What to do with the ex-wife

Sylvia - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 19 moms have responded )

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When does a ex-wife leave you alone? Kid's were fine until...I married the ex-husband.

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Tasley - posted on 11/24/2012

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I don't understand,what do you mean leave you alone? Is she harassing you and your husband? His ex-wife and children are just not going to up and disappear just because you can't handle the heat. It just doesn't work that way. Either you can deal with it or not. It's up to you. If you wanted to live a drama free life then you shouldn't have married a man with an ex wife and children. His situation had signs of drama, but you chose to ignore the signs and married into the situation anyway. So who's fault is that.

Evelyn - posted on 11/23/2012

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I am an ex-wife and I could care less about his choices in his life but for those that concerned my kids then and now. That is all I care about. His marriage is his business. But not all of us are bad. We just want what is best for the kids. We want to be sure that this new person in our children's lives is treating them well.

Sylvia - posted on 08/22/2009

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Yeah I guess your right. Now she stop them from having any kind of communication with their dad. Now they don't call or come over and she changed the cell phone #... She's using these kids and telling them nothing but lies. My husband is really hurt and mad at the same time. I told him all we can do is wait....Thats it.

Fern - posted on 08/09/2009

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I agree that most ex-wives are worried you are going to take over and try to mommy to their child/ren. I called my husband's ex right after we got married and told her I wanted to talk to her. I told her that I would respect her if she respected me. I told her I did not want to be my stepson's mom and that I would never ask him to call me mom or try to replace her. I suggested that we provide a united front with him and try to have the same rules in both homes, but if that wasn't possible, that we should enforce punishments. That way he couldn't play one against the other and he wouldn't call us and want us to rescue him from a punishment at his mother's house. This really set the stage for a good relationship between my stepson's mother and I. It didn't eliminate all problems, but it did really cut down on them and gave us a level or respect that is still there today. My stepson got married 7/7/07 and we had no problems and even have pictures with us and his mother, but she also respected us enough not to expect to be in *all* the pictures. If you show respect, you will usually get respect in return. If not, in time they will see that you are not trying to replace them.

Debra - posted on 08/05/2009

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Hi Sylvia, I was faced with this situation also. It will eventually get old for her, and she will go on her merry way. This is just her little dig back at her ex for finding happiness. Hang in there, it will get better!

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Evelyn - posted on 12/11/2012

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Tasley~I am the ex-wife and mother of the kids. And I have to agree to a point with you. THere are those that things work out fine for. But the problem is not solely with the ex-wife. It is a two way street meaning that both sides have to work at it to make it work for the kids.



Also, to those women who marry the ex-husbands need to remember that they got involved with a man who was married before they came along and had a family. He had those obligations before a new person came into his life. For whatever reason he and the mother of his kids did not get along and had to part ways has nothing to do with it. Its the fact that until the kids are 18 she is going to be part of the picture. He has to deal with her about the kids no matter what it is. He made the choice to have those kids. And if the ex-wife calling to ask about the kids is a bother or too much communication, you have to deal with it. We, who are the ex-wives, have to deal with a step parent in our kids' lives. We do not like it sometimes but that is the way it is. We just want to know that the woman who comes into our children's lives is going to care for them in a loving manner. And if you think we are being a pain, that is the reason for it.

Judy - posted on 08/09/2009

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I feel for you Marcia and you're absolutely may be right that it's not fair, but that was the agreement HE made with HER. Just as YOU don't want HER in YOUR relationship, stay out of what THEY agreed upon. Look at it as a bill he had before he met you and is paying it off. If you had issues with it, you shouldn't have married him. Ex's are worse than in-laws because they come along with court orders and legal agreements/contracts.

Judy - posted on 08/09/2009

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If she thinks she's getting under your skin....NEVER!!!! so never let her see you sweat! Now you husband needs to step up to the plate! He needs to set the boundaries and not let them be crossed, and if the kids are acting out same thing with them. Not to sound rude but if you personally were the reason for the break-up, sit back and take a deep breath because it's a long long ride, her sense of payback and some would say karma.

Marcia - posted on 08/07/2009

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I understand completely! When does it stop, mine still pays for his ex car payment, cell phone and agreed when he left to give her $200 for a year after HER car is paid off!! What a bunch of crap! I feel we/he will always be paying something for her! Not right!

Charla - posted on 08/06/2009

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Let Go and Let God! Thngs take time....She will back off.....and on you will move! Hold on :O)

Tammi - posted on 08/06/2009

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It's unusual, but my husbands ex and I are very good friends..it wasn't always the case, but when herson froma previous marriage passed away suddenly, I stepped up and helped her thru, we became very close and still are. If you cn find a common ground and be friends, it's sooo much easier. sometimes it just takes reaching out and talking.

Glenda Suyapa - posted on 08/06/2009

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One way of another all of us are faced with the ex- situation.
We just need to lay the cards down to them, telling them that for the well being of the children we need to act cival and work together for that cause.
Made sure to state that you are not there to replace but to reenforce and tell some of your goals or ideas to not have the kids tear apart.
Include the mom on every activity or event. She can accept or decline...act cival or act like the wolf with the 3 pigs...lol.

one advice: always keep your low tone. I like a saying that...well I think it goes...with honey you attract lots of bees.
Be patient and have love...even for the enemy..who knows she might turn out to be your best friend.
It is not easy at first but is worth it at the end. Trails and tribulations only make us stronger. You will have to be the foundation, stay firm and strong.
Well I do not want to sound like I am preaching so this ia all I say.

Good luck! to me too cause soon I will be again on that route.

[deleted account]

Ex wife in my experience only effect your life as much as your husband allows her to. Make sure he understands that she is not included in every aspect of your lives.

Marian - posted on 08/06/2009

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In my case, the "X" didn't want to have him when she had him, still doesn't, however, still know and still can push buttons. Yes, they do have adult children, who are married and live their own lives with families of their own and has made it clear to their father they don't want him to be a part of ( branding me the reason why their parents aren't together). Just recently after 3 years of the final divorce, the court while finalizing the "Settlement Conference " discovered that he was still paying child support to his married 24 year old daughter, because it wasn't report to the Family Responsibility Office to withdraw the child support. I know... bells went off in my head long before the teleconference, but I can get myself into and be blamed for enough as it is. To be honest, we, his children and myself did have the opportunity to bond and I had thought it was on solid grounds until people stuck their noses into it and I was left on my ass on the ground picking daisy. Relationship between father and daughters still existed however , it sadden me to say that it wasn't successful and only lasted months. At this stage of out lives you would think that there shouldn't be any "X' situations, for me...guess either she is evil or I am just one of the lucky ones.....lol

Maria - posted on 08/05/2009

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I think the ex's feel as though they are being replaced. Hang in there, think of they children first, they still need a relationship with the other parent. This is a good time to be a friend, a confidant. I wish you well!

Judi - posted on 08/05/2009

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I can honestly say that they never leave you alone, either they are a pain in the arse or they want to be your best friend...I finally gave in and decided to allow some cival time between me and the ex wife, it is weird, but it is doable but they kids are all grown and married...it just makes it easier on the kids planning things like bdays and holidays. My mom said it is better to keep the enemy close lol.

Brenda - posted on 08/05/2009

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Is the ex-wife the mother of the kids? If so, she's in the picture for life but only in regards to the kids. What does your husband say about the situation? He will need to deal with her but, again, only in regard to the kids. It's hard separating all the roles in a blended family and she's probably feeling threatened as a mother because you are now the step-mom. I had the ex-wife scream at me "He's not your son!"--we were just picking him up for visitation time. Give it some time and talk with your husband. Try to let him and the ex-wife deal with the parenting issues for their children. I know it's hard but in time everything should get better.

Marian - posted on 08/05/2009

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Wish I knew...I have been with my partner now for 11 years and she is still in the picture. When you have an idea care to share.....lol

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