what do you do when your grown son wont talk to to you and you have given him space for 3years and have no idea why he is mad at you

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Rhonda - posted on 03/30/2013

1

0

0

My son has alienated me too. I am in my middle 50s, and alone. I have tried repeatedly
to contact him. I don't understand why he lets me into his life and cuts me out. This last time however, I think is forever.
I just don't understand. I love him so much and worry about him. He is my only child.
It hurts so badly, I can't stand it. I would do anything, anything for him.
Nothing makes sense. I feel my heart is almost dead from everything, and heavy and hurting.

Zenaida - posted on 08/15/2013

3

0

0

Thank you for the encouragemnet!
About starting a conversation: that as if you deal with the normal person! When it comes to my son: no matter what I say, even asking him "how are you?" He just answers rudely on anything I say, he doesn't give a damn. If we both (me my DH) are gone today, he'll find the cheapest option as how to get rid of us quiclkly and hopefully for free, throwing us into pauper grave if at all!

I pray to God every day, every awakaning moment of my life (God must be extremely tired of me by now). I hope this is just a phase, but maybe not.
One thing is for sure: Silence is GOLDEN in my case. I am not a doormat, and it is not OK with me to tolerate nasty attitude and money mooching even from my only child.

I do believe : children are not given to us forever, at some point we m ust let them go to live their life, to figure it al out on their own terms. it is devastatng as not being able to get included, but I embrace my life and will live fully and happy no matter what!

Trust me: I tried many times to reach out to my only son. The effect has been the same as talking to the brick wall. The only difference: brick wall can be demolished, and re-build, but bone-headed thinking CAN NOT! You all are welcome to try it. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Zenaida - posted on 08/12/2013

3

0

0

My 27 y.old son acts as a JERK! he is a pathological liar, who recently con us (his parents) with forged checks. I knew in my gut it was a con, yet believed his lies.
He only talks to us when needs money, than treat both of us as dirt.

In fact I want him out of our lives for good. I don't care if never spoke to him again.
he was truly my LOVE before the age of 12. it was very difficult to co-op with his crap when he was 14 and through high school. He "grew" to alienate himself from us, his friends give him advice as how to live. He owes thousands to credit cards. I won't be surprised if at some point he'll end up in jail.

He told us : he doesn't need any advice, just our money and a lot's of it. Recently asking if we have a will and if all is going to be his after we're gone.

I believe for few lucky people children are blessing, but for the majority of folks children are menace. Since early childhood our only child was given good opportunities, he truly was a blessing and sweetest boy before age of 12. Then things went south: now we've got this monster with huge sense of entitlement, arrogant and self-centered.

I am through with his crap and attitude. I am not a doormat, and can overcome the grief. Eventually we all have to come to understanding: God gave us children for very short time, then we Must let them go to live their life, we have no influences upon.

We raised the entire generation of self-centered Mooches, and now paying the awfully cruel price.

[deleted account]

just to let you know I am going through the same mess. I raised my son the best I could . when he was a child we had the best relationship , the best holidays. we travel. I was a single parent and a working parent. his father never was there, by me having brothers he spend a lot of time with his uncles. I allowed him to visit his father even tho his father never was there, before his father died , I truly believe his father told him a lie regarding why he was not in his life, after he came from gary Indiana, the hold relationship I had as a mother to my son truly changed drastically. I was shocked. lies he tell his friends that I abused him (which in not true) about me. and it really hurts. the only time I see him is when he needs money and that's it so I came to a conclusion just to leave him alone and just pray and move on with my life. my son is 32 years old. and I don't know his address, he would not give it to me and I just step away. always money he needs . never a happy mother day card a birthday card nothing of the source. I don't know what happen nor does my family. ...I just except the fact that im nothing to him anymore. cant feel sorry for myself. I just moved on with my life because he has done the same. he has all the space he needs. I cant ruin my health or cry my eyes out anymore because he has refused me as him mom. no more tears I have to cry. I became strong and moved on with my life. whenever I see someone who needs help with their little ones I volunteer my time with them and just keep living....some people in this world is just so ungrateful. go on with your life . if it meant to be that our children will except us, that will be fine --if not move on . enjoy your life

Tamie - posted on 07/13/2013

12

0

1

It makes no sense that your daughter has not spoken to you for 20 years. She is an adult and needs to act like one, but she chooses to act like a spoiled child. I would suggest that you tell yourself that you were a good parent. Then pray that God will intervene with your daughter. Leave your daughter in Gods hands and move on and live your life to the fullest.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

289 Comments

View replies by

Laura - posted 3 days ago

18

0

3

YOU should not be on this topic ....why dont you go start a cry baby DIL topic of your own.....

Anonymous - posted 3 days ago

7

0

1

It is tragic that you obviously did not read my comment completely, or you simply chose to pick and choose what you would take from it. But, your comment alone solidifies and is prime example for why your son will chose his family over that of your requests. I know it is hard to except, but it is reality and it is life. I never mentioned my husband putting my needs before any one, that is selfish. However, if Mother's expect their son to do anything, let alone insist he chose his Mother over his "evil, controlling wife" then there in lies your problem. You should never expect your son to choose, and by doing that, you give him the green light to cut you out of his life. Rather than damn your daughter in law, try your best to teach her how to be the better woman like you should be displaying. I have every right to comment on this topic, as I have been truthful and respectful. Yet, you call me names and make assumptions. Again, proving my point. Good luck to you.

Laura - posted 3 days ago

18

0

3

YOU have no right missannonyomous to comment on this topic.....you are the evil ones we are Talking about.....you are someone I would not want my son with....just by your responses here.....and you are using the bible as your weapon to say that your man has to put your needs above everyone else's...I feel sorry for your husband to be with such a controlling wicked wife

Anonymous - posted 4 days ago

7

0

1

BEING ON THE OTHER END OF THESE COMMENTS:
Mothers (not all of you) you may not know that you are being overbearing! Being with a "man" that his Mothers' well being comes before that of his fiancee and his children, is not right, nor should the mother condone it. When another woman comes into your sons life, you need to learn to cut the cord, plain and simple. Accept the fact that another woman will have opinions paramount to yours, and if he is a good man, he will respect her opinion, however have the capability to differentiate between a possessive wife and respect for his Mother. If your son chooses his wife and family over Mom now, that is a part of life and is also in the bible. Sons and daughters are to leave the nest and build their own lives, your opinions, although valued and SOMETIMES considered, they are no longer concrete. Having my MIL from hell tell me that "I will never understand what it is like to have another woman take her place" that is unacceptable, period.
Kudos to you Mother's that treat your daughter-in-laws with such respect and regard, and I only wished it was like that for me. But, just know that there are Mother's of sons out there, that are making it VERY difficult for prospective daughter-in-laws to have a healthy relationship with their MIL.
God Bless

Laura - posted 4 days ago

18

0

3

SAME for me.....it is these evil girlfriends or wives..they try to destroy your relationship with your son because it threatens them....it is crazy......I was looking forward to having a Daughter in law...I was going to spoil her and dote on her.....but no not this one...she is pure evil....rejected every gift I ever gave her...was hateful and swore at me...threatened me....I finally gave up and realized there is no changing evil....it just breaks my heart that she is dragging my once kind sweet son down into her hell

Laura - posted 4 days ago

18

0

3

I pray that too...,my son said he would never do those things either but he has....very very sad....the girl they pick makes all the decisions and she has all the control

Kallie - posted on 02/25/2015

1

0

0

My 19 year old son has started to use vulgar language at me. He gets angry and slams doors when home for a visit from college. He recently comanded my husband and me not to talk while in the car - while taking him somewhere. When I protested he became verbally abusive. I told my husband to take him directly back to school - as a consequence of his verbally abusive behavior - but my husband kept driving our son to his destination. During that event - my son expressed the fact that he no longer wants me to be any part of his serious relationship with is 2+ year girlfriend. When I recently bought and made her a gift, my son responded by saying that she does not like presents. and then on that same day, our son sent my husband a text asking him to shop & spend time with him (but to exclude me). Since before my son was born, he was #1 - we did everthing in our power to give and provide him with everything possible. and now that he is grown - an adult, all I ask is for some respect and some gratitude (just a bit), and for my son to treat me decently. I fear that we will soon become estranged - and he does not seem to care. This rift is breaking my heart - how does one learn to cope? I love him so much - but do not wish to be treated like a doormat - or to be given the time of day only when he needs money or something from us. I recently expressed to my husband that we must stick to our word and give him boundaries and consequences for verbally abusing us - and we must stick to it. Otherwise he will not learn to treat us respectfully. So very difficult - cannot sleep and crying a lot over all of this. Has been going on for a couple of years now at this point and him going away to college this past year has not helped. What's a loving mom to do? (pardon typos please)

Jenny - posted on 02/23/2015

1

0

0

We have our youngest 30 year old son who moved out wit his girlfriend over a year ago. She lived in our home for over two years and appeared to be a very nice young lady. I have to say this before I continue on , maybe my husband and I should never allowed this to happen in the first place , but now it is too late . Our son appeared to be very happy with her and she works full time and so does our son . My husband and I are disabled now and have been for about five years . Our income decreased drasactively and it was hard to make ends meet. One night our son came home from work and was in a bad mood , to make a long story short , our son and I got in to a heated shouting match and I told him he had two months to get out . backing up again , we had asked our son and his girlfriend if they could pitch in and pay $200.00 a month which would include everything for them . They ignored our question and the stress level was climbing for my husband and I , we almost lost our house . The two of them were going out to eat often , going to the movies , she was buying cpoach purses and matching wallets , clothes , shoes etc . and took over our sons money and building up a nice savings account between their two incomes , and all we asked was for two hundred a month. Well, they found an apartment within the two months and went on their merry way. At first our son would stop over a couple times a week after work and then it ceased. He doesn't call , text come over , nothing . We have tried to reach out to him and he sounds ok when I text or talk to him , but he never calls us . It hurts so bad and now they are getting married in June and we are out on the sidelines , we don't understand why he is doing this , I do know now that she is a control freak after she left our home , she will even go to his work on her day off and sit in a dirty garage for 10 hours . Our son is a mechanic . She was sick with the flu a few weeks back and didn't want to be alone and called our son at work and wanted him to go sit with her , he couldn't do that so he called us and asked us to stay with her , REALLY !! we were watching our granddaughters that day so he left work and picked her up and brought her over to where we were . We haven't heard from him since . Well , he got sick with the flu and he is a diebetic , our other son called us and told us he was really sick and went to the hospital , of course no phone call , I texted the girlfriend and asked her if he was that sick and she stated "yes" I guess I should of called you , I replied yes , that would of been nice after all he is our son . I think she is somewhat of a Narassis sorry don't know how to spell it , but it is breaking our hearts and we don't know what to do . Our oldest son suggested to leave things alone ?? We have three boys and they are wonderful , we are a very close family but now it doesn't seem that way anymore , at least with the youngest . Thanks for reading this , I know it's long , looking for suggestions .

Becky - posted on 02/15/2015

11

0

0

I've been reading some of the posts. My heart is so broke! But I feel sorry for these children that don't and won't talk to us mothers. Their day is coming and I believe with all my heart that it will be through their children. We may not live to see it. But my youngest son (I have two sons) has seen how his brother has hurt me. He promises he'll never be that way with me nor will he let his wife tell him not to talk or nor visit me. I pray that God will open all of these children's eyes and hearts before it's too late.

User - posted on 02/07/2015

1

0

0

My son wasn't spoilt as such and didn't act up until now (he's 26) but we never said "NO" and he had everything he wanted. He has found a girlfriend with 5 kids. He's staying away from the home he said he loves, and hates me. I'm lost and DONT recognise the person staring back at me in the mirror.

The person attached to my soul is a stranger at the moment.

Hugs to all YOU amazing mums; this is so painful x

Jeannie - posted on 01/29/2015

1

0

0

All I can say is that you have to pray and let God, I know cuz my only son won't stay in touch with me cuz of his wife. She has poisoned my son to not stay in contact cuz I cause him major depression & to be mean to her and push her away. Whatever, really and not to mention how desfunctional her adoptive family has been. But that's too long of a weird story. Let's just say very abusive from mom & dad. But I am the bad Mom!!

I wake up everyday with my son on my mind. I choose to pray and trust the Lord. What else can I do.?? Lots of love and prayers I send your way. God Bless

Lots of Prayers,

Jeannie G.

Gerri - posted on 01/28/2015

1

0

0

I have no idea what you do because it is five years since my son has talked to me and I have no idea why. I have tried to figure out in my own mind what it was that I have done and I can not do it. I feel like I am the worst mother in the world and my heart just breaks. Sometimes I feel like if I just knew what that one thing was that got him to the point of not talking to me, but he will not tell me. He will be 43 years old and my head knows he is an adult but my heart breaks. I was a single mom and I struggled raising my 2 children and we had ups and downs but there was always love

Cecilia - posted on 01/18/2015

3

0

0

you try to do the best you can as a parent'' keep trying"" Ifhe doesn't answer you in proper way"" Let him find his way eventually he haS TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE AMMENDS WITH YOU AS A PARENT''

Colleen - posted on 01/13/2015

6

0

0

I think that we as single mums to only one child overcompensated/gave in to our children and now they feel entitled, and like most people will not admit to their shortcomings and that their behaviour is not acceptable. They act spoilt and lash out when they do not get what they want. And we as the soft loving mums we are, cop it all. I look back at the disgusting behaviour I tolerated, and now cannot understand why I did. Maybe the fear of losing my child. Well he is lost to me now, and I realise it is not my fault, and that NOTHING i can do then and now will change their behaviour. I wish all mums forgiveness and cuddles and huge sympathy for us poor women.

Valerie - posted on 12/29/2014

5

0

1

I think getting disrespectful text messages and emails are the worst. I to know how that feels, I lost my husband 4 years ago to cancer and I am all alone now. My 3 children borrowed a lot of money from me and refuse to pay it back. They went as far as creating a family freud to get out of paying me back the money. This year was a very lonely Christmas, they use my grand children as a pawn and now I'm not allowed to see them.
Lonely mom

Rae - posted on 12/26/2014

1

0

0

My son won't talk to us. He is married with a beautiful wife and a beautiful house and is only 10 minutes drive away. We don't know what we have done wrong, but he says that we do. I love and miss him sooooo much. I send him and his wife Christmas and birthday cards, plus I drop Chrissy presents into their letter box. Last year when we went to see them to give them presents, he told us to take them away because he would just put them in the bin. I try not to be sad every day. I try to be positive every day. Every day I love my husband, my daughter and her children (my grandkids). Hubby got me a cat about 6 months ago, and now we have a new little family: I now have someone else to love and the little cat has helped me. I wish ALL estranged Mums out there - the very best and I hope that a world wide event will bring ALL children home - even for a visit. My original post was done on 26th Dec2014. I would like to add this on 9th Jan, 2015. I have been thinking about what I wrote and what I have read. When I think about what he told us that he didn't like - I think that I just dismissed what he told me and didn't really listen to him. Eg - he said he didn't like to pay board ($25 per week) and he didn't see why he had to pay it when he was on holidays. Plus he told us that we looked after our daughter better than him when she left home. At 17 she left here to attend a University over 2 hours away and we paid for her accommodation, clothes, food, and lent her my car to drive. I did not consider how these 2 things may have impacted on him, He was 2 years younger and did an apprenticeship, so he was still living at home. I am sure I would have not given his concerns any thought and just would have dismissed them (along with him) - so now I am thinking that it really may not be these problems, but not taking him seriously. So now, I realise that it was my fault, and I will be writing to him, to apologise for not listening him. Wish me luck - I just don't know where to begin just yet.

Stacy - posted on 12/23/2014

2

0

0

I printed out your post for my fridge!!! Thank you!!! I agree with you 100%. My favorite quote during my turmoil is: When you resist what is... you have more stress in your life because you won't accept what is. :))

Stacy - posted on 12/23/2014

2

0

0

I understand 100%. Mine is 17 and has been invited to live with his girlfriends family against my wishes. My rules here were to much for him. So, that is his new family now. His girlfriend is toxic and no one in town likes her. It's been a month since he's been gone and have not heard a word from him. I am getting stronger everyday. Us Mom's don't need to be doormats and beg for our children's love. It's harder to accept the fact that they are acting this way than accept we can't be treated this way. My favorite quote lately.... When you resist what is... You have more stress in your life because you won't accept what is. :)

Becky - posted on 12/23/2014

11

0

0

You know I was thinking wouldn't it be nice if we lived close to each other!?!
That way maybe we could all meet for say lunch. At least we would have something
in common. But I really have been thinking about writing my son out of our WILL!😞 Is
that not sad..πŸ˜“

Becky - posted on 12/20/2014

11

0

0

Dear Colleen, thank you and you sound as though your a wonderful
and sweet mother. My mother didn't raise me she always said she hated
girls.😞 I just don't understand how a mother could say that. But here we
are loving our children and would give anything to have them in our life's.
I would have given anything to have had a mother that loved me. For some
of us life just sucks..πŸ˜“. Wishing you and everyone a VERY MERRY
CHRISTMAS!!! May God bless you ALL and may everyone have an
AWESOME NEW YEAR!! (((Hugs))) to YOU..❀️

Colleen - posted on 12/19/2014

6

0

0

Dear Becky, I know how you feel. I try not to think about my boy at all, its too heart wrenching. I just give up now. I have no energy to be rejected again.....ps I hope you have a nice Christmas as much as possible XXXXXXXXXXXXX and hugs to all .

Becky - posted on 12/18/2014

11

0

0

Colleen, I wish but my son must not be allowed to talk to his dad, brother or me.
That's so so sad too..my two son's don't speak. They were fine up till this marriage.
I often cry just thinking what if something happens to his father or I. I don't want to die thinking my son hates me.πŸ˜“πŸ’”πŸ˜“πŸ’”

Becky - posted on 12/18/2014

11

0

0

My heart is so broke. I saw my son with his wife and mother n law in town this past week. My son wouldn't speak to me his mother...πŸ˜“πŸ’”. The thing is we were close up till this second marriage. I've never had not one problem with any girl in either on my sons life's other than this daughter n law. This has my son hating me and I can't for the life of me figure it out. Is there anyone out there that can give me any advise? PLEASE HELP I don't know how to talk to him. Should I go to his work and try to talk to him. Because they have my phone # blocked and I have no way to communicate with him other than going to his work...then maybe wait till he's out for lunch. It's been 5 years and my hubby and youngest son can't stand to see me cry. It's as though they get mad at me. So I now cry when I'm alone.

But I want you to know that your all in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless and be with us all!! XXXX to ALL, Kelly

Delisa - posted on 12/16/2014

5

0

0

I know I was not a perfect mom. I DID keep a roof over his head, food in his stomach, clothes on his back and shoes on his feet. I went to bat for him on several occasions in high school, when teachers thought he was lying, but I knew he was NOT. I proved that to them.

What you don't cover, is that we ALL make mistakes as parents. Children don't come with an "owner's manual"...we all are just going through it blind. I had no brothers so I knew nothing about raising a son.

At some point, grown children have to grow up and realize that mom's do the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have. We're not ALL monsters. At some point a grown child has to actually grow up and get past it and atleast try to move on, forgive and rebuild this relationship. Your right when you say some of us 'don't even know where we went wrong'. I carry a lot of guilt. I know I worked too much, I was so stressed out with all the responsibility on my shoulders, I worried constantly about how I was going to provide for my children. We were the 3 amigos and it was always US against the world. We didn't have much, but we had each other. I beat myself up every friggin' day and I know EXACTLY what and where I went wrong. The pain and guilt I feel is enormous. Luckily for you..you will never be a single mom. You have to be tough: really tough. You would have to face everything alone and hope you make the right decisions. Later in life, when you realize just how many mistakes you made, you'd have to bear the pain and repercussions of those bad decisions all alone. You'll have a child that will never ever forgive you, no matter how many times you apologize, no matter how many tears you shed, no matter how many times to pray to God for forgiveness, no matter how you try to right the wrong. You would never, ever be forgiven. And that's where the real pain starts. You'd forgive a friend that wronged you...just a friend, but you will never forgive the woman that carried you under her 'heart' for 9 months and literally protected and kept you alive with her ENTIRE BODY??? Not even a little forgiveness?? Not even a little understanding??? No even a little trying?? We know we weren't perfect moms..that's why we grieve. We can't take it back and we don't get any 'do overs'. I've tried EVERYTHING. I've blamed myself for EVERTHING: real and imagined. I've apologized for everything that ever went wrong in his life. I take full responsibility for things I didn't even do or know about. I LOVE MY SON!!! How dare you try to explain or act like you know just exactly what your mom has gone through. How large a price do moms have to pay to be worthy of forgiveness and regain the love of our estranged sons???? Yes, it's lucky you will never be a single mom. You'd never survive. You're no strong enough to survive it. Lucky you.

Delisa - posted on 12/16/2014

5

0

0

Dear Colleen,
I'm really, really, sorry that we have this pain in common. No mother should have to endure this...period. I did the best I could raising my two kids (boy and girl). We didn't have much money, but they were never hungry, always had coats and shoes and a roof over their heads. I was a single mom, everything depended on only me, so I learned to make do. My son does not realize that the person he is, today, is because of ME!!! He got his strength, determination and survival skills, from ME!!!! And now, he just throws me away, like an old worn out shoe. How can anyone treat their mother like that??? So distant, so disrespectful, so aloof, so determined to cause as much pain as he possibly can. He had a vasectomy 4 years ago, when he was 28....apparently, in his mind, his childhood was so horrible, he never wants to marry or have children. The fact that your son's girlfriend/wife is so disrespectful to you..is totally unacceptable!!! Does she NOT REALIZE..that how he treats his mother is EXACTLY how he will, eventually, treat her and vice versa???? It sounds like everything that comes out of her mouth is meant to hurt and cause you pain. I feel sorry for your son. Karma is a bitch and she's coming around...trust me. As for my son, I'm like you...dumb-founded, befuddled, and heartbroken. I used to love Christmas, now I hate it, I just hate it. I have a 'food bank' just down the street from me and Catholic Charities up the street, they both can use volunteers. I'm gonna fill out applications for both. At 63 (next week is my birthday), nobody is going to hire me. I already have a food bank application. I need to forget, I can't afford to travel, but I can certainly volunteer and make a difference for people that will appreciate my efforts. If you learn, or hear of, any tricks on 'selective parental amnesia", please share them with me. Again, I'm so very sorry we have this pain in common. Sometimes i'm amazed that my heart keeps beating through the pain.

Colleen - posted on 12/15/2014

6

0

0

Dear Delisa, I am completely in the same spot as you. My heart is broken completely. I am having cognitive behavioural therapy to get me to be a little bit sane again. I still cry my heart out, and cannot believe that this has happened. do everything you want now, travel if you can, meet new people and you will be surprised that our situation is very very common. It is them that don't want our love and are scared of the power we have over them. crazy crazy. My son texted me he wants nothing to do with me ever again. he just had his 25th birthday so i didn't text or anything. next thing his girlfriend chats to me over Facebook saying.."how hard is it to contact your only child on his birthday, and then continued that now she knows why he doesn't get on with me and that her family will give him all the love he needs etc!! I was again devastated. I cannot win either way so I give up. I have blocked her and him, on my phone also. I see no alternative. I cannot continue with the abuse, it is soul destroying.
You must pick yourself up, and get going into living for now and for you!!! pray, and hope that fate will help you in some way. We have no option. All my love to you, and lots of hugs XXXXX Colleen

Delisa - posted on 12/15/2014

5

0

0

My son went off to college and from there on...nothing was ever the same. He graduated college this past April..I was not invited to the ceremony. He said he did not "walk" for graduation...right!! He hasn't spent Xmas with us for 5 years now. His birthday is Dec. 19, mine is Dec. 23. I've sent him a card with a little money in it for both Birthday and again at Christmas for the past 5 years. He never remembers my birthday. I never get a card, never get a call, never get a text...nothing. My BFF told to 'Stop expecting anything from him and you won't be disappointed'. This takes practice, but works. I've been working really hard on this for the past year and I must admit...it's been a challenge, but it's getting better and I've been less depressed. I want, so badly, to just stop caring about him at all: to be as indifferent to him as he is to me. Has any mother, ever, been able to do this? If so, please, tell me how you've done it. My son's 32nd birthday is this Friday, Dec. 19. I texted him asking if we could take him to dinner for his birthday...big mistake. He, as always, refused, saying he was "pretty booked up for his birthday, but thanks for the offer". I went further and asked him if there was "any chance we will see you between now and Christmas'" and he said exactly what I thought he would say, "I don't know. I would doubt it though". When I read that, I burst into tears and I cried really, really hard for about 15 minutes. I cried it all out and I feel better now. Now mind you, he DOES give us all gifts for Christmas, every year, but somehow he manages to show up when we're not home. I don't know if he's watching the house or what, but his timing is impeccable. He leaves them on the back deck and then texts us that they are there. All so he won't even have to look at us. When we request gift ideas for him he says, "Nevermind, I can pretty much buy anything I want/need anyways". I have been anticipating his rejection for yet another holiday season...and the anticipation was the worst part. I wish I could just forget I have a son. I have a wonderful daughter, his sister. He wants nothing to do with his sister either. He just..I don't know how to explain it..he just does not want us in his life at all. He does not want to see us, hear from us or have anything to do with us. This has been the cause of a very deep depression for me...but the "No Expectation - No disappointment" manter, has helped me. I guess I cry because I will never have a relationship with my only son, ever, again. I grieve for the passing of a relationship that I treasured more than life, itself. I miss his 'childhood' that passed way too fast. I weep because someone that I cared about so much his whole life, cares nothing for me. No one will ever love you more than your mother...NOBODY!! It's unconditional love. We love our children without conditions or boundaries and just because they exist, and then they grow up to hate us. It's been a rough 5 years, but I have hope that his rejections will hurt less as time goes on. If anyone has any tips for me..I will gladly except them. Thanks for listening.

Becky - posted on 12/15/2014

11

0

0

Oh Tracey, so am I..so much so that I don't even feel like decorating or anything!
I'm so depressed no one but me knows how bad I wish I could turn back the clock
of my life. For one I would have had another child and hoped for a girl. I love both
my son's more than my own life and I always have. I just pray my youngest son
never does me the way my oldest has. I know my oldest has said he wished his
wife and I could get along. Oh and believe me I have so tried my hardest to get her
to like me. But she only planted lies in my son's head. Once she told my son that I
was mean to her when he wasn't around. But that was the start of turning my son
against me. Now he isn't even allowed to speak to his dad, brother, or I..πŸ˜“πŸ’”πŸ˜“

Ana - posted on 12/08/2014

1

0

0

My daughter in law hates me too. She is constantly looking for reasons to get upset with me and my other two sons. The lastes thing that happened to our family is that I wrote a coment on FB about her mom and she accused me of always being against her family and now she told me she does not want to be part of our family . The comment was about something her mom said and I did not agree with . It was not about my DIL but she spinned it and convinced my son that I am the enemy .. My son sent me the ugliest and most disrespectful texts ever. I know she put him up to it.

I don't know how this will ever get resolved because this girl has issues and needs help.
The only person she accepts is my husband. I feel bad for my son but I am extremely upset with him for the text he sent me .

We just retired and want to enjoy life . If she wants to seperate us from our son I'm afraid we can't do much to change it. It would be nice if our son would tell her to get over it and move on so we could at least see our grandson but I am so tired of her behavior that I just want to move on myself and enjoy life .......

Sue - posted on 12/05/2014

2

0

0

Thank you Micha. I'm sure I'm not the only who needed to read your words of wisdom. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Micha - posted on 12/05/2014

1

0

0

To all the heartbroken mothers and fathers at this very special time of year. May God the father, hold you in his graces, ease your pain and sorrow with his pure unbridled love.
We have all done the best we can with what we have. To know better we do better, for that is the human condition. Don't turn yourself inside out trying to change a situation or individuals, of which you have no control over. You are only hurting yourselves.
Instead, think about it, your pain is truly from your expectations not being met. Try seeing things from a new perspective. "No Expectations No Disappointments" this simple change releases you from this turmoil. When you apply this principle you will set yourself free in more ways than one. You won't feel guilty when you have to say no to others.

Colleen - posted on 12/04/2014

6

0

0

to Aaron,

I gave my son too much love...too many gifts...too much of everything. Don't you dare accuse us mums of doing things so wrong when you do not know us! We have all strived so hard for our children, but this new entitled spoilt rotten generation do nothing but bludge off their parents and complain about any little discipline or mistake their parents made! My parents made every mistake in the damm book and I never EVER fronted them about any of it. It was none of my business!! we were grateful for a full tummy and a warm bed. We had RESPECT. this world we are in now lacks this very important attitude. Im sick to death of trying to get my son to care even a little bit about me and what i have done/given him. He will learn, and now it will be too late. Everyone reaches a point when enough is enough. sad but true.

Angie N - posted on 12/04/2014

6

0

1

Some times you just have to let go and let God. If you have tried every form of reaching out that you know how this would be the approach that I would take. I would never miss a day of telling them I love them even if they don't return calls or come by still make it a point because God does us the same way and we don't always respond and we are his children also. So just keep trying they will eventually come around.

Tracey - posted on 12/04/2014

3

0

0

All this is so familiar. My kids only care for money from me. No real love.

Robin - posted on 12/02/2014

1

0

0

Tamle:

I have been going through this for three years now. It's horrible. You have given the best advice and I want to thank you. I too, pray to that God will intervene with my two sons.

Becky - posted on 11/30/2014

11

0

0

To Lorrie Bean, we are going through the same thing my son's second marriage and she's turned him against me. I can't see my grand kids either and my heart is broke..all I do is cry! I just can't see how children boy or girl can put their parents through this! I've never felt a pain this bad...πŸ˜“

Becky - posted on 11/30/2014

11

0

0

To Arron Andersen: let me ask you this. Why after this second marriage will my son not speak to me? I wasn't the most perfect mom by no means when he was growing up. But I tried with everything in me to be. I never once degraded him as you say your mom did you. He and I was pretty close till his second marriage we talked every day. He came to visit all the time we even went on vacations. 😞

Becky - posted on 11/30/2014

11

0

0

I've heard this all my life. But until my son married the one he's with now, didn't know just how true that saying is..πŸ’”

Sue - posted on 11/30/2014

2

0

0

Aaron, please tell me what I did to my son. I love him and he comes around every time he wants something. As soon as I tell him "no" he disappears.Most recently he wanted me to take out another government parent plus loan (I took out one last year for 13,500), and I'm worried he might not pay the first one, yet alone a second one. I'm happy he's in college but I'm 56 and worry about retirement.What will I do if I take on so much debt for my elder son and he doesn't pay it, as promised? He lives with his dad rent free so why can't he pay his car and phone payment? I have 2 younger ones than him (he's 23) 21 and 19, living with me, they are both in college and don't ask me for money/take out loans/co-sign.They work in restaurants to pay their bills.They don't understand him either! I know my elder one took his dad and my divorce hard, but he's 23! My heart is broken that I don't have my three kids together at holiday time. Please
understand kids sometimes are mad at their parents no matter what they do.

Lorrie - posted on 11/30/2014

3

0

0

I have the same problems with my daughter-in-law. She married my eldest son (they went to Jamaica and got married ... So none us got to go the wedding) I wasn't invited to birth of my first grandchildren either! She is 5 now, and my DIL has turn my son against me and has told me to my face that she doesn't want me around her children (I also have a 3 year old grandson). I've tried so hard to be included in their family ... Everything I've tried has failed. My DIL has told also me that my son is a part of her family now and not a part of mine! I understand ... I wish that I had answers .... My heart is broken and I am very depress over the entire thing, which had put a strain on my marriage and I'm on the verge of losing everything

Aaron - posted on 11/29/2014

1

0

0

tl;dr Moms are to blame too. It's not always the child's fault. Look at yourself before instantly blaming him/her.

Okay, thought I'd throw in my two cents here - I'm estranged from my mom because of things she did to me when I was growing up. She seems to have forgotten about everything and tries to pretend like we're this happy family. She and my sister get along, and my sister and I get along, too, but I can't be friendly with my mother. She abused me when I was younger. Chances are you probably abused your kid without realizing it.

It's not an easy thing to hear, by any means, but please hear me out.

My mom never hit me, but the abuse I endured was much worse. I had to go through years of emotional and mental abuse because of her. She will never admit to any of this, because she refuses to believe she did anything wrong.

I read all your comments and you all seem to say the same thing, "My heart is broken," "I'm hurting so badly," "I wish he would just speak to me."

Here's the thing, you may truly love your son and believe you did nothing wrong. If this is true, though, it's going to take much longer to repair your relationship with your son than you want. If he doesn't want to talk to you then you clearly did something to him in the past that causes him to act like this. It's not a one-way street here. You need to meet him half way, and since you've always been the adult compared to him, you need to be the one that makes the first move.

Now, when I say that, I don't mean you need to pretend like nothing happened and ask him how his life is going. You need to apologize to him. You can't apologize to him though if you don't know what you're apologizing for. Unfortunately, it might take a long time to figure out what you did to your child. ALSO, you cannot give a defensive apology. "I'm sorry that I hurt you but I always had your best interest in mind!" That doesn't work, because that tells me you still don't think you made a mistake. You're still trying to justify what you did and thus you have not apologized.

So, you're probably asking yourself what you might have done to your child when s/he was younger. Well, my mother always played the victim and always had to have the last word. She made fun of my weight a couple of times (after I had lost a lot of it, but still, you don't do that to your child) and gave me an eating disorder as a result. She noted that my sister was more talented than I was. She would get angry at me for the smallest things (seriously, leaving cupboards open is NOT a big deal, neither is leaving a chair out at the table). She raised me to hate my father because "it was him that left, not [her]!" Then she told me I wasn't allowed to be angry at her because it reminded her too much of my father and she hated that. She told me I couldn't speak to her in a certain way because it was reminiscent of my father's cadence, and she hated him. Not only did she raise me to hate my father, but she raised me to hate myself. BUT SHE WAS THE ONE WHO STAYED WITH ME, NOT MY DAD so that immediately frees her of any guilt.

Look, I am grateful she stayed. I really am. But that does not exonerate her of anything. It doesn't exonerate you either.

"But I tried!"

Sure, and sometimes when we try, we fail. You try to teach your child it's okay to fail but then refuse to accept failure when it's a result of your own actions. You try to justify your actions by using an unrelated event as a reason. I'm sure you really hurt your child if s/he doesn't want to talk to you, but you don't get to say "but I love him/her and tried so hard to show them that" and think that that should clear your conscience.

I'm sorry if you feel like this is rude, but I'm tired of listening to all of you complaining when I highly doubt you're looking into what YOU did. If you don't know, you either don't want to or you refuse to.

Susan - posted on 11/24/2014

7

11

1

Not giving him the responsibility to grow up and take care of his own family. You spoiled him...albeit with love...but this is how some take it...and take it .....and take and take. Then when you stop giving they disappear.

Denise Curtis - posted on 11/24/2014

1

0

0

I am a 55 year old single mom. I don't know what is going on with my 40 yr old son, but it is really about to drive me nuts! Yes I had him at age 15, but don't believe in abortion. I do try to hard to get him to love me. My father left me alot of land, with that I have bought him alot of things, 2 trucks, plus him, wife, granddaughter and another g-babyon the way live in my home! What am I doing wrong?

Susan - posted on 11/23/2014

7

11

1

One of the most common themes to our stories is that we were there to pick up the pieces when they screwed up. Maybe the problem is that we know too much about them that they want to forget, walk away from, not have new partners and their families find to find out.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms