unemployed 24 year old son returns home...again! Advice?

Jackie - posted on 01/18/2010

My father told me some good advice years ago with my son. Stop trying to be his friend. Tell him to get of his backside and get a job. Don't pay his bills. Kids will always love there parents. We might give them the shits and they will carry on for awhile. Days, Weeks and Months. But they always come back. Stop feeling there pain.

Sharon (Suzee) - posted on 01/18/2010

I have the same problem have a 25 year old living with me no job and no motivation what so ever

Premilla - posted on 01/18/2010

responsiblity starts from an early age its helps your child as they grow
older

Sheryl - posted on 01/17/2010

Thanks everyone! you all had some great advice!! I'll be using many points from alot of you, I figure with a little coaxing and a little pressure (ultimateum) we should be in a more motivated and a positve direction!
Love this site! It has reminded me that no matter what the ages of our children...our jobs as parents is never finished ...But there is a large support group waiting here!

Carol - posted on 01/16/2010

was just in this situation myself - my son and grandaughter lived here for 3 years -same situation - no job, no $, no motivation, it was very hard when I would come home from WORK and not find anything done around the house - alot of fights, tension, its hard -

but i felt that he was my son and he needed help right then and there. i couldn't ask him to leave - we eventually worked it out and he started helping around the house -

with a few reminders - we just have to remember they are adults also - but we are also their mom - it will take ALOTof patience on your part ( and i mean alot) but you will survive - just keep the lines of communication open and remind him every once in awhile

- that is your house and your rules - if he thinks he will have it better somewhere else he is welcome to leave. not sure if this will help but - Communication and openness is best - believe me i have learned from this

Rosalind - posted on 01/16/2010

Remind him that he is a TENANT in your house. Sometimes you have to nag at them to get them to be responsible for themselves.

Rosalind - posted on 01/16/2010

Give him an ultimatum. Tough love is tougher on you than him, but necessary. My 24 year old moved back home a year ago; however, he does have a job. Got him to go back to school, but this semester he opted not to return. Now he is just working and playing XBox Live - day and night. Getting on my nerves, but he's working a job. Soon, I'll be giving him another ultimatum, because that crappy job is not enough for what he "says" he wants to be doing.

Patricia - posted on 01/16/2010

I also agree w/Rebecca. Another option is for him to go to school. He needs to do something.

Patricia - posted on 01/16/2010

Communicate. Economy is poor so may be a while but will be a longer while if he doesn't get in gear (more than 50% motivated) and push for a job. There are jobs out there. He can go to temp services which a lot of companies use them to hire. That way they can test them for 90 days & if they like them they hire them permanently. There's also the service center. I've had my sons return home and because they like being on their own they push to get it together and move out again. I'm not saying don't support him but support him the right way. Don't provide everything. No job/no $. Guess what -- lot of things you won't be doing -- that stopped at 18. Otherwise, what's he going to do when you're not here? No decent woman will want him.

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2010

My son lived with us until he was 28 . We gave him a place to stay but he had to find a way to pay some kind of rent. He ended up with a part time job working on computors and he found that he loved the work so he went back to school and got a degree in computors. While living with us we wouldn't give him any spending money unless he did some repair work around the house for us. We set rules and told him if he didn't follow them he was out, job or no job. This worked for us and he learned responsibility. He is now (1 1/2 years later) working full time in his career, is married and has a 7 month old.

Debbie - posted on 01/15/2010

I hear ya! I have a 26 yo son, who works, sometimes, when he wants to I guess. Has no motivation, and seems to have no ambitions. I am ready for him to move out. He is as bad as a 2 yo, constantly cleaning up behind him. I need help...........

Kathryn - posted on 01/15/2010

Hello, it's hard sometimes to please everyone, does your son have any hobbies, when I was looking for work I used to "do" voluntary work, was great fun and a way of meeting new people, unemployment is a worldwide problem, or how about further education or re-training. We normally spend "family time" walking the family dog, playing board games and watching dvd's. I expect your son has lots of friends that can help too.

Sandi - posted on 01/15/2010

If you find the formula to getting him motivated let me know! I have a soon to be 19 year old that had his career mapped out...until he started dating the Great American nightmare! He is always worried what she is doing and is afraid to do anything because it might make her mad. Today, in fact, i made him list different places around town he could go to to apply for a job...he has one but he only works 1-2 days a week. Tomorrow (hopefully) he will go to a couple of the places on his list and apply. He is suppose to write down who he talked to, what they said and the date he went. At least with him doing this he will get out of his bedroom! Good Luck!