Teen age boys

Bridgett - posted on 02/17/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I am a mom of 2, 14 year old boys. One is my son and the other is my step son. Any advice on how to handle the discovery that they have been seeking Internet porn? Help!?

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Mary Louise - posted on 02/20/2010

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Dah, remove the computer to a public room and monitor it....talk to them openly and honestly but with as much humor as possible because you are going to embarrass the day lights out of them, but do it! You can block lots of sites now so find out how and do that...in other words, sweetie, put your foot down and let them know this is not something you like or want but you like and want them...good luck.

Joan - posted on 02/19/2010

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hi

we went thru this also what i did was change my sons password so that he could not access the internet.if he had actual work to do on the comp i would sign him in and check the history when he was done.what i learned was that you don't have to seek an actual porn site to be titilated as a young man google images has all you need.i would advise you to look into parental controls set them as strict as poss.my kids couldn'teven find a word that may be associated with sex.it did cause aggravation but my kids knew that i meant business.

good luck

Tracy - posted on 02/19/2010

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I broke my two sons by mentioning that I "cleaned up" their computer that day while they were in school. When they got home from school I mentioned what I found on the computer. I asked them if they had any questions about what I had found on the computer and then I let them know that I would be cleaning all the computers monthly. They were so embarressed, it was funny but no more porn on the computers.

Bridgett - posted on 02/17/2010

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Thank you Jen and Teresa for your words of wisdom.
Jen, thank you so much for your prayers! I need them.

My son received for Christmas a new 8G, 3rd generation iTouch. This gave him the ability to connect to the Internet with out me knowing. Since I am not savvy to this device, I did not know that there were parental restrictions that could be placed on the iTouch. But I do now. I have taken the iTouch and he is not allowed on the computer. I am sure he will feel that it is for a very long time. I asked him if every time he looked at Internet porn if there was a physical blemish that would appear on him, ie. Scarlet Letter, would he do it. He said that would definitely deter him from doing that. I think that this such a private sin, that they do not think it is wrong if no one knows. I pray that he has learned a lesson.

Jen - posted on 02/17/2010

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Hi Bridgett! My name is Jen and I am 50 with twin boys 25 yrs old and a 20 yr old boy or maybe I should say men. When they were younger and lived at home probably about 14 15 yrs of age we delt with the same problem. First of all you need the support of your husband in this and it is something you both need to sit down and talk about privately first and then together talk to your sons. Our society makes a large impact on our kids and when we have rules in our homes that go against that it is always good to make it clear that you and your husband are saying no together and they cannot wiggle around that. In a blended family this is also a huge benefit!

My husband and I sat with our boys and completely explained to them that Porn was absolutely not allowed in any form in our home. We talked to them about their sexuality and how their interest in it is very normal. We did this to not bring shame as a lasting factor in this exploration. We talked about the gift of their sexuality to their future wives and the blessing that it brings to a marriage. And yes both my husband and I have been married before but that the commitment that we have towards each other and our children is still reflected in that intimacy that we only share with each other, that includes not looking at pictures. My husband did a wonderful job of explaining it in guy language. We also restricted the boys to using the computer only when we were home for quite a while and we moved the computer to the Living room so when they did use it anyone could see what they were doing. I may be old fashioned but I believe that my children while they lived at home only had a certain amount of right to privacy. And what they were doing on the computer was not in that category of personal privacy.

Just so you know that pornography can sneak into any thing even innocently. The porn industry is out to get the attention of our young men and women at an early age and it can show up as a legitimate e-mail and you don't know it until you have opened it. I know this to be true as I have had that happened to me in my personal e-mail account. I had written to a reputable Ministry looking for info on some teen chat sites to recommend to our church teens and I received ,not only from the Ministry recommendations but there was a porn site that somehow had attached itself to that site and they sent me pornography. Of course I immediately contacted the Ministry and they added extra firewall protection for their site. You may want to talk to someone about having your Hard drive cleaned as I know anything that goes thru your computer it retains a memory of it.

Having said all of this we must have done something right as they are all now very happy hard working and healthy young men. One is a Pastor the other going into his own business and getting married this year,and the baby is working hard living on his own and paying his bills. I can't complain and I know I am very blessed and so will you be.

Blessings to you and I will be praying for you and your family.

Jen

P.S. A good book to read for you may be the Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman since you have a blended family you probably have two first born personality's working in both your sons. If anything it is very interesting!

Theresa - posted on 02/17/2010

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that's a tough one, went thru that myself with one of my boys when he had a friend overnight. I felt awful and felt I had to apologize to the other parent because he was under my watch. we spent a lot of time talking with them about breaking trust, leading our friends down the wrong path, making good decisions and being proud of our choices, we know they are curious and that is natural but how did what they saw on the internet make them feel. he was not allowed to have friends sleep over for awhile and was grounded from the computer for a long time (to him) I talked with him after reading your post about this again, he said its just a phase that is usually short lived for that age. do you check history often?

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