Was it the right thing to ask my 18 yr old son to move out?

Roxanne - posted on 06/29/2011 ( 48 moms have responded )

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My 18 year old son graduated in June and thinks he is an adult and can do anything he wants. We had a talk when he turned 18 in Feb. I told him that just because you are 18 you can't just do whatever you want as long as you live under my roof. As soon as he graduated, he just decided to hang out with friends and not come home for 4 days. I said to him to come home and he said he didn't want to. I said why do you live here? His response, "It's a place to live." I said, "Maybe you should find another place to live." I hung up took a deep breathe and called him back. I said your right you are 18 an adult you can do what you want, you need to start paying for car insurance and cell phone. He said, "how much do I owe you?" I said, "Nothing, you need to get it on your own." And be out by the end of June. I sent him an email on this conversation, so it was all clear. Have spoke to him twice about this since and in the end he doesn't want to respect my boundaries, so I told him that it was his choice. I am struggling with this decision, but I feel I need to stick to it.

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Barbara - posted on 11/01/2012

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Yes it's is right. If they wish to be treated like adults than they should work, pay rent, be responsible for their actions. As parents we love, guide and nurture them. Once they have reached the point where they only want to do for them it's time to let them experience what adults truely experience. Once he does he will realize my mom or dad was right. By continuing to allow him to do whatever he wants your just enabling him and he may never really grow up.

Angela - posted on 07/01/2011

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Stick to your guns mom, it's tough I know. When my eighteen year old daughter was out night after night and skippping school I warned her live by the rules or move out. After a few months we packed her things for her and told her it's time to move out since you can't live by the rules. She went to stay with a friend. After a few more months she came home, begging to be given another chance. She followed the rules but during her visits away from home became pregnant. We let her stay until she could find a place of her own. Once she did she took responsibility for herself and the baby. We threw her a shower, and made sure she was ready for the arrival of the baby, helped her to get things for her apartment as well and she paid us back. She learned the hard way that she had it good at home. Now she has two beautiful boys and takes care of them alone. Now that she has had a taste of what it is like to do it alone she thanks us for making her face up to her responsibilities. She said it made her grow up faster. She doesn't regret having the babies, but she does regret not listening to her family when she should have. We have decided to share a house together, equal rent and bills. Now that she has been living on her own for two years she knows what things cost and how to pay her bills. I am going to give her a hand with those two beautiful boys now, so she can go back to school and work. She learned from her lesson, mind you it was the very hard way, but she learned. My decision to help her was because I believe she should be able to finish her schooling, and Nana makes a good daycare. So in short stick to your guns, they all come around sooner or later, and they will recognise that mom was right.

Stephanie - posted on 02/09/2013

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my son who is also 18 moved out yesterday! I am so happy for him, I feel a little sad but it will only make him stronger in the end. We agreed to pay half of his rent for 1-year (we figured we would spend this on food and utilities anyways). We had disagreements and yes a brawl as well, that was the ESPN turning point in the game. He needed to get out and figure it out on his own. He has a job as an electrical apprentice so thats a plus. We have been getting along great ever since we laid down the law, he had some direction and took the bull by the horns.

Donna - posted on 07/03/2011

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Definitly. My kids either had to get a job,go to college or get out.They don't need to just sit around. If they want to be adults then they need to take the responsibility of being an adult.

Harriet - posted on 07/01/2011

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It's called tough love for a reason, I will say we went through something similar and I did have a husband at home who basically asked him to leave. It hurt and was tough, he went through the drug thing, but had me to call on at times, just to come and visit, so there was someone who was a grounding point to the family. My son, would visit, have two beepers on , and leave on a moment's notice at calls, so that wasn't hard to figure out what was going on. That's how he paid for being on his own. He got into a really bad scene for awhile, and at a party met a girl who didn't really want to be there doing that and she connected with him, and brought him around. I'd suggest that you have lunch with him in a restaurant, where he hopefully won't get upset, the phone seems to escalate things. Be calm, firm, honest, and yet tell him that God gave him to you to look after. You've tried your best, and yet you remember feeling the confines of home at his age, and realize that he needs his freedom. however as a mother, and guardian of him legally you need to be able to know where he is....not sure if that's all true legally, but I suspect it is. And that in case his dad comes to town while he's out or needs to get in touch with him. Tell him you love him, you can give him space, but you ask in return that he understands where you are coming from. This message must be repeated each time you see him, speak with him, he needs to hear he is loved for the person he is, that this is a stage you and other parents recognize, and that he will come out from this on the other side, and that that decision has to be made by him. If at that time he wants to come to you for help in going through drug rehab, you will support him no matter what, but that you'd really not like to loose him to the "dark side" when he has so much promise as an individual. (like I said, this wont all be able to come out each time you speak but know he will hear the I love you's and I care for you no matter what.
I say this because, after my son went throught this time with us, we finally reconnnected after about 2 years, he was still seeing his same girlfriend, and in weak times they supported each other to leave from parties they did not want to be at. They had to learn from each other. He had put off college to work, had to pay bills, and saved money enough that he realized that he didn't want to work a filling station from 11-6 each night on the rough side of town. He got in with some crowd who took advantage of his naivety (?) and asked him to deliver some tires for them to a garage. The owner of the garage had had the same tires stolen two weeks before, and of course, called the cops on my son who was transporting stolen goods...long story shorter, .. he has graduated college, is working on his masters, doesn't do drugs any more, and rarely drinks, is currently touring Europe for his only vacation of his lifetime,...is a loner, and does things his way. We love him and tease him, and know that he has become his own man. Tell him you pray for him, and love him and that if he'd like to come back home in a year or so and start college, then you can work things out. Pray he comes back and then after maturing for a year, he might decide home and a few rules aren't too bad. Pick your battles very carefully. If he's going to be gone overnight, just ask him to check in so you know he hasn't been mugged or something, or if he'll need you to save some dinner for him. Another thing that turned him around was peer pressure on him from his friends who had graduated high school and gone on to college, he realized that he was behind them in what his accomplishments were, that it was going to take him longer to realize his own dreams.
Sorry this is so long, I stand by you and your tough love, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I once read an old book by Gail Sheehy, called Passages, a good read but it gave me insight. Get a support network for yourself as well, whether it be friends or family. Keep in touch with the ones who support this decision. Just remember to plant the seeds for his successful return to the real world., and seeds take time to grow...and sink in......

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Nadia - posted on 08/07/2013

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my son is 20 years old, i am in the middle of crisis. I am divorced, working full-time and providing for my children. He does NOTHING around the house. sleeps in, goes out with friends, gym, and one night of summer course. I was giving him allowance until a week ago but he does not appreciate me. I even got him a job in the company i am working for. he'll start on two weeks. He wasn't actively looking for a job ever. never worked in his life. last week we had an argument about helping me (i am selling the house so need smone to help me with moving few boxes here and there). At the beginning of the summer we had an agreement that he cuts the lawn and do grocery every thursday for me. and empty the dish washer every morning. he did that a couple of weeks , then slipped through it and stopped doing it. not jus that, he started to be disrespectful to me, dismissing me when i was trying to talk to him and more. last wednesday i told him this is not acceptable any more and if he doesn't want to respect me and my rules he can't live here, He called his over protective dad and he picked him up. since then he is back and forth, i put a deadline for him to pick up his stuff and i didn't give him a key to the house. my heart is being torn apart, feeling that he will never forgive me for kicking him out.

Barbara - posted on 12/30/2012

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It is VERY hard. It's called tough love because if it was easy everyone would do it. I have a 19 year old that is irresponsible. He's never held a job and says he never will. We put him out. He lived in a tent from Sept until early November. He became a couch surfer going from friend to friend. He called a few days before Christmas had no where to go and we agreed to let him come home IF he got a job and paid room and board. He stayed seven nights and left here day before yesterday to go see friends. We haven't heard from him in over 30 hours and he's done this before. We thought he had changed...but it is obvious he has not.

We cannot continue to be a safety net. The real world is not so kind. He needs to face reality, man up and take responsibility for his future. He mooches off of friends and friends of friends. He was not raised this way so it is hard to understand why we face this. When he finally does return we are going to tell him that he cannot stay. We can no longer lose sleep over wondering where he is, what he is doing and if he is coming home. It is unfair of an adult (over age 18) to think that parents have no feelings or should not be shown consideration. Boundaries are for both parties. I feel your pain.

Owepatrice - posted on 12/27/2012

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Hang in there fellow Mom. You are not alone, we are all at a state of crisis with our children. I recently went through the same thing with my son. You did the right thing, my suggestion would be to keep in touch with him, and keep the doors open. Love on him, provide for him as much as you can with money and food what ever you can do. He is still very young, and vulnerable. He will eventually come to his senses. Love conquers all. Be patient and pray for your son daily.

Dionne - posted on 09/09/2012

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Bravo to you!! You have done your job and that's to raise your child. It's your time now and all you can do is hope that the lessons you taught will somehow come through all they are dealing with. Good luck and dry those tears!

Debra - posted on 03/07/2012

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My eldest son is 18, works up to 30 hours per week...some payperiods, pays for the family mobile bill(appx:$50/wk), however he does NO other duties in the home or supports any other expenses.He has "plans" to join the Marines, but does not want to secure a loan for educational purposes.

He has recently, along with the support of his brother, whom is 17yrs, called the local Deputy to advise him of why he should have to follow the household guidelines...they told him that he must be respectful although I am unable to "put him out" due to the local eviction process, and his being an adult...my younger son was told to listen to his parents...be advised that I am only asking them both to keep their rooms clean, and have good communication regarding their whereabouts coming/going...GOODLUCK!

Angie - posted on 10/29/2011

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We are stuggleing with almost the same situation now. we told my son time and time again that he is not to get his lip pierced until he gets a job and starts paying his bills. well he refuses to get a job. yes hes in school and we pay for everything and have only ask for him to get a 1 or 2 day a week job 10 hours so he can have gas to go see his girlfriend and to do things etc in the car we bought him and pay insur on but he refuses this is also because of some lieing and comeing home late he has done and always says it want happen again and does.So hubby said he needs to work if he wants to be an adult. he came home with lip pierced and hubby said its time to move out and he did. was this the right decsion honestly idk where he will go and i know wherever it is will only last a couple days unless he gets a job. this also means he want contimue with school im sure. I really wish he would see that we only want the best for him and that means responsobilites and to grow up.

Caroline - posted on 08/08/2011

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You do need to stick to it....He'll learn. If he decides to come back, he'll need to respect your rules and boundaries. I know it's tough, but you have made the right decision. I had to do something equally drastic with my son but it worked. Good luck!

Susie - posted on 08/01/2011

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I know this is a very difficult time for us as well. My daughter is now 19, she will be coming home after being away for college and working there for the summer. I hope she has matured since last staying here, at 18yrs old. She has always respected our curfew, but needs to pick up after herself and help with other household chores, and responsibilites. Try getting a job and paying some of the bills, groceries, etc. I mean a small percentage.
I do believe your son should be out on his own, I think that is the only way the realize what it takes to be an adult. Also I hope they will develop more respect when they have to do everything on their own. Pay all the bills, do all the daily chores that it takes to survive. It is hard to force your child to get out, but I am sure it will pay off in the long run. Lets see if I can stick to this thinking when my daughter comes back. :-(

Sunnie/Carm - posted on 08/01/2011

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I have been in your same position, only with a daughter. II was a tough call, but I helped her find a apartment, shop for the things to set her apartment up and it ended up a positive move for both of us!!! Stick with it, but take a part in the move to help with all the feelings both of you are going thru. Remember, both of you are now adults and you are the leader in how this ends.

Sunnie/Carm - posted on 08/01/2011

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I have been in your same position, only with a daughter. II was a tough call, but I helped her find a apartment, shop for the things to set her apartment up and it ended up a positive move for both of us!!! Stick with it, but take a part in the move to help with all the feelings both of you are going thru. Remember, both of you are now adults and you are the leader in how this ends.

Amymil73 - posted on 07/24/2011

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I am going through something very similar. My son turned 18 in Feb, too... and graduated in June. He started the summer with a great job working for my uncle who owns a roofing business. But, one day my son decided to walk off the job and quit... too hard and too hot. So now he's been doing a bunch of nothing, and spent all of his paychecks and graduation gift money on cigarettes and pot. I gave him until Sept 1st to be able to pay me rent or he needs to leave. He was supposed to be going to the local community college this fall... but I don't know if this is going to happen. I am struggling too and hope I can stick to my deadline, because I'm really thinking he's NOT going to have a job (video games and roller blading are just much more fun than looking for a job). He has applied ONE place (wow... impressive). He got into trouble when he was younger and has tickets from that (curfew and mild things), so he needs to pay those off before he can get a license... and the bus doesn't come to our town (the city is only 10 minutes away by car). Even his 16 year old bro found a job in town, though...
Anyway, I feel you. Good luck to us BOTH

Julie - posted on 07/19/2011

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ok your son has to respect you Im just wondering and I know its impossible to put it all on a post,but what did he do that was so bad?Personally I feel its a mistake either literally or physically to close the door on your child maybe he was physically or mentally abusing you if this is the case then I understand but if all he did was stay wawy for 4 days is it really worth this,you tell him he is an adult yet you speak down to him,you are making him defensive and that will not work,I hope you both can meet on neutral territory and work this out communication at an adult level on both sides is vital here,I wish you the best of luck,I too have an 18 yr old son!

Suzan - posted on 07/13/2011

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Be strong and do not give in. I hope you canceled his car insurance and shut off his cell phone.

Glenna - posted on 07/12/2011

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Good job. I had to kick one of my sons out at one time. I'm not going to lie to you...I still live with the MOM guilt. But I stand by my decision. He's grown up quite a bit over the last few years. Good luck.

Jessie - posted on 07/12/2011

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No, I disagree. I think 18 is too young to be on his own. However, if he wants to live in your house and have freedom, that is fine he can be a "tenant" and pay rent/utilities proportion to his income. He has to contribute - work/school. He MUST show you respect or he does not get to live with you. He also could be going down a wrong path right now and need guidance more than ever.

Kathie - posted on 07/12/2011

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YES YOU DO! I have 4 kids (23,21,21 &13) and our 21 year olds tried the same malarky with us when they graduated and became "adults". Once they found out how much everything costs and they had to do everything for themselves, their tunes changed and they came back home. It was the hardest thing i've had to do with my kids, but they have turned into two respectful, productive young men. They both have their Associates degrees and will be leaving for the Army in Aug. & Oct. Hang in there and stick to your guns :)

Paula - posted on 07/12/2011

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I know its probably breaking your heart but you need to stick to your decision..My daughters turning 18 in August and keeps talking about moving out she has no job so no money and I just keep agreeing with her. I know when the time comes it will be a different story but I know the reason she wants to go is because of the bounderies that we have at home. Like you we have told her that while she is living here she has rules to abide to and I know she begrudges having to ask our permission for a lot of things but so far it hasnt become too much of an issue maybe when she acutally reaches 18 and thinks shes a real adult that might change and Ill be here lookin for advice too!!! There is a lot of give and take though as we have to realise that she isnt 15 anymore and should have a lot more freedom you seem to have been more than fair with your son on that but he is abusing the respect you have give him. My experience with older neices and nephews is when they are forced to try and make it on their own they usually come back quite quickly with a new respect for the things they just took for granted. Hang in there and it should work itself out .

Lora - posted on 07/08/2011

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I think you are right. You did the right thing. I don't know why these kids seem to think that they can do anything they want when they turn 18 or when they graduate. It is your house and if he doesn't repect you and your house he does need to move and do it on his own. Take it from me you give him an inch and he will take a mile. If he comes to you and tells you that he will respect you and your boundaries and pay you what you requested then you might reconsider. I really respect you for sticking to your guns.

Monica - posted on 07/07/2011

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it's called tough love and it is hard to follow through on it but you need to stick with your choice because if you don't things will get worst and he will feel he can walk all over you. It has to be done and good luck

Ellen - posted on 07/06/2011

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I think this is hard for moms,but u have to have ur rules if hes not paying for these things and going out an not coming home. Tell him to get an apt of his own give him time to save not much time no more then threep months. If any child liveing under ur roof 18 or older can't at least come home at night, their ready to find out how hard it is and come back and follow ur rules an pay their own bills. If thay move out and do fine than hes ready to live on his own. best to find out either way. At least u will get respect in the end teaching him what he needs to know.

Angela - posted on 07/06/2011

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i think u shld stick to ur decision...it may hurt now but unless he learns to respect you and realize he needs to be responsible he may end up in a very bad place. pray for him but dnt allow him to disrespect you and the boundaries you have set!!1

Sandy - posted on 07/06/2011

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I have 4 children 28,22,21,19, All of them went through this same thing and I told them all the same thing, You live in my house you respect my rules, you take resposibility for certain bills (like car ins. cell phone, etc. ) or you can live somewhere else and pay everything. My second to the oldest thought she didn't have to listen so I moved her out, she came home one day and her stuff was on the porch, ( I made sure she had a place to go) but she soon respected me when she realized how hard life really is. My mother did about the same thing to me when I was 21 I moved with my sister and cousin to Myrtle Beach and she helped us with the move and first mo rent then said no more get jobs you have 30 days till its all due again. No one is worse for the experience, but my youngest 2 realize that when I said this is my house and you have to follow the rules I meant it. They are also more responsible now. I let them go away but they understand why it is reasonable to ask them to check in. Stick to your guns, Don't let him disrespect you and your home. Make him responsible or cut him off. Its a hard lesson but it won't kill him.

Leanne Maree - posted on 07/05/2011

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Definitely you have done the right thing.Some of our kids do need to learn the "hard way", as has been said previously. It is very tough on you, probably more than him, but you have to put your foot down, and leave it firmly on the ground. I think that, in time, he will not only "get it" but respect you more for sticking to your word. Good Luck.

Kristin - posted on 07/05/2011

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If he wants all the rights of adulthood (being able to do as he wants) then it's time he also took on the responsibilities of adulthood (paying his own way, finding his own place to live). While he is living with you, he needs to respect your house rules....just as he would if he moved in with someone else. I know it's hard for you to sit back and watch him, but it will make him grow up fast!

User - posted on 07/04/2011

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you have done the wright thing stick with your desition and your boundaries he needs two respect them

Maggie - posted on 07/04/2011

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Stick to your guns, honey or he will walk all over you. Turning 18 means there are more rules than just Mom's and is he going to break the law just because he's 18?

Sandy - posted on 07/04/2011

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You do need to stick to it. Unfortunately like everything else, if you say it and then don't follow through, he will see that he can do what he wants and there are no consequences. that said, I don't have teenagers, but do work with them every day (well unless it is summer:) I see it all the time that parents tell their children something is going to happen if they do such and such, and then no follow through. I have kids tell me all the time, don't believe anything my mom says she always says she is taking this or that until my grades come up (insert just about anything you can imagine a parent wanting from a child), and I still have my (dirt bike, cell phone, etc). You will find at this age MOST kids will grow up quick if their parents let them go, and he just might come back wanting to respect your rules.

Jane - posted on 07/04/2011

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We had to do the same thing with our step-son. He had no job and dropped out of high school - he was 19 so there was little we could do about that. My husband bought him a car but our SS decided it was lame and refused to drive it. He drank, smoked pot and had multiple girlfriends (not at the house, but he was incensed that he wasn't allowed to do that there). He had huge dreams of getting rich somehow without working for it and refused to get a job. So we decided we had to push him out of the nest.

We had an apartment that still had three months on the lease, so we told him he could live there until the lease was up. After that we would pay $100 towards the lease of a new place directly to the landlord. All our stepson had to do was tell us where. Every now and then we would ask him where he was moving but he never went anywhere with it.

The day the lease ran out he called in a panic and wanted to know what to do. We said that we really didn't know, what WAS he going to do? He managed to find a room at a friend's house, but then three months later he turned up at our door step. He couldn't understand what happened - he came home to his friend's house to find all his things out on the front porch. We asked if he had paid the rent, and he just looked puzzled.

He spent one night on the floor of our living room and then actually got an apartment he could afford. He stumbled several times after that but eventually he learned to take care of things. It took a few years and we wish he had been willing to take suggestions, but he always had to learn the hard way. We have a standing offer that if he shows us his GED we will reimburse him for his expenses, and then will pay half his tuition at the junior college, but he has never taken us up on that.

This whole process wasn't easy. We worried about him, but we always acted happy to see him no matter how we felt inside, as long as he respected our boundaries. Our rule was that as long as his actions hurt no one but himself we would ignore them.

It is called tough love because it is hard to do, and hard to experience. Unfortunately that is how some kids have to learn. Perhaps if there was no MTV, no shows like "My Sweet Sixteen" or "Cribs," kids like this would have a better attitude. Or perhaps some people just have to learn the hard way.

I know my husband was one such in some ways but as he said, "My dad suddenly got a lot smarter my second day of boot camp."

Perhaps we need universal service.

Taunya - posted on 07/04/2011

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Roxanne, I have a 21 yr old daughter now and when she turned 17-171/2 she started the same thing. Well of course at 18 it got worse because now (according to them) their adults. My daughter and i had several conversations, arguments and at one point a brawl. She wanted to be a "Big girl" but still have mom pay for everything. Even though it was the hardest things i have had to do and had second thoughts i told her she wanted to do the partying, staying out late and act like a "big girl" then she had to leave home.... between then and now she has had a baby and moved back in and out and I've tried to be there for her but currently is out on her own, i was still covering her car and phone (mostly because of my granddaughter) but as the time has gone by i would babysit while she went out, got tatoos, piercings and said "what a minute if she can afford that then she can pay for her car and phone". Just a couple months ago i decided to sign the titel of the car over to her and got a reciept of sale (she kept avoiding going to DMV with me), last month after worning her for several months i was taking the car of my insurance i finally did it also told her she need to start paying for her phone. She is not liking the extra bills but you know if her boyfriend can get (or her buy for him) new shoes without a job i told her she can aford her bills. It's taken this long but it is getting easier and soooo much less stress. I don't ask what she is doing with the car because now if she messes up and gets tickets, towed etc it's not in my name. She still wines about money and just yesterday said her phone shouldn't cost $70 a month. So i wrote out a brake down of cost (a smart phone) and she said well i might get my own. I said OK but the contract can't be broke because i'm not going to be stuck with an early contract release bill but she was welcome to transfer the phone in her name if she wanted. So roxanne and all the other moms in this situation we raised them and if they want to be grown up then let them go and ONLY help if it's reasonable and their being respectful. Respect we deserve it and earned it and if my kids can't give that after everything i've done for them then i let them know (with tears in my eyes, they're still my babies. lol) But it does get easier.

Jennifer - posted on 07/03/2011

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You are in the right. He might be an adult but it is your house and if you had someone come to stay with you, they would need to respect your rules because it is your house. It is the same if he goes to a friends house. If they have a rule that there is no smoking in the house, if he lights up a cigarette (which is legal since he is an adult) they have the right to ask him to leave and if he doesn't ... to have him removed. He needs to understand that even adults have rules. Adults have to follow certain social rules as well as rules set up by the owners of property.

I live in an apartment and there is this 19 year old that moved in across the hall. He thinks that because he is 19, he can do what he wants in his apartment. Well, the apartments have rules. We do not allow smoking pot and allowing the scent to travel into the hallway. We do not allow loud music. It's in the lease. He couldn't seem to figure out that the rules apply to him so after 2 weeks of complaints from other residents, he has been given a "30 day notice to vacate". His 30 days are up on the 7th. We could not be happier.

Sadly, this might be the only way for him to learn that being an adult isn't about not having rules, it's about learning to follow them. It also about learning that EVERYONE has rules. I remember telling my daughter that the rules are the same for kids as well as adults but the punishment for adults is worse. If a child hits another child, typically it's punishment from the parents but if an adult hits another adult, it's punishment from the law and most likely a little jail time. Rules don't disappear when you get to be an adult.... even if you own the property you are living in. There are still city and state regulations on what you can and can't do on your property and the penalties are higher than anything you might hand out. Feel free to print off this post and hand it to him as you are wishing him luck on his new found freedom and adulthood. Let him know that you love him but there will always be rules and you hope he can find a place where the rules are more to his liking.

Gale - posted on 07/03/2011

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If he is disrespecting you and not helping out around the house and coming home stoned and not working, well give him a taste of adulthood, don't allow him back into the house until he can show respect and help out around the house, meaning cleaning and paying his bills. He says its a place to live, well let him know when you live any place there will be rules. Stick to your guns. Let him know who is boss.

Lisa - posted on 07/03/2011

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tough love is the hardest thing. just always show him you love him but don't give in unless he's ready to be "an adult" and abide by the rules. very scary though I know.

[deleted account]

Please stick to the contract you gave him. Do not turn back and feel guilty for disciplining your son. You are still his mother and responsible for him. You have several supporters in this community.
God Speed

Judith - posted on 07/02/2011

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you made tthe decesion all ready knowing what his answer was going to be to you. Didn't you? Stick with it he has to grow up and now is better then later when he has developed bad lazy habits. Its very hard being the adult of someone who is also wanting to be an adult. Let him learn that it's not easy street. Don't forget to make sure You Love Him even if he is an adult. You will listen and if he wants your advice you are always there for him.

Phyllis - posted on 07/02/2011

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It is difficult for any parent to have to make these decisions. Just think back to our years but we made it...he will too. Time to cut the strings!

Kim - posted on 07/01/2011

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well when I lived at home we paid rent and car insurance and such and if he thinks its so easy to be on his own let him try it hell be back and if not you did the best you can for him. The kids today think its so easy to go out and get stuff and live on there own but its not.

Cindy - posted on 07/01/2011

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when they know everything at 18 you need to let them try their wings not your vehiciles

Angela - posted on 06/30/2011

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My oldest stayed until about he was 23 and still didn't want to leave the house. But, a second girlfriend and two kids and him not wanting to help out. No way. It hurts me, but he had to find his own place. Now he has to pay, like you said, car insurance, cell phone, rent, food, diaper's etc. It was nice staying home and having mommy and daddy pay it all.

I will not deny it. it does hurt. But if he doesn't want to go to school or work. Hi just can't hang around with his friends and have you guys pay everything for him.

Stick to your guns.

Roxanne - posted on 06/29/2011

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Thank you Krystyn. Forgot to mention last night he showed up high and got his ears pierced. I have been struggling with this, cried alot. I have been raising him on my own, hasn't been that tough until these last two years. March of this year his father moved out of the state, not that he was supportive while he lived here. He didn't even go to his graduation. I use to think after the divorce, I am strong I can do this by myself. I just hope that he will be ok. He did do early registration at SFSU, hopefully he will follow through with his plans of college.

Krystyn - posted on 06/29/2011

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You do need to stick to it. Just because he's 18 doesnt mean he can start disrespecting you and not have consequences.

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