why do 16 year olds think they can do what they want these days

Lynn - posted on 08/21/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

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i have 5 kids 2 grown up with kids of there own and 3 teenagers at home well i say 3 but this is the thing i want to know why most 15 and 16 year olds think they know it all and they think they have all these rights i know they have some rights but when my 16 year old decided she was going for a sleep over at her boyfriends i knew only thing i could do was say ok but play safe in the way of useing contraception she was on the pill but recently i found out she has not been taking it and after the night out she text me to say she was staying out for the next 3 nights i was not happy and phoned her to tell her to come home she is digging her heels in and kept on telling me no she would be home in 3 days times then 3 days passed in which time she had her phone switched off so only contact was through fb then she kept on pushing it saying she was staying out for another night etc its now been 8 nights in which time she has not seen me at all she is now saying she has been trying for a baby and she is not sure she is even comming home i keep asking her to meet up with me to talk and she wont reply to this i still have no idea where she is and she is still not answering her phone im so worried this boyfriend came into her life 5 months ago he was homeless and no job and no benefits i tried being supportive all the way through i found him a place in a hostle for young people and got his benefits with him sorted out iv allowed him to spend some nights round my home i cooked for him i have really tried to show he is a welcome member of the family to make my daughter happy and now this i feel iv been kicked in the teeth does anyone have any sugestunes please im going out of my mind here with worry and by the way its made even harder by me being a single mum

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Darlene - posted on 08/21/2010

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I would report her as a run-a-way. Have her picked up and brought home. This is not a good situation. We both know that it is not a good desition. Teen agers do think they know it all. But they don't see the big picture. If you just let it continue the out come will not be good. Is she not in school. If so i would pick her up there. I know it sucks to get them put in the system but if thats the only choice she gives you then it's what you have to do. You could warn her that is what you will do first and maybe you won't have to.

[deleted account]

I have survived 3 16 year olds who have turned into amazing, independent, responsible young adults at very young ages. This is what worked for my husband and me: Get rid of the television - we didn't have television while we had teens - sounds very old fashioned, but we have never had it and still don't. This forced us to communicate with one another and to find positive things to do. We also had a night each week that they had to spend with the whole family. They didn't like it, but they knew it was a requirement. We also did not try to be their friends or appease them. We absolutely loved them with all our hearts, but we knew they would go through periods where they didn't like us or thought we were stupid. We told them those thoughts were OK, we had gone through the same things with our parents, but they were not allowed to treat us disrespectfully. They were expected to help around the house, no matter how bust they were. We were busy too. If they didn't want to help...too bad. Do your chores without drama or become a one person family in your room - no phone - no dinners, etc. We helped them to stay focused outward by taking them to food banks and shelters to volunteer. This helped them to appreciate what they had. When they rolled their eyes at me the first time, I took a paper bag, cut out a mouth hole and made them wear it for 24 hours. They could roll their eyes all they wanted, but I didn't want to see it. Each of them did it once. If they had friends coming over...sucks to be you - there are consequences for actions. They were never told we would pay for college. If they made good enough grades, they were rewarded with enough to pay tuition and books the next semester. If not, they came home and got jobs. They got through and are now very successful adults at the ages of 23, 26, and 27.

[deleted account]

I thank God every day that I don't have a daughter, but my sons have BOTH told me (23 and 14 years old) at various times that they hate me. my younger one knows my reply, which is "GOOD, THEN I'm DOING MY JOB RIGHT, THEN, HUH?" I am the parent. they are/were the children. They get "votes" as to what they want to do, but if it's not safe, not approved of, or just plain inconvenient to me, then it gets VETOED! Seriously, drag your daughter back to your house by her hair and threaten (but absolutely be ready to back it up for real) with serious consequences for lashing out in retaliation. She's being a disgusting brat! I agree with those below, report her as a runaway, let the cops pick her up and let her spend time in Juvie as a delinquent/uncontrollable minor. She'll wise up if she's smart. she just thinks she can walk all over you right now and you're letting her. Good Luck!

[deleted account]

No offense, but you need to get a backbone. That kid would have NOTHING left but a mattress on the floor. Before she even walked out of the door, I think I might have called the cops for back-up. You must stop allowing a child to make adult decisions. She is not old enough to see the consequences of her actions, really. She sounds very immature. Report, call for help, do whatever you must to get her under control now... before it is too late. Do not let her "threaten" you with running away, etc. either. She needs some firm parenting and some serious boundaries.

[deleted account]

You have a lot of good advice below. Contact the police.

Also, how old is the boyfriend? Sex with a minor is a crime. I'd report him if he is over 18.

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Shawnn - posted on 05/02/2014

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Question: Why do 16 year olds think they can do what they want.

Answer: BECAUSE PARENTS, SUCH AS THE OP, WANT TO BE THEIR KID'S FRIEND, RATHER THAN PARENT.

If parents would actually keep rules, and enforce consequences, kids wouldn't think they could get away with anything they want. For example, I offer you a direct quote from the OP: "when my 16 year old decided she was going for a sleep over at her boyfriends i knew only thing i could do was say ok but play safe in the way of useing contraception"

That was WRONG on so many levels. However, it is also obvious that the OP had already let go of enforcing rules, because had she been enforcing rules, the 16 year old wouldn't have even DREAMED of pulling that bullshit.

Next example: " after the night out she text me to say she was staying out for the next 3 nights i was not happy and phoned her to tell her to come home she is digging her heels in and kept on telling me no she would be home in 3 days times then 3 days passed in which time she had her phone switched off so only contact was through fb then she kept on pushing it saying she was staying out for another night etc its now been 8 nights in which time she has not seen me at all " Because you've shown your teen that you'll let THEM make the rules.

PhilnDela - posted on 04/29/2014

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All these things your telling her about getting her 16 yr old, I'm doing I have gotten the cops involved, I've been just sick the running away and the sex and drugs! Last two days youth officers have told her to come home, she's in the system, we have chased her down, we have he phone which she uses for only bad and not to reach us! Our days are full of grief to the point my physical condition is worse and my husband is having issues now! She hasn't been brought home! We are fine if she goes to juvi! If that's what it takes we want her alive! So far she still isn't coming home but out doing drugs! My mom and sister tried to get her to come with them she wouldn't! I don't know what the officer has planned but I pray it's something soon! We've done everything short of my husband grabbing and cuffing her! He and I have never cried so often over one of our children! Praying daily! May God help her! And us!

Karen - posted on 12/13/2013

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hi i am a single parent with five kids three are still at home
i took my daughters phone away and the police showed up and were going to take me away my daughter was 14 at the time
my ex and i were in court last year because he did not wish to pay me any more so he said he wanted full custody he was living in a grow up house which he was evicted from during trial but the judge said that was not a grow up. why he got evicted is beyond me then and she gave him primary residence when he was living in a one room garage. He makes almost a hundred thousand dollars a year not including the money he gets from selling pot because he is hooked on coke. I got my money cut and had to move from the three bed twh to a two bedroom apartment. my 15 year old went to see him and will not come back that was in feb ten months ago. When i tried to go and pick her up she phoned the police on me and i was told to go and see her at school the next day if i want. i went to the school she was not there, the counsellor said she is allowed to do what ever she wants. her father will not talk with me or answer any emails or phone calls. She will not answer any calls the judge said if i wish to speak with her i just have to call her. She will not answer we had not fight she just wants to do what ever she wants drinking, drugs, sex and she can do all this at her fathers he probably supplies her and there is nothing i can do. She sleeps beside her father in a garage every night at least that is what i think i am not allowed to know and if i keep going over there they will put a restraining order on me. My other kids live with me my youngest goes to see her dad on the weekend, my son never goes there and barely speaks with him or his sister and this is life if she ends up dead or pregnant there is nothing i can do without getting arrested.

Michelle - posted on 09/06/2011

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In the UK a child is a child and the responsibility of their parents until they are 18. In this situation I would have no hesitation to call the police and have them find her and bring her home.

Shannon - posted on 09/06/2011

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i have 5 kids 2 my oldest is 22 my step son is 24 i have a 16 year old girl and twins that are 10. i did the same thing for my oldest got her birth control. 16 year ld girls think they know everything, they will push you to the limit to get what they want they think they are old enough to make desions for themself but they are not. i do not believe boyftrends should spendthe night at your home oe vice versa. maybe she is trying for a baby couse she thinks she will keep this guy. my oldest daughters boyfriend had no job never finished schol and when she did leave they were basical homless for a year. nowshe works has a good job and there own place he doesnot. at 22 she is in charde of everything. . hopefuly this will ie down if you just kinda back off and dont make the converstion apart of all your talks. 16 year old honnestly think they know what love is. but from my xperice it will die down

Kim - posted on 09/11/2010

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Wow, I read the post from Austrailia, and it sounds a whole lot like Canada where I live. In Canada, parents have no rights once the child turns 14! I know this for a fact because one night my daughter told me she was going to visit a friend for awhile. It was a school night and she had a curfew, but the curfew came and went. I provided her with a cell phone in case of emergencies, and so if she was going to be late she could call me. I called her number but the phone was turned off. I called the girl she was supposed to have gone to visit, and was told my daughter never even went there. Her friend told me she went to a party with some people I already told her I didn't want her hanging around with. Her friend didn't know where the party was, but she heard them talking about it in school that day. I was pretty upset about this and planned to ground her when she got home. Problem is, she didn't come home at all that night. At two in the morning I called the police. They told me that I couldn't report her as a missing person until she had been gone for a full 24 hours. She didn't come home at all that night, and the next morning I called the school, and she wasn't there. But I had to wait the rest of the day, until the 24 hour time limit had passed. Then I called the police back. They came to my home, I gave them a recent photo and then they dropped the bomb. They told me they would drive around and keep an eye out for her, but if they found her and she told them she didn't want to go home yet they couldn't force her to get in the car. I asked them "Why the hell not!?" Thats when they told me that at 14, they can only get involved if the child appears to be in danger! So I asked them if the fact that a 14 year old girl might be out walking the streets alone after dark isnt in itself dangerous - there are a lot of perverts out there just looking for young girls walking alone. They said not unless she is being attacked, or asks for their help. Then they told me at 14, she is allowed to quit school if she wants to. I cant force her to go! Now I lost it. When I was growing up you were allowed to quit school at age 16, but my parents told me the day I quit is the day I better come up with the first rent payment - and it would be charged daily. No rent - no home. End of story. They told me if I was crazy enough to quit school, I better have a job to go to before I got back home. But the rules changed over the years here - and even though you can't get a job until your 16 you can quit school at 14. What kind of crap is that? They also told me when she came back home, if I grounded her, she could legally tell me where to go and walk right out the door - but I was still financially responsible if she went out and destroyed property until she was 18. Also, they have this stupid law called the Young Offenders Act here. What that means is basically a kid under the age of 18 can commit any crime they want to and get off scott free. Oh, they might get a fine - which the parent has to pay, but nothing else. So lets teach our kids that they don't owe us, or society anything at all. Yeah, whoever made that law up was obviously NOT a parent. The teachers arent allowed to yell at them, but there are kids in school telling the teachers to go F themselves and getting away with it. If we spank our kids its called child abuse and social services can be called in. Yes, you child is allowed to call social services on you if you spank them. If you yell, they call that verbal abuse. So thats against the law too. You are only allowed to give time out, hahaha, time out! Time out of what is what I would like to know. I dont believe in child abuse where the parents actually beat the children, but I got many a spankings in my day, and I wouldn't dare even think to tell a teacher off - because back then they gave you the strap in school and called your parents. What you got in school was nothing compared to what you got when you got home. Parents co-operated with teachers, and kids were taught to respect their elders. The reason so many kids these days are out of control is because they have been given too many "rights" at too young an age. We as parents have no power anymore to discipline, and neither do the teachers. We can only teach them right and wrong, but if they choose to ignore it, theres nothing we are legally allowed to do. At 13, we can ground them, the cops can make them get in the car and they have to go to school. At 14, they know the rules of the house, but they also know the rules according to the law. And the law is all about freedom and rights of the child and nothing about turning them into responsible citizens of society. So at least in the States you parents have legal courses to take until they turn 16. Here they are considered adults in some areas at 14, but in other areas its still 16. Conflicting messages make for a messed up kid. I still cant believe a child of 14 is allowed to quit school, or refuse to get into a cop car. Or stay out all night and have the cops do nothing at all to help the parents find the child. And then be told that even if the child is found, its up to him/her if she goes home or not. This world is nuts, and I feel sorry for the kids growing up in it. I also feel sorry for the parents who are being called bad parents for "letting" their 16 year olds stay out all night. In my country, we have no choice, and we have no say. But believe me, if the law was to change back to the way it used to be - we would be spanking if needed, grounding when appropriate and none of our kids would dare consider quitting school without having a full time job to go to.

Lenisa Wayne - posted on 09/11/2010

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for one thing, turn off her phone...for another, why have you let it get this far in the first place...She is only doing what you let her...What,,,the only thing you could do was say OK???? are you crazy??? who is the parent here...So you are single...So what??? You are still the mom...
The more I read these post, the more I realize that some of you didn't need children...What is wrong with SAYING NO to them...They will LIVE!!!! OMG!!!

Kelly - posted on 09/10/2010

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You have to find out where she is and make her come home. If she won't come with you, you may have to make the police bring her home. I am a single mom also with two teens. They definitely think they know whats best for them and that they are in charge of their lives. She may end up saying she hates you for a while (which she really won't) but you have to be strong and set the example. You've tried the helping way, which I also did, it doesn't work So now you have to protect your daughter even if it's from her own destructive behavior. it's not easy I 'm a single mom to and know what your going through. It sucks but you have to make her come home and know until she is 18 she is your responsibility and no matter what she thinks, you love her and are doing what is best for her. If you can't get her on her own tell her you will get her home by any means. It may suck, but if you can't get her on your own or with friends, you may have to have the police involved to get her home..My heart goes out to you and we can talk any time . my email is hondssybil@yahoo.com

Lisa - posted on 09/04/2010

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I went through the exact same thing with my daughter, who is now 23. She would got out and not come home for days. Wouldn't answer her phone and couldn't keep a job. I was out of my mind with worry 24/7. She was involved with a no good boyfriend who had no job and became very controlling. She even found support with her friends parents who would allow teenage drinking and partying in their home. The bottom line is you are responsilbe for her until she is 18. You are not her friend, you are her mother. Call the police, call everybody. Track her butt down and and make life hell for her boyfriend. Trust me, boyfriends don't want anything to do with girls who have psycho mothers.

Gail - posted on 09/03/2010

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It is developmental that they are rebelling against your authority. If they become violent call the police and let them be arrested. I would put the boyfriend out after a loving discussion with him. You have enough with the children you have let alone another.

BTW - There is no where that it says that your children have to happy all the time. I think that you may need family counseling.

Christie - posted on 09/03/2010

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She is not a adult I myself have 5 children and 3 teens at home I have also called the cops on one of them for not going to school but you have to get control Its very hard but do able they do think they know it all and we ere just trying to make them misserable but stand your ground and do whah you have to do to get her home. she wants to act like a adult then treat her like one no money no help Teens are the hardest but yous still mom till 18

Erika - posted on 09/02/2010

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Be thankful that you're obviously not living in Australia - here you as the parent won't get ANY support from police, the school or anyone else ... over here it is all the parents fault and the teenagers get away with murder .... If you can get the support of police or any other authority, please USE it .... and BE A PARENT!!! Very important to always let your child know that you don't like/approve of what she is doing, but that you still LOVE her unconditionally and that your door is always open for her .... Be strong and good luck!! A child of 16 does not have the skills or the knowledge or the experience to make adult decisions that will have an effect on the rest of their lives, that is why they have parents .... if the gov in Australia just want to allow parents to be parents, our nation won't be in such a mess as it currently is!!

Tina - posted on 09/02/2010

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yes sometimes we do...I hated my older son having to go through all he did, but he is much stronger a person because of it..I bet it is hard being away from them..When my oldest was in Afganistian i thought i would loose it everyday, but had to be strong...I pray for strength for you while your 15yr old is away.

Lisa - posted on 09/02/2010

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we all have to learn the hard way . my boys live with my ex husband and its very hard being away from them . im finding it hard to let them grow up . my 15 year old is going to new york in 6 weeks time i will be tearing my hair out the whole time he is away

Tina - posted on 09/02/2010

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Oh I was to Lisa, I gave my mom fits...And I have paid for it with my own children..I have a 23, 21, 18 old. Will have to say my 2 boys have given me the most problems...Actually my oldest left home when he was 17. he thought he knew it all...I let him stay gone..He did ask once to come home, but he had caused all kinds of problems with the other 2 kids that I felt he needed to be on his own..he is now in the Army as an E6... in a short 3 years...I am so very proud of him...As well as with my other children..My daughter is going to college to also be a teacher and my youngest son, will graduate HS next spring..Lessons to be learned sometimes..Bu let me tell you, it was the hardest thing to do, to not let him come home....

Lisa - posted on 09/02/2010

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we were 16 once and i was a rebel lol x always new best never wanted to do as i was told . and now my kids are nearly that age my oldest son will be leaving school next year and going to collage then uni because he wants to be a teacher

Tina - posted on 09/02/2010

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Wow Lynn, sounds like maybe you need to get the police to bring her home...She is still too young to be out on her own...I am not sure why teenagers now days think they can do what ever they want to. Sounds like she has not made very good choices and does not see it right now, but sounds like she is making choices that she is gonna one day regret...I wish you the very best...

Diana - posted on 09/02/2010

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Call her in as a runaway. It's a no win situation all the way around, but if they can find her and bring her home that's all that matters.

Leanora - posted on 09/02/2010

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Good morning Lyn

Because she kept in touch with you one cannot report that she is missing to the Police. Helping the boyfriend was I felt the best thing to do and as a mother myself I would have done the same. If she is trying for a baby it could be that she has thought it through with the boyfriend as a way of getting themselves somewhere to live, thus she has no intention of returning home to live and/or she is confuse of what she actually want. It must be very difficult for her choose between a controlling boyfriend and hre mother. All I can suggest you keep in touch fb if she switches her mobile off, but under No Circumstances give up. The impression I get is that you will not because you are a caring and loving mother. Daughter is presently confuse and I do not think she has thought through the situation properly and fingers crosss she might see boyfriend for what he is. You have not stated the age of the boyfriend and why he was homeless if he actually told you the reason.

Carolyn - posted on 09/01/2010

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I have to agree with you Sara. I'm real strict with my sos's also. My boys ages are 20, 19, 18, and 15 years old. The 19 and 15 are my natural sons and I took in two brothers and they are the ones who are 20 and 18 years old. My boys are doing great they don't use any alcohol or drugs. They know my rules and when they were in high school they are not allowed to have girlfriends because my rule is education comes first. The boys had friends that were girls but no dates. Now the 20 year old is in the Army, the 19 year old is now attending College, the 18 year old is a senior in high school and the 15 year old is a sophmore. All my boys have house responsibilities as well they have chores that I make sure that are done, Doing dishes, laundry, mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms and all bedrooms have to have all beds made and clothes pick up every day and it's going great. I think we as parents we have to train our children how to be responsible for their actions. We have to communicate to our children and ask them also what they want a family to be like. We have a lot of open communications with each other. I call it the round table just to see what their day is like and what they want from us as parents along as what we want from them.

Kathy - posted on 08/31/2010

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I agree with alot of these comments.I have 3 children..19,17 and 13. Everytime my children decide to try to get out of line with a sassy comment I DO NOT Let IT SLIDE. I demand Respect and honesty!!! I am not their best friend...I am their Parent. As long as they are living in my house they will live by my rules..If they respect me I will respect them. It sounds like you need to talk to your daughter about respecting her ownself and body..getting pregnant is not her only worry!!! Get her picked up by the police and go from there. Tough Love now and save her life!!! When she is 18 you will have no sayso...Go to church and pray for Gods help for your daughter and yourself...miracles do happen!!

Memi - posted on 08/30/2010

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I agree with you when you say that 12-17 is too early to start dating. I never let my daughters boyfriends stay the night either. Sometimes the police must get involved especially if the daughter is staying out all night etc. Tough love sometimes has to happen. I don't envoy the mom at all. I went through the same thing with my son...and I couldn't get the support of the local cops...because he didn't get violent and I couldn't prove drugs.

Rhonda - posted on 08/30/2010

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First off, what are your state laws on runaways? The first night she was gone you should have called the cops and reported her as a runaway, a hostile one at that. Let her spend a night in jail and she will like comming home. There are laws that make these kids do the right thing. You just have to enforce them. Your going to have to get tough on her. Do you pay for her phone? If so then turn it off. Cut off her privilages that you pay for. If she can't do her job (doing whats right and being a responsible person) then your going to take action. Get tough.

Pam - posted on 08/29/2010

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When my oldest daughter was 16, (she's now 28), she tried pulling the same thing. She lived with her dad in a different state at the time. When he called and told me that she had failed to come home when she was supposed to and that he hadn't heard from her, I told him to go to the police station and report her as a runaway. He did...and within 36 hours, they were calling him and telling him that they had picked her up and that he could go get her at juvie. He had her call me when she got home and that phone call is why she doesn't have an ass today. lol. She had no car, no phone, no computer, no tv...nothing for 6 months.

[deleted account]

I totally agree with Sara here. Our family does not allow dating. Our family believes in courtship. I saw too many ruined lives due to dating. We only have 5 more children to go as 10 are already married :)

Sara - posted on 08/28/2010

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It might sound old fashion, but I personally do not think dating should be permitted from the ages of 12-17. I feel that these is when teenagers are on their prime time and ther hormones are running wild, to say the least. I think this is the age to start teaching them responsibilities that includes all the house duties and of course cooking skills for when they turn 18 and are ready to go to college they can do for themselves. Dating at an early age I personally think it opens up there eye and mind to the wrong things a little to fast. My opinion and no insults to parents that agree to the early age dating.

Memi - posted on 08/28/2010

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Yes you do have to take a stand, but you may want to see what your legal rights are before taking action. If drugs are involved then you need to know what steps you can take. A therapist is only good if the person listens and tries. I have been through a lot of what she is going through. I never allowed a boyfriend to stay the night in my home. My daughter is raising her children with out my help, and she is 30 now her oldest child is 12. You have to remember you are the parent not the friend. Friendship comes later when she realizes why you said no.

Peggy - posted on 08/28/2010

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You might not like to hear what I have to say, but here goes!
First why on earth did you not call the police when she called to tell you that she was going to be away for three days? Not to mention that fact that she is way too yopung and immature to be spending the night at her boyfriend's home.
First of all let me say that I have two daughters one is 18 and one is 16. My eldest was not allowed at her boyfriends house unless a parent was there, and defintely not overnight! I found out that the parent let certain things occur, and I was in a tiraid! Mom cut her off from that boyfriend immediately. It sounds to me like you are playing the child, and your daughter has the adult role. You and your family need to go to therapy. Your daughter needs to see what exactly having a baby entails, which as we know is no picnic. A therapist or phychologist would help you and your family immensely. Do not take my comments and advice as being mean, but you need to take control of your daughter, before she ends up pregnant or worse. number one is to Call the Police!

Jenny - posted on 08/28/2010

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Hi there hun, take a deep breath, have a cup of tea n lets chat. I know just how u feel, when my daughter was 15 I had much the same thing, only difference was her chosen was 14 years older and had serious mental issues! is this guy still at the hostel u found him?if so take a bag of shopping round as an icebreaker, if see if u can get hold of one of her more sensible mates for more info. I know its difficult being a single mom, I have been alone for27 years with the exception of a very brief marriage 17 years ago from which I have a son who is now 15 and from my experience it is easier to rear children alone than have a man around who undermines your authourity. let your daughter know that while u love her and will always be there for her you will do everything within your power to keep her safe. Ask her calmly why she wants a baby, what she thinks it is going to bring to her life thats missing now, perhaps get her a meeting with the practice nurse at your g.p.'s to explain that in reality babys arnt all cute n cuddly n sweet smelling, they are loud, smelly n very expensive too! plus she has 4 years with no sleep to look forward to! treat her like an adult if that is what she wants, as a last resort, remove all the things that you pay for and dont give back the priviledges when she spits her dummy out, is she still in education? if so she gets a paper round or a saturday job to pay for stuff, if not then she gets on as many courses with jobseekers as she can, dont ask her to do stuff for you and dont do stuff for her, you know, create her responsibility for her, the old saying, the devil finds work for idle hands is very true and at 16 all she is entitled to is your love and emotional support. Her b/f sounds like a needy type and no doubt she sees herself as his saving grace and has rose tinted views of the future with him and a baby and a nice little flat. It will all change when shes got no money for makeup, new clothes, a makkies with her mates, the lekki's been cut off, there's no food. Just love yourself, ease your heartache, she will come through and you will both be stronger. Good luck

Sarah - posted on 08/27/2010

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hey huni chin up
i had to go back and forth to court and was always having the police at my door for a number of yrs with one of my boys, he's now almost 18 and the best kid ever,polite,kind,helpful and understanding-but at the time he was 14 ,15,16. I am a single mum and have been for a good number of years, i used to try to do everything my son wanted and then in the end i thought thats it and left him to it, so if he had to go to a younger offenders institute,he did.I am mum, he a child, let them get on with it, she will come to you when she needs you.I know its easy to say and so so so much harder to do, but thats my advise, just be there when she does need you though and welcome here, not too many ?'s,just love and understanding ,you can ask the ?'s later

Memi - posted on 08/27/2010

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Maybe you should see a lawyer and see what legal rights you as a parent have. You are held accountable to some degree if she gets into trouble til she is 18...find out what your rights are and make your decision from that. I've been there.

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I would say that you waited way too late to be able to put your foot down. You gave her the ok to an overnight stay??? It may be too late but I would definitely try. I would pull her from all these "friends" of hers and if possible move to a new location! My DH and I have 15 children (and 22 grand children). All but 3 of our children are grown and have families of their own. The last 3 at home are 18 (next month), 16 and 13 (next month). It doesn't matter how old they are if they are living at home they go by our rules. They never question that or try to do anything different.

I raised my children different than my parents raised me. My parents were considered "fairly" strict but they allowed me to hang out with other teens and do what I wanted for the most part. They certainly wouldn't have allowed me to spend the night with a boy though. One time they almost packed up and moved us all because of some negative influences that I was hanging with and I remember I was hoping they would. I have told them several times I do wish that they had done that. Kids want to know that you care enough to make them do what is right.

And yes, being single can have certain challenges than being married but raising your children right isn't one of them. I know as I have been single with children too.

Debora - posted on 08/26/2010

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The comments above are all really helpful. My 14 year old is going through that "You're so stupid Mum" stage ( not that she would dare say it out loud and I'm with all the Mums who say, we are NOT their friends, we are their parents. This has encouraged me to toughen up even more!

Susan (Jimmie's Aunt Susie) - posted on 08/26/2010

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As long as she lives under your roof, you have a right to set the rules. Until she is 18, it is my understanding that all you have to legally provide are basic necessities. I don't know where some of today's teenagers get the idea that they have a right to have whatever they want, because they don't. The point is that you provide basic necessities and that is it. Anything extra is a privilege and not a right. Even getting a driver's license is not a child's right. It is a privilege. You have a right to say who can be in your home, and the boyfriend does not have to come in. You can say no. And if she says she will call child protection, then tell her to go ahead and call. Once she is 18, it is my understanding that in most states you can put her out and change the locks. You will have fulfilled your parental obligation. Some situations call for tough love. You can tell her that you will NOT raise her child for her, should she have one. She needs some education as to what is a privilege though and that you do not have to provide privileges. I'd report her as a runaway as the other comments have said also. Sorry you have to go through all of this. Here is an article that may offer some guidance with this. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article...

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I have to agree, you are the parent..spending the night shouldve never been an option for her at 16 with a boyfriend under any circumstances. Call the police before both of you wind up in jail. Good Luck!

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You have lost control & you probably won't be able to get it back. You are not doing your job as a parent. You will probably end up raising your Grandchildren. Sorry, but I don't give advice to anyone who isn't willing to parent.

Nancy - posted on 08/25/2010

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Im sorry but I can't understand a thing you said. you did not have to agree to her spending the night with her hoyfriend. my god who is the parent here. its time to stop being friends with our children and go back to being parents. I talked with my daughter all the time. told her how easy it would be to let her do what she wanted but that would not be doing my job. What you do as a grown up does not coincide with what your 16 yr old does.

Charlene - posted on 08/25/2010

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I agree with several of these comments. Report her as a run-away. Have her picked up. I had to do this myself. When she was picked up she started cussing me out and the offiicer told her that this was not a way to treat her parents. I then made an appointment at a Teen facility where kids end up when they are underage and arrested. It could be a big eye opener. Make some counseling appointments. I am sorry that you are going through this tough time. But you have to nip it in the bud now or she will end up with a lot more problems. I have a 30,26,15 and 14. The first two are struggling now because they thought they knew it all also at that age. I am trying to do better with the second two girls and it is not easy this time either. I pray for you and hope that you find a way to turn her around.

Sharron - posted on 08/22/2010

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Your first mistake was leting her tell what she want to do . Then on top of that she is only 16 and should not be stay out at all . I have a 3 yr old a 27 and a 16 yr old . And i wish that 16 yr old would tell me he is stay out thats a problem for me because when they start feeling grown then they need there own place. The other problem trying to get a baby she might need to talk to some one you should look in to that. I hope evrything works out

Janet - posted on 08/22/2010

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I also have 5 children and 3 grandchildren too. I am not a single parent but I have been at one time. This type of thing can happen to parents who have children regardless of whether you are a single parent or not. I do understand what you are going through in fact reading your post actually made me wonder if I had typed the post out as that is the same problem that I had with my daughter when she was 14 (she is now 19 years old) I actually rang the police and asked for some help and advice. I was told to report her missing as I didnt know where she was. I asked for help from school, social, police, homeless welfare (as she was wandering around the streets alone at night) and I was at the end of my tether. Police would bring her home and then she would run off again and I would report her missing again and we went round and round in circles. I even said to the Police I feel a fraud because I keep ringing and reporting her missing. I was told that I had to report her missing otherwise I could be charged with abandonment of a minor. Can you believe that? All I can say to you is be there for her, no matter how hard it is for you (and I know its easier said than done) but believe me it does get better eventually. My daughter also used to trash our family home and there was not a thing I could do about it. I went to meetings with school, with social workers, with welfare officers and I even attended a Parenting class and I was actually told "I was a Perfect Parent" by the Social Workers. I spent weeks just crying and worrying for my child and nobody seemed to understand. Eventually when my daughter turned 18 she seemed to grow up, I dont know what triggered it off but she suddenly became the loving child that she had been before she reached 14. She now lives back at home (her choice) has a job and seems to have turned her life around. She is very sorry for the pain that she put our family through and doesnt like it if I mention what she used to do, she is very embarrassed about her behaviour. I cant really tell you what will make things better for you I can only tell you what happened in my case, the only thing I can say is try not to let your daughter see that she is getting to you. Tell her that if she doesnt come home or if she keeps staying out at night then you have no other option but to report her to the police, but dont just say it do it, and always remember no matter what happens tell her that you still love her.
I wish you all the luck in the world and I truly hope that you and your daughter can get back the relationship that you had before all this.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel its just that sometimes you think someone has turned it off.
If you ever need someone to talk to I am always at the end of my email.
Love and Best Wishes to you all xx

LaDonna - posted on 08/21/2010

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I dn't envy you having a daughter.... my 17 year old is going thru the "i know it all and mom is fkn retarded" syndrome. Poor parenting being allowed and even pushed onto parents by society has caused this and now we are held responsible!!!!! Sounds like us single moms need help from the mess some sorry ass non- having children, pushing time-outs and no spanking has caused aworls of chaos and misbehaving children who, very soon and even more unfortunately will be running this country TOO soon!!!!! Like to DEBATE on this!!!!!!!!!!!!

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