what do you do when your grown son wont talk to to you and you have given him space for 3years and have no idea why he is mad at you

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Rhonda - posted on 03/30/2013

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My son has alienated me too. I am in my middle 50s, and alone. I have tried repeatedly
to contact him. I don't understand why he lets me into his life and cuts me out. This last time however, I think is forever.
I just don't understand. I love him so much and worry about him. He is my only child.
It hurts so badly, I can't stand it. I would do anything, anything for him.
Nothing makes sense. I feel my heart is almost dead from everything, and heavy and hurting.

Zenaida - posted on 08/15/2013

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Thank you for the encouragemnet!
About starting a conversation: that as if you deal with the normal person! When it comes to my son: no matter what I say, even asking him "how are you?" He just answers rudely on anything I say, he doesn't give a damn. If we both (me my DH) are gone today, he'll find the cheapest option as how to get rid of us quiclkly and hopefully for free, throwing us into pauper grave if at all!

I pray to God every day, every awakaning moment of my life (God must be extremely tired of me by now). I hope this is just a phase, but maybe not.
One thing is for sure: Silence is GOLDEN in my case. I am not a doormat, and it is not OK with me to tolerate nasty attitude and money mooching even from my only child.

I do believe : children are not given to us forever, at some point we m ust let them go to live their life, to figure it al out on their own terms. it is devastatng as not being able to get included, but I embrace my life and will live fully and happy no matter what!

Trust me: I tried many times to reach out to my only son. The effect has been the same as talking to the brick wall. The only difference: brick wall can be demolished, and re-build, but bone-headed thinking CAN NOT! You all are welcome to try it. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Zenaida - posted on 08/12/2013

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My 27 y.old son acts as a JERK! he is a pathological liar, who recently con us (his parents) with forged checks. I knew in my gut it was a con, yet believed his lies.
He only talks to us when needs money, than treat both of us as dirt.

In fact I want him out of our lives for good. I don't care if never spoke to him again.
he was truly my LOVE before the age of 12. it was very difficult to co-op with his crap when he was 14 and through high school. He "grew" to alienate himself from us, his friends give him advice as how to live. He owes thousands to credit cards. I won't be surprised if at some point he'll end up in jail.

He told us : he doesn't need any advice, just our money and a lot's of it. Recently asking if we have a will and if all is going to be his after we're gone.

I believe for few lucky people children are blessing, but for the majority of folks children are menace. Since early childhood our only child was given good opportunities, he truly was a blessing and sweetest boy before age of 12. Then things went south: now we've got this monster with huge sense of entitlement, arrogant and self-centered.

I am through with his crap and attitude. I am not a doormat, and can overcome the grief. Eventually we all have to come to understanding: God gave us children for very short time, then we Must let them go to live their life, we have no influences upon.

We raised the entire generation of self-centered Mooches, and now paying the awfully cruel price.

[deleted account]

just to let you know I am going through the same mess. I raised my son the best I could . when he was a child we had the best relationship , the best holidays. we travel. I was a single parent and a working parent. his father never was there, by me having brothers he spend a lot of time with his uncles. I allowed him to visit his father even tho his father never was there, before his father died , I truly believe his father told him a lie regarding why he was not in his life, after he came from gary Indiana, the hold relationship I had as a mother to my son truly changed drastically. I was shocked. lies he tell his friends that I abused him (which in not true) about me. and it really hurts. the only time I see him is when he needs money and that's it so I came to a conclusion just to leave him alone and just pray and move on with my life. my son is 32 years old. and I don't know his address, he would not give it to me and I just step away. always money he needs . never a happy mother day card a birthday card nothing of the source. I don't know what happen nor does my family. ...I just except the fact that im nothing to him anymore. cant feel sorry for myself. I just moved on with my life because he has done the same. he has all the space he needs. I cant ruin my health or cry my eyes out anymore because he has refused me as him mom. no more tears I have to cry. I became strong and moved on with my life. whenever I see someone who needs help with their little ones I volunteer my time with them and just keep living....some people in this world is just so ungrateful. go on with your life . if it meant to be that our children will except us, that will be fine --if not move on . enjoy your life

Tamie - posted on 07/13/2013

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It makes no sense that your daughter has not spoken to you for 20 years. She is an adult and needs to act like one, but she chooses to act like a spoiled child. I would suggest that you tell yourself that you were a good parent. Then pray that God will intervene with your daughter. Leave your daughter in Gods hands and move on and live your life to the fullest.

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Becky - posted 6 hours ago

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Dear Colleen, thank you and you sound as though your a wonderful
and sweet mother. My mother didn't raise me she always said she hated
girls.😞 I just don't understand how a mother could say that. But here we
are loving our children and would give anything to have them in our life's.
I would have given anything to have had a mother that loved me. For some
of us life just sucks..πŸ˜“. Wishing you and everyone a VERY MERRY
CHRISTMAS!!! May God bless you ALL and may everyone have an
AWESOME NEW YEAR!! (((Hugs))) to YOU..❀️

Colleen - posted 1 day ago

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Dear Becky, I know how you feel. I try not to think about my boy at all, its too heart wrenching. I just give up now. I have no energy to be rejected again.....ps I hope you have a nice Christmas as much as possible XXXXXXXXXXXXX and hugs to all .

Becky - posted 2 days ago

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Colleen, I wish but my son must not be allowed to talk to his dad, brother or me.
That's so so sad too..my two son's don't speak. They were fine up till this marriage.
I often cry just thinking what if something happens to his father or I. I don't want to die thinking my son hates me.πŸ˜“πŸ’”πŸ˜“πŸ’”

Becky - posted 3 days ago

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My heart is so broke. I saw my son with his wife and mother n law in town this past week. My son wouldn't speak to me his mother...πŸ˜“πŸ’”. The thing is we were close up till this second marriage. I've never had not one problem with any girl in either on my sons life's other than this daughter n law. This has my son hating me and I can't for the life of me figure it out. Is there anyone out there that can give me any advise? PLEASE HELP I don't know how to talk to him. Should I go to his work and try to talk to him. Because they have my phone # blocked and I have no way to communicate with him other than going to his work...then maybe wait till he's out for lunch. It's been 5 years and my hubby and youngest son can't stand to see me cry. It's as though they get mad at me. So I now cry when I'm alone.

But I want you to know that your all in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless and be with us all!! XXXX to ALL, Kelly

Delisa - posted 5 days ago

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I know I was not a perfect mom. I DID keep a roof over his head, food in his stomach, clothes on his back and shoes on his feet. I went to bat for him on several occasions in high school, when teachers thought he was lying, but I knew he was NOT. I proved that to them.

What you don't cover, is that we ALL make mistakes as parents. Children don't come with an "owner's manual"...we all are just going through it blind. I had no brothers so I knew nothing about raising a son.

At some point, grown children have to grow up and realize that mom's do the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have. We're not ALL monsters. At some point a grown child has to actually grow up and get past it and atleast try to move on, forgive and rebuild this relationship. Your right when you say some of us 'don't even know where we went wrong'. I carry a lot of guilt. I know I worked too much, I was so stressed out with all the responsibility on my shoulders, I worried constantly about how I was going to provide for my children. We were the 3 amigos and it was always US against the world. We didn't have much, but we had each other. I beat myself up every friggin' day and I know EXACTLY what and where I went wrong. The pain and guilt I feel is enormous. Luckily for you..you will never be a single mom. You have to be tough: really tough. You would have to face everything alone and hope you make the right decisions. Later in life, when you realize just how many mistakes you made, you'd have to bear the pain and repercussions of those bad decisions all alone. You'll have a child that will never ever forgive you, no matter how many times you apologize, no matter how many tears you shed, no matter how many times to pray to God for forgiveness, no matter how you try to right the wrong. You would never, ever be forgiven. And that's where the real pain starts. You'd forgive a friend that wronged you...just a friend, but you will never forgive the woman that carried you under her 'heart' for 9 months and literally protected and kept you alive with her ENTIRE BODY??? Not even a little forgiveness?? Not even a little understanding??? No even a little trying?? We know we weren't perfect moms..that's why we grieve. We can't take it back and we don't get any 'do overs'. I've tried EVERYTHING. I've blamed myself for EVERTHING: real and imagined. I've apologized for everything that ever went wrong in his life. I take full responsibility for things I didn't even do or know about. I LOVE MY SON!!! How dare you try to explain or act like you know just exactly what your mom has gone through. How large a price do moms have to pay to be worthy of forgiveness and regain the love of our estranged sons???? Yes, it's lucky you will never be a single mom. You'd never survive. You're no strong enough to survive it. Lucky you.

Delisa - posted 5 days ago

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Dear Colleen,
I'm really, really, sorry that we have this pain in common. No mother should have to endure this...period. I did the best I could raising my two kids (boy and girl). We didn't have much money, but they were never hungry, always had coats and shoes and a roof over their heads. I was a single mom, everything depended on only me, so I learned to make do. My son does not realize that the person he is, today, is because of ME!!! He got his strength, determination and survival skills, from ME!!!! And now, he just throws me away, like an old worn out shoe. How can anyone treat their mother like that??? So distant, so disrespectful, so aloof, so determined to cause as much pain as he possibly can. He had a vasectomy 4 years ago, when he was 28....apparently, in his mind, his childhood was so horrible, he never wants to marry or have children. The fact that your son's girlfriend/wife is so disrespectful to you..is totally unacceptable!!! Does she NOT REALIZE..that how he treats his mother is EXACTLY how he will, eventually, treat her and vice versa???? It sounds like everything that comes out of her mouth is meant to hurt and cause you pain. I feel sorry for your son. Karma is a bitch and she's coming around...trust me. As for my son, I'm like you...dumb-founded, befuddled, and heartbroken. I used to love Christmas, now I hate it, I just hate it. I have a 'food bank' just down the street from me and Catholic Charities up the street, they both can use volunteers. I'm gonna fill out applications for both. At 63 (next week is my birthday), nobody is going to hire me. I already have a food bank application. I need to forget, I can't afford to travel, but I can certainly volunteer and make a difference for people that will appreciate my efforts. If you learn, or hear of, any tricks on 'selective parental amnesia", please share them with me. Again, I'm so very sorry we have this pain in common. Sometimes i'm amazed that my heart keeps beating through the pain.

Colleen - posted 5 days ago

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Dear Delisa, I am completely in the same spot as you. My heart is broken completely. I am having cognitive behavioural therapy to get me to be a little bit sane again. I still cry my heart out, and cannot believe that this has happened. do everything you want now, travel if you can, meet new people and you will be surprised that our situation is very very common. It is them that don't want our love and are scared of the power we have over them. crazy crazy. My son texted me he wants nothing to do with me ever again. he just had his 25th birthday so i didn't text or anything. next thing his girlfriend chats to me over Facebook saying.."how hard is it to contact your only child on his birthday, and then continued that now she knows why he doesn't get on with me and that her family will give him all the love he needs etc!! I was again devastated. I cannot win either way so I give up. I have blocked her and him, on my phone also. I see no alternative. I cannot continue with the abuse, it is soul destroying.
You must pick yourself up, and get going into living for now and for you!!! pray, and hope that fate will help you in some way. We have no option. All my love to you, and lots of hugs XXXXX Colleen

Delisa - posted 5 days ago

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My son went off to college and from there on...nothing was ever the same. He graduated college this past April..I was not invited to the ceremony. He said he did not "walk" for graduation...right!! He hasn't spent Xmas with us for 5 years now. His birthday is Dec. 19, mine is Dec. 23. I've sent him a card with a little money in it for both Birthday and again at Christmas for the past 5 years. He never remembers my birthday. I never get a card, never get a call, never get a text...nothing. My BFF told to 'Stop expecting anything from him and you won't be disappointed'. This takes practice, but works. I've been working really hard on this for the past year and I must admit...it's been a challenge, but it's getting better and I've been less depressed. I want, so badly, to just stop caring about him at all: to be as indifferent to him as he is to me. Has any mother, ever, been able to do this? If so, please, tell me how you've done it. My son's 32nd birthday is this Friday, Dec. 19. I texted him asking if we could take him to dinner for his birthday...big mistake. He, as always, refused, saying he was "pretty booked up for his birthday, but thanks for the offer". I went further and asked him if there was "any chance we will see you between now and Christmas'" and he said exactly what I thought he would say, "I don't know. I would doubt it though". When I read that, I burst into tears and I cried really, really hard for about 15 minutes. I cried it all out and I feel better now. Now mind you, he DOES give us all gifts for Christmas, every year, but somehow he manages to show up when we're not home. I don't know if he's watching the house or what, but his timing is impeccable. He leaves them on the back deck and then texts us that they are there. All so he won't even have to look at us. When we request gift ideas for him he says, "Nevermind, I can pretty much buy anything I want/need anyways". I have been anticipating his rejection for yet another holiday season...and the anticipation was the worst part. I wish I could just forget I have a son. I have a wonderful daughter, his sister. He wants nothing to do with his sister either. He just..I don't know how to explain it..he just does not want us in his life at all. He does not want to see us, hear from us or have anything to do with us. This has been the cause of a very deep depression for me...but the "No Expectation - No disappointment" manter, has helped me. I guess I cry because I will never have a relationship with my only son, ever, again. I grieve for the passing of a relationship that I treasured more than life, itself. I miss his 'childhood' that passed way too fast. I weep because someone that I cared about so much his whole life, cares nothing for me. No one will ever love you more than your mother...NOBODY!! It's unconditional love. We love our children without conditions or boundaries and just because they exist, and then they grow up to hate us. It's been a rough 5 years, but I have hope that his rejections will hurt less as time goes on. If anyone has any tips for me..I will gladly except them. Thanks for listening.

Becky - posted 6 days ago

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Oh Tracey, so am I..so much so that I don't even feel like decorating or anything!
I'm so depressed no one but me knows how bad I wish I could turn back the clock
of my life. For one I would have had another child and hoped for a girl. I love both
my son's more than my own life and I always have. I just pray my youngest son
never does me the way my oldest has. I know my oldest has said he wished his
wife and I could get along. Oh and believe me I have so tried my hardest to get her
to like me. But she only planted lies in my son's head. Once she told my son that I
was mean to her when he wasn't around. But that was the start of turning my son
against me. Now he isn't even allowed to speak to his dad, brother, or I..πŸ˜“πŸ’”πŸ˜“

Ana - posted on 12/08/2014

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My daughter in law hates me too. She is constantly looking for reasons to get upset with me and my other two sons. The lastes thing that happened to our family is that I wrote a coment on FB about her mom and she accused me of always being against her family and now she told me she does not want to be part of our family . The comment was about something her mom said and I did not agree with . It was not about my DIL but she spinned it and convinced my son that I am the enemy .. My son sent me the ugliest and most disrespectful texts ever. I know she put him up to it.

I don't know how this will ever get resolved because this girl has issues and needs help.
The only person she accepts is my husband. I feel bad for my son but I am extremely upset with him for the text he sent me .

We just retired and want to enjoy life . If she wants to seperate us from our son I'm afraid we can't do much to change it. It would be nice if our son would tell her to get over it and move on so we could at least see our grandson but I am so tired of her behavior that I just want to move on myself and enjoy life .......

Sue - posted on 12/05/2014

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Thank you Micha. I'm sure I'm not the only who needed to read your words of wisdom. Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Micha - posted on 12/05/2014

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To all the heartbroken mothers and fathers at this very special time of year. May God the father, hold you in his graces, ease your pain and sorrow with his pure unbridled love.
We have all done the best we can with what we have. To know better we do better, for that is the human condition. Don't turn yourself inside out trying to change a situation or individuals, of which you have no control over. You are only hurting yourselves.
Instead, think about it, your pain is truly from your expectations not being met. Try seeing things from a new perspective. "No Expectations No Disappointments" this simple change releases you from this turmoil. When you apply this principle you will set yourself free in more ways than one. You won't feel guilty when you have to say no to others.

Colleen - posted on 12/04/2014

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to Aaron,

I gave my son too much love...too many gifts...too much of everything. Don't you dare accuse us mums of doing things so wrong when you do not know us! We have all strived so hard for our children, but this new entitled spoilt rotten generation do nothing but bludge off their parents and complain about any little discipline or mistake their parents made! My parents made every mistake in the damm book and I never EVER fronted them about any of it. It was none of my business!! we were grateful for a full tummy and a warm bed. We had RESPECT. this world we are in now lacks this very important attitude. Im sick to death of trying to get my son to care even a little bit about me and what i have done/given him. He will learn, and now it will be too late. Everyone reaches a point when enough is enough. sad but true.

Angie N - posted on 12/04/2014

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Some times you just have to let go and let God. If you have tried every form of reaching out that you know how this would be the approach that I would take. I would never miss a day of telling them I love them even if they don't return calls or come by still make it a point because God does us the same way and we don't always respond and we are his children also. So just keep trying they will eventually come around.

Tracey - posted on 12/04/2014

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All this is so familiar. My kids only care for money from me. No real love.

Robin - posted on 12/02/2014

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Tamle:

I have been going through this for three years now. It's horrible. You have given the best advice and I want to thank you. I too, pray to that God will intervene with my two sons.

Becky - posted on 11/30/2014

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To Lorrie Bean, we are going through the same thing my son's second marriage and she's turned him against me. I can't see my grand kids either and my heart is broke..all I do is cry! I just can't see how children boy or girl can put their parents through this! I've never felt a pain this bad...πŸ˜“

Becky - posted on 11/30/2014

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To Arron Andersen: let me ask you this. Why after this second marriage will my son not speak to me? I wasn't the most perfect mom by no means when he was growing up. But I tried with everything in me to be. I never once degraded him as you say your mom did you. He and I was pretty close till his second marriage we talked every day. He came to visit all the time we even went on vacations. 😞

Becky - posted on 11/30/2014

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I've heard this all my life. But until my son married the one he's with now, didn't know just how true that saying is..πŸ’”

Sue - posted on 11/30/2014

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Aaron, please tell me what I did to my son. I love him and he comes around every time he wants something. As soon as I tell him "no" he disappears.Most recently he wanted me to take out another government parent plus loan (I took out one last year for 13,500), and I'm worried he might not pay the first one, yet alone a second one. I'm happy he's in college but I'm 56 and worry about retirement.What will I do if I take on so much debt for my elder son and he doesn't pay it, as promised? He lives with his dad rent free so why can't he pay his car and phone payment? I have 2 younger ones than him (he's 23) 21 and 19, living with me, they are both in college and don't ask me for money/take out loans/co-sign.They work in restaurants to pay their bills.They don't understand him either! I know my elder one took his dad and my divorce hard, but he's 23! My heart is broken that I don't have my three kids together at holiday time. Please
understand kids sometimes are mad at their parents no matter what they do.

Lorrie - posted on 11/30/2014

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I have the same problems with my daughter-in-law. She married my eldest son (they went to Jamaica and got married ... So none us got to go the wedding) I wasn't invited to birth of my first grandchildren either! She is 5 now, and my DIL has turn my son against me and has told me to my face that she doesn't want me around her children (I also have a 3 year old grandson). I've tried so hard to be included in their family ... Everything I've tried has failed. My DIL has told also me that my son is a part of her family now and not a part of mine! I understand ... I wish that I had answers .... My heart is broken and I am very depress over the entire thing, which had put a strain on my marriage and I'm on the verge of losing everything

Aaron - posted on 11/29/2014

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tl;dr Moms are to blame too. It's not always the child's fault. Look at yourself before instantly blaming him/her.

Okay, thought I'd throw in my two cents here - I'm estranged from my mom because of things she did to me when I was growing up. She seems to have forgotten about everything and tries to pretend like we're this happy family. She and my sister get along, and my sister and I get along, too, but I can't be friendly with my mother. She abused me when I was younger. Chances are you probably abused your kid without realizing it.

It's not an easy thing to hear, by any means, but please hear me out.

My mom never hit me, but the abuse I endured was much worse. I had to go through years of emotional and mental abuse because of her. She will never admit to any of this, because she refuses to believe she did anything wrong.

I read all your comments and you all seem to say the same thing, "My heart is broken," "I'm hurting so badly," "I wish he would just speak to me."

Here's the thing, you may truly love your son and believe you did nothing wrong. If this is true, though, it's going to take much longer to repair your relationship with your son than you want. If he doesn't want to talk to you then you clearly did something to him in the past that causes him to act like this. It's not a one-way street here. You need to meet him half way, and since you've always been the adult compared to him, you need to be the one that makes the first move.

Now, when I say that, I don't mean you need to pretend like nothing happened and ask him how his life is going. You need to apologize to him. You can't apologize to him though if you don't know what you're apologizing for. Unfortunately, it might take a long time to figure out what you did to your child. ALSO, you cannot give a defensive apology. "I'm sorry that I hurt you but I always had your best interest in mind!" That doesn't work, because that tells me you still don't think you made a mistake. You're still trying to justify what you did and thus you have not apologized.

So, you're probably asking yourself what you might have done to your child when s/he was younger. Well, my mother always played the victim and always had to have the last word. She made fun of my weight a couple of times (after I had lost a lot of it, but still, you don't do that to your child) and gave me an eating disorder as a result. She noted that my sister was more talented than I was. She would get angry at me for the smallest things (seriously, leaving cupboards open is NOT a big deal, neither is leaving a chair out at the table). She raised me to hate my father because "it was him that left, not [her]!" Then she told me I wasn't allowed to be angry at her because it reminded her too much of my father and she hated that. She told me I couldn't speak to her in a certain way because it was reminiscent of my father's cadence, and she hated him. Not only did she raise me to hate my father, but she raised me to hate myself. BUT SHE WAS THE ONE WHO STAYED WITH ME, NOT MY DAD so that immediately frees her of any guilt.

Look, I am grateful she stayed. I really am. But that does not exonerate her of anything. It doesn't exonerate you either.

"But I tried!"

Sure, and sometimes when we try, we fail. You try to teach your child it's okay to fail but then refuse to accept failure when it's a result of your own actions. You try to justify your actions by using an unrelated event as a reason. I'm sure you really hurt your child if s/he doesn't want to talk to you, but you don't get to say "but I love him/her and tried so hard to show them that" and think that that should clear your conscience.

I'm sorry if you feel like this is rude, but I'm tired of listening to all of you complaining when I highly doubt you're looking into what YOU did. If you don't know, you either don't want to or you refuse to.

Susan - posted on 11/24/2014

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Not giving him the responsibility to grow up and take care of his own family. You spoiled him...albeit with love...but this is how some take it...and take it .....and take and take. Then when you stop giving they disappear.

Denise Curtis - posted on 11/24/2014

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I am a 55 year old single mom. I don't know what is going on with my 40 yr old son, but it is really about to drive me nuts! Yes I had him at age 15, but don't believe in abortion. I do try to hard to get him to love me. My father left me alot of land, with that I have bought him alot of things, 2 trucks, plus him, wife, granddaughter and another g-babyon the way live in my home! What am I doing wrong?

Susan - posted on 11/23/2014

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One of the most common themes to our stories is that we were there to pick up the pieces when they screwed up. Maybe the problem is that we know too much about them that they want to forget, walk away from, not have new partners and their families find to find out.

Colleen - posted on 11/22/2014

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hi all...i felt like i was alone in my hurt. my son was fine tip 17 years old then total disrespect and hatred. he then at 24 tells me he was molested by a casual boyfriend of mine. I was devastated. The rule in my little home was "secrets make people sick". he never told me because of embarrassment and fear of everything that would come of it. I have given him thousands of dollars, paid drink driving costs, rent, etc etc. Then he lost his 4th job from drinking and i was about to go overseas for my business and suggested and organised for him to stay with my married sister (no kids) and her husband. as soon as he arrived there he stopped talking to me. he pocket dialled me and i could hear him bitching about me to my sister. she just went along with him. He has stayed with her and her husband on school holiday as i was always working (single mum) and every time he would come back he would be obnoxious to me for about a week. she was very jealous and vindictive of me all my life and had always tried to get onto my boyfriends either during or after i was with them. She has I know told he husband i was promiscuous etc. She had affairs before and after her marriage.
Well...after he stopped talking to me, i got so hurt and mad i wrote her a letter of how I felt about her now and before and the affairs etc and the hypocrisy of all of it. well now that has put the nail in my relationship with my son. he wrote a text and said he no longer wants anything to do with me. I a furious and so so hurt. I cannot function properly i have nightmares and i still cannot believe this has all happened. I did my very best with him, no help from her or any family. I like all the mums and dads posting here just want some inner peace and for my boy to love me again.

Linda - posted on 11/18/2014

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Tammy, I think all we can do is pray and take one day at a time. The holidays are the worse for me. There are so many things that trigger memories, and tears. God Bless you Linda

Tammy - posted on 11/17/2014

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my adult son hasnt spoke to me changed his phone number and completely allianated my and his family. for his girlfriend. everyone in the family has just let it go. i cant. i miss him everyday. little things remind me of him even when i try to ignore the big them. any advice i sure do need it.

Linda - posted on 11/10/2014

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My son has not spoken to me for years now and I have never seen my grandchildren . He is stationed in Kansas in the Army.I left his father after years of abuse and I tried to speak with my son . There is so much he doesn't know. He only knows what his father has said to him. My heart breaks everyday and I feel like I am missing a pat of my life and there is nothing I can do.

Jan - posted on 11/08/2014

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"A daughter's a daughter for the rest of your life. A son's a son till he takes a wife".

Becky - posted on 11/05/2014

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Oh how I wish I had an answer..but I don't! My heart is so broke and all I do is cry for my son and my grand-children that will never know me!πŸ˜“πŸ’”πŸ˜“πŸ’”

Tracy - posted on 10/29/2014

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Hi everyone. I'm new here. I found this site when I googled, "What to do when your son won't talk to you." My son is my only child. He will be 24 this month. When he was 15 months old, our house burned and my first born son was killed. I managed to get our 15 month old out of the house. My grief is debilitating. Their dad and I divorced a few years later and I was left raising him on my own. I did the very best I could considering the situation. My son never wanted for anything, went to great schools and was happy. We had a wonderful relationship. Four years ago, he left home to go to college and it was SO hard for me! But we talked often and he came home several times a year to visit. Well, he quit college and began waiting tables. Our relationship has deteriorated to the point that he won't answer my calls and barely texts me back. Recently he told me to stop harassing him when I told him how hurt I was by his silence. I feel like I have nothing left in this life. I'm totally alone and I worry about him constantly. I beg God to keep him safe and happy. I am at a loss to know why this is going on. Can anyone help?

Mary - posted on 10/06/2014

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Dear Cindy,
As I read your post I thought how dedicated you were, all the while 'trusting' televison to give good things to our kids............ yeah , right ...
I purposely kept tv from my one kid as long as I could but just leave your son alone.

This is what I say... " Next ? "
I'm sure trusting in the Lord Jesus will make your whole. It's not that we won't or don't feel the pain of a child lost or dead........ it's worse knowing they are still alive that tortures us.
I know the Lord sees your goodness, and contacting us must be somehow a negative experience.
So, Cindy, I say this: I will learn from this that some things I will never know about. I didn't end up with friends asking me to be a caretaker for their older folks because I am a mean Mother or a mean person.
That just doesn't fit my story.
Just ask the Lord , whom you MUST now depend on and have a relationship , to show you your future path.
Who can hit " replay " in their lives?
Do we know of anyone? Not me, I don't. So all I can do and you is ask for forgiveness and I stay out of judging others.
I didn't design this earth or the life that lives on it, therefore, I have no instruction manual exept my bible.
I am content knowing it is my only comfort , and my strength comes from the Lord.
I will pray for you and thanks for sharing. This gives us an opportunity to ask the Lord to guide your footsteps.

Cindy - posted on 10/05/2014

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This really IS a huge problem in this country but, to me, it's so obvious why... almost every TV show now "teaches" them to disrespect their parents, and portrays the parents as being totally stupid! Watch Family Guy, the Simpsons, just to name a couple. I could see it coming, like watching a trainwreck happen, in slow motion. It is heartbreaking. And just wait til the next generation... kids now are so spoiled and out of control totally. Anyway, I'm heartbroken over my 32 year old son, who I came back to this country for to help him get off drugs and now that he's doing better, won't even answer my phone calls .or return them and still tries to "torture" me emotionally (he knows it hurts me) the way his so called Dad taught him to do. It is so sad and I am so lonely, now that I went broke and almost insane worrying about him for 7 years... and now, he's just disappeared from my life. It's like a death, only no support or encouragement from anyone. Just me, alone with the sadness. Ouch. Glad I found this post.

Mary - posted on 10/03/2014

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You are so sensitive and kind to be so worried about your friend. Does she have special talents or gifts to share?
I helped the 4H lady trying to teach children sewing on a sewing machine, and she gave me a little boy who wants to be a tailor!
We raised good kids, but life must go on. I would look at her and ask her to reevaluate herself as though she never had a child.
Life is lonely if we expect to make our world our children. Some kids whose parents were always there for them don't feel insecure and they seem to be very independent.
Make a life outside of sorrow , and encourage her to see her strengths as something to share............ again, in this world, right here, and right now.
It's an honor that the Lord gives us one more day. Can she spend it teaching and sharing what she does well?
Certainly there are some kids who have parents who are busy and maybe joining a group of volunteers in her specialty will help lift her grief and give her purpose and peace.
Pray always , never stop.
God bless you for helping your friend !

Mary - posted on 10/03/2014

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This is a huge problem in America. I am beginning to wonder, out of nowhere it seems, after college and/ or marriage they want nothing to do with you..
I wonder if it was all the video games, electric devices and computers back in the 90's.
I feel very sad for everyone who posted here and I have a theory or two.
If we raised our children in an atmosphere of 'Little House on the Prairie" or "Bonanza" , would our kids feel the same disconnect as I am reading here ?
This is a phenomenon sweeping the country although I see alot less with parents who can participate in their children's lives financially right along.
I pray for all these parents here because we did the best we could. Don't ever give up and stop praying..... give them distance. I somehow feel my son is feeling and remembering the divorce and how traumatized he was but there was very little drama and no fighting.
I had to keep many secrets to myself until he was in college. Then all was well until he got married.
She is not close to her own Mother, but they have money and land etc. so I guess I am just the poorer grandparent.
I don't fit in to their lifestyle. Sad.
Jesus gave me my son and he's not dead so I will never give up that he will one day want to talk to me again.
Never was an argument or disagreement, even with his new wife, whom I adore.
It came out of nowhere like the wind. Only the Lord Jesus knows what has happened with these adult children.
Incredibly sad but keep praying and love those whom you can that live and work near you.

Cellie - posted on 09/24/2014

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why does the "Join this community" want your children's birthdates and names?

April - posted on 09/20/2014

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Thank you all so much ! Sad to see so many of us ! With same issue my son is 28 and I can feel a lot of moms pain ! We had an email argument believe it or not over $100 driving ticket and me telling him how I felt about always picking up his pieces financially and emotionally - he tried taking his life at 18 - 21 over girls I was there for him regardless - after this ticket issue and my honesty he told me to forget he existed or who he was - I cry alone because my husband gets mad if I'm upset I work a lot to not think of it or go to bed early I keep myself busy I have other children 24 and 15 I can't show them the pain I feel

Diane Marie - posted on 09/04/2014

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I'm SO sorry this has been SO long. But, I don't know where to turn to for support. Except, my husband I have no one to talk to. So, it helps a lot to just put down these words. Now my 25 yr. old daughter. We have be getting along great now for a few yrs. after a very rough yrs. when she went off to college. She had b/f issues (I soon found out), and she took them out on me. She totally flipped out. She is a completely different person now or when she has b/f issues. I believe it is happening again, with a new b/f. But, she never talks to me about it. So, she now isn't speaking to me either. Hard enough when 1 child isn't, but now it's my second. I leave her alone, because when she's like this she gets hurtful towards me. I have to walk on egg shells with her. It has been such a torturous yr. for me. Because, last Sept. my mom died. (a lot of issues there as well). There's her estate and my mom did include me equally in the will. But, my brother and older sister has taken over. I ask my brother to please let me know when he goes to our parents house for the last time, let me know. (it's out of state). I told him this several times. But, he went without telling me. I wasn't even allowed to be there. I believe it's because my older sister throws a fit and didn't want me there. She's been mad at me for yrs. and will never talk to me or tell me what I did. I ask my brother, to ask her if she would be there. So, my brother, her & I can be at our parents for the very last time. If she chooses to, she can never speak to me again. But, I just wanted 1 last chance for us 3 kids to be there. She said no. My brother respected HER wishes and I couldn't be there. So, they took whatever things they wanted from the house. I wasn't included. I'm so disappointed in my brother why/how he could do this. MY husband said, it's because he's loyal to my older sister. Yet, for the first time in yrs. he said he loves me. That he wants us to do things together and he hugs me now. Yet, bottom line, when it comes to my older sister, he's loyal to her. I have enough going on with my kids, to worry about this too. So, I have let it go, even when I was SO disappointed in my brother for not letting me know. Now, my parents house is sold and I didn't get to see it that last time. I didn't get to see actually what my parents had. I didn't want valuables, but things that reminded me of my parents. I had to be there to see. I know my sister & brother took the valuable things. Which is ok, but it's not right I ASK my brother to let me know several times when he's going out for the last time, and yet he went without telling me. The story of my life in my family. Thanks to all that has read this. I appreciate it & was nice to get this all out.

Diane Marie - posted on 09/04/2014

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Whenever I tried to 'gently' talk to my son, he would turned it around on me. He would be sarcastic with me & made it my fault. He even had me convinced that perhaps it WAS all my fault. I went crazy. Then, things continued on & on. They were in WA at this time, and we drove thousands of miles to see them. We decided we had grandkids now, we have to make it work. So, we continued to have them treat us poorly. Like, when we visited after 2 days, they ignored us. My husband came upstairs as I was still sleeping & he told me we had to leave for the day. Because of the way they were treating him. We continued to endure it all. Because, we couldn't bare not seeing our son & grandsons. (2 now). Plus, she's pregnant with another, that we may never see. Earlier this yr., as usual I start plans for our vacation out there. But, this time my son said he has a very busy schedule. With work & outside of work. That he could take 1 extra day off and make it a 3 days weekend. It felt like, here we go again. But, I didn't get upset. Until, something else happen. My husband has been having really big problems at his work. Once, he even cried, which I hardly see. I decided to call my son to perhaps get some support. All he did (in a cold way, not sounding very caring) is say sorry about that & continued talking about HIS life. That's when I snapped. My husband also told me something I didn't know. I felt, but wasn't sure. When they all came out around Thanksgiving, we went to San Diego and the beach. It was a warm day. I was playing with my 3 yr. old son near the edge of the water. He was giggling so much. I never had that much fun with him!! But, my husband which was standing near my son and his wife, heard his wife get angry. That I was getting their son wet?!? I then went to them, *(not knowing) and they treated me coldly. I said you have a change of clothes right. They said no? Which earlier the mom was also playing with her son near the water. They walked away from me back to their car. I didn't know they were mad, until a few months after. After the beach, they both didn't say one word to me. We went to a place called "Tom Farms", had Christmas lights & rides. My daughter-in-law NEVER talks or stands near me. It's like we are strangers. But, she has always done that. So, this is my story. Now we aren't speaking for 2 months & I believe it will be a long time, IF not forever. I sent both son's their b-day presents, received no thank-you from my son. So, I'm afraid that's the end of our relationship and I am SO scared!! :(

Diane Marie - posted on 09/04/2014

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Cont.) Then it came the time my daughter-in-law was pregnant. I was so happy, I was going to be a grandma and my son was going to be a father. At that time they were living clear across the Country. My son called us to ask if we would fly out to be there for the birth of their child. It was special because it was also around the time of "Grandparents Day". We bought the tickets, discussed the plans. But, things once again started to go wrong. First, my son completely changed the plans on we now had to stay in a hotel. Then, he later said that he & his wife needs to bond with their new baby. ??? So, that meant to us that they didn't want us there. After, spending all that money for those tickets. So, we didn't get to be there for the birth of our first grandchild :( BROKE) MY HEART, AGAIN!! :( He always has excuses, yet I knew then it was his wife's whole idea. Before, the birth, at the baby shower. Was another HORRIBLE experience!! My daughter was late & came towards the very end. The guys were invited, just they sat off the side. I thought since I'm going to be the grandma, I would sit at my daughter-in-law's table. Everyone else we from her side. I tried to be pleasant, since I didn't know anyone. I tried to speak to them, they ALL ignored me?!? Then I just focused on my daughter-in-law, which she ignored me too. I was SO HURT!! WHY??? All the way driving home I cried :( I felt like an outcast. My husband & I had made so many efforts with her family. Going down for Thanksgivings to get to know her whole family, etc. Just to be ignored by all of them. I didn't understand, I guess I was in shocked. My husband later told me as well, as they treated him, so I wasn't alone on this.

Diane Marie - posted on 09/04/2014

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Cont.) We endured things like this for 10 yrs. Because, we didn't want to lose our son. We would talk to him about it, carefully to ask him why & how it hurt us. He seem to always give excuses. When they came down, once a yr., it was pretty nice and I thought perhaps it's over with these issues and we can start over. When there was a day that my husband had to work, it was just them & me together alone. We went to this "Apple Farm". Went through this zoo, and they both completely ignored me. They didn't even walk with me. What family does this? At first I hurried to caught up to them, then I just walked my normal pace. How hurtful this has happen. We eat lunch, again they didn't look at me or speak to me. WHY???? We weren't having any issues at that time. So, things like this continued. Even once all went to this museum, and my son & his wife just took off on us & we didn't know where they went. We all live SO far away from one another, I just wanted to feel like family & be treated like family. :(

Diane Marie - posted on 09/04/2014

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So, things continued on like this. Even when he graduated from College. Now comes the wedding. (THE BIG ONE). It is such a BIG event in a parent life. I wanted it to be SO special for them. I didn't know this before, but my son ask my husband for half of what their wedding cost was to cost. (which they both went SO expensive). My husband said we didn't have that sort of money. I was a stay-at-home mom, and his g/f's parents both worked and made a lot of money. Well ends up my son (which I believe it was his wife to be and/or her mom) that placed us in the back row during the Wedding reception. We weren't able to see them at all in the front table. Cutting the cake, etc. etc. I was in shock and didn't understand. But, didn't want to ruin his wedding. So, I took a few wks. before I ask him why? His 1st - reason was he said it was the NEW tradition?? 2nd - time, he said he thought we'd like to be next to the food?!? 3rd & last time, he said he was so stressed from his college finals?!? None of which I believe. On one side in front was her parents, the other front on the other side was his college buddies. This is the most hurtful thing he has done :( I know he is protecting his wife/her mom, because the son I know would never do that.

Diane Marie - posted on 09/04/2014

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Cont.) My daughter now was 18, and now she was going off to college far away. My son just happen to be living hear by at the time. His g/f was living still back where he was finishing up College. I ask him if we can have a daughter, son & mom time together. Help get my daughter moved into her dorm. It was just for 1 wk. (or less) he was working, so we only were able to see him after he got home from work. I couldn't wait for the weekend to come around, so we can share the weekend together. He ok these plans a few months before, so this was no surprised. Yet, come Fri. morning before he left for work, he work me a note saying his g/f called him and wanted him to come home that weekend. They were planning their wedding & wanted his ok on the flowers???!!!!! So, there went my weekend that I waited all week for. He drove 6 hrs. to get back to where she was. I was SO HURT and I just left. That weekend was planned months in advance. It is about 8-9 hrs. drive for me.

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