what will you do when the youngest is gone?

Liz - posted on 08/22/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I have 5 sons, the last one is a junior this year. I have an idea of what I will be doing when he is in college and out of the house. I am a sub in our district and work only in the middle school and the 6th grade center. I enjoy this job, because it gives me time to do things I want to do, like Bunko and Bowling. My neighbor has been a Stay at home mom since her kids were born, but she was a teacher before she was married and had kids. Her youngest is a junior and her oldest is a senior. She has always been very active in the school organizations, this year she is on the prom committee, after prom and the senior celebration, along with the soccer Mothers. She is beginning to dread her son going to college and her daughter's senior year, and it is just the beginning of the his senior year. When we talked, she says that she is afraid that she won't have anything to do, but when I suggest that she get her teaching license updated, and then go into subbing she balks, saying it is just too much trouble. I invite her to bowling and bunko and she says she needs to be at home, in case they need her. What? Do you not have a Cellphone, are these not 16 and 17 year old kids? She also says that her husband wants her home, to do what? I don't know, he is usually at work, or out of town on business.

I worry about her because she sometimes comes over and just complains, but when given some good ideas, at least I think that they are good ideas, she balks. So Here is my question, what are you going to do when there are no more kids at home...and yes there will be a time that there will be no more kids in your house....even for a week.

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Michelle - posted on 11/11/2010

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My husband is the same way. He prefers I stay home also. Which I do enjoy, but after a few months it gets boring, and there is only so much house to clean! lol
I dont have any friends. Dont know why, I'm alot of fun, and enjoy company But think its hard to meet friends.
Maybe she can start a hobby, do volunteer work, or babysit.
Personally I scrapbook, and right now my husband and I are in the process of getting our fostering licence.
I had a hard time dealing with the kids being gone. So this is why I want to foster. Plus my in laws have been doing it for many years, and we have seen 89 children come and go.
Hope this helps some :)

Renee - posted on 11/09/2010

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me.. im doing it.. my youngest just graduated from high school and joined the army.. i am traveling with my husband, he works all over the USA as a geothermal driller. i am doin things i couldnt do when they were young, and i was a single mom.. i just remarried april of 2009.. so go on with your life.. even if your kids need you.. they can just call.

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It sounds like your friend is just a complainer; either that or actually suffering from some depression. She comes and complains about not having "anything to do" but when given sound, positive ideas, she doesn't put them into practice. Don't listen to it! Let her know that you are her friend, but to put up or shut up. her kids are old enough now for her to re-establish her independence and go back to work or volunteer. I work full time, my youngest is a freshman in high school. I CANNOT wait until he is mature enough to be home alone or else in college! I want to travel with my spouse on business trips; I want to be able to do what I want to do, not be obligated to be "mom." in approx. 5 years, I figure I won't have MIL (whom I love!) and my son will be gone to college. i want to work part time with a flexible schedule that leaves me plenty of time to clean house, bake, read & pursue the hobbies I have now and discover a few others. Why doesn't this woman try establishing herself as a part-time cleaning woman? there's good money in it and that's certainly flexible so she can be home when her spouse wants her to be? she can substitute teach too, and that's flexible... good luck with her, though. sounds like she actually likes her life and doesn't want it to change..

Sarah - posted on 10/28/2010

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Well, I have given much thought to this question, as I dream of what it will be like. I have a 17yo , 10yo, 6yo and 3yo and it will be a long time in coming. I wonder if I will even know what to do with myself beacause I have always been home and homeschooled. Until this year when we sent the older 3 to school. I don't know what to do with myself with only 1 home let alone none! I would like to think I will sub as I am a certified teacher, or maybe pick up some classes to become a phlebotomist or respiratory therapist, or even work with those with special needs, or accounting. Maybe pick up bowling again or horseback riding, or hobbies that haven't seen the light of day for 16 yrs such as counted cross-stitching birth samplers that never got done for my kids:)! Im not sure, just know I would like to be 'doing' something that I want and like to do:)! ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!

Sarah - posted on 10/21/2010

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When the kids leave for University, we too will be leaving the family home, and renting it out.



We plan to spend our winters running a chalet for a tour operator, and our summers working as scuba diving guides / instructors.



Our mortgage is paid off soon, and all the rental income will be our retirement fund when we return, some 15 years later.



That's the plan.

LATONYA - posted on 10/20/2010

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I have all boys also, the last 2 is 17 and 13. I do a lot of things with them now and also teach them how to live on their on. Yes I will miss them when they leave but it just give me more things to do. It will be more places to add on my list to travel to and visit them. It will become your time to find yourself again. I'm thinking about going back to school and thats a big maybe, but if I don't I love to travel and have fun with some of my girlfriends and enjoy the company of my husband to be. So good luck. As far as your friend she sounds like she is so miserable at home that she surround all her time and life to her children and forgot to make time for herself. Sounds like she has a controlling husband also. You can talk to her until you are blue in the face but it will be up to her to come around.

Lynn - posted on 10/13/2010

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What state do you live in? I am a new empty nester, working part time and connecting to my kids a couple times a week. I had twins who left home, so it's SUPER quiet. My husband and I are learning to make time for our activities and time for each other. Love to connect with other EN moms and share ideas.
Lynn

Mary - posted on 10/12/2010

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I am having a realllllly rough time with the concept of having children going off to college. I have one leaving this year and one who will follow next year. I tell you, I sob at night knowing it's just around the bend. I have no idea how I am going to deal with this when it actually happens. I also have a ten year old who is going to be JUST as devasted if not more... she thinks the sun, the moon and the earth revolve around them.

Kimberly - posted on 10/02/2010

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I wish I could tell you what I would do but I really don't know. I love to do family tree research so that's most likely what I would do. Our oldest is going to be 20 in a couple of days and our youngset will be one in about three weeks.Yes, that's a 19 year difference between them.

Pamela - posted on 10/02/2010

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I stopped cleaning, (you will find it doesn't get dirty!)rediscovered a few long-lost hobbies and slept like never before!

Theresa - posted on 09/14/2010

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I don't know about your friend but me i am going to PARTY LIKE ITS 1999.LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
because my last child is in the 9th grade im just waiting for the big day .GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME.

Louise - posted on 08/23/2010

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Well after a bit of thought I came up with an idea. Why does your friend apply to become a moderator for exams. This job is done in your home and the exam papers are sent to you to remark and assess. She could get into the exam side of teaching which involves alot of planning and meeting. Sounds right up her street.

Me personally I have been on the brink of geting my sons out of the house one off to uni and the other college and the thought frightened me to death so I started all over again and had a baby! Now she is 21 months and I fully intend to go back into pre school teaching when she goes to school.

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