what do you do with a daughter who wont help out around the house

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Sara Jane - posted on 09/14/2009

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Involve her in choosing chores for her chore list. Give her options of chores. Let her earn points toward special activities of her choice. Give her some control and make it fun. Make any money she receives dependent on doing her work. Take priviledges or personal items like phone, ipod, computer, TV away when she doesn't follow through. Praise her when she does. Tell her how much it helps you and how proud you are of her. Understand and back off a bit when she is exhausted from school, or PMS, having a hard time. Offer to help her when she feels bad as long as this isn't abused by her.

Paula - posted on 09/14/2009

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No phone, Computer, or Friends unless chores r done. Stick to your guns. It will work in the end!

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Lisa - posted on 09/18/2009

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It really does depend on the daughter's age. I stopped doing my kids laundry when they were old enough to work the vcr. Whoever cooked didn't do the dishes, one evening a week was designated for house clean up. Pizza for dinner and pick a chore out of the jar, turn up the music and turn off the tv. It is amazing how much can get done in two hours if everyone helps.

Katy - posted on 09/18/2009

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And how do you know what to do with a daughter who wont help out around the house??

Annette - posted on 09/18/2009

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I am a mother and grandmother. When my son was growing up, I asked him to help out.If he didn't help out, then when he asked for a ride or a friend over. My reply would be, sure when your work is done. But mostly we would do it together, crank the music and be goofy and get it done,I also contribute this to us being so close during his teenage years. Later in his life,him and his girlfriend & daughter moved in with us. I worked full time and they didn't. I paid the bills, they cleaned the house and helped prepare meals as part of thier portion of bills. At first it didn't work, but I sat them down and told them since your not helping out, your rent is going to be 1/2 of everything, and showed them the amounts of each bill and utility. I came home the next day to a clean house and dinner on the table.

La Shanna - posted on 09/17/2009

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You did not state the age of your daughter, however the suggestion would be too take away things that she want to do or use them as an exchange for what ever you ask her to do this is used as currency and she will ge the message that in order to get something she has to give something

Mindy - posted on 09/17/2009

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I guess I have a question before I make a comment. Why does your daughter think she can tell you, "No". When she refuses, what happens next?

Heather - posted on 09/16/2009

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Im a working granny. I have my 26 year old daughter and granddaughter of 5 living with me. She doesnt work. She is notorious for being untidy and lazy. Im naturally tidy and it drives me crazy when I come home to unwashed dishes and untidy lounge etc. The response I get when I ask her to tidy up is - dont get at me all the time. I dont want arguments as Im really tired at the end of the day. Ive explained to her that her daughter will follow her example and she just says, yes I know and carries on as normal. She is financially independant. I know about tough love, but what can I do in this situation?

Diane - posted on 09/15/2009

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sorry i didnt see an age of the child here, and it has to be age appropriate i think. if she is very young then use reward charts for chores done and give the rewards, if she is older as in teenage yeah a bit harder to start asking for chores to be done then, its not a popular idea but you could lower your standards a little and accept less. set your absolute minimum and expect it to be done, if it isnt then dont allow the freedoms that teenagers love so much such as mobile phones, internet access, tv, games, or outings

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I totally agree with most of the responces I have read. I believe in leaving a list of what I would like done, and done within a reasonable amount of time. I know that she is NOT going to jump and do it (or at least not very often) I don't have a lot of control over her money, she pays for most of her own things...but I do still have her on my celphone plan and that alone can be worth it. I can go on line at minute and suspend it or stop certain services if she gets lippy or I find her to be a little lazy. I have also used the some of the samethings on her that she has to me...'ya, I will do it in a minute'...she hates it and I remind her that is how I feel when she does it to me. It really it all about consistancy and being fair...once over 18, even if they live in YOUR home they do deserve respect...but are not allowed to be lazy....

Gaylene - posted on 09/14/2009

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I would ask you first, do you keep your house clean and picked up? If you don't do it then it will be impossible to have her help! My girls didn't get what they wanted to do unless their rooms where clean, dirty clothes put in the hampers, beds made etc. Their chores were light, they loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, helped vaccum,helped fold clothes, etc. I didn't just sit while they did it. We did it together! Many hands make light work. If they wanted to do stuff and things were done, they didn't get to go, I didn't let them slide. In return, I kept my room up, picked up my dirty clothes, kept dirty dishes in dishwasher, etc. You are their biggest influence. I didn't really care what other kids or moms did.....I was them not other people!

Good luck mom!

Michelle - posted on 09/14/2009

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With a 20 years old and almost 14 year old, they not only clean their rooms, but vacuum, mop, dust, etc. I am a working Mom, and the chores must be done, before they can go anywhere, watch tv, or be allowed on the computer. It is tough love and it is constant, but it works. No yelling, no extra activities or fun till work is complete. Stick to your guns, it does work.

Clara - posted on 09/14/2009

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When my daughter tells me no when I ask her to helpout around the house, I tell her no when she wants something!!! and I remind her that she lives in this house and makes messes also! If she doesn't want to help clean I don't have to take her any where give her anything ,because those are rewards they must be earned, either help out or don't ask for anything. It works. Try it.

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