When do you stop being a mom?

Karen - posted on 10/02/2009 ( 158 moms have responded )

3

20

1

At what age do your adult children have to be before you can retire from motherhood. At 23 and 25 years old, I'm thinking that they should be solving there own problems by now. I was solving mine at age 19.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Probably never. Our children are always going to look to us for advice and support. Don't enable them. Encourage them to be independent and solve their own problems. Say, "That's a decision you need to make on your own" or "I think that's something you need take care of yourself." My mom was always straight forward with me and said "No, I can't take care of you forever. You need to learn to take care of yourself."

Bernice - posted on 10/19/2009

1

6

0

I WOULD NEVER STOP BEING A MOTHER.... NO MATTER HOW OLD MY CHILDREN ARE......LOL

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

158 Comments

View replies by

Janet - posted on 12/12/2011

19

41

2

i've stopped somethings already as my son is responsible enough and will be a legal adult but still needs guidance as i found out last night that he'd been smoking weed for the past 3 months 1-2 times a month and is now going through withdrawl.......on and off again. well i told him i went through something similar only with stress as i broke out in hives, had constant headaches, couldn't sleep, eat right and just had to stay out of the house to be outside and walk as much as possible. well it helped to talk to him and relate to him what went on with me and he just got it all out! am so proud of him and looks like we're closer than ever now and will do a few more things together, but i know he still needs his own space and time, but did get a promise out of him no more weed and i won't give him anymore grief about things which he knows should be done and he will get them done in his own time frame! he's doing so well in school too and staying after to get help as well as seeking help from our doctor! now that's a true grown up! i love you natty!

Tammie - posted on 12/03/2011

32

36

1

I don't think I could ever stop being a mother to my children, even now that they are grown. I will never stop loving them, wanting what is best for them, or doing whatever I can to help them, even if that means staying out of their life. I will always worry about them, and mentor to them if they let me, but even if they don't let me I will never be able to stop mothering them in my own mind. I am delighted when they come to me for help, and enjoy helping them solve a problem when I can.

Tamela - posted on 12/02/2011

3

0

0

I think times are different now---kids are going to college--where I just went to work straight from High School back in the 80s....technically, I think college is 4 more years of helping them because they have so much more to balance. However, if they have a job while they're in college too, I think that helps them to "grow up." :)

Leesa - posted on 09/20/2011

1

18

0

You never stop being a mum. They grow up, get married or not, leave home and they still come to you for advice especially when you have grandchildren I know I did with my mum. Being a mum is a job for life ladies!

Vickie - posted on 09/13/2011

12

0

0

I am sry, I can not believe this is even a question.... once you get pregnant you are a mom as long as you live... no ifs ands or buts about it. You should be proud that your kids come to you and are comfortable doing so. My children live very close to me and my health is going downhill and I do not see them even one time a month much less get to talk to them about their problems. I would love for my sons to talk to me, I guess they talk to their wives, I don't know or maybe their pastor. Like you, I was pretty much solving mine at 18, but still kept in close contact with my parents because I was the only child. I have 3, 2 sons and a step daughter but she is my daughter, she has been for around 15 years now, she was in her 20's when her dad and I got together, she doesn't mind contacting me when she has a problem, but you never stop being a mom. Why on earth would you want to?

Barbara - posted on 09/13/2011

2

3

0

Never ,,You never stop being a mom ,,being a mom is the greatest joy in the world,it might not be easy and fun all the time ,,but who said it would be ,

Phyllis - posted on 10/23/2009

15

50

1

You will always and forever be a mom!! My oldest is 27 years old and my youngest is 2 1/2 years old. I think about my own parents and they are still there for me when I need them. Granted it isn't too often. My dad is still my parent when I need him. I guess the question is... is it parenting or being a friend? I don't think of my dad's advise anymore as parenting as advise from a friend but it really is parenting. My oldest son knows where to find me when he really needs help with a problem but he wants to live his life they way he wants and I give him the space to do so. Maybe your kids aren't ready to do that yet. Good Luck, wish you all the best to figure this one out!

Jane - posted on 10/23/2009

2

1

0

You would think they should be, but this generation is so used to us doing it all they don't know how. It's tough to let them make mistakes, but it usually is the only way they learn. Mine don't usually think I know what I am talking about anyway and they are 35, 31, 19, and 17.

Cindy - posted on 10/23/2009

1

12

0

You never stop being a mom. Why would you want to? Yes they need to handle their own problems, but mom's can give good advice. If you think you have to retire from motherhood, you should have never been a mom in the first place.

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2009

10

9

0

NEVER I WILL BE A MOM EVEN IN THE AFTER LIFE AND I LOVE IT AND A NANA OF COURSE. HANG IN THERE IT GETS BETTER SOONER OR LATER THEY GROW UP AND DUE FINE

Donna - posted on 10/22/2009

14

7

0

I had someone tell me that parenthood ends when they turn 18 and then you become their friend, and you don't give out advice especially unsolisited advice, and you always support them no matter what they do or say, period. I completely disagreed. How bad am I???

Sharon - posted on 10/19/2009

2

6

0

Motherhood is a lifetime job. My mom is 90 and I still ask her advice, complain to her about the kids, the husband, etc. I do admit, I'd like the 32 year old out of the house, but he keeps coming back like a boomerang.

Lynn - posted on 10/18/2009

4

9

0

Sorry, but Motherhood is a life long commitment. My 28 year old and 24 year old son's have families of their own, but still call and ask for advice on solving their problems. I too was 19 when I had my oldest and was very independent and solving my own problems, but I did seek advice and direction from my own mother who helped me by guiding me and by not solving the problems for me. Good luck!

Annie - posted on 10/18/2009

2

12

0

You probably know the answer to that question. Certain mothering should end when they leave home and other types of mothering will never end...as long as they still call you "mom."

Laura - posted on 10/18/2009

3

14

1

Never. Motherhood is the only job that you can't quit, or be fired from. It is; however, the only job with life long benefits.

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Hang it there Karen.

Deborah - posted on 10/16/2009

5

9

0

you never stop being a mom, my children are 33 and 30. 33 on his own does very well daughter another thing at the age of 30

Linda - posted on 10/16/2009

2

16

0

Never!!...lol I have 3 boys, 32, 29, 26 and they are wonderful. They always come to me for advice or whatever and its still wonderful!!....Always and forever a MOM!!!

Tammy - posted on 10/15/2009

15

11

3

My oldest daughter is 25 ,with a daughter of her own,and she still drives me crazy!!

She's got the mom I want ,and the mom I needs still! Solving her own problems, I don't see it happening anytime soon!

Edna - posted on 10/15/2009

3

40

0

Being a mom is what we do best. What would we do now that we have them? love them and support them and hope that the decisions that they make will help them grow to be the better people. I love my boy and my girl couldn't image my life without them.

Sylvia - posted on 10/15/2009

1

11

0

I think we never will stop giving advise.. because after they leave and maybe grow up a little the grandchildren come... then the questions start...

Geraldine - posted on 10/15/2009

1

29

0

I think you never give up being a mother. The mother role is one that lasts a lifetime it only changes with you childs needs.My kids are 31, 36 and 15. They all solve their own problems and make their own way in life with me watching over them and helping them when asked or needed.

Barbara - posted on 10/15/2009

12

16

2

YOU CAN NEVER "STOP " BEING A MOM NOR CAN YOU EVER "RETIRE" . WHEN YOU GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD IT IS FOR LIFE. MOTHERHOOD IS NOT A JOB FROM WHICH YOU CAN "RETIRE". CHILDREN GROW UP AND AUTOMATICALLY LEARN TO SOLVE THEIR OWN ISSUES, BUT, THEY WILL ALWAYS NEED THEIR MOTHER AS LONG AS YOU ARE LIVING.I AM 42 YEARS OLD AND I STILL LOOK TO MY MOTHER EVERY NOW AND THEN FOR ADVICE OR JUST SIMPLY SOMEONE TO TALK TO WHO KNOWS ME WELL. SO TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION AS TO WHEN YOU CAN "RETIRE " FROM BEING A MOTHER? I SAY...WHEN YOU DIE!!!!!!!!

Ngozi Vivian - posted on 10/10/2009

2

22

0

Never,you'll always be a mom&grandmum till death even when the kids dont appreciate you.

Julieanne - posted on 10/10/2009

3

7

0

Quoting edith:

You don't retire just in case you didn't know, you have steward-ship over them until death. Now that is not to say that you don't clip the apron strings and allow them their process of growth and learning because you must do that in order for them to continue to receive the development, and maturity necessary to become all that God would have them to be. But you are mom for the duration my dear no matter what. Hope that helped your inquiring mind. Karen in the meanwhile you just keep sharing, loving , laughing, learning , and living girl. Kalifa!


 

Julieanne - posted on 10/10/2009

3

7

0

Yeah but I have a 17yo and a 26yo and it seems like they still need me,one minute they dont and then catastrophes' happen and im their best friend again,sometimes i'm tired of it but the end of the day their my kids,guess thats like most mothers,just persist!

Anne-Marie - posted on 10/09/2009

1

51

0

Part of being a Mom is letting them learn from their own mistakes, but you never really stop being a Mom. I still go to my Mom as a sounding board. I'm not really asking her to fix it, but rather to help me decide if my idea is valid.

Mary - posted on 10/09/2009

17

123

0

huh,well my girls are 20,22,24.they will aways need us parents,to help them .

Georgia - posted on 10/09/2009

2

24

0

I don't think that you ever retire. I have watched my mom with two of my older siblings ages 48 and 50. and I think that there's a limit to what you should do, but how do you turn down a child who needs money for the electric bill or they need groceries. how far does mothering an adult child go? and where is the cut-off point? and still be mom?

Sherry - posted on 10/09/2009

2

20

0

NEVER EVER EVER...Would you truly want to.....I have four 35, 34, 32, 30, all have children, and see now why mom is the way she is...through all the hard times with each one, the blessing mean so much, YOU young moms out there...DON"T EVER EVER say to your children I CAN"T WAIT TO YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH TO LEAVE HOME....If I could just take back those words, they are now from the west coast to the east coast & I miss them sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much

Kim - posted on 10/09/2009

1

11

0

My mother is 83, with six children, five living and she always tells me you never stop being a mother. Til this day she still helps us out and worries about everyone of us. The oldest is 61 and I'm the baby at 45. I guess this is what being a mother is....until we leave this world, they will always need us in some way or another and thats ok with me.

JoAnn - posted on 10/09/2009

8

15

0

Dear Karen

Our jobs as mothers never end. No matter what age, our children will need us through good and bad. You can be an ear, give suggestions but the rest is on them. God Bless

Jamie - posted on 10/09/2009

6

11

0

Oh my goodness! You NEVER stop being a Mom! You should always be there for them! No matter what their age! My Mom is still there for me & I'm 47 years old! I still go to her for advice and if I need a shoulder to cry on. My children are the same way. They're 25,27,29 & 31 years old. So I hope that helps you! That's the way it is in our family anyhow!

Lupe - posted on 10/09/2009

8

16

0

Oh you NEVER do, your children will be parents and your still going to be the mother....

being a mother is a GIFT ! you see anyone can be a MOM, but to be a MOTHER it takes... courage, streingth, determination, wisdom, and all the LOVE in the world that can't be compared to anything. To be a mother is a privelage and a gift from GOD, so many woman desire to have children but can't and those mom's that have children and abuse and kill their children.

a Mother will always be needed at all times and all ages no matter if your children are grandparents..... to keep teaching your childrens children is the blessing of your children letting you know that..........."MOTHER, you taught me well and I want my children to learn what you taught us!." see this as a blessing not as a burden, Look... You did something Good in your kids life that they still come to you for opinions and so on.

If you started your dependacy at that age 19 well you did good and a strong mother you are, I applaud all mothers who take responsabilities wether at a young age or older age, it's not easy........ Congratulations Mother on a well job....... your children need you and want you! ;)

Amy - posted on 10/08/2009

1

11

0

I hope NEVER! I hope my kids will always want and need me in their lives, it is just in different ways then when they were little. And for those that answered at death, I dont even think that lets you off the hook. Even though my Mom passed recently she is still and always will be a very strong influence over me.

Mary - posted on 10/08/2009

4

22

0

It is not good to solve their problems for them, and it is hard sometimes to be silent and respect that you might want to speak or say I told you so. We work really hard to teach our children right from wrong, to develop confidence and we aleays want them tohave more than we had, but being able to listen, and love no matter how long it takes them to respond is easier said than done. we can't do it for them, but we don't have to stand on the sidelines without being a coach either. Not an easy situation and no child or family are the same so you have to live with your heart and decide if you are doing or saying something becasue it is what they need or what you need.

Mary - posted on 10/08/2009

4

22

0

Oh honey you never stop being a mom. Once a mom always a mom. The best days are when you children acually use there outside voice to say that they appreciate what yo have to offer. It is scarry when your own voice sounds just like your own mother and you actually use your outside voice to say you appeciate your mother.

Bev - posted on 10/08/2009

5

16

0

A Mom is a Mom forever. We give love, guidence, support, advice, security, confidence, anything that we can to help our children become the wonderful people we know they are. Even if the child doesn't come from our bodies, we want to give what we can to them until we leave this earth and watch from above and smile with pride as our child raises their children with all the values and tools we taught them. This does not mean that we give up our life for them, there needs to be a balance. The material things are less and less but all the rest seems to increase more and more. When they get to that age where they say "I know why you did that or said that and you're right" It is such a great feeling. There's nothing better as a mom. " There's no greater privilege or responsibility in life , than the raising of the next generation." (C.E. Koop) Bev Shooltz

Louana - posted on 10/08/2009

1

0

0

Quoting Karen:

I love my boys dearly, I just want them to be totally on there own so when I receive there next phone call, it's just to say; mom, how are you today, without having, "I need" attached to it.


I understand what you mean. I think we need to respect and look out for ourselves as well, particularly when our children are older, therefor I think it is perfectly acceptable to tell them in a straightforward sympathetic way, "oh I'm sorry, that's not in my budget right  now." or "I'm sorry I am busy that day" or whatever fits the situation. I have a paper that I have saved for many years by Jim Fay of School Consultant Services, (don't know who he is, just giving credit where credit is due) and I will share it with you here.  THE ROAD TO SELF CONFIDENCE  1: RISK   2: STRUGGLE  3: ACHIEVEMENT   4: ATTRIBUTION       TRANSLATION: "I am forced to stand on my own two feet, paddle my own canoe and solve my own problems with guidance from the adults in my life."  "Each time this does not happen, someone has stolen away one of my opportunities and I am now less prepared for the world which I must eventually face on my own." Good luck! It is tough knowing what is the right way to love our adult kids sometimes! (or any age for that matter!) Louana

Patricia - posted on 10/08/2009

1

11

0

Quoting Karen:

When do you stop being a mom?

At what age do your adult children have to be before you can retire from motherhood. At 23 and 25 years old, I'm thinking that they should be solving there own problems by now. I was solving mine at age 19.


My problem is letting them make those mistakes and not helping them out.  I worry about them so much that my stomach does knots at times.  I always have to call them and find out if they are ok.  I think it's bad now because they call and let me know when they are having fights with boyfriends or their spouse.  I really don't need to hear this.  Sometimes I even feel a little used.

Delores - posted on 10/08/2009

2

6

0

I have never talk to anybody that lost their Mother who did not want to have Mom around for love, comfort, wisdom, laughter, friendship and companionship. When mom is gone or out of your life or even far away there is a void, and an impact that you can't deny feeling. Moms are super special that why God only allowed you to have one, She can not be replaced.

Delores - posted on 10/08/2009

2

6

0

Moms never stop mothering. You just get better and wiser doing it. Even when your children are grown they still need loveing kindness that can only be given from a nurturing mother. Its a God given purpose to and for mothers.

Darla - posted on 10/08/2009

5

5

0

you actually never stop being a mom,my children are all grown and have children of their own but I find myself still worrying about them ,hoping that my husband and I have raised them well enough to make the right choices,to have good morals and values.You do have to cut the apron strings,and one of the hard parts for me was knowing that they have a wife now that they turn to and not Mom.they still come to me for advice and I try to help as much as I can, and its also letting them run there own life and not interferring.What they do is their business now and I just sit back and will be there if they need me.

Nancy - posted on 10/08/2009

9

20

1

you never stop being a mom and you never really want to either just at times, we all have those moments i have a son who is a part time father for the first time he gets his son every other weekend and he comes home to do it as he still afraid of making a mistake but he doing wonderful im so proud i just wish he could find that special someone because someday he is going to make someone a wonderful considerate husband he is really consious about everything as different as day and night from his older brother who admits heloves himself and is selfish so it would not be right to get involved with someone just to hurt them

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms