Teenage step-daughter amerous to her dad.

Bettie - posted on 09/23/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old step-daughter acts like the movie teenagers and is all over her dad in hugs and hangs on to him in public. I mention it to him and he isn't seeing it as something of concern. We see her one day every week and every other weekends. I finally got the sitting on his lap issue clear, it isn't proper for her to do that, so now it's hugging (frontal) and linked arm in arm every where else. Is this a problem or should I stay out? I don't know weather to speak to her mom, my husband or step-daughter first.

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Bobbie - posted on 08/29/2012

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I have to say as a step mom of a boy who held his dad's hand in public until he was 13 and sat on his lap until around the same age that it is a need I don't understand. They are still extremely close. He is now way past 30 and always hugs his dad and tells him he loves him. They put their arms around each other buddy style all the time for no reason than to just make physical contact. My husband had three children. The other two hug him and his daughter kisses him on the cheek but his youngest son was just very emotional and clingy.

Since I have had that experience I can say that she may just simply love him dearly and wants to continue the closeness she had as a child with him.

It may very well backfire to get involved with showing you don't approve by reacting as if it is wrong. It isn't the norm I give you that much. But if you saw my big brawny mentally healthy stepson squeeze his dad's face in his hand and give him a big smooch on the lips, you would know that some people just so their affection more strongly. And yes, this happened last Christmas when my stepson got a gift he had wanted.

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Carrie - posted on 09/13/2012

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I have a 13 year old step daughter that does the same exact thing. In public she hangs on her dad, or she rubs his head or she's constantly hanging on him. I have been with her since she was 2 1/2 y/o. We have custody of her. I did at one point talk to her. It does make her Dad uncomfortable, but he won't say anything b/c he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. Talk to your husband first and see how he feels about it first. If it bothers him then you both can talk to her. Good luck!! Keep your head up!

Lindsay - posted on 08/25/2012

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I think this is sexual competition (competition for the man's attention) and this stepmother has every right to be concerned. It is most inappropriate fora teenage daughter to be sitting on her father's lap and for full body contact hugging. It is a delicate matter and the only way of dealing with it that I can see is for those boundaries to be in place and this can only be achieved if those difficult conversations are had with the father - he needs to have boundaries with his daughter - she is no longer a little girl.

Judy - posted on 10/12/2010

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If this was your own daughter would you feel the same way? I mean with your own daughter and her own father. If not then I would guess that it may be you that has the problem. You also did not mention how your husbands feels about this. Is he uncomfortable with her behavior in any way? If not, then again I would say it may be that you are the one someone needs to have a talk with. You may be more worried about his responses to her than the childs show of affection towards her dad.

Laura - posted on 10/10/2010

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I understand why you ask the question. I also had a stepdaughter that was snuggly when she was that age and I would have to agree with everyone. She hardly gets to see her dad and probably also wanting to still be a little girl and snuggle with dad. It is a big bad world out there and a little snuggles isn't a problem. She also may know it annoys you and does it especially for your benifit. Just ignore it. I know you are probably wondering if it is sexual on her part, but I doubt it. Unfortunately if she is acting like the movie kids she also may not realize she is doing it. it is what she sees on tv or the movies.

Joy - posted on 10/10/2010

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As long as it is not sexual in any way, I don't see anything wrong with any of it. I'm 43, and would sit on my dad's lap and hug him. He is 78, and I want to cherish every day I have with him. We never know when they can be taken away. For her, she has limited time with her dad, so maybe she is just making the best of the little time she has.

Mary - posted on 10/09/2010

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How was your relationship with your Father when you were 14 yo? If you did not experience your parents divorce at that age, I would assume you can't understand your step-daughters feelings. I suggest "Join in on the Hugs and see what happens.

Carole - posted on 10/08/2010

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Back off lady . . .he was her dad before he was your husband. Divorce is hard on everyone . . .what makes you think you are the exception? Let your step daughter have her relationship with her father . . .if and when he gets tired of the "hanging" let it be he who talks with her. You will just cause hard feelings and potentially create a gap between you, your husband and his daughter. Her feelings have to come first, not yours.

Leslie - posted on 10/06/2010

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Maybe she feels in competition to you. Is this her way of sticking it to you?

Trish - posted on 10/06/2010

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I totally agree with Cindy. She is missing her dad and maybe a little jealous of you being with her had all the time. Let her have her moments with her dad, she needs to feel close to her dad, creating a rift by making this an issue will just alienate her. It will pass. In a few years time she will probably not even want to cuddle him. Don't worry.

Cindy - posted on 09/24/2010

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She only gets to see her dad one day a week and every other weekend. How hard that must be for both of them. I have a feeling that she is trying so hard to keep connected to her dad that when she is with him she needs to have him close to her and by holding onto his arm and giving him hugs she is able to do that. I really don't see an issue with it, even the sitting on his lap. My heart breaks for the kids of divorced parents, seperated parents or whatever the case maybe, They really do seem to get lost in the shuffle. Your step-daughter is reaching out to her dad. Please don't stop this. I agree with the other post, I don't see a problem with this as long as it isn't sexual, and from what you have written it doesn't seem like that to me.

Louise - posted on 09/24/2010

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I think this is ok if she is cuddling her dad. I would have a problem if this was her step dad. I walk linked armed with my dad and I am 40. As long as this is not sexual and just a hug I don't see what the problem is.

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