Trying to keep your teenager entertained

Patty - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I am finding more difficulty in entertaining my 13 year old. We do a lot of mother/daughter things. However, I am aware that she wants to include her friends. I find that difficulty to do. I do not like sharing her with her friends. I do not like entertaining other teenages that lack the moral and manners she has. I can't say anything because she than thinks I am a mean and picky mom. Therefore, I do not like the middle friend. If she desires to hang with her friend, than I just find me a seat along with a great book to read while they are socializing and having fun. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this type of behavior? Am I too clingy of a mom?

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Dianna - posted on 08/07/2009

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Patty - you have to let go and trust that she will follow the morals and manners you taught her. If you don't, she will rebel and become someone who is just like the people you don't like. Areyou SURE the friends lack these qualities, or are you quick to judge because you are jealous? Maybe her personality will rub off on them? THat is not going to happen if you are smothering her. Kids are going to make mistake. It is how you support them so they can head into the future is what they will remember. Once you chase her away, you will lose her and it could take years for her to regain her trust in you again.

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Jean - posted on 08/14/2009

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Do you remember what it was like to be 13 and want to spend more time with friends than family. Let her have her wings with some rules - you have to trust her to make good decisions and yes there will be some mistakes - but after all, you raised her.

Patty - posted on 08/08/2009

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Kimberly Reid

Thanks for sharing such encouraging words, I have a 23 year old that I experienced that with. I have been through this before, however my 13 year old is completely different from my eldest daughter. My oldest daughter has always been a huge socializer. We would always hit heads because I am a loner or just enjoy spending time with my family. Her friends would request to come over each and every week. I often wondered what kind of parents they had that took pride in getting rid of their kids each week and refusing to spend any quality time with them. With that being said, this 13 year old is really different. She is so much like me. She loves being with her family. Her friends call to hang out with her and she just wants to hang with me or wants me to be the taxi driver and remain with them. Maybe I need to accept the person that she is. She is just a peculiar child. She is normal, but a rare child. I suppose I am that way. I talk to my mom at leat 3 times each day. I have to hear her voice early in the morning. I assume she has watched me so long and its a learned habit. Who knows. I just want her to be fine.

Patty - posted on 08/08/2009

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Hi Sar Eaton

Thats just the problem. She will not hantg at the Mall or anywhere else with just her friends. She will probably hang if I am there with them. Sge does not expect me to walk around with them. However, she has to be assured that I am there. She has this separation issue and I am aquite concerned because she is getting older and I want to make certain that she is developing appropriately in her social area.

Patty - posted on 08/08/2009

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Thanks Diana Keicha

I don't think I am a clingy mom. I really try to encourage her to participate in other activities, but she has this separation isse. If she is going to school or if I am going to work, then she is fine. However, if its ome other engagement, she has a problem. I just hope that our closeness does not affect her docial development. I want us to remain close, but I want her to also be socially balanced. I am a loner who just loves to hang out with my family. You can count thefriend I jhang out with and I just want better for her. However, she has the same mind set as me, As long as she has me, she is self assured.

Patty - posted on 08/08/2009

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Kim Myers

I really appreciate your kind and encouraging words. I just wanted to make sure that my behavior was normal and there were others out ther loke me. I just want the best for my daughter and I want to make every effort in being the best mom I can be. Again, I really appreciate your kind words.

Kimberley - posted on 08/07/2009

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She's at that age. How tired are you of hearing that, LOL? But it's true. This is the age when they start to move away from parents and toward being their own person. It really is best to include the friends as much as possible, because at THIS age, that's not a fight you're going to win. She's going to gravitate toward her friends. This is natural, and healthy actually. Just remember, you've raised her with certain values. At some point, you have to trust that they remember what they've learned at home and start to let go...a little bit at a time and age appropriately. My daughter will be 21 on Monday and we're so much closer now than we were when she was 13. It took until she was 18 or so to start gravitating more towards family again, with much of that taking place in the last year. Again, this is very natural and a sign that they are maturing and that you've been doing your job. Growing up isn't a moment, it's a process, and she's entering a new phase. The hardest part of being a parent is knowing that we have to allow some things to take their course.

Sara - posted on 08/07/2009

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hi patty ,i also have a 13 yr old girl ,its my husband who cant let go.u cud try to let her go to the shop on her own or meet her friends if you havnt already get her a cell phone make sure she as credit so she can call you arrange what time she as to be back and stick to it u must share her she as to make her own choices ,if u dont she will rebel ,if u dont like her friends hold your tongue the more you tell her you dont like them the more she will hang on to them,,dont go with her find ur self a hobby or go to lunch with a friend ,if you go with her people will take the micky do u want that,i dont think you are to clingy but you must let her make her own way ,she may want to go college or uni later on you cant go with her can you,our daughter as been training with the royal navy since last sat she is due back home 2 moro and the joy in her voice cause we let her go .you dont say if you have a husband or other children if so do things with them if u need advice just let me no ok ill be here for you .good luck from sara

Diana - posted on 08/07/2009

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No, your not being a clingy mom. It's a normal reaction in this transitioning time. I felt it too. My daughter is now 20. Up to 12, we enjoyed each others company. As soon as she was emerged in middle school, it was all about socializing and not being left out of the loop. I wish it were one friend, but she had 2 or 3 wanting to get together. I just had to keep remembering how I was when I was 13 and it all made sense. My friends were my world. But that's when I said to myself, my mother trusted me too much and sometimes I was with people I shouldn't have been. So I decided my daughter has enough friends, She needs a parent. I voiced my opinion on what I thought and say I don't care if you don't like to hear it, If I don't make her aware who is? And guess what, 8 out of 10 times she came to me and said you were right. I would let the girls get together in my home every other Friday or Saturday night and stay out of the way and just listen, while I ordered the pizza or baked the brownies, It's amazing what they say right in front of you! just say nothing until they leave. If they get disrespectful, your daughter can't deny why you made your assumptions, she knows you witnessed it. That's when you tell her they're not coming back unless she warns them or you will embarrass her and do it yourself if they do act up. If they don't come back who cares? But at least your setting the bar at what's acceptable behavior in your home. What I did was make a movie or shopping trip (one thing like shoes, or one outfit you must establish a price limit before hand!) once a month. My girlfriend did the same thing but it was mom and daughter mani-pedi's and hair appoints. I picked movies that she would never want to see with her friends if there wasn't one out I'd go to the library and rent an older classic. It wasn't hard to enforce, if she balked, her friends didn't get back together at my home. After a rocky start we started to enjoy cuddling up with our 2 huge bowls of popcorn and watching old flicks most of the time being period pieces. Don't stop trying to stay close because once they're in HS and working they really have no time for us but at least you had this time to root a closeness she'll miss. Now she's in college and when she's back home she asks me to get together. A mother lives to hear that!

Kim - posted on 08/07/2009

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Patty, I am a single mom and my daughter is now 29, but when she was 13, I felt the same way you did! We did a lot of mother/daughter things, but when it came to having her friends, too, I would just let her go off with them and just be there IF they wanted me to be. I must say, I didn't stand for any child in my home to be disrespectful to me! I was a very possessive mother.....I mean, I had to be, it was just the 2 of us! Believe it or not, my daughter's friends would come to me for advice and loved having me around. They always told my daughter they wished they had a mother like me. Honey, just enjoy the time with your daughter, she will soon be off in the world by herself. To me, that's what's wrong with so many kids today anyway, they don't have mother's and father's like us! As far as the friends coming with you, limit it at first. Then during one of "your" times together, tell her who you like to have around and who you don't and give her the reason why. Believe it or not, she will respect you for it and you will have a lot more fun - all together!!! Good luck and I hope this helps!

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