What legal right does a 17 yr. old think they can leave home?

Denise - posted on 06/22/2010 ( 66 moms have responded )

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I have a 17yr. old daughter that thinks she can just leave when ever she want's to go to her boyfriend's that lives in another town an hour away. I have told her she can't go but she defies me anyway I have told her I would call authorities & have her picked up.

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Chris - posted on 10/13/2012

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At 17 she can legally leave, and nothing can be done about it. But you are still responsible for her until the age of 18.

Alyssa - posted on 11/22/2013

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DO NOT do what Melanie has told you to do. This will only alienate her further. Leave her alone. She's 17, nearly 18 and she is old enough to make her own choices. As long as she's not on drugs, don't mess up her life. If you call the authorities on her, you're going to mess up her life and her record. She'll be considered a "runaway" and that can have devastating consequences. If anything, talk to her.

P.S. I have been going everywhere with my boyfriend since I was 15 and I am currently in one of the best medical schools in the country. Freedom is necessary for teens.

Melanie - posted on 06/29/2010

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She cannot go legally. If she leaves, report her to the police. She can choose to have herself legally emancipated but she will have to prove she has a place to live, a job and way to support herself, can stay in school, a plan on how she intends to do this and be able to figure out how to get a lawyer or legal aide to represent her. Take her keys. Hide them well. Hide your keys. Take her cell phone. Remove call waiting from your home phone but keep caller id. Tell her if you call and it's busy, you will take something else. Remove everything from her room except for her mattress and dole out her clothes as she needs them. She is entitled to a room, a bed, clothes and NOTHING else. It's hardball. But once she decides to come around and do as she should, she will get things back oe at a time. Act like an adult, you can treat her like one.

Denise - posted on 07/12/2010

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I'm still fighting with her she took off again & went out of town to see her boyfriend. She get's paid on friday's & has her friend take her out of town she pay's for the gas,in the meantime she lies to me the whole time I did call his mom & she lied for my daughter saying she did not go to her house & she did not see her. My daughter want's to pack up & go live with his family she seem's to think they are the best & I'm a crazy parent for confronting his mother. I told her I could take the money she make's & she think's that is funny. she does not want our relationship to work she said she does'nt care about it.

Teresa - posted on 06/29/2010

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this is what the sc police told me ,,,, they are not old enough to be an adult but they are old enough to move out and go where ever just not be responible for themselves your will still be responsible legally ,,,, but if the police sees them they will pick them up and bring them home for the parents to take care of the issue ,,, basicly not old enough but not young enough either ,,, i feel for your position ,,, however you can call them and tell them your child no longer lives with you and you want no legal obligations if she did something like not go to school and i was not to be held responible since she moved out ,,, that did however work



hope this helps ,,, i had the same exact issue too ,,, but technicly she can live on her own but you legally responsible for her



by the way her boyfriend was picking her up and leaving ,,,, i could not do a thing ,,, could not call it statutary(sp) rape because she was 17 ,,,,, she knew this and knew what she could get a way with



my best advice to you would be to call your local police station and ask them what you can do ,,,, you can take the keys ,,, you can ground her ,,, stand firm ,,, i even talked to him and his parent ,,,, do all the right things like i did and still have them do what they want ,,, call you police station ask them what your rights are as well as hers ..... that is what helped me and she decided to move out because i would not budge one where i stood on the issues that were important ,,,

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Cynthia - posted on 09/14/2014

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You are totally right! They will eventually figure it out and come back. It may take a long time, but they will see the light.

Cynthia - posted on 09/14/2014

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How are you going to force a kid home and stay there? You obviously don't have a teen that is being defiant. Kids can always figure out a way to get what they want without you. If they are stuck in kid mode, let them make their mistakes. They have to live with them.

Cynthia - posted on 09/14/2014

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And you should have stayed in school because you can't even speak proper English. I hope you like working at fast food places and smelling like grease for the rest of your life.

Raye - posted on 09/12/2014

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I think it depends on the state. When I was 17 (20 years ago), I ran away for the third time (the first time my sister dragged me home, the second I went back home after 3 days). I stayed with my 18 y/o boyfriend who had his own apartment. About the 5th day, since I was still going to school, my mom got the school to schedule a meeting with a police officer and a representative of Juvenile Hall. I was told I had to tough it out at home until I was 18 or go to Juvie. They also threatened to get my boyfriend in trouble for harboring a runaway. So, I went back home.

Sometimes the best thing is to get the authorities involved. You're not doing it to be mean, but because you care about her well-being and her future. Find out what your state's laws are and if charges can be brought against the boyfriend (or his parents if he still lives with them).

If she were wanting to live with a non-custodial parent instead of the boyfriend, that's a different can of beans, especially if child support is an issue and assuming the other parent even wants her there. I wouldn't flat out say no, but there definitely has to be a discussion with the parents of what the terms are for that kind of change.

Kassi - posted on 08/19/2014

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Speaking from experience, I am a 17 year old girl. I know exactly how your daughter is feeling. I've been around and around with my mother, you and her seem just alike. All she wants is freedom, freedom to make her own mistakes. As long as she is happy and healthy, support her. I'm going through this without my mom. She doesn't care anymore, doesn't talk to me nor does she try. You don't know what is like to not have that one person that has helped you through your life just drop you and act like you never existed.

All I'm trying to say is she can leave at 17. You have to make that decision to either help her or leave her. Cops only make things worse, it will make her dislike you. Just let her learn, and be with her every step of the way like you was her whole life. She will figure out how difficult life is. Sit down and talk to her as an adult. Also the police will not do anything. I was picked up twice as a "runaway" when I was 16 and they told me to hang in there another year and I can leave and stay anywhere I pleased.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/13/2014

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If it were my kid? I'd call the cops to bring her butt back home, AND I would take all of her devices.. To me it's a blatant up yours and I don't go for that nonsense.

Freedom? My aunt fanny. You can have all the freedom you want when you're 18, and moved out living in your own place and paying your own bills.

Until you're 18, I'm responsible and that makes me the boss.

Lisa - posted on 08/13/2014

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I have a daughter that I have raised for almost 17 years then her step mother works for social services and got in contact with her! She got my daughter information from where she worked, I thought that information was suppose to be private! Well my daughter decided to move in with her real dad that has never had nothing to do with her until now! The real father and stepmother gave her money and let her get a job! She has been living there for almost 8 months now! She decided in may 2014 she wanted to stay with me 2weeks out of the month and stay with them two weeks out of the month! Well my daughter when she came and was staying with me I would let her spend the weekend with one of her girlfriends then come to find out the whole summer she has been staying with her boyfriend! well the only reason I found this out my dad got drunk and called the step mother and asked for her friend phone number and called the friend and asked if my daughter has been staying there and she told him no! then the step mother called the friend and talked to her to! well then when it was her week to go back to her dads my daughter did not want to go because she said they were mean to her! well the step mother came to my house and told my daughter if she did not go with her and her dad they would stop her bank account and the bank account her dad opened for her but she is working and it is her money I told her I would open her another bank account and she could put her money in there. I went and talked to her at work today and told her if she wanted to come home I would come get her. she said nshe did not know what to do! so I told her when she comes and stays with me on Monday she did not have to go back if she don't want to. she is almost 18 years old! the only reason her dad and step mother wanted her to move in is where he would not have to pay child support no more! the step mother is pregnant and is fixing to have a baby boy so they are going to be busy with a new baby in a few months! just pray for me and my daughter!

Sweet - posted on 08/12/2014

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Going through a similar situation. My daughter is 17, just turned 17. Her father has been in and out of her life the past 9 years and lives states away at this point. She wants to go live with him out of the blue because we havent been getting along lately. She has been disrespectful, doesnt follow house rules and comes and goes as she pleases. Now of course leaving with her father shouldnt be a problem but it is a problem for me. Hes not the one thats been there, it was his choice to move states away, he claims to be struggling then what kind of life will our daughter have there? and not to mention im sure he still does drugs and probably even sells them. I feel stuck she already has a ticket to go but none to return. She says if I make her come back she will not go to school and things will only get worse. She claims she only wants to experience living with her father but yet tells me she wants to get a job and help them financially and with babysitting her stepbrother. They dont even have a bedroom for her. She would be sleeping on the sofa in the livingroom with her stepbrother. I'm at a lost, not sure of what to do about this situation and dont want to make things worse.

Ya - posted on 08/11/2014

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I'm 21 years old now and went through rough patches with my parents. Not about boys but about wanting to leave and hang out with friends. I never said " Well, I can do what I want" and then leave because I knew I would not have been allowed back in the house, but I would mouth off a lot. The problem with teens today is that they have extreme entitlement issues. They think they're grown but don't want grown people responsibilities. I can honestly say today, what my parents should've done was kick me out and let me find out what being an adult is really about. I moved out of my parents' house when I was 18. I have a 2 year old son and another baby on the way and if my kids are going to be anything like I was as a teen then I know what I'm going to have to do. Tough love is the best love and creates more independent people.

Steven - posted on 08/02/2014

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all you young girls on here arguing with mothers about there situations. that is the first sign that you don't know what you are talking about. and you should have listened to your parents. im not being a ass. just please hear me out. when you have your own children and raised them all there young life and worried sick every time they got even the smallest of illnesses and worked your ass off so they had nice things to wear and had a full belly before they went to bed. and you don't how many times they may have layed in there bed as you was sound asleep worrying about how there going to make ends meet so you can have the same stuff as other kids have. and kept all this from you or what they could just so you never had to worry and just be a kid. and then now they turned 16 or 17 they think that the boyfriend or girlfriend or even a friends parents are the best thing in the world. and you know longer need that parent that would lay down and die for you any day of the week. when that time comes and you know exactly what that pain and sickness in your heart is. when you truly know how much you hurt the ones who loved you more than they could ever show. when all this has been done to you and you now understand the true meaning of unconditional love. and you realize how long over due your apology is to your parents. but guess what. your mom or dad may not be around any more. maybe they passed away still loving you like the day you was born. now you cant say mom I love you or dad I love you. and im sorry. but guess what. you may not have got to say you are sorry. but it don't matter. because they still love you and they know you are sorry. and they forgive you. all I ask is if and when you have a child and when you hold that baby in your arms knowing you would give your life for that child. just try to imagine hearing that baby say to you when they get older that they don't love you or they don't want to be with you any more. because there friends parents said they could live with them because they allow me to smoke or drink or sleep in the same bed with my boyfriend or girlfriend at age 16 or 17. they will let me destroy my life. and when you break up with there child. guess what. they break up with you... but guess who would still love you and never abandon you. I think you know who. YOUR PARENTS.

Teresa - posted on 07/26/2014

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Under law a 17 year old cannot be forced to go home by police.all the police will do is contact you and tell you there ok and were they are.and if they decide to come home u have to let them in or u go to jail

Amy - posted on 07/21/2014

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Not being funny but no wonder she wants to move out just let her give her support and if she wants to come back she will you saying your call the police bla bla bla and all this shit she's gunna fight against you I'm a 17 year old girl almost 18 and I'm moving out for the exact same reason ur daughter is

Katie - posted on 06/30/2014

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I just wanted to say that all you can do is let her go , speaking from experience and sadness . Stay calm , tell her you will support her decisions though don't agree with them and that you will always be there day or night if she wants to come home. You cannot win , you will just push her away , so all you can do is stay in contact and keep the door open to return . My son is home now and though it was a long wait , the door has always been open , I don't regret the battles I had at the beginning but I didn't win them and neither will you . Then you will be sorry and feel worse than you do now , let her go and support her , it will break your heart , but it's the only chance you have to keep a relationship alive and to be a safety net for her when she needs you, Because she will x

Jessica - posted on 06/29/2014

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This is hilarious to me because I have been in both positions. I have a daughter and I was 17 and wanted to be free but stick to your guns mom! I had parents that were abusive and called the cops in me when I finally defended myself. I'm not getting the feeling your one of those parents though. My parents took off my door and I was so naked in front of my dad in my underwear. I was a good girl who just wanted a little bit of freedom I just wanted my parents to realize I wasn't like they were as kids. I don't like this day in age where every kid thinks they know best I'm sure you have your reasons for not wanting her over there. I know I wouldn't want my daughter at any boys house (alone especially) I would want to know his parents as we'll she is still not 18 and I don't care if she was 18 she is still under your roof! You make the rules! I wouldn't want my daughter having sex without being married I did things all the wrong way but God knows what was going on in my life and I needed out of my parents house. I got married at 19 and am 22 and have a beautiful 2 year old girl. I know the love of a mommy and how you want the best for your baby and she will always be my baby and I will never forget feeling her head coming out and realizing how real this all was. Be firm but loving. Let her know your dreams for her and know your dreams may not be hers and she isn't mature enough to realize how hard life is especially on your own. I wish I had parents that cared about my situation. Believe me I know what it's like to have parents who hate my man. My husband is half black and totally a the opposite of what they portray he is to everyone. He is the sweetest, hardworking, loyal, polite man I have ever known. Really ... At 17 you think your in love with everyone and it took 3 yrs of living with my husband to realize how hard life and marriage is and that if I had ended up with any of those guys I thought I was in love with .... I would've been through a nasty divorce or I don't even know lol. I know I want to be strict with my daughter and not let her wear these slutty belly tops and tiny skirts that for some reason seem to be in and no way is she getting tattoos or a belly ring because that's what people who need attention do. I wanted all those things and I'm glad I didn't get them. I am able to tell her I only slept with two guys one being her dad and I want her to be be able to tell her husband she saves herself for him. Life is so much more than this pitty fight. Life is not all about her and she needs to realize you gave her life "she won't really get it until she has one of her own" he isn't worth it if he isn't encouraging a relationship with her parents. My husband has had to deal with my parents and for the past 3 years has encouraged a relationship with them even though they are racist and have made horrible lies up about him and I . That's called love! We had to call the cops on them tonight for stalking us lol and we are going to keep our distance long story but I'm sure your situation isn't as complicated as mine and that boy needs to get some balls and come talk to you. Doesn't seem worth your daughters time and she should set some standards for herself and not lower them for anybody( no matter how cute or popular he might be haha) anyways I'm married to the football jocky who slept with all the girls but turned his life around and found God. I've learned if your relationship isn't based on God it doesn't really stand not like you need or want anyway. All I can say is pray for your daughter and don't feel hopeless . Yes she will be angry and hate you but you are responsible for her and that's what she doesn't get and you would have to pay the bills and help babysit if she gets prego... Which you can't wait till she finds a nice man with a job and car and can support her and the baby and that way you can be a grandparent not a parent the child your daughter can't take care of or doesn't even want yet. Gosh just tell her to grow up life doesn't revolve around her and you can't waste your time worrying about her cause she doesn't give a crap about you while he's running around being a baby.

Holly - posted on 06/21/2014

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I am in a situation where I am going back to Florida, living in Wisconsin and one of my 17 yr old son's best friends hates his life at his house wants to move with us...He is 17 as~well.....We are ok with it but his mother is hot then cold if you know what I mean....she said yes then now less than a week before we go she will not sign temporary custody papers....She was drunk when we went to see her and even tho I do not know her well, I hear she drinks a lot.....she also has 7 other children.....She does not want to pay child support....her son has been living with us for 2 months now and she has not called or cared....I had to take him and my son to the ER because they both had Bronchitis...The hospital called and called her for me to have him treated....finally she answered and he was able to be seen....I have not asked her for any money....I do NOT know what to do....she says he can go but she will not sign papers....for the sole reason of not wanting to pay child support......INSANE....like money is all she cares about...and to be honest she is kinda scary......I can be feisty but no way would I start with her.....my Lord!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do????

Morgan - posted on 05/12/2014

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Im 17 the the friend of the courts told me i am at the legal age to move out and there is nothing my parents can do about it. As long as i have a roof over my head and I have food provided

Unknown - posted on 05/09/2014

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At age 16
You can leave home without your parents' or carers' consent (you don't need their permission). If you become homeless and you're 16 or 17 years old, you may be entitled to help with money, housing, education, training and support from social services.

Carl - posted on 03/24/2014

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this is what you do teller you love her and you have a life and then she will come back to you. all you have to do is wate, go have fun a life she will come home they all do dont fight with her

Michael - posted on 03/18/2014

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well maybe if you weren't a shitty parent your kid would not want to leave, yeah maybe its not everyone else's fault.

Michael - posted on 03/18/2014

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your a pretty shitty parent leave her alone this shit is why no child wants to live with you.

Alex - posted on 03/14/2014

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Lol Rena has a point, kind of straight forward and on the table but, listen to the 17 year olds out there, we aren't babies lol we know what we want in life, we are old enough to drive a car and also old enough in the law to do as we please, as long as our parents are behind us, when we lose that relationship with our parents it will take heaven on earth to get it back trust me, it is not a cycle you want to get into, if you have any other children, listen to us about this, I never could get my mom too, now we scream, shout, cuss each other out, it is insane, she tries arresting me for a blanket on the floor that fell off her couch, once you arrest your child, it is like a disease that spreads throughout your very existence, it will feed on your hatred, it will be your tool of destruction to get what YOU want, but in the end, it isn't what you want is it? Not at all, it is what your child wants, your kid that you spent so much time giving things to and making her or him into the person they are at 17 going 18, they will repay you by making their life something, and showing that they had a parent or guardian behind them all the way, that is just my dream there lol laugh all you want, it isn't impossible I have seen it! It is as beautiful as a sunset, radiant like the Northern Lights in Antarctica, it is true love! Okay bye now I feel kind of weird on a "Circle of moms" site haha

Alex - posted on 03/14/2014

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You are a insane Melanie, I got a mother who does this exact thing, I am now in a hateful relationship with her, my whole family doesn't talk anymore, we been through it all, runaway and arrests, we are now never going to talk again and have that relationship we once had, you are a disgrace to all mothers out their just like mine, Denise if you really want to keep a good relationship with your daughter, and she doesn't do drugs and doesn't get into trouble with the law, there is literally no reason to get her involved with the law, once you get her in there you will regret it, you are an Adult yes, then act like one, not a freaking drill sergeant, we live in 2014, if your kid is not going for the military don't treat he or she like a dog, because sooner or later that dog will bark, bite, and run away, it is nature. Listening to people like Melanie is what my mom did, and trust me from experience, it was the worst way to go, running away, living on the streets because my mom was crazy in the head, had to fist fight my step dad and lost that relationship with him because she made him do it like he was a puppet, I lived the hard life, I don't want that for your daughter so please, just be calm, collective, and nice with her, honestly she is basically right around the corner to 18 what can you do anymore, try and ruin her life? Just because you can't escape the fact she is finally growing up, she is finally reached the peak of adult hood, let her go, if she can't handle it she will come back, and if she can, you just showed your daughter you can trust her judgements as a mother, now that would have been the only thing I asked for my christmas, birthday, and new years resolution, I really hope it isn't too late, if anything let her see her boyfriend, honestly that is a bond you can not severe trust me on that too, I might be 18 in 3 months but I surely know where she is coming from, that is someone she will try and give it a go to live with, you aren't gonna marry her one day, so just relax, remember be calm and collective, no room for screaming, shouting, taking things away, she just wants to grow up, I am already out of high school and got my diploma too, I am going to live with my uncle in 3 months, he knows her true side just like the whole family I have that doesn't talk to her anymore because of this, he will help me, I have a plan, and your daughter is old enough to have hers, and guess what, if not you are there with open arms if you choose to do so in which I hope you do lol, Forgive but never Forget, is what I always say, because those experiences in the long run will help you become a better and stronger person, again good luck out there, and take my words into consideration if you can please, I don't know your daughter but I do care for her not to go through what I went through. :)

Alex - posted on 03/14/2014

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You are a insane Melanie, I got a mother who does this exact thing, I am now in a hateful relationship with her, my whole family doesn't talk anymore, we been through it all, runaway and arrests, we are now never going to talk again and have that relationship we once had, you are a disgrace to all mothers out their just like mine, Denise if you really want to keep a good relationship with your daughter, and she doesn't do drugs and doesn't get into trouble with the law, there is literally no reason to get her involved with the law, once you get her in there you will regret it, you are an Adult yes, then act like one, not a freaking drill sergeant, we live in 2014, if your kid is not going for the military don't treat he or she like a dog, because sooner or later that dog will bark, bite, and run away, it is nature. Listening to people like Melanie is what my mom did, and trust me from experience, it was the worst way to go, running away, living on the streets because my mom was crazy in the head, had to fist fight my step dad and lost that relationship with him because she made him do it like he was a puppet, I lived the hard life, I don't want that for your daughter so please, just be calm, collective, and nice with her, honestly she is basically right around the corner to 18 what can you do anymore, try and ruin her life? Just because you can't escape the fact she is finally growing up, she is finally reached the peak of adult hood, let her go, if she can't handle it she will come back, and if she can, you just showed your daughter you can trust her judgements as a mother, now that would have been the only thing I asked for my christmas, birthday, and new years resolution, I really hope it isn't too late, if anything let her see her boyfriend, honestly that is a bond you can not severe trust me on that too, I might be 18 in 3 months but I surely know where she is coming from, that is someone she will try and give it a go to live with, you aren't gonna marry her one day, so just relax, remember be calm and collective, no room for screaming, shouting, taking things away, she just wants to grow up, I am already out of high school and got my diploma too, I am going to live with my uncle in 3 months, he knows her true side just like the whole family I have that doesn't talk to her anymore because of this, he will help me, I have a plan, and your daughter is old enough to have hers, and guess what, if not you are there with open arms if you choose to do so in which I hope you do lol, Forgive but never Forget, is what I always say, because those experiences in the long run will help you become a better and stronger person, again good luck out there, and take my words into consideration if you can please, I don't know your daughter but I do care for her not to go through what I went through. :) not a mother as I said haha, I should move on now, just dropping in.

Rena May - posted on 02/11/2014

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This is comming from a 17 year old girl who sneeks behind her parents backs to see her boyfirend. You need to think hard about why your not letting her go see him. If she feels she loves him she will go to insainly desperate mesures to get to see him. if you take things from her she will lash out. Calling the police on her will make her hate you ... in my house it used to be that you dont call the police unless let say i ran away and was gone for two days. My mother ( my fauther is now passed) called the police on me a few mounths ago and i havnt spoke to her since .... what i sugest you do is talk to her calmly ask why she defies you ... once u know ur reasoning and hers you can negotiate takeing/ stopping things really causes us children to want to destroy you and put you down and just go crazy

Adams - posted on 01/12/2014

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I feel the same too. I have a 17 year old daughter, very soon she will be 18 years of age. I surrounded her with all my love since she was born, I sacrificed all I had always, I had her in a Private School all her life along with her youngest brother. By setting my own examples, I taught her the core values needed in life, respect, morals, integrity, kindness, compassion and most important to follow God's path. When she started High School 3 years ago, she had to go to a public school, I was so afraid, I did not want to do that, I wanted to take her to a private HS, but she did not want to. I accepted as, my financial situation, was not very well, I was in a one income household, and I was going to be very strapped with money, so we decided she will go to the public HS. She was doing fine, I was always there for her, she seemed to manage HS very well. She is now a Senior, but her behavior started changing just the past year in half. Some of the friends she went from the private school with her, were not her friends anymore, she started hanging out with other people, and suddenly she surrounded herself with other people, and some of them were not doing well emotionally. She has a beautiful heart and she always wants to help friends in trouble. About a year an half ago, she confided in me, as she always did, we had a beautiful relationship, we could talk and she knew she could come to me always. But she started hanging out with a girl, who had big issues, she will call her in the middle of the night and they will be in the phone for hours. This girl started manipulating my daughter as she would tell her that she wanted to kill herself, and my daughter will be there for her on the phone just talking to her. When she told me such horrible story, I told her that it was okay to help her but she could do so little for her, that was too much responsibility for my daughter to deal with, I told her to send her to the school counselor. Since then, my daughter became good friends with her, and they will have sleepover as my house, somehow, I did not like that girl around my daughter and I told her many times, to keep her as an acquaintance, not a FRIEND, because it was not a very good influence for her. Last year I lost my job, I had a horrible year, I had no income only EDD, and I was struggling so much paying the bills, I had very little money to survive. But, being home, made me see an un-usual behavior on my daughter, she was turning more aggressive, disrespectful, her grades were going down drastically, she will always be on the phone with this girl and when every time I confronted her regarding staying up all night on the phone, she just sent me to hell and we end up arguing. She has detached from me, she is very cold when she is at home, she is not that loving daughter I raised, she is unhappy and lost.
Our relationship started going down, till now, she became a revel, and has told me many times, how much she hated me all her life. I tried getting her away from that girl, as one day on a sleep over at my house, I saw them caressing each other, displaying affection, one to another. My heart stopped, and I became worried. I went into my daughters room and told the girl to leave the house immediately. My daughter will not tell me anything, she told nothing is going on with that girl, that they were only friends and kept it secret all this time, but I knew that was not true. She has been doing so many things she never did before, she has ran away from home another friends house, and ended up at the the other girls house. She became a compulsive liar and I don't trust her anymore. I am very concerned with this relationship, as it brought my daughter to the bottom of the pit, she has changed drastically, this is not my daughter, I am scared for her well being, as that girl she is infatuated with has major emotional issues, and to top it out, the youngest sister, now a freshman at the same school where they both go, cuts herself, they both have psychological problems. Imagine my concern, every time I think my daughter living with them, scare me deeply, and I start crying incosolosably. My daughter has developed affection for the very wrong person, and she is now becoming very depressive, she lost the beautiful glow in her eyes, her smile, and she always seems sad and the worst of all, she won't talk to me. She tells me that it's all my fault. She wants to go live at that girls house, she wants to leave my home, a home where she is loved, and cared for , she has everything, starting with the LOVE we have for her, and it hurts us see her this way. She thinks she is in love with person, and she will do whatever it takes to be with her. She has no job, I am glad she is not driving either, but leaving my house, this way, its my worry. We had a bit argument two days ago, admitted she was going out with this girl as I had asked to be honest with me. My heart collapsed, she told me she wanted to be with this girl, and ended up in an argument, she told me she hated me, we exchanged words, not so good ones, and she call me a Bxxxtch right up my nose... She hated me... That night, she called her oldest cousin and we agreed she could stay with her for the weekend the next day. She has been there for a few days, and now she does not want to come home, she arranged a place to stay with a friend of hers, and the rest of the week with that girl. I told her I did not want her to stay at that girls house, that it was not a good idea, but she insisted, so I told her, if she did, I was going to get restraining order and go to the police, so she better not do that. For now, she agreed, but she wants to stay at her other friends house and go to school, she does not want her dad to pick her up she wants to drive her bike. I don't know what to do anymore, this is heart breaking, I feel so helpless, I cannot make her come to her senses, she wants to leave her home, just to be with someone who is not worthy of her. My main concern, is that the place where she wants to be, is not a good place for her, that family has a lot of issues, and her spirit is weak, and being around that family scares me, as she will turn into doing something very wrong. My family tells me to let her go, but she has no money, she does not have a job, she does not drive, I wanted her to finish college at home, get settled, find a good job, and then live her life, but she is throwing all out the door. I feel so alone, and desperate, I cry every day, and I worry every single minute. After a horrible year without a job last year, I found a job. I started a couple of weeks ago, I thought all was going well, this was going to be a great year, and my daughter comes and tells me now she wants to leave. I need to keep this job, and its so hard for me not think about my daughter and worry about her. I don't know what else to do.... Please keep her in your prayers, so she can come to her senses, and stop this nonsense. I agree with Deana, I don't wish this my worst enemy either. As the heart of a mother once broken and wounded will never be the same. I feel I failed as a mother, all the hard work and sacrifice, I did for 17 years, is thrown out the door without one bit of regret. Good bless you all parents who are struggling with your children, may God protect them and help them find themselves.

Janet - posted on 12/12/2013

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my grandson is 17 now n has lived with us for 9 yrs. now his mother which lives in florida wants him back with her n he don't want to leave. he's a good boy n i'm afraid he'll go down hill if she takes him she has legal custordy but he has resided in nc for about 4 yrs.

Suanette - posted on 01/27/2013

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What do u do when u have always had a great relationship with ur son and made plans with him to move to a different state and start a new life due to the fact that someone jumped him coming home from school..then u give up ur home due to safety reasons n put everything in storage n move in with ur sister so u can safe up money so u can b able to go to another state comfortably..then he tells me he doesnt want to go just yet cause he has a 18yr old girlfriend whos in college n has 11/2 to go..hes now staying in her parents house barely spends the night with me at my sisters house becuz he wants to know how it feels to see her everyday and to c if he wants to make the move when we leave to another state n bring her with us...now what do i do..im at my sisters house moving to another state is on hold..i barely see my son who is my only child n in 4 months he will be 18.. I love him very much n im scared..plz help me n who ever had a simpilar situation plz tell give me ur opinion or advice

Gillian - posted on 07/13/2010

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Ive now read most of these post and seen that everone is shooting the messenger but what i want to add is have you and your daughter got a relationship and if so what is it that you both like to do together and what is that keeps you both as mother and daughter,my own son is a teenager and ran away well if you can call it that he told us hes leaving and theres nothing we can do i think its a normal thing here for kids to do the police when we went to see them did'nt care less and the only real help i got was the school a councilour,sure that my son new if he needed me at all i was there always give them hope even if you hate what there doing mine was he could always get me via computor as libarys are free to speak to me.He has now ran away twice and spends little time at home anymore hes now 18 years old and to be honest its like having an creature from another planet living with us at times and not always nice and ive now learned not to be so taken for a ride by the constent outbreaks of selfishness of this thing in my house.take car and i hope this helps x

Patsy - posted on 07/10/2010

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I think at the end of the day she needs to understand while she is living under your roof, she needs to follow your rules as she has always had to. The fact that she is now 17 years old does not change that, its about respect. She needs to respect what you say and have the courtesy to let you know when she is going out etc...otherwise you are bound to worry etc...

Mary - posted on 07/06/2010

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you have to call the police to find out her legal rights.it depand on your state. how old is the boy.

Lisa - posted on 07/03/2010

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feeling for you i am. My daughter left home when she was 15. In order to get herself in the system (DHS) she had to have a reason to leave so she went to school on a Monday morning and told them that her dad had assaulted her, so the school called the police the police called (DHS) and she got to leave home with a living away from home allowance , didnt go to school stayed out all night , made mine my husband and her brothers life a living nightmare. As a mum i finally realised that you can die from a broken heart, there is not a word that i can use to describe the hurt or the sadness that my daughter had inflicted upon us. Its now 6 yrs later she has 3 children doing it hard, the first born i we are raising since he was 4.5months old he will be 5 this year. In my experiencei tried everything humanly possible to make her see sense, but in the end she got what she wanted.

Melanie - posted on 06/30/2010

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“Emancipation of a minor child is effected primarily by agreement of the parent, although acts of the child are to be considered.” Timmerman v. Brown, 268 S.C. 303, 305, 233 S.E.2d 106, 107 (1977). “Whether a child has been emancipated depends on the facts and circumstances of each case.” In other words, if you agree, the child can be emancipated. If the child's actions such as being able to be completely self supporting, have a place to live, understand they are legally responsible for themselves ect can emancipate themselves without your permission. So although there IS no legal law, there IS legal precedent which can be used to bring her back home. She still won't be able to get married without your permission or sign any legal paperwork.

Teresa - posted on 06/30/2010

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i did all that already ,,,, it did not do anything ,,, and why should i have to hide these things ,,, hello i am the parent she is the child and no she does not need to be emancapated ,,, not in sc ,,, check your state laws ,,,,, when her boyfriend comes and she sneaks out the window then what ??? especially with other kids in the house ,,, its simple ,,,its my house my rules ,,, the end of story

Melissa - posted on 06/29/2010

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First off, how is she getting there? Is she using your car, does she have a car, or is someone taking her there. Also, why do you not want her to see her boyfriend, is she wanting to go all the time? Is this affecting the family as a whole? You can't get a good answer unless certain factors are known. If she is taking your car without your permission, that is theft or unauthorized use of a vehicle. You can call the police report your car and have her put in jail. That's tough love there. If she has a car and it is in your name, same thing. If she has a car and it is in her name, not much you can do with that. If a friend is picking her up, call the police before she leaves and have them there waiting. Have you actually tried sitting down with her one on one, maybe over a lunch out together to make arrangements that you can both agree on. Parents now adays coddle and baby their kids and when it is time to grow up and take responsibility, the kids don't know how. If you answer the questions I have asked, maybe us moms can shed a better light on your situation.

Truth - posted on 06/29/2010

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Denise,
I think that talking to the boy's mom is a good way to find out where his parents stand on this issue. You need to tell them where you are and what your concerns are. See how they respond and if they will honor your wishes. They can be your best allies in this fight or your worst nightmare. If they will support you, then the problem can be won. They can talk to their son on their end and maybe get him to understand your feelings. If not, then you may need to get the authorities involved.

The main thing for you to do is stay strong, be firm, and loving, and follow through on your words. Follow up with action. This is the toughest battle that you will fight with your daughter. When she turns 18 and is graduated from high school, if she has no plans for college, mom, she can do what she wants. And at that point, if she still refuses to listen to you, the best thing that you can do for her is either start charging her rent to live in your house, or tell her to find her own place to live. She will soon learn what it is like to be an Adult, and may not like what the full responsibilities are all about.

I'm not saying abandon her, but do not let her walk all over you. She will never learn to respect you or how to live as a productive adult if you don't show her.

Do you have other children? Do you have the support of any other family?

Natalie - posted on 06/29/2010

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she can move out when she is 16 legally. but how could she support herself ??? If the cops do bring her back she will only run again.... listen quietly to her reasoning and then discuss the pors and cons with her. If u have done the ground work re morals and respect when she was little she will come around in time . knowing right from wrong and thinking with their head and not their crotch atthis age is hard. Contraception is a must !!!!

Truth - posted on 06/28/2010

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Stay firm with her mom. I believe that most states have laws about 17 year old and driving, like when they have to be home, where they can go and how far and the like. I have known other parent friends to just simply report their car as stolen when their kids took the car without permission, they had talked with their local police dept first and had it all arranged as a way to try and get through to the kid. It worked, as he almost spent a whole night in jail. I don't know how your daughter would repsond to this approach, but it's it can help in some cases.

I have a defiant 13 year old. I DREAD the day when she get's her license. We are going to prolong that for as long as we can!

Beth - posted on 06/27/2010

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The laws in my state tell me that my child at 17 is considered responsible and can leave home at anytime however I have to leave the door opened to them until they are 18 and let them come and go as they please... Thankfully my children are now in their 20's so i can lock the door at night and refuse to let them move back home if I choose to.

Alma - posted on 06/27/2010

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Similar things happen over in Australia, I feel for you I know from my sister's experience how devastating it is being tossed aside and lied about by your child whom you carried and nurtured and love for eternity

Deana - posted on 06/27/2010

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And I thought that I was the only person that had ever had to go through this, I have a 18 year old that thought that he could do the same. If her boyfriends mother has been talking to her just be aware that she may leave and they will make sure that you cant get there to bring her back home. My son ran away 16 months ago just one day after he turned 17. The little girls mother called the sheriff on me and told them that I was threatening her, (the mother), only I was not I was telling my son in a few choice words that I was going to tan his hide. I had to talk to the sheriff and explain that if he brought him out that he was going to lie and tell him that I BEAT HIM. If I had been, maybe he would have thought twice before he ran away. They ended up calling CPS on me and telling them that I was an alcholic and a drug addict. RIGHT!!! After a short investigation and lots of questioning of my friends, they ruled out any of the "abuse" that they lied on me about.Thank God someone at the CPS office saw that they were just being ignorant. I have had to answer the phone and my son being on the other end just as drunk as a skunk, and I know that he did not purchase the alcohol, he is just 18 years old and he is barely that!! He was married 2 weeks ago and I was not there due to the fact that her mother did not want me there, how sad this woman keeping a momma away from her child. I am satisfied with the fact that her day will come, and I have to just mind my business and know that God will take care of it for me. I have only seen my child 1 time since we have moved back to Amarillo, Texas. He is one hour away from me and works on the sid of town that I live on, but it was 14 months before I got to see him. I will keep you in my prayers, I would not wish this stuff on my worst enemy.

Anne Marie - posted on 06/27/2010

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Wow I have the same problem with my 15 year old. She isn't necessarily going out of town but she is going places I don't know where she is. But I do have text codes that I use with her to make sure she is safe. I agree with the others that say the more you push for no the more she will lean on him. Try to get to know her family, ask for the phone number and talk to them, let them know your concerns. Tell them she takes off without telling you and could they phone you when she is there. My daughters friends parents now know to call me when she is there because she often won't. Also let her know you will be there for her if and when the relationship breaks up. Calling the authorities is a good idea and if you said you will do it then you should but it can back fire, they become even more resistive in some cases. I wish you luck cause I know what you are going through and I am going through it too, but just starting.

Denise - posted on 06/26/2010

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She does not have a car of her own & she has a job for the summer at a Ranch where it's up to me to get her to work & home. she has friend's with car's and has them drive her to her Boyfriends she has lied to me so much that we do not have a good relationship. I told her I'm going to talk to his mom because she showed up there & stayed all weekend without my permission. I have grounded her she likes to threaten to take off I said if you do I will have her picked up by authorities at her BF'S. It's a constant fight & struggle between us because she makes so many negative choices.

Jodi - posted on 06/26/2010

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My first thought is she is under 18 & living in your house, that right there shoud be enough of a reason. I know easier said than done but she obvously has to drive to get to the bf's so I would start by taking her driving priveledges away. If she bouught the car with her own money and is using that as her reason to be able to leave whenever she wants, I still go back to my first response. I guess I can only suggest you try to come to a common ground as far as when she and go places and for how long. My kids were gone most of the time once they got "wheels" but we laid down ground rules of times to be home where they coud go and how many kids could be with them in the car. they knew if they defied the rules they lost the keys and it is really hard to go back to riding the school bus once you had a taste of freedom. Good Luck!!!

Veronica - posted on 06/26/2010

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I feel for those of you whose kids have done this, Thank god my kids heven't yet, tho they are 17 and 15. crossing my fingers

Barb - posted on 06/26/2010

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its a tough age till they grow up and realize and wen they have there own famileis they will know wat wewent through but keep at it not easy i have no answers .

Marguerite - posted on 06/25/2010

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Totally agree. Always follow thru with ur demands/threats etc. If they know they can break u they will. Very clever kids these days, Creative for a better word.

Cindy - posted on 06/25/2010

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If you don't use tough love now it will only get worse. Do not threaten with anything you are not going to follow through on. Take her to the nearest police station and let them tell her "her" rights. It is a real eye opener, for instance you have the right to keep their money from their job if they have one. Basically they only have the right to a bed, food, clothing and not be abused. The clothing doesn't have to be what they like, neither does the food and the bed can consist of a mattress on the floor. It was really hard for me to be "that horrible" mom but it straightened my son out. I even let him spend 45 days in Juvenile Hall ( I would not let him come home until he understood he had to obey the rules).

Marguerite - posted on 06/25/2010

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It's true, they do get thru this shitty stage. My son pulled all the tricks, I thought he would end up in jail or dead, but now he has a business,a fiance and two kids of his own. Good luck, do let us know what happens...

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