Trying to cope with loss of son do 2 gun violence.

Tammy - posted on 10/21/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hi my name is Tammy. My son was murdered on August 28, 2009 @ 11:27 pm. He was the youngest of three. I have to wake-up every morning knowing that I can't see him physically and still go on with life. How do you do that?

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18 Comments

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Patti - posted on 11/11/2009

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TAMMY ALL I CAN SAY IS I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS THE HARDEST THING FOR A PARENT TO GO THROUGH. EVERYTIME MY SON WALKS OUT THE DOOR I PRAY HE WILL COME HOME SAFE.REMEMBER TAMMY YOU ARE NEVER ALONE BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE REALLY DO CARE. AND GOD IS WITH YOU EVEN DURING YOUR MOST DARKEST HOURS.REACH OUT TO OTHERS WHO HAVE ALSO LOST A LOVED ONE. YOU WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TO GIVE TO OTHERS BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN THERE AND YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS. MY PRAYS ARE WITH YOU TAMMY.

Regina - posted on 11/11/2009

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each day befor u get out of bed ask god to give u the all u need to get through the day i know it will work cause i did it it took a while but i am doing ok it dont get better its different but u will be ok dont get me wrong i miss my son something offer but i am ok

Shella - posted on 11/11/2009

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Tammy... I hope you are still looking at these replies.... I just found a group on circle of moms. It is called Motherhood after the death of a child. At first I thought it was for young children and infants but as I read I realized that the group has mothers who have lost children of all ages. I really hope to see you there.

Dawn - posted on 11/11/2009

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You are a very brave and courageous person to even be talking about this. I pray for you and I am sure with God's blessings you will get through this. My heart goes out to you.

Shella - posted on 11/11/2009

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Tammy, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my daughter to an asthma attack April 26th 2001. Waking up without her is still painful today. I wish I could tell you it gets better but it doesn't. Coping skills get better. I have a best friend whose daughter was murdered almost 3 years ago. She is very active in a group of parents who have children who have been murdered. If you are interested message me and I will give you the information. Hugz, Shell

Kim - posted on 11/11/2009

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Hi Tammy! I can't even imagine what hell you must be going through. I believe that there are no right words to say to any one who loses a child. I just pray that God will strengthen you and your other children to bare this lost. I pray that you will seek God's love and comfort. We don't always know and understand God's Will, but there are no accidents in God's plans for any of us. I pray that in time, you will come to accept what God has allowed. You MUST go on with your life if not but for the sake of your other 2 kids. They need you and you need them OK. Be blessed!!!

Teresa - posted on 11/10/2009

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Hi Tammy I am sorry for your lost, I know that this is a hard time for you, I didn't loss a son or a daughter, but my sister lost her daughter in a hit and run DWI about 6 years ago, we still think of her everyday, you will always remember your son, but with God's help it will get better, with time your hurt will not be as bad, you will always think of him, but remember that the Lord can help you with the pain that you are feeling right now. It was my niece that got killed, I can never understand your pain, but I will pray for you and your loved ones that It will get better for you. My sister is a Pastor in Grand Prairie Texas, and if it wasn't for the Lord's help i don't think she could of survive it. It was hard for the whole family, but nobody understands the pain of a mother to loss a daughter or a son..I am so sorry and I will continue to pray for you so that you can get the strenght to carry on. Your friend Teresa Torres Midland Texas.

Phyllis - posted on 11/10/2009

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you have to let god ease your pain i have a son that is 28yrs old and i am so scared for him but we can't be with our babies 24hrs a day so this is where we let god take care of them we might not understand why he do what he do we just have to trust it, stay blessed tammy

[deleted account]

first let me offer my sympathy, I cant imagine what you are going through. I work in an emergency room, and see the effect of violence to the innocent. I hope you have looked to grief support, as I have learned talking to people who are going through the same thing does help. Hugs to you and your family

Kelly - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hi Tammy, I'm Kelly. I am very sorry for your loss, how tragic that he was lost to senseless violence. I don't have any easy answers or quick fixes, but when my husband passed suddenly 6 years ago, I was feeling much the same way. But you just have to get up everyday and ask for the strength to just get thru the day, keep on with your normal routine. You never forget, but there is alot of truth in that old saying that and idle mind is the devils workshop. Talk about, when you need to, cry when you want to, and don't forget that you have two other sons that love you, need you and they lost a brother whom I'm sure they cherished!! You can do something positive in his name for his memory, to tell the world what kind of young man he was and would have become!! I can't imagine the pain you carry in your heart, I only hope this helps you in some small way. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and thoughts. Hang in there Tammy!!

[deleted account]

Hi Tammy, I was so sad to read your post. I just can not imagine what it is like for you. I hope you are strong in your faith. I would think that it would help to know he is in a better place and you will see him again one day. You are in my prayers now. I hope with time it will become easier to deal with. God Bless you and your family. Kathy

Kim - posted on 10/26/2009

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I am SO sorry for the loss of your son. I can't even imagine what you must be going thru. I pray you will find the comfort and peace you need in God.

Lynda - posted on 10/23/2009

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Nothing I could write here could take away your pain.. I don't even want to think about what you must be going through.. You have my most heartfelt sympathy, and I've no doubt the sympathy of every other mother on the planet.. Keep strong, look to the other two children and be strong for them.. I applaud your courage in posting this message, if it helps save just one life, your effort was worth it. With love.

Tammy - posted on 10/21/2009

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I cannot even imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. I only have one son and he is something very special to me. Pray and ask God to bring you comfort, He will, in His time. God bless you and your family at this time and may God bring you the peace, comfort, and understanding you need.

Jackie - posted on 10/21/2009

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Tammy you are going through the worst thing any mom can go through, it must feel like hell on earth every possible day. The anger the hopelessness and the anguish you feel must be overwhelming. Your still raw , its too new to move on, but you will, slowly ,one day, just not now. Take each day as it comes , and remember your son with goodness and kindness. Talk to him he is with you , but Tammy do not be defeated or the killer has not just murdered your son , he is murdering you. You have two other boys, enjoy them , and when the dreadful hurt subsides a bit, stand up tall and walk through life for your son. If the roles were reversed how would you like your son to have acted?? Would you like him to be crushed and depressed?? No , grieve yes someone very precious is gone , but you will meet him again , and let him know you Lived for him.................jackie xx

Kaprice - posted on 10/21/2009

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I am not sure if you believe in God but I do know there is a heaven and God has brought your son home to do work for him as an angel. If you pray to God and talk with him you might get to see him in your dreams. I wouldn't say this if I had not experienced it myself. Just know he is with you all of the time to watch over you and that he loves you so much. Feel free to talk with him, he will hear you. And you will feel his love for you in your heart. The grief you feel will take a long time to get use to but you will find a way to cope. I have seen the other side through a suicide attempt and a family member brought me back. The love I felt was so overwhelming and I know there is a heaven and there are angels. I have never attempted suicide again after making a promise to my family member. So know you son is with his family already gone to heaven and he is an angel doing Gods work and that everything happens for a reason. He is not in pain and he is not living in a coma or with a severe disability. Cry and greive, stomp your feet and scream if it helps to get the anger out and then start to live again and find away to stop the gun violence in your sons name. Join a support group in your area with mothers that heve gone through what you have. Knowing people that have gone though what you are feeling will help you to start coping. The pain and the saddness will be in you life and talking with mothers that have been through this will help. I personaly have not lost a child but I have come close my daughter drowned in a pool and was dead for I don't know for how long. She was brought back to life by a nieghbor who was a sherrif he stated I was very lucky cause she was dead and he didn't think she would make it. I also live everyday knowing my son is in prison and could die any day through a accident or violence. And all I can do is pray. So I hope this helps you in some way.

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