my granddaughter is 2 years old and is precious. My daughter is working and going to college. She is working hard to make a better life for her baby.
The baby's daddy was there until right after the baby was born. he was 2 years younger than my daughter. As far as the court system.....He is over $4,000 that is owed to my daughter for back child support. He has been to court twice and he lies and the judge lets him go. The first year of my granddaughter's life, he was in jail 3 times. I can't make my daughter pick the "right" guy. So before those "perfect" moms......some day you may be in my situation. Don't judge but remember that God is the only one who can judge ANYONE!

Lisa - posted on 07/01/2010

Teach Our girls to stop giving the milk away.
More and more men are not stepping up but that is because more and more girls allow themselves to be used.
We really have to teach out girls and guys that sex is for marriage.
I do not agree with the try it before you buy it thery.
Each person has a choice and if we keep choosing to have sex outside the confines of marriage then we have to keep having babies out of wedlock.
As for the plate of fatherhood...If the girl knows who the daddy is then it is up to her to use our court system to get what she needs for the baby.

Denise - posted on 06/26/2010

I disagree strongly that is some mother's fault when you have some teenage girl's that are raised right & with moral's but they decide they can still make their own choices & defy their mother's and go have sex with any young man or older man. Bottom line it has ended up being a saying this is my body & I will do what I want when I want & sex is first choice. some men don't step up because it's an easy come peice of ass as far as I'm concerned & they don't want the responsibilty so that would be for the mother of the child to go after them in court.

Mom - posted on 06/26/2010

All who have responded so far-"You Self-Rightous, Holier than Thou, Judgemental B------!!!!! I have brought my daughters up right. That doesnl't mean they listened to their upbringing. Also-What about the actions of the men who they trusted!!! Your messages were not helpful in any way-Just hateful! Just to make yourselves look good to others!! How dare You!!!!!

Sandy - posted on 06/26/2010

We have to be an example for our daughters first. I see single moms out her trading men in every time the wind blows. I am not saying that it is wrong for a single mom to date but be careful in all things you expose your children too. I know women that bring different men home and they stay all night every couple of weeks. When our children see this kind of behavior it teaches them that you have sex when the urges hit . We must show our children how to respect ourselves above all else, and in respecting ourselves we have to put sex where it belongs in a marriage. i can't put the blame on men because there was a woman or girl laying beside him. If you look closely you will find a large group of single fathers out there also they just don't have the voices that speak out as much.I agree we teach morals but we had better stand up and show those morals. Out of the mouth of my 10 yr. old.. My husband left me for another woman 18 months ago and my daughter told him recently why she didn't like his gf. He was told daddy you and her broke up my family. She is a tramp cuz she slept with a married man and you broke your vow to mom.

Aileen - posted on 06/26/2010

Amen Stephanie! Pregnancy is a two sided street. These girls of today are saying yes to sex and why is that? Society in general says it's ok as long as it's safe, or you don't get caught, or you love each other, etc... Parents need to not only teach their children about responsibility but they need to show them as well. They need to teach them the difference between right and wrong. Sex before marriage is wrong in the eyes of God for a reason and should be wrong in the eyes of society as well; especially when thousands of unwed mothers are a huge drain on society financially and morally.

Stephanie - posted on 06/25/2010

What can we do for our girls? Teach them to have morals! No wedding ring on their finger - NO SEX. No sex no pregnancies. There are lots of disgusting men out there but I don't believe they're acting like good people just to get girls pregnant. They want the sex yes, the babies no. We as a society need to wake up and realize that the problem of unwanted pregnancies and kids having kids is our fault. Our kids don't need us to be their friend. They need us to be their parent. And as their parent it is our responsibility to teach them to respect themselves as well as others. As much as I'd like to blame the guys - it's really the fault of us mothers not being mothers.