What should I do/say when people who don't know me refer to me as my sons' grandma?

Mikaela - posted on 05/01/2012

I just say believe it or not I have a 27 yr old son, a 2 yr old grand daughter and this one just made 4 and she's mine and no birth control in between. That breaks the uncomfortable feeling on both ends. I just turned 47.

Sheila - posted on 03/31/2012

It doesn't sting anymore.I smile and say he is my son.

Suzanne - posted on 11/07/2009

I am 45 and have 3 kids, 24yrs, 21yrs and 3yrs. When the youngest was first born I felt hurt and unhappy when people assumed my (then) 18yr old daughter was mum, and I was grandma, but I think now, a lot of my upset was irrational, due to my fluctuating hormones after giving birth, and feeling old & fat & frumpy carrying extra "baby weight"!! It doesn't worry me now, in fact I feel it is an obvious assumption to make when you see three generations together! I try to look as good as I can for my age and I know that my kids love me & don't care what year I was born!!

Tanna - posted on 11/07/2009

Not sure if you are going to tell him he is adopted or not....I hope you do at some point. I am a birthmom and have recently reunited with my daughter after 37 years. Everything is wonderful. Growing up she knew that she was adopted. I could go on and on but just tell people that you have been blessed with the little boy as your son. :-D

Florence - posted on 11/07/2009

I am 52 and my son is 6. I was 45 when he was born. There are alot of "older parents" out there so I am surprised that people make such comments.I always feel that people need to be alot more careful at what comes out of there mouth as it shows their stupidity. My son keeps me active and I have had to deal with this maybe once or twice.
I do try to take care of myself and I know that as I get older it may come up more often.
What I do is similar to what many of you do- I immediately correct them and give them a look. Then my son and I laugh and walk away. Enjoy your child they will keep you young. My attitude is it's just a number.

Lynda - posted on 11/07/2009

Sometimes simple is better, try "Nope, I'm the mom!"

Bonnie - posted on 11/06/2009

I am 47 with sons 12 and 14. I've been asked that question since they were born! I always just answer the question with another question "Do I REALLY look THAT old???" As far as my sons are concerned, they just tell their friends that I am nicer because I am older I have more patience. Although some days are better than others of course. My sons are great and they think I'm perfect just the way I am and that's all that counts with me. I'm sure your son will feel the same as he gets older. Just show them love and kindness and that will reward you ten-fold.

Linda - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi Marie, i have had simular experience but i was taken for some of my friends mother and they are only 3 or 4 years younger then me, and that was before i was 40...lol....When someones makes a comment to you about being taken for your son's grandmother, just politely correct them , and smile let them know your not bothered by it.

Monica - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi Marie. I'm new to the group too, but I saw your comment and thought I would share my experience with your issue. My mother was 41 when I was born. When I started school and organized sports with the other kids and their moms, I did notice that all the other moms were so much younger than mine. I told all the other kids that she was my grandma. Of course the kids didn't know any different, but I guess the moms all knew who she really was-it was a small town. I never even thought about how my mom would feel about it, kids are selfish and I hope I didn't hurt her feelings. But anyway, all the kids came to our house when their parents were partying or splitting up, and I think my mom loved having us all there. She was dependable and kind and was very much respected by the kids and their moms. Now I'm 42 (my mom is 83!) with a three year old and am thinking that my daughter will endure the same embarrassment that I did when I was young. She will deal with it in the manner that she has to, if that means telling her friends that I'm her gramma, that's OK. I know she and her friends will be hanging out at our house because we're dependable (if boring), kind (if strict), and we'll always be there for them-just like my mom was.

Karla - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi Marie, Thank you for adopting this child and giving him a loving home! My standard reply to the "WOWs" I have gotten on more than one occassion is to smile and say "hey what can I say I am a late bloomer and loving it!". I think your son will laugh about it as long as he sees his mom laughing and not getting upset or worried. Families these days have so many dimensions and the only thing that matters is a family is based in love. Laugh it off and proudly state you are his mom and dad loving every moment.

Kristine - posted on 11/06/2009

I'm 44 and had my first child at 31 and my second at 38. Luckily I haven't had this happen but once when I only had my 5yo with me - I didn't have to say anything because right after the person asked my son called me "mommy." Nuff said. Most of the time though I have my 12 yo with me also and we three look enough alike that people don't ask. My husband gets it quite a bit though - he's 53 now and has two daughters from his first marriage, ages 23 & almost 27 and they both have sons that bookend my younger boy (one is 16 months older, the other is 17 months younger). Once my husband had all three boys with him and someone asked if they were his grand children. He said the person appeared shocked when he told them that two of them were and the middle one was his child. We kinda laugh about it now, but I think he was mortified at the time. I'm pretty sure that was the point he decided that we absolutely, positively, no way, ever, were having any more children.

Rachel - posted on 11/06/2009

This happens to me all the time I just tell them he is my son not my grandson...then they fall all over themselfs apologizing. I try not to let it get to me because Leo is my son & it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Janet - posted on 11/05/2009

I'm 45 with a 5 year old and it has happened to me a couple of times. I just say "Actually I'm her mom" and let THEM worry about what to say!
Honest mistake, doesn't bother me...but I wonder about the ones who ASK if I'm her mom or her grandmother. If you don't know, don't ask!

Jill - posted on 11/05/2009

Marie, I am also a older mother 40yrs old and in the process of adopting a 2yr old. I have had her from birth. I think about it sometimes more because all my friends and family have older children but, I have waited all my life for her...so what others think or say I quess doesn't really matter!! She is so fun i feel younger!

Jane - posted on 11/05/2009

Just smile, look behind you n say "Where, oh you mean me... no he's mine" big grin, makes them feel a touch foolish but not embarrassed. Your boy will then realise your ok with it n follow your lead. Hope it helps :)

Delores - posted on 11/05/2009

I am a 51 year old mom of six children. The oldest 5 children are all gown and out on their own in different sates. I have my 16 year old son at home. Many times I have been referred to as his "grandmother" My son always smiles and tells everyone that I am his mom, then gives me a big hug and says I Love you Mom.
I wouldn't worry about what other people say. Our children are a blessing no matter what age we may be.

Toni - posted on 11/05/2009

I am 44 with an adoptive 8yo I have had her since she was three months. I just tell people sometimes she does that I am mom. We haven't had that issue for a few years though.

Sandi - posted on 11/05/2009

Yes, the ever popular comment to the child "did you have fun with grandma today?" To which you reply, "well, he might have if grandma had been here, but since he's just stuck with mommy, we did the best we could." And chuckle. I'm an older mom (had my first children at 36 and my last one last year at 41) but I look young for my age - I've had people guess me to be in my 20's (God BLESS THEM!!!) but my sister's dad was taken for her grandpa all the time. He just laughed it off.

Brenda Lyn - posted on 11/05/2009

If it was me, I'd laugh at the "grandma" remark, and then identify myself properly, and with kindness & mercy, as the person who made the remark would certainly feel embarrassment. A simple explanation would help alleviate the awkwardness. I have found that TRUTH is the simplest and best way to approach most matters. From your son's point of view, starting now, tell him his special story about how you at your older age decided to adopt a boy you could love so much for the rest of your life, and when you found him, HE was your choice. Hearing his special story every night, or week will become part of his foundation and NOT really become an issue when he is older and more aware. This has been my experience when I have met older parents. I tended to have been one of the youngest parents. When in public, looking fresh and well-kept will BE the issue when your son is older. Wearing a little face color/make-up helps with any awkwardness IF any appears. YOUR approach and responses will be the important factor whether he becomes sensitive or not. Hopefully this helps.

Suzanne - posted on 11/04/2009

I don't know why more women don't do it, it's wonderful. A friend said "I can't think of anything worse than being 50 and chasing a 3 yr. old.
Well now I'm 60 and chasing a 13 yr. old & we both love it. It was my easiest pregnancy. My kids are 37,33(men) and a 13 yr old daughter.
I have 3 granddaughters 16,11 &10. Love it!!

Laura - posted on 11/04/2009

You don't have to explain to anyone. God blessed you with this beautiful little boy to take care of, love, and raise. I would however correct them and be proud that you are his mom. If more women would step in and give children such as this a chance at a family, no matter their age, we wouldn't need orphanages.

Alison - posted on 11/04/2009

I am 46 and have 3, 4 and 5 year old boys. In many places in the world, that would make me a great grandmother. People are generally not rude and I really think it is asking a bit much of everyone who is just making conversation to try to understand my situation ie husband is 10 years younger, two of three adopted blah, blah. How many nice conversations on the grocery line no longer take place because everyone is so afraid to put their foot in their month and offend? If someone comments, just say no, I'm the mom - it is all good!!

Penny - posted on 11/04/2009

I'm 46 & my husband is 49, together we have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. We are both fortunate that we have been blessed with young-looking features, but there is the ocassional person who refers to us as her grandparents. It doesn't bother me( I knew this would happen having a child late in life) but when my husband laughs at me about it-then I get upset AT HIM! Remember its far better to be 60 and have a child in School, then to be 60 and have NO child at all! Twirl, Twirl, Twirl, its what keeps us young!

Jacki - posted on 11/04/2009

I am 45, I also has a child later, I also have a 21 yr old and an 18 yr old. People will say what a cute Granddaughter, I reply she is my daughter, they will either walk away or not know what to say lol

Rita - posted on 11/04/2009

Just smile and tell them you are his MOTHER by choice! But love his as a grandmother would ( because I can tell you i love my grandson and have more time to enjoy him !) Your son is very lucky to have you as his mother.

Cathy - posted on 11/04/2009

I feel children take situations like that a little easier than we do. I am 45 and my youngest is 15. Don't worry about it right now take each new day as it comes. Enjoy the time you have with your son. He may not be bothered by it at all he has the love of two wonderful mature parents and that's most important!!!

Lisa - posted on 11/03/2009

I just smile and calmly say, "I'm Mommy". They usually apologize and I tell them not to worry, we started our family later than most. Just remember how blessed you are!

Kathy - posted on 11/03/2009

My parents had me later in life at age 42. I had my last baby at 42. All my friends always wanted to come to my house to play because my Mama tried to be the best parent ever despite her age. She did more than most Mom's half her age. It was great and she was mature and not so much into herself as some younger Mom's I knew. I try to be the same with our kids. Enjoy each day and laugh off the comments. YOU are the winner! Kids keep us young!

Patsy - posted on 11/03/2009

People did that to me when i first started working. I work in a daycare and take my daughter to work with me sometimes. They would tell my daughter, "go get your grandma" and she would say back, "my grandma is not here." Anyway, mostly I just ignored it. Just explain it to your kid when he gets older and let him retort back to the person.

Melissa - posted on 11/02/2009

I get this all the time. I am 43, I have GBB triplets that will be 4 on the 11th of Nov. Most of the time I just say I'm their mom. If I am having a bad day I inform them that their grandmother didn't come with us today. Most of the time people don't come out and say I am their grandmother, but they will say something like oh, you are baby sitting today. I tell them yea, 24/7. The main thing I get that is even worse is after they ask is I am their grandmother, they want to know when the next one is due. Now this will really make you mad!

Cheryl - posted on 11/02/2009

I wouldn't worry about it, I have friends who are in the same boat, but there are their natural children and they get called their grandparents. The children take care of it for the parents. They are proud of their parents and make sure that people know that they are.

Deb - posted on 11/02/2009

I made the mistake of taking my oldest son and his wife, along with my youngest son (then 5) to a new church. The pastor came up and introduced himself, and then asked how my kids and grandson enjoyed the service. I know how you feel. But it's people who "Don't" know you. The people who know you have nothing but respect. Trust me.

Barbara - posted on 11/02/2009

just tell them im his mother. I had someone do that to me at costco and i said im his mom and they apologized and i said dont worry about it. Im an older mommy. i blew it off because i love my kids and i did start later i life. I had my daughter when i was 35 and my son at 40. So i now have a 8 and 3 yr old. By the way congratulations on adopting your 3 yr old.

Rosa - posted on 11/01/2009

I really don't know the right answer but it happens to me sometimes, I just smile look at the person in the eyes and say, "I am the mother, not the grandmother" usually they feel dumb and just walk away embarrassed! :) I am 47 with a nine year old, she makes me feel young and gives me energy to keep going!!

Dorrie - posted on 11/01/2009

As a child of an older parent and I'm an older parent, I understand your concern. I'm going to be explaining to my child about how there are all kinds of parents and how his mom is a bit different and that's okay. My mom didn't do have this talk with me, but she usually made a point of introducing herself first as my mom. Then the other person didn't have that whole embarrassing moment sort of thing. I remember when I was about 8 or 9 another kid referred to my mom as my grandma. I told him that was my mom, silly. Kids may be a bit embarrassed once in awhile, but they deal with it. Just be open to discuss it when they are ready.

Barbara - posted on 11/01/2009

I would just tell them that you were blessed later in life to be his mother and not his grandmother.
I have the opposite problem as I am 45 with two grandsons age 6 and 1 and I've been told I don't look old enough to be a grandma, maybe people are just being polite.....=)
barb

Carol - posted on 10/31/2009

oh no, i have had a similar embarrassament as well, but my son laughs it off. We went to a motorbike shop and the guys knew him he is 32. They told him to introduce his girlfriend to them. He laughed at them and said thats my mum, I'm 52. They all went red in the face.

Lynn - posted on 10/31/2009

Just love your son. Show him all the love you possibly can. I am a 44 year old mother and my youngest is 14 people sometimes reffer to me as his grandmother. He thinks it is funny and it does not bother him. Sometimes it makes me feel older but he laughs about it.

Lynn - posted on 10/31/2009

Quoting Marie:

What should I do/say when people who don't know me refer to me as my sons' grandma?

I am new to this group. I will be 56 in December and am the adoptive mother of a three year old. He has been in my care from birth. When my son and I are out somewhere, Walmart or the park or somewhere, often people will talk to my son and refer to me as his grandma. This doesn't bother me personally. I'm 56, I look like his grandma! What do you think the best way is for me to handle this from my son's point of view? He's too young to be bothered by it now but in a few years he will realize that I look and sometimes perhaps act differently from his friends' mothers. My husband is 60 and has similiar concerns.