what do you do when your grown son wont talk to to you and you have given him space for 3years and have no idea why he is mad at you

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Rhonda - posted on 03/30/2013

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My son has alienated me too. I am in my middle 50s, and alone. I have tried repeatedly
to contact him. I don't understand why he lets me into his life and cuts me out. This last time however, I think is forever.
I just don't understand. I love him so much and worry about him. He is my only child.
It hurts so badly, I can't stand it. I would do anything, anything for him.
Nothing makes sense. I feel my heart is almost dead from everything, and heavy and hurting.

Zenaida - posted on 08/15/2013

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Thank you for the encouragemnet!
About starting a conversation: that as if you deal with the normal person! When it comes to my son: no matter what I say, even asking him "how are you?" He just answers rudely on anything I say, he doesn't give a damn. If we both (me my DH) are gone today, he'll find the cheapest option as how to get rid of us quiclkly and hopefully for free, throwing us into pauper grave if at all!

I pray to God every day, every awakaning moment of my life (God must be extremely tired of me by now). I hope this is just a phase, but maybe not.
One thing is for sure: Silence is GOLDEN in my case. I am not a doormat, and it is not OK with me to tolerate nasty attitude and money mooching even from my only child.

I do believe : children are not given to us forever, at some point we m ust let them go to live their life, to figure it al out on their own terms. it is devastatng as not being able to get included, but I embrace my life and will live fully and happy no matter what!

Trust me: I tried many times to reach out to my only son. The effect has been the same as talking to the brick wall. The only difference: brick wall can be demolished, and re-build, but bone-headed thinking CAN NOT! You all are welcome to try it. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Zenaida - posted on 08/12/2013

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My 27 y.old son acts as a JERK! he is a pathological liar, who recently con us (his parents) with forged checks. I knew in my gut it was a con, yet believed his lies.
He only talks to us when needs money, than treat both of us as dirt.

In fact I want him out of our lives for good. I don't care if never spoke to him again.
he was truly my LOVE before the age of 12. it was very difficult to co-op with his crap when he was 14 and through high school. He "grew" to alienate himself from us, his friends give him advice as how to live. He owes thousands to credit cards. I won't be surprised if at some point he'll end up in jail.

He told us : he doesn't need any advice, just our money and a lot's of it. Recently asking if we have a will and if all is going to be his after we're gone.

I believe for few lucky people children are blessing, but for the majority of folks children are menace. Since early childhood our only child was given good opportunities, he truly was a blessing and sweetest boy before age of 12. Then things went south: now we've got this monster with huge sense of entitlement, arrogant and self-centered.

I am through with his crap and attitude. I am not a doormat, and can overcome the grief. Eventually we all have to come to understanding: God gave us children for very short time, then we Must let them go to live their life, we have no influences upon.

We raised the entire generation of self-centered Mooches, and now paying the awfully cruel price.

[deleted account]

just to let you know I am going through the same mess. I raised my son the best I could . when he was a child we had the best relationship , the best holidays. we travel. I was a single parent and a working parent. his father never was there, by me having brothers he spend a lot of time with his uncles. I allowed him to visit his father even tho his father never was there, before his father died , I truly believe his father told him a lie regarding why he was not in his life, after he came from gary Indiana, the hold relationship I had as a mother to my son truly changed drastically. I was shocked. lies he tell his friends that I abused him (which in not true) about me. and it really hurts. the only time I see him is when he needs money and that's it so I came to a conclusion just to leave him alone and just pray and move on with my life. my son is 32 years old. and I don't know his address, he would not give it to me and I just step away. always money he needs . never a happy mother day card a birthday card nothing of the source. I don't know what happen nor does my family. ...I just except the fact that im nothing to him anymore. cant feel sorry for myself. I just moved on with my life because he has done the same. he has all the space he needs. I cant ruin my health or cry my eyes out anymore because he has refused me as him mom. no more tears I have to cry. I became strong and moved on with my life. whenever I see someone who needs help with their little ones I volunteer my time with them and just keep living....some people in this world is just so ungrateful. go on with your life . if it meant to be that our children will except us, that will be fine --if not move on . enjoy your life

Tamie - posted on 07/13/2013

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It makes no sense that your daughter has not spoken to you for 20 years. She is an adult and needs to act like one, but she chooses to act like a spoiled child. I would suggest that you tell yourself that you were a good parent. Then pray that God will intervene with your daughter. Leave your daughter in Gods hands and move on and live your life to the fullest.

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Deb - posted 2 days ago

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I can't begin to explain the emotions I've experienced since my son stopped talking to me 2 months ago. I don't understand how this even happened. We had a disagreement and i called him out on his behavior. I moved closer to him (with his encouragement and blessing) and now I am in a new city, away from my friends and all of my support. I have tried to contact him via a letter as well. I apologized and it wasn't enough. His wife occasionally contacts me and says she will bring my granddaughters for a visit and it doesn't happen. I'm sure he has forbidden her from allowing me to see them. I cannot bear much more. I can't get through a day without melt down. I am in my early 50s and single. I raised this child on my own since he was 10. He doesn't have a very good relationship with his father, so he and I were especially close. He has some serious emotional issues and suffers from severe anxiety. I have been through so much with him over the years. I have ALWAYS been there for him and his family. Now he wants nothing to do with me. I am beyond heartbroken. I feel I have nothing left to live for. I have never felt so completely alone. How did this happen?

Cede - posted on 07/18/2014

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Hi everyone! I'm glad to know I'm not the only mother going through this painful experience. I had a fall out with my son a year and a bit ago because of something petty honestly I didn't make a big deal about it but he did and since then he asked for time out to have some space. I took responsibility for the way I behaved, I confess I shouldn't have shouted back at him when he started to shout at me! I shouldn't have emoted like that but hey I made a terrible mistake I wrote him a letter to apologise and granted that we needed time out to cool things off. I tried to reconnect a couple of times but never heard back from him. He sent us a Xmas card last year announcing him and his wife were pregnant I wrote back asking for us to meet and congratulate them but never heard back from him now they have a baby girl and he never call to let me know! So I don't know my granddaughter yet. I hope the feud between us will one day end and I get to meet my granddaughter. My heart goes out to all of the mothers in the world who are going thru this. Initially I was very heartbroken and I also felt ashamed that I actually raised a son like that that would do that! Maybe I have failed him in some way with my bad parenting and my over reactivity .so I went thru different emotions ...guilt, shame, not feeling loved by him and of course I blamed myself!. I realised thou that no matter how I have parented he is now an adult father and he can chose to make better choices, that he is responsible for his actions. However I'm most disappointed that the one thing I didn't want to happen it's happening to me! A feud between my married son! I don't have a problem with my daughter in law. All this is between my son and me but it's disappointing that she stopped the contact too thou I understand that she perhaps doesn't want to get involved.
It's not easy I'm still a work in progress but I try not to think of them and dwell on the past. This doesn't mean that I don't love them but it's easier for it helps me to move on with my life. And perhaps the law of attraction is at work here... Perhaps I'm not ready to reconnect with him as I believe he is not ready to reconnect with him. Perhaps we are both still angry ...I believe that we will reconnect again when we are ready...really ready. In the meantime I'm just going to continue to live my life to the best I can :) and continue to love myself more continue to work on myself.

Janice - posted on 07/15/2014

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Our Son has cut off the relationship with his Dad and me. We have two Grandkids that we never get to see. This is not the Son we raised and don't know what happened since he got married. We can do nothing right in his wife's eyes. We have said sorry over and over for anything we did to them, but they won't tell us what we did. Our last talk with our Son started out by him saying " if you just tell us why you hate My wife then we can settle this right know" the thing is we really love his wife and we would never hate her.
We tried our best to get that through to him but he just hung up by-saying that's it, this is never going to work. Right before he called he sent a text that said I'm going to call you and end this once in for all. We thought yeah this is all going to get settled. Little did we know that it would all turn out to be his wife talking 99% of the time pointing out what she thought were all our faults. Twisting around things we suposablly said.yet were never said. Every time they asked for help we were there, all in total 50 thousand dollars of help. Which of half they have totally forgotten about. This is killing us. We've only gotten to see ur grandson 15 times and our granddaughter 2 times. Out gut tells us it's all because she hates us and for what? And know our Son thinks we hate her.

Charlie Rose - posted on 07/15/2014

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I am sorry for you. My adult daughters have not ta
Lked to me in 3 yrs and I also have no idea why . They have done this numerous times. I was also accused of doing something,that everyone knew I did not do,yet know one came to my defense. I could have gone to jail for it. I am tired of being hurt and I can not do it anymore. I wasa good mother,there is no reason for that behavior. My childrenaresuccessful and I wish them a wonderful live. I love them dearly but when you have no idea what you gave done wrong. Then my family tells me if they come back into your life,don't ask WHY?

Ana - posted on 05/30/2014

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by law you have a right to see your grandkids, take her to court , it seems she has turned him against you remember don't ever get involved between husband and wife you will end up loosing, hopefully this is not what you did and she may be bi-polar or something who knows she is lucky to have you. my in laws hated my kids and I come from a family of mds and good people but my first child was from my first marriage so she decided none where her grandkids she made my life a living hell and for the kids too. seek advice, good luck

Ana - posted on 05/30/2014

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Its awful I have the same problem but I found out its bc he is gay and dosent want to hurt me,this may sound crazy but why don't you do a little spying, maybe he is staying away for some reason , they need to know you love them under any circumstances, good luck

Ivy - posted on 05/23/2014

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I have a 24 year old son he is my oldest. We have always been close, we would talk about everything. Even when he was in the service he wrote me letters, and called me every chance he got. He met a girl was pregnant with someone else's baby, but him being the man I raised him to be accepted her. While he was on a deployment her and I got " close" and when she had the baby I accepted him as my grandson. I babysat him from the time he was 6 months old till he was 2. When my son came home from his deployment and the end of his military life. They got married she became pregnant and they had a beautiful baby boy. Ever since they have had I haven't been able to see them at all. I miss my little grandson I babysat so much it causes me physical pain. They Dont return my text emails or phone calls. In fact I probably would of missed my grandsons 3rd birthday if her mother wouldn't of called me and told me about the party. I Dont know what has happened, I just know that he has completely changed he didn't even call me on my birthday or mothers day. But he did call to yell at me because I forgot her birthday. He did call and yell at me because I talk to her mother, but I have been unable to see my grand kids and I Dont know why. I have a 2 year old grandson as well and about 3 months ago she decided to take off with the baby so now I Dont see any of my grandkids, or my oldest son. I Dont know what to do. I am so distraut. Its painful and heartbreaking. It consumes my day everything in my home reminds me of them.

Christine - posted on 05/18/2014

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Hi,
I have had similar experiences with my 32 yr. old son. he's always had issues as a teen and adult. ADD & ODD. Always arguing and got into trouble in high school. He was on meds from 8-13 and then refused to take the Ritalin. He barely graduated and there were always behavior issues. We should have known it was something more serious but back in the 90's they weren't as sophisticated as they are now in diagnosing these things. He seemed okay from 19-24. then he got married to the wrong girl-she left him after a year and he got involved in religion to the point of extremism. It wasn't the religion, it was him. he's black and white thinking, rigid and always had self esteem issues. After hours of reading and research, I believe our son is Borderline Personality Disorder. He had stopped speaking to us on several occasions over the past few years. Three years ago, he was living with us after losing 2 or 3 jobs. He was trying to run our lives and bullying us daily, We wanted him out of our house. We knew he was spiraling out of control but couldn't get help because he was an adult and would not seek help on his own. In the end, he assaulted his father and we were forced to press charges against him. It's been a nightmare since then. More proof that the U.S. fails in helping mentally ill adults that do not seek help on their own. we could not get him help except to have him arrested. to cut to the chase, he had a quick assessment and nothing was diagnosed. he was released and probably blames us for the arrest. We don't really know where he is right now as we haven't heard from him since January. It has been heartbreaking. We love this kid more than anything. Sorry to ramble, but I know many of you have had similar experiences. Seek support from your local mental health group or parents group. It is a help. Thanks.

Sharon - posted on 05/16/2014

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I am similar to Cheryl - posted 03/05/2014. Son changed the minute he met his girlfriend. One day he was really happy, next day angry at me for no reason - mood swings and unpredictable actions & unkind words. His priorities changed and he became harsh with his sister and I. Was happy and kind before he was manipulated and treated poorly by his girlfriend, she always put him down in front of me. Now 4 yrs gone by 2 grandchildren whom I have enjoyed caring for. Out of the blue, he says there is too much drama in his life under lots of stress. I have been concerned all this time seeing the negative changes in him, he's just not happy. Now he has spoken rudely to me, no respect, acted angry referring to his coping. I have attempted to talk to him about it and he blows me off immediately so I have stayed out of it and have chosen to stay at a distance and allow him to figure out his challenge. He too works hard for his great income & she sleeps most of day even with her 2 babies, she is not engaged in teaching the children and is totally into herself taking selfies, no housework, her Mother lives with them and she cleans and babysits, and my Son goes home and cares for kids while she is sick, tired or going to see her friends. I think my Son is just plain exhausted. On Mother's day he said he was working, could not have lunch or dinner, called my future daughter in law up to see if she & children would like to go to the park and she was going to her Father's & Step Mom's place for the day. I couldn't believe it! Just not like my Son to treat me this way, even if he worked that day, he would have just made Mother's Day another day. I took myself out for lunch, and haven't heard from him since. Am I sad? Yes. Did I get over it? Yes & No. I do not want to ask why because I feel like I am prying into his life, so I am just riding it out; I do not want to push him away even if he is pushing me away. It would make more sense if I knew why. So much time has passed, asking him to sit down and talk, he is too busy. Never comes for visit w grandchildren. Obvious things are not right somewhere! So I am going to think positive that this will turn around for he and I because I know how much he loves me. I am sure if it was something I said or did that he would be open enough to tell me; so I feel it is something else. Your right, tough going - especially with two beautiful grandchildren in my life; or was in my life, relationship so unstable. Yes its tough, we have been close all our lives till now. Sharing with you Cheryl.

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2014

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Sometimes I think they have to go through what we did as parents, I did not abuse my children, they ate, had clean clothes, a roof over their heads but, we were not a family made of money. Some of the "friends" they had did have more money, so they expected us to give them what ever the other parents were giving their kids. I had a son who was given a car and a free place to live. I couldn't compete with these parents but, I didn't want to either. It does break my heart that I do not get to see my grandkids but, I would rather not be jerked in and out of their lives because of my kids and our relationship but, I know that this is the ONLY life I have, I have done the best I could for my kids, so now I am going to live with or without them is their choice. I am done with feeling guilty. I love my kids but, they are full grown adults with minds and lives of their own. Maybe when they find out that they are not going to be perfect and yes they will make mistakes they will finally see parenting is not easy especially in this day and time. If you are having a hard functioning maybe seeing a therapist will help you or a friend with a good ear. Prayers out to you Kim ,

Kim - posted on 05/12/2014

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My son is 28 and he doesn't care if he ever sees me or his father and sister. I don't know what I did to make him stop loving us. I blame myself because I was so busy when he was little. I worked fulltime and I was going to school part time. Then when he was ten I had another child my daughter. I new that he was very jealous of her and I should have addressed the problem sooner but I thought it was just a phase that would change when he became older. He has a child of his own now and I never get to see him it breaks my heart that that child will never know me. I just cannot understand how you're child can just stop wanting to be part of your life. It breaks my heart everyday into a million pieces. I cry all the time and I cannot seem to function in my life.

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2014

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I feel your pain Connie, I have three son's that I am not very close with. Christmas two going on three years ago a big fight happened with two of my son's and their step-dad. Even though the (step-dad) realized it was his fault one of them has not forgiven him or has even given him the chance to apologize. This man raised them from the ages of 1,2,3 to adulthood, taught them how to fish, swim, and ride a bike . One mistake cost us everything. I did not even get a Happy Mother's Day from any of them. Does it hurt? Yes but, I have to live my life too. Some kids think parents should live their lives the way they think it should be, then they hold the grandkids from them if they do not agree. My kids made mistakes as they were growing up, one kept me in court for three years, one went to the Navy, so he hasn't been around, and the other only wanted us around when it was convenient for him. I still stood by them through football injuries, sickness etc.... I now know that I have to live MY life, not theirs. They know where they can find me when they are ready.

Connie - posted on 05/09/2014

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I have read some of the post and you all have helped me so much. I am not alone!! My son has cut me out of his life also. I know now I have a heart. I can actually feel it breaking. I miss him so much. I am living alone. I made the decision to leave a man I love very much to help my son. Then he left because he didn't want to change his ways. Now I'm on my own. I still have my relationship with my loving boyfriend. But I took on responsibilities. For my son, now I have to follow through with them. But he cut me out of his life. I miss him so much. Thank u all for your honesty with your situations. I feel slightly better. Connie:( "Tig "

Marianne - posted on 05/04/2014

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Hello Pat.. you and I have similar situation... it would be nice to get to discuss more with each other... sometimes.. it's nice to talk to someone who is going through the same things... it's gives us hope.. I am Christian... and I think that's one of the reasons my son is acting out this way towards me..

Marianne - posted on 05/04/2014

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Tanya, you are a very special young woman... Bless your heart.. just being there for this precious woman and friend.. is helpful.. Sure she's in pain and hurting.. I know the feeling.. but, it does help to have someone around, to offer help now and then.. she appreciates you.. so, just continue to be her friend...

Tanya - posted on 05/04/2014

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I am not in the same situation as everyone as my daughter is still not grown. However, I have a friend (who is old enough to be my mother) who is in this situation and is going through unimaginable grief as all of her kids have shut her out of her life. I want to be a good friend to her and I am in pain that she is going through so much. I will never tell her that as I don't want to minimize what she is going through, but I hardly sleep at night worrying about her, and my brain doesn't stop during the day worrying. At this point she is basically shutting out the world and isolating herself as she says she does not want to worry if she is down and says something not so nice to someone and everywhere (families, etc.) there is reminders of her kids, etc. I would like to ask everyone, how can I be a good friend to her? I've tried to respect her wishes to try and heal alone, but as more time passes she seems to be gaining more negativity and isolating herself even more. What can I do for her without saying / doing the wrong things that might make her feel worse? Doing fun things with her that she might have done with her kids when they were younger only brings back memories, and anger. And since I am young enough to be her kid, I feel maybe she feels guilty being close with me as that love should be for her own children. I don't know, I'm at a loss of what I can do to help, any tips would be hugely appreciated.

Marianne - posted on 05/04/2014

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I am having the same problem with my 28 year old son.. he's had a few girlfriends.. I can tell you now.. that I only approved of one. . . the rest had no morals whatsoever.. my son lived with me since birth.. my husband passed when he was 5 yrs. old. we helped support one another.. I became disabled.. and he got a better job.. thanks to his older brother.. he met this woman... older then him... with 4 children.. she has never been married.. 3 fathers ...and none of the fathers.. support their children.. my son comes into the picture.. and starts helping this woman.. financially.. he gets paid on Friday and is broke by Monday.. then asks me for money.. I am on a fixed income and live paycheck by paycheck.. now, this woman saw that he makes good money.. and slowly.. but surely made him start helping her.. at first my son said.. she never asks for anything mom.. but, that didn't last... he paid for her and her oldest daughters cell phones.. bought them clothes, food, etc.. and they are on full blown welfare... when I talked with him.. and tried to make him see that this woman is using him.. he didn't want to hear it.. lost his temper.. which he never did.. my son was always respectful to me.. but, since he met this woman.. he hates me.. and lost respect... well push came to shove and he moved out.. gave me 30 days.. but moved out in 2 weeks.. left me with rent payments... utilities...etc... I am in very bad shape... trying to pay the rent.. a close friend has been good enough to help me out.. but, how long can this last.. physically.. I am in no shape to pack and move... I don't know what I'm going to do.. this woman... is very controlling..and I believe that she is committing fraud against the welfare system.. as she goes by two last names..she has been in jail... in the past... and I found out that recently she has taken a part time job.. I don't know if that will change things.. but, I feel like I lost my son forever... he won't answer my phone calls, blocked me from facebook... Should I report her?

Maggie - posted on 04/04/2014

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I am 52 with 3 adult kids the eldest 27 he became emotionally detached from us several years ago his excuse for not involving himself in family is he can't stand the drama bullshit! He does however involve himself very much with his wife's family which is great I don't believe we have pushed him aside and my husband has always told me what a wonderful mother I have been, I don't like saying this as it sounds like blowing my own trumpet.

His wife has just had a baby boy he is beautiful we sent a text but feel unwanted as if we don't know where we stand my other 2 children are hassleing me its almost as if he is little again fallen over and the other 2 are telling me off for not caring but he is 27 an adult living his own life and my other 2 kids are making me feel that I am not entitled to one!

Cheryl - posted on 03/05/2014

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I am going through almost the same thing. Our son landed a six figure job at the age of 24. He lives with his g/f and she does not work (she is finishing nursing school this year, already has her bachelors in biology.) Anyway, he NEVER calls me. He will respond to my emails but that is it lately. I just emailed him and rec'd an instant reply that he is on vacation! He never called to let me know, haven't heard a word. I have been telling him that I would like them over for dinner (since the beginning of the year) and he keeps putting us off. I AM DEVISTATED...I am in tears as I love him so much! My husband said that his g/f is his priority now...well, if she is such a "family" person like my son told me a year or so ago then WHY doesn't she suggest stopping by our home or coming over for dinner??????? She spends time with her mother, so she knows...she is not stupid! In my eyes she is living off of him, he bought her a brand new jeep 2014 and pays all the bills as she is not working. So therefore, my head and heart are broken...any advice would be truly appreciated! I cannot go on like this much longer...........feeling abandoned in Michigan :(

Maz - posted on 02/14/2014

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Pat, no sleep for me last night either. Lots of tears, weekends are the worst times for me.

I have no daughter in law or girlfriend influencing my son. He has always been low key but this waiting, waiting, hoping, begging, praying to the Universe that he contacts me upon his own volition is so very destructive. His military portraits have just been posted to me (upon his graduation). They are still in the packing. I am too afraid to take them out and hang them. I touch the box when I go past it. However, to see them on the wall, his darling face staring out into my silence. His face - but no voice on the phone. I simply cannot bring myself to hang the pictures!

Pat - posted on 02/14/2014

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My Dear Maz - My heart goes out to you as I, too, did nothing but love my son unconditionally. He, like me, is a victim of his evil mate and her family. They turned him against me and against God. They are all atheists. I wish I could help you . . . I wish someone could help me. I want to sell all my belongings and my house and move somewhere else but I cannot do it on my own. I wish I had someone to help me accomplish this. I pray for you to find some peace from within. I am also all alone and very lonely. Love and hugs -Pat

Maz - posted on 02/14/2014

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I AM HURTING AS WELL. MY HEART IS TURNED INSIDE OUT WITH GRIEF AND PAIN. I AM JUST SOBBING AS I TYPE (EXCUSE THE CAPS BING ON LOCK). I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE WITH YOU ALL NOW SO WE COULD HUG EACH OTHER. I AM SO ALONE, LONELY AND IN PAIN. I CAN ONLY PRAY MY SON CONTACTS ME. I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG, NOTHING.

Pat - posted on 02/12/2014

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Traci - I can identify with what you are going through. My son has not yet married his girl - they just live together, but she controls him body and mind! I have given up any hope of ever seeing him or having a relatioship with him again. My heart breaks for all of us moms in this situation. I will pray for you and all who must suffer this dreadful curse. Pat

Tricia - posted on 02/11/2014

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I never thought I would be writing this but my only son married a woman who was nice at the beginning but has turned out to have a narcissistic personality and my son is like a Stepford Wife; he sounds just like her now. Everything I did during his childhood was wrong. I haven't seen my grandson since he was two months old - he is seven months old now and they both use him as pawn to get me to apologize for everything I have ever done. Everyone told me to cut them off, but I tried hard to fix things. I am starting to realize that because of the abuse and the disrespectful way they both treat me, maybe my friends are right. If only I could get over the depression I have suffered since this began shortly after they married. Tricia

Staci - posted on 02/10/2014

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Hi I am new to this site. I have a 15 yr old son and we have a horrible relationship. We were very close up until my ex husband and I divorced. My ex has made sure that everything in my life is hard. I am very strong but my ex has poisoned my son against me. My son disrespects me constantly. I love him to death but I feel I need a break from him. He is a good kid, awesome athlete but lacks respect. I blame my ex for that. He won't help me in anyway with this situation, very bad parenting I cry all the time and idk if this right to do but I feel until he shows love I need to stop seeing him. I feel guilty but I don't feel I deserve this. I am just looking for advice. Thank you

Bettina - posted on 02/04/2014

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My heart breaks for every one of you, it's been almost 5 years since I saw my son. I finally got a letter from him on Friday - incredible. It's like I've come back from the dead. I haven't seen him in so long, but the letter came after I finally stopped all contact for the last year. He had asked me not to contact him at all. No gifts, no birthday cards, nothing. It was like living with constant grief, but he wrote to me this time on his own, wanted to let me know he got into college, got a perfect score on his entrance test. I have no expectations of anything else. I always thought if he contacted me I would be so hurt and angry I would let him have it or refuse to even respond. But no, I am proud of the way I wrote back. I told him how proud of him I am, how I understand about his not wanting contact yet (he mentioned this) and that I hope to hear from him again but will let him decide. His letter ended with "with love" (amazing), mine ended with "love, mom". I feel so at peace just getting that letter, I'm grateful for any sign of life. My prayers are with every one of you moms (and dads), I hope with all my heart you can just live your lives and try to be happy till maybe something changes. I am just happy he's alive, well. I have no expectations of anything right now, just thankful for what I have.

Diane - posted on 01/31/2014

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i think I am also going to get the book "When parents Hurt." Pat i am praying for you and all of us to get through this heartbreaking time. As others have said on this site, "No one can take away the love that is shared between a mother and son/daughter." It is there even though one side doesn't show it. Try to hang onto that Pat and i will continue to pray that your situation will change.

Kara - posted on 01/31/2014

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Hi Pat, I keep pretty busy, which is recommended in our case so we don't go stir crazy thinking about what we can't control! I try & keep some hobbies going, I have 2 Lg breed dogs that are difficult for me at times (my ex took them in the divorce then told me a yr later he lost his job in TX & if I didn't take them he would put them in the pound) That was short for I met someone who hates dogs. Lol These are incredible Chocolate Chesapeake Bay retrievers & know tons of tricks,beautiful creatures as well as amazing friends so I got them back & won't give them up again despite it is tough for 1 person who has to work & support herself too! I highly recommend a doggie door that has a 6ft fenced in area! Life savor!! I also go to dinner w/ friends occasionally & as hard as it is to not keep thinking of my absentee daughter, I have to occupy my time with other activities so I don't end up too bumbed out & in a funk! Wouldn't take much! I pray you have hobbies & can find things to keep your mind busy!

Ann Broughm - posted on 01/31/2014

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I had a visit with my doctor this morning and talked about how much the situation with my daughter in law has escalated to them not talking to me now. I broke down - she sat and listened and gave me a little advice. Just to back off for now - let things calm down. My son knows where I'm at and he will come back - the love he and I have just does not go away. She's asked if I could look at taking some therapy - that's my next step. We have an employee assistance program at work that I'm going to look into - hear unbiased professional advice. Speaking with you all here is helping me also - I look foward to seeing your posts.

Pat - posted on 01/31/2014

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Hi, Kara. I live in SC and am retired for a major university. It is early . . . I did not sleep at all last night as I had my son on my mind. This is a usual situation for me. God Bless you and all who are in our similar situation. Pat

Kara - posted on 01/30/2014

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Hi Ann, I would consider reading the book you recommended "When Parents hurt". I am new to this site & need any & all the support I can get!! Thanks, Kara

Kara - posted on 01/30/2014

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Hi Pat, I love Colorado & have a good RN position here. I would like to jump back in school to move up the Nursing ladder(14mo. of online courses) With my luck if I moved back to WI (which is not condusive to the weather in CO at all & my Dad's side is there. They are not the friendliest or most supportive bunch of people to me other than a few of them), my daughter & her husband would probably announce her pregnancy & then would want me in her life. IDK. I just ended a relationship with a man also in WI that is not at all what I am looking for, yet he insists we are meant to be. Anyway, my Mothers side is very supportive, yet have no idea all the issues between my daughter & I. I try to just leave her name out of as many topics as possible because I am mortified she has completely isolated me from any aspect of her life! If I have to talk about her I keep it short & as positive as possible to not direct any negativety towards me as I feel ashamed as it is. No sense adding fuel to the fire, right? Where are you from? I am considering getting the book that Ann on here recommended "When Parents hurt". Prayers, Kara

Christine - posted on 01/30/2014

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Please don,t cry ,since going on this site I have realized we r not alone ,I know it,s hard as I am going through the same thing with my eldest son ,yes I to think my heart is braking BUT instaed of forcing the issue which only ends up with us arguing I look at it in another way , I say a prayer everynight asking for help with my son ,when we do speak I always tell him I love him and my door is always open ,that way they will know you care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pat - posted on 01/30/2014

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Thank you, Ann. I hope you are right, but in my heart I do not think I will live long enough to see this happen. I am slowly dying from a broken heart . . . it hurts so bad. I am sitting here crying as I type this message.

Ann Broughm - posted on 01/30/2014

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I will pray for you Pat - I've reread your posts and it's so sad when the years it took for you to raise your boy seemingly have been dismissed by him. I don't believe they have - it's deep in his heart. That cannot be taken away. Believe in that.

Pat - posted on 01/30/2014

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Ann, I wish I could call my son. I can't as he has both my home phone and my cell numbers blocked from calling him. Also, he has a restraiining order that prevents me from going to his house. It is so sad . . . as he lives only 5 miles from me and it is like we live on 2 different planets. Please pray for me. . . . Pat

Ann Broughm - posted on 01/30/2014

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I've been reading some of the older comments posted here and found a couple that speak to what I'm doing right now and find encouraging. I will continue to do what I'm doing - each week I'll call and leave a message that I'm thinking of them (my son and his family), leaving a positive message. I will continue to send cards and gifts and remember them on special occasions and pray. I have to trust that my life is unfolding as it should and and the belief that God will show me that way. This gives me the strength to take each day as it comes as my motto in live has always been to "believe and it will happen."

Ann Broughm - posted on 01/29/2014

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I've tried every week leaving phone messages to say hello, thinking of them, and wishing to skype to see the grandbabies - still no response.

Has anyone read "When Parents Hurt" by Dr. Joshua Coleman. I just watched a segment from the Today Show where he had a single mom talk about her daughter cutting her off when she was in college. It's been 7 years and she's beside herself as to why. There's also some testiments on his website where people have thanked him for his guidance that has helped them get their relationships back. It's worth a try.

Pat - posted on 01/29/2014

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Dear Kara, yes, he is my only son and only child. I have no family lett. I am not in very good health. I own my house but wouild like to sell everything in it and then sell it and move somewhere else, but I have no one to help do this. Do you have family anywhere? Do you want to move somewhere else? I sure do. I hope you do, because it gets very, very lonely for me. God Bless you!

Kara - posted on 01/29/2014

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I am sorry to hear that Pat! Is he your only son? I thought you said that earlier. I have only 1 daughter, which makes it difficult on us. At times I wish I had more so I'd have 1 that I felt loved me. I moved here to CO when she was 5, so I have no family here other than her. It really sealed the deal for her not talking to me as it seemed when I divorced my husband in '11 after 8 or so yrs together. Thanks for your reply. And yes prayers go so far! God bless you!

Christine - posted on 01/28/2014

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I am always nice to my daughter in law even though I can not stand her but its the only way to keep seeing my grandson ,I just smile ,but inside I,m fuming but I find that if these women think it,s bothering you then it just makes them worse x

Pat - posted on 01/28/2014

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Kara, the woman that my son lives with (x 3 years) and her family are VERY controlling. She was int he Army and was in Iraq and has a military mind. She and her family have manipulated my son in ways that I never would have thought possible. . . latest I heard was they talked him into getting the Mark of the Beast tattoo on his arm. The entire family are atheists and believe in the Illuminati. I just don't understand where my son's head is . . . I gave him life and then gave him my life. All we can do is pray. Love and Hugs

Diane - posted on 01/27/2014

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I am so sorry that you are going through this Amy. It is so hard for nmother-in-laws especially when you are the mom of a son. As you know the female has the most say when it comes to schedules, arrangements and many other things. The guys just usually go along. Your son loves this women for some reason and unfortunately he is listening to her now. No matter how difficult, you have to try to get along with her. Otherwise your son and grandchildren will be kept away. I have a similar situation with my daughter-in-law. i try really hard to bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut. Believe me it is quite difficult but is soooo worth it. i feel like the better person and i get to see my son and three beautiful granddaughters. I even offer to help my daughter-in-law and babysit sometimes. that helps too. I would say stay away for a week and then tell your daugher-in-law that you would like to start new. Then start killing her with kindness...not so that it is evident but a little at a time. I know it will be difficult but if u want to keep your son and grandchildren it is vital.

Christine - posted on 01/27/2014

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i have to walk on egg shells if i do get to see my grandson , my sons girlfriend has called me everything , oh bless you i know exactly how you feel ,i to go to bed thinking of him then when i wake up he is on my mind again , i miss my son loads , i see other people with there grown up kids and i,m so envious of them ,then i find myself blaming myself again .

Kara - posted on 01/27/2014

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Hi Christine, I get it.....my Mom died when I was 33, the same age she was when she gave birth to me. I left WI at age 23 & 10 yrs later I believe she died of a broken heart because her loving Gr.Daughter & I moved away to CO. Yet we were young how were we to know? Hopefully one day our kids will learn too. We only have 1 chance her on earth & life is just too short. Praying for you!!

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