What about moms over 40 with adult children?

Julie Margaret - posted on 03/30/2013

Hi Candace, I'm Australian. Thanks for your message. Julie

Used - posted on 03/25/2013

i understand your pain. i also have two adult children that treat me like crap. my so called son started up a bunch of crap with his sister against me and now she wont let me see my grandchildren. these are children that i took care of while she was in prison. they are turning the children against me. i made a decision that i do not want anything to do with son because he is the worst. only time he comes around is when he needs something. done with all the crap. going on with my life. had to block email and phone from him since he was abusing me that way. had to call the police and have them contact him to stop. they both blame me for everything that has happen in their life even though they were adults when they made bad decision. her new inlaws are very controlling along with her new husband. they want her to have nothing to do with her family. the mother inlaw does not let her own husband have anything do do with his family. daughters new husband's first wife commited suscide according to her mother this family drove her to it. these inlaws are almost 60 and put sex pictures of them selves on their computer. good things they changed there mind about giving to granddaughter and gave to son he deleted the pictures they should know they are still able to be found on the computer.

Gizzy - posted on 01/05/2013

I understand!

Rosemary - posted on 01/19/2012

just keep yr privacy. Do not invite yr boyfriend home, u can go to his place once a while. Respect their privacy. Allow them some room to discuss about whom they are dating. Befriend them and at the same time retain your position as their mum.

Lisa - posted on 11/18/2011

TO AUNT LISA, I KNOW YOU MUST FEEL BAD ,AS I POSTED, HAVING A HARD RIME WITH MY OWN DAUGHTER, IF SHE IS NOT INTO GOS LIKE YOU DO NOT FORCE HER, DON'T PUSH HER AWAY, SOME KIDS, LIKE ONE OF MY OWN NO LONGER BELIEVES IN GOD AT ALL, EXPECIALLY AFTER LOSING HER FATHER IN 2002' LOVING GOD IS YOUR THING, JUST LOVE HER FOR BEING YOUR DAUGHTER AND RESPECT HER FOR HER OWN BELIEFS, GOOD LUCK THOUGH! ATLEAST SHE TALKS TO YOU! :)

Lisa - posted on 11/18/2011

SADLY, SOME DO NOT BELIEVE, THAT THEIR KIDS, WHO BECOME OF ADULT AGE, CAN BECOME SO MEAN AND HURTFUL! I REALLY AM SICK OF THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE, MAKING EXCUSES, FOR THE MEAN KIDS, WHATEVER, THEY ARE PROBABLY THE ONES WITH FAT WALLETS AND THE ADULT KIDS ARE AFRAID TO SCREW THAT UP, FOR US LOVING MOMS WITH NO MONEY, I STAYED HOME WITH MY KIDS, NOT RAISED BY BABYSITTERS, TOOK THEM EVERYWHERE, GAVE AS MUCH AS WAS ABSOLUTLY POSSIBLE, NEVER ALLOWED THEM TO RUN AMUCK, AND SO ON SO TO US MOMS WHO ARE TREATED LIKE CRAP.... PUSHED AWAY.... NAME CALLED AND TOLD HORRIBLE THINGS TO OUR GRANDKIDS, IT HURTS REALLY BAD, FUNNY HOW SMALL KIDS MAKE UP STUFF LIKE THAT, I HARDLY THINK SO! IT IS TRUE ESPECIALLY WHEN SOME OF THE SAME MEAN STUFF IS TEXTED TO YOU FROM THEIR CELL PHONE DIRECTLY. I WAS A GREAT MOM! i WAS THE MOM WHO'S KIDS WERE AT MY HOUSE ALL THE TIME, NOW THAT THE KIDS ARE ADULTS, YEAH LETS BLAME MOM, IT'S HER FAULT.....HELL NO I WOULD NEVER BLAME MY OWN MOTHER FOR MY NASTY ATTITUDE, NOR WOULD I DISRESPECT MY MOM EVER, MY MOM WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!! IF SOME OF YOU HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR ADULT KIDS, GREAT FOR YOU...IT HURTS BAD WHEN YOU DO NOT!!! FOOD FOR THOUGHT!!

Jurnee - posted on 08/07/2011

I have 4 kids, 26,24, 18 and 9. I'm 42, so all my life Ive been raising kids. I love it and they are turning into amazing adults, I even have 2 grandsons, but its difficult sometimes to figure out what my job is now that most of them are grown. Luckily they are all doing well and making good life decisions, but the thought of the 18 yr old leaving is scary, it will be just me and the little one, it will take some getting used to thats for sure.

Theresa - posted on 08/06/2011

I have 5 kids 21, 15, 13, 10, and 6 so I know what it is like to have all the age groups at once. But I need friends that has many kids also at different ages. My last one I had at 41.

Aunt - posted on 08/01/2011

I will be 47 this month with a 21 y/o daughter. She is beautiful and smart, lives on her own and makes good money, heres the kicker, as a stripper! I raised her in Church and she has watched me love the Lord, enough so that she calls me a Jesus Freak (which I like)
I became disabled when she was 3 y/o due to Bacterial meningitis and Stroke, so life has been extremely challenging for both of us. I am proud that she is so independent but I abhor her stripping! I want so much for her to build a relationship with God. What do I do? We may move in together next yr. Help.

Lori - posted on 07/31/2011

My kids couldn't wait to get out on their own. They love being independent. I have a strong sense of right vs wrong. And I always felt, my house...my rules. They can pay the house payment and utilities if they want to have that much say. I guess I wasn't too awful. They stay in touch and treat me well.

Lori - posted on 07/31/2011

My kids couldn't wait to get out on their own. They love being independent. I have a strong sense of right vs wrong. And I always felt, my house...my rules. They can pay the house payment and utilities if they want to have that much say. I guess I wasn't too awful. They stay in touch and treat me well.

Susie - posted on 07/29/2011

It sounds like a good relationship to me. My 19 yr old is 3 hrs away and doesn't want me close. She is an only child and I smoothered her to much. Now I pay the price. I just hope some day I will be in your shoes Lizbeth.

Lizbeth - posted on 07/27/2011

I am a mom to an adult daughter who is 30. She lives down the hall from me (we live in the same apartment building). She doesn't bother me unless it's for something extremely important but I like the feeling that I am close by when needed.

Debra - posted on 01/15/2010

hi i am new to this group, i am over the 40's and have 3 kids with kids HELP!

Susie - posted on 01/14/2010

hi candace ,honey, speak your mind anyway. do it gently and without guilt, some day you will regret it if you don't, no matter what we will always be their parents, they may not appreciate it now, but later they will, at least they know where you stand,and they will eventually learn that 90% of the time MOM WAS RIGHT

Kathleen - posted on 01/14/2010

So this is for Moms over 40 with adult children? I could use this group :) NoniKat

Debora - posted on 01/14/2010

Its really hard to keep the old mouth shut when you know your 'adult' child is about to make a mistake, but as long as they are not getting physically hurt you have to let them live their own lives and learn from their mistakes...why?

Nancy - posted on 01/14/2010

You did good lady!!

Nancy - posted on 01/14/2010

I am 43 and have 2 adult children now. It is hard to let them go, but you have to. They are doing well for the most part. Starving college kids you know! My oldest walked out of a mall minutes before someone opened fire with an AK-47 that killed 8 people! I was sooo freaked out by that but she is on her own and is just thankful she walked away! They are great girls, I take them shopping when I can to help them out. I worry about them and want them all their needs met. We are mothers, the worry never goes away I'm afraid no matter how old they are!

Betty - posted on 01/13/2010

I too became a mother at a young age my son now a marine recruiter at age 28, Like you and your sons my son and I grew up together and yes it is very hard to let them go but as long as you know that you have raised them to the best of your ability and gave them the tools for survive lifes ups and downs then you have done your job well.

Barbara - posted on 01/12/2010

I hear you, we never stop being parents no matter what the age of
our children.

Kathy - posted on 01/10/2010

Sometimes you will put your foot in you mouth or your nose in their business. Not because you want to but because your use to. Believe me they will let you know very quickly. You will feel like the child a lot of times

Marilyn - posted on 01/10/2010

Quoting Debbie:

How do you handle it when your kids push you away? I have one daughter, age 25. She is pushing me away and I don't know what to do or what to think. I've never been an overbearing mother. I've always been there for her. Now, she has 3 babies; ages 3, 2, and 9 months. I've heard bad things from other people that she has been saying about me. But I can't get her to talk to me and tell me what's going on with her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You must surely be in demand for babysitting! Maybe you are overdoing it. How often would you be at her house? I agree with Leeanne who suggested you not be available for awhile - take a holiday of some sort - visit a friend or relative who lives some distance away if you can't afford a cruise. Do you have regular weekly activities of your own? I think that I was pretty ofhand about my mother at that age, took her for granted.It will all work out.

Valerie - posted on 01/09/2010

Congratulations on raising two independent men! As moms our job is to love our children well enough that they have the strength and the tools to leave us. And despite being a young mother, you obviously did it, raising two boys who went into selfless work helping others. It's time to take all that nurturing and turn it inward. Give yourself the tools and strength you gave them. Take that class you never had time for. Take that walk with a friend. It's not too late for piano lessons!

Delia - posted on 01/08/2010

Quoting Michelle:

I am 43 years old and my Twin Boys are turning 27 in a few months. My dillema is I had my sons at such a young age, I really cant remember life without them. They flew the nest a couple years ago, they are now married with careers of there own and I still sit around lost!!! These little guys that were my best friemds for sooo long live an our away ...I broke my back the year they left and my marriage ended a year later .. I find it hard not to worry about them ... I spent my life protecting them and they both became cops!!!! In a real dangerous place!!!! Sometimes I just sit here and pray>>>>

MIchelle, be proud of your two boys, you protected them; they now protect the public. It has to be to your good example of protection. I know God will look after them while they are serving is the precious way.

Lisa - posted on 01/08/2010

45 year young mother of 7 biological, but raised 8. 25, 23, 21,21,19,16,7,4. The 21's are not twins, one is my step son. The two oldest have given me 2 beautiful granddaughters each. Our youngest daughter and the oldest granddaughter are only 5 months apart. That was an experience that very few women get to experience, being preganant with your daughter in law. It was amazing.

Barbara - posted on 01/08/2010

i am 54 hav 3 daughters and 3 Grandsons who i worship very much.You hav always got to b there for them no matter what.Ino it can b difficult and can hurt

Michele - posted on 01/07/2010

I am 44 with a daughter, 19, son, 18 and another daughter 17. I always talk with them and I love the fact that we have so much respect for each other. I may not always understand why they do what they do and then, if I'm patient they sooner or later say something like, "Just to put your mind at ease..." . I know they understand that I worry about them, but on the other hand it's nice to sit back and watch them use the tools I gave them to grow and flourish with life!

Ragena - posted on 01/07/2010

I am 46, have 3 wonderful children and 3 fantastic grandchildren! I totally agree. We do have to stand back and let them make their own choices...as difficult as it is at times. We have been there and can see things a little clearer.

Brenda - posted on 01/06/2010

I am 47 and most of my children are grown and gone now. I am down to just 3 still at home. My children are ages 29 down to 12. We already have 21 grand kids with 2 more on the way. Most of my children make good, responsible decisions and have given me little worry. I am blessed indeed.

Linda - posted on 01/05/2010

Hi ..I have 2 daughters aged 36 and 33 and a son aged 27.. It is hard to try to keep out of their lives as a mother to a degree and be there as a guiding friend and suport oerson.. we as parents still worry and want to do the right thing by them even when they are adults themselves.. we have let our children amke thier mistakes and thankfully they have come to us either for help or advice and the love they know they will always get.. all my children now have children of their own and while it is hard not to say you are making a mistake there or you should be doing this or that.. we have tried to step back and let them work it out for them selves.. and if we overstep thei space we are often told .. their my kids and I will bring them up how i want.. so yer its not easy at all but just think of what out parents may have do at this stahe in our lives and go from there....

DeNell - posted on 01/05/2010

It is harder when you have adult children that is for sure....I am now closer to my children though....My son has an ex wife in the town where we live with a son that will be 2 in march and he is remarried with a daughter that is 2 months old....he is in Iraq right now...As a teenager he got into some trouble and I was worried about what kind of person he would turn out to be and I think....well look at him now....I am so very proud of him...but at the age of 21 he has been married twice but I can't say anything....so was I....Both of the grandchildren's moms are doing an excellent job in raising them at this point by their selfs.....my hat if off to them....and my daugher has been raised by her step mother and her dad since she was 7 I think....she is the sweetest person...we are now closer than ever but it hurts my feelings when she doesn't call me and include me in things...I went over and spent the day with her when she went to her first prom last year....and her stepmother was going to stay home while we did the hair....etc....And I told her no we are all going to spend the day together....I don't make near the money they do...they are doing well for themselfs....so her stepmother and dad got her dress and shoes and jewelry and I paid for our luch that day and the rest of what all Markie had to do to herself and the flower for her date...etc....I missed her first state compation for band and she is drum major...This year I am saving all my vacation time because she will be a senior and I told her that I might miss the little steps but all of her big step during her senior year I will be there...and already told my bosses that to.....She was nominated for homecoming queen last year and of course I made that....but when they announced who her parents were they only put in Mark and Sandra McNeese and my heart broke that she didn't include me....What do you do in that case? I don't want Sandra excluded from anything...we haven't always gotten along over the years and she did some things that I didn't approve of but overall she has done a wonderful job in raising my daughter....My daughter says that I am never around to talk to about boys..etc....so she feels that I don't care....I told her that I live 150 miles from where you do...but you know what there is a thing called the telephone...If you have a problem...or just want to tallk...you could have picked the phone up....can't give you my opion if you don't call me.....But I think we are getting better and I have seen more since football season has been over....but the child is very busy....she is drum major and head twirler for the band....she has a job....actually two I guess because her stepmother owns a Magazine call THE WEDDED BLISS which has really grown and Markie also delivers those....Markie is into photogray and wants to learn to take the pictures for the magazine...She also wants to go to Kilgore College her first two years and be the drum major for that band....she has alot of will and determination so I believe she can do it....Anyway if anyone has any idea how to get your daugher to include you....please let me know....thanks

Jacqueline - posted on 01/05/2010

I'm 45 years old with 3 adult children the eldest being 27 and the youngest being 19 next month. I am very proud and blessed to say that I raised good kids. I raised them by being nothing but honest with them and making them understand value about themselves, others, and the value of a dollar. I raised my son to open doors doors, carry bags, and to appreciate a woman for who she is not what she got and I raised my daughters to be independent as well as allowing a man to be a man. I raised them to have self respect for themselves as well as for others. I believe in old school raising, for that's where I believe the better morals and values of life came from. My children oldest married with 3 children, middle just graduated with his Masters and my youngest is attending college now. No arrest, nor drugs from none of them. I am proud mom :)

ALTA - posted on 01/05/2010

THAT IS A MOUTHFULL.I AGREE WITH YOU, THEY HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT LIFE...JUST BE THERE FOR THEM.

Christine - posted on 01/04/2010

My daughter is 22 and in and out of jail.I had to set her free to grow up.She is horrible to me and I just could not stand it anymore.

Pat - posted on 01/04/2010

A wise, older, gentleman once told me "Celebrate the teenage years, If you have done your job right they should be trying on independence and questioning authority. They are becoming their own person and pulling away from parental guidance. That is as it should be".

With twin 19 year olds, I have to tell myself that frequently - "as it should be...as it should be...as it should be"

Dianne - posted on 01/04/2010

I'm 47 in a few weeks time, 3 1/2 year survivour of BC. Got a boy 21, graduated university, works at the university, lives in a student house - he is so funny, rings me up and asks the strangest questions. How much is a quarter cup of ........? how do you wash .......,? What do you or Dad think about this or that? Still a little boy but growing up. Miss him like crazy. Our daughter is in her final year of school and is struggling, She refuses to get a job (she had one but didn't like it so packed it in), spends what little money she has like water, does nothing round the house and drives me and her Dad absolutely CRAZY - however, we love her to bits and just hope that it will all come out in the wash. Chalk and cheese the pair of them, but we don't compare, they both know we love them and each other.

Alesia - posted on 01/03/2010

I have 4 wonderful children ages 25, 23 20 and 17. My 25 year old daughter is married with 4 daughters of her own. She is a stay at home mom with her head on straight. My 23 year old daughter lives with her boyfriend. She is a working mother of two with her head on straight as well. Now lets talk about my 20 year old son who still lives at home. I have always encouraged him to work or go to school but he doesn't do either. He rather come home 1-2 days per week while I'm at work to avoid hearing what I have to say to him. I'm not sure what to do with him (any suggestions). My youngest daughter 17 also lives at home. She is on a quest to get her GED because she hates school. She informed me that when she turns 18 that she will be spending the night with her boyfriend. I replied not a chance. The will be no unplanned children running around my house. I'm not sure how to deal with her either.

Tricia - posted on 01/03/2010

I have 3 kids, 22, 20(jan 17), and 18..I'm 41 and none of my kids live with me...they've been out of the house for a little bit but it's still hard to get use to, not having them around, or even in the same state..major empty nest syndrome last year...and this year my daughter, the oldest, had my first grandchild..what a blessing to be able to see my baby girl grow in to being such a fine young woman, mom and wife...and my boys...wow...I just never thought to see them "here", as adults..soo weird..and being 40+..even more weird...so missing the 'babies' and yet, so grateful that I get to watch them go through their growth spurts, and life changes and to learn from their experiences in life...that to me is such a blessing.

Barb - posted on 01/03/2010

i have 2 girls going to college next yr and iam so scary for them.i dont want them to go but i know they have go with their on lifes but its still hard for me can u guys give me any advice to what to do?

Terri - posted on 01/03/2010

Having small children seems such a distant memory now, the years have passed so quickly and I often wish that I was back there with 3 small children rather than 3 grown ones. My oldest daughter (26) is a mum to 3 of her own and I so enjoy watching her and her partner parent these precious gifts from God. My son, the middle one, is now 23 and has matured into a lovely young man, who is adored by his nieces and nephew. He thinks he knows what he wants to do, but its taken a long time to get to this stage. At present he is still living at home. My youngest, and I think the cause of my gray hairs, has just turned 21. She just moved out from home and is working and should be studying again this semester. Her attitude to us, her parents, fluctuates between loving us to despising us and it hurts us a lot when she is disrespectful. But we have a lot to be grateful for, as all three have a strong sense of morality and none of them have ever been in trouble with drugs, drink or the police. Hurtful words said in anger can be forgiven and forgotten and don't have consequences that last for life, like unwanted pregnancies or prison records.
I thank God daily for my children and would not have wanted our family to be anything other than what it is, although I know I could have done things differently as they were growing up.
My heart goes out to those mums/moms who are struggling with the hurt and grief of broken relationships with their children andf I pray that healing and reconciliation will be in their futures.

Virginia - posted on 01/03/2010

All 3 of my girls are grown, but you never stop being a Mom. My girls need me and I need them as much as ever. I thank God everyday for the relationship I have with my daughters! I feel that empty nest everyday even though I can talk to them anytime, it's not the same as having them home.

Sibyl - posted on 01/03/2010

Lol..I have a son who is 28, a daughter 22, a son 20 and a daughter 7....I raised the older ones to be strong and self sufficent and now they are making theri own choices in life it's not easy to agree with them. We have come to an understanding that when everyone is at home there is no discussion about politics or religion. The yonger daughter thinks she is 20 having being raised with older siblings. All in all though I have some great kids...2 have graduated from college.one going on for her masters..the two older ones got engaged this year to awesome people and I am very happy for them.

Corrine - posted on 01/02/2010

I have wonderful adult children, And yes there were times, like during teenage years i was going nuts, then the young adult years, where they are smarter than you, and wonder way on earth you did things the way you did. And then they grow up. after a few of lives hard knocks, they straighten up and turn out to be really good friends.

Cindy - posted on 01/02/2010

I find this a little difficult. My sons have disabilities and aren't always prone to good choices. And since they still live at home....... My hubby is just as bad at it as I am. I am 41 and my sons are 20 and almost 19. Hubby and I are constantly trying to watch ourselves. Supporting them and still giving them advice, hoping they will make the right choices. OMG! I see another mom posted about the pregnancy and driving issues. Yeah! I pray alot about my oldest.

Holly - posted on 01/02/2010

I agree, I you want to see them succeed, but you can't do it for him, all I can do is guided him. My son is 22yrs. old, and graduates in 1 yr from college. Then you watch the mistakes they make, and want to help so much, but they need to learn the life choices and changes they make.

Lynette - posted on 01/02/2010

I am with you candace...it is very trying sometimes to be a mom of adult children...we are there to support them, yet we sit back and have to watch them make mistakes that make you wonder, WHY? I wouldn't trade them for anything...i have a 21 year old son that is very independant and also a 28 year old daughter that is a single mom of 2 little boys...and doing well also...but...you still worry about your kids...not matter what...

Nerine - posted on 01/02/2010

Wow! enjoy your blessing!

Anne - posted on 01/02/2010

I am enjoying having an adult daughter (age 24). It is so much fun to visit her in her home, to watch her carve out a niche for herself in a whole new "world" that only includes us when she invites us in to it, to see her build new relationships and nurture her old ones, to watch her faith mature, and to see her operating as a thoughtful adult.

She has really good boundaries and helps me to have better boundaries than I might otherwise have.

She is a thoughtful host, gift-giver, and a joy to call my daughter.

Nerine - posted on 01/02/2010

The cool part is that I can identify with so many of you!
My son is 14, one moment he does not need me, the next he demands that I give him too little time! I rather prefer to be patient, as I sometimes I am not sure what I want! Just waiting patiently for all the emotions to get out and not going to feel guilty if my son acts as if he does not need me! having a relationship with your child is imperative! So for now, I shall just be there!