my fiance is great in some ways but annoying as hell in others

Mel - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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my fiance and I have a sort of love hate relationship sometimes. he is great with helping out with the baby and cleaning. in the morning up early before work and does the dishes, cleans up the kitchen lets the cat out etc. this morning he went to work late and he got the baby up and had her break fast made before i even got out of bed. he does all weekend feeds so i can sleep in, baths the baby and puts her to bed and makes her dinner every night, and tops up her feed at midnight every night (shes tube fed). i have never had to do it before.



But the annoying things are that he never gets around to things i ask him to do. i ask him to get my dog a hair cut because i dont drive and i have the baby to look after, i ask him to fix the cot so that i can slide the side down, fix the washing machine, get a lock for his cupboard under the fish tank so brianna doesnt keep pulling the chemicals out and every single ting i ask him it is months of asking every day before its done. i even have had family ticked off at me for him not doing things hes said he will do.



when we fight we insult each other alot, he calls me things like a trashy whore, says alot of things about my mother and my upbringing, makes jokes up previous gfs around others which upsets me a little, i insult him to ive called him trash from a bad area, ive told him he has terrible parents who do nothing, that hes a bad father and not a caring partner.



sometimes hes soo anoying and i really just want some affection or him to come to bed with me and not play his computer games all night! thoughts?

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Mel - posted on 08/10/2009

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yes it shouldnt be that way someone has got to talk to him and sometimes iteas easier for someone else to do that. see my version of talking when im angry is having a go and not in very nice terms so it usually does not get me anywhere so i either have to wait til i have calmed down or until someone else can do it for me. If he said that he was going to stop once the baby was born he really should not have broken that agreement thats hurtful. its not possible for men to understand unless they look after a bayb 24/7 for a period of time which most dont but you can always try and explain. i try to explain to my partner and my cousin who has 6 kids tries to explain to but it never gets either of us anywhere

Lucy - posted on 08/10/2009

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Thanks that photo was from a charity marathon i did for cancer research when Amelia was just 8weeks old she was pushed in her pram the whole 5k!



I knew about the football which annoys me as when i was pregnant he always said he'd stop sundays so we could have that day together as wen i go back to work that'l be the only chance we have but then he changed his mind and decided he was still goign to play both days!



I do sometimes go to watch, but I live in the UK and our summers aren't great so when it's cold or raining I stay at home with Amelia. It's not just a one off, i think the thing is all his friends are single with no commitments so every time they go to pub they ask him and he goes too! It just seems like he'd rather be there than with us but when I say this he just says i'm been daft and of course he'd rather be with us!

Mel - posted on 08/09/2009

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wow Lucy. first your daughter is beautiful thats such a nice photo of you both. and with regards to your fiance did you fight about anything before this weekend? perhaps he needed to get away (not trying to defend as i would be very angry if my partner ever went to the pub and left me with the baby.) Is it possible to tell him that he has a family and responsibility now and i is hard on you to do everything and that its so hard on you to be looking after the baby all the time. men dont usually get this because they are not the ones who stay at home. can you express and get him or anotehr family member to do some feeds? maybe it was just a one off and he wont do the same thing again. could you go to the footy with him to watch him or something? hope it all works out soon

Lucy - posted on 08/09/2009

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This group has been created just in time as i'm majorly peed off today! I'm sorry Melissa but i'm going to vent on your thread now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



My fiancee can be helpful around the house, cleaning and doing the dishes etc, i'd say we're pretty much 50/50 where the household chores are concerned. Now our little girl is 4 months old and a little star! I breastfeed so obviously he can't help out there! He will do things like baths but only if i ask him too, he will also play with her for a few minutes but then it's like he gets bored or if she starts whining if she's fed up of doing something he just passes her to me instead of trying to entertain her in a different way.



Anyhow thats not what really annoys me it's this.... He works 4 night shifts a week (10hours a night) and then spends the majority of the day in bed before waking up mid afternoon, so we have a few hours together to have tea etc before he goes back to work. The thing is, at weekends when he's off and the only opportunity we have to spend time as a family he gets up and goes to play football on a saturday and then goes to the pub before returning to go to work and today he had just 3 hours sleep after the night shift, he went to play football again, then came home and showered and went to the pub, he then came home for tea, fell asleep for a couple of hours and has gone back to the pub!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



He normally goes to the pub once or twice a week which i don't really mind, but this weekend has just really annoyed me as i'm on my own all the time! I know it's my decision to breastfeed but because of this i don't get to go out with my friends so it just annoys me sooooo much that i just get left on my own and he thinks its no big deal!



Anyway vent over i'm sure things will look better in the morning!

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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wow thats terrible cant imagine that i mean Bri spent a little time in hospital but that was when she was older 2 months and over. and thanks for the compliment about her shes awesome i do only have the one partner isnt ready for another yet but have been sort of trying but not trying for 11 months. i agree though the mums on here just judge and you should never judge before getting to know someone. i had people abuse me and be nasty to be just because they were friends with someone who had given me a bad rep and i had pm'd those people and said look we got off on the wrong foot and i explained everything and they said they were so sorry they wrote nasty things. so its all worked out now the decent ones i chat to regularly the other ones. well they must have sad sad lives to come on here and repeatedly hurt others. doesnt matter anyway as long as i stay away from them. partner is driving me nuts tonight his friend is here and he treats me like crap when mates are here because he likes the attention so off to bed soon. 9.40pm here and im getting my LOL up an hour earlier so i can adjust her sleeps tomoro for a visit to mums

Ashley - posted on 08/08/2009

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ya atleast you have control over those ones. it's best just to stay out of it. ya i've been on for a little while. i find ppl to be very judgemental and i hate ppl like that. like i say dont judge a book by its cover. thanks and yes it's a boy. he's doing great! thanks for asking. my first son spent 2 months in the hospital with bacterial meningitis so it's different for us to have a newborn at home. much better experience this time around and enjoying it a lot more than i did the first time! you just have the one? she's beautiful

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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thankyou. yes they can. some are terrible and repeat offenders. some of the girls from debating mums. glad i am no longer a member. sometimes this place is like high school. im doing my best to stay out of it now. at least i know I have control in my groups, im the admin of april 08 babies , aussie mums and this one. at least i know these ones are pleasant places to be. i think I have seen you around before recently. congratulations on the new baby btw I hope he is doing well (is it a boy?)

Ashley - posted on 08/08/2009

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ya for sure. well i'm always around if you ever want to talk. i know some of the ppl on COM can be quite cruel, i have seen some of the posts. i try not to get into any of it. sometimes reminds me of hs with the dumb arguments.

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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ahh yeah that is true. i feel for u anyway would do my man in to have a man that didnt help

Ashley - posted on 08/08/2009

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haha same thing here on tuesdays. if i tell him i want to do somewhere or watch a movie he will get off but if i dont say anything he wont. oh well eh i guess its better than them out partying all night and not comng home. atleast we can say our men dont cheat, we know where they are....lol...

Mel - posted on 08/08/2009

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wow Ashley now i dont feel so bad! mine isnt that bad but yes plays World of warcraft sinc eim in australia server goes down tues night here so its the only time i get near him and i dont really want to go to bed with him etc cause i know its only cause his games down. but im glad he is not too bad

Ashley - posted on 08/07/2009

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playing computer games all night? i'm in the same boat!! my bf plays world of warcraft (not sure if you are familiar with that) and from the minute this guy wakes up til he goes to bed he plays the damn thing. now he does also help out with both boys. our 2nd is only 5 wks so he does things more with our older one who is 15 months. he gives him his bath, feeds him his breakfast, lunch and dinner. but sometimes i get soo annoyed because why cant he just even once a wk sit on the couch and watch a movie with me? i'll go to bed and it's 2 hrs later when he comes to bed. i get so lonely sometimes. even today for example i woke up got ready bathed the baby, did up the dishes, scrubbed the bathroom and washed all the floors on my hands and knees while he played his game..........needless to say i'm super irritated today!!!!!!!!!!!

JL - posted on 08/05/2009

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I get annoyed with my husband sometimes but when do not revert to using hurtful name calling. Perhaps you two should sit down and discuss how each of you feel when you say those things to eachother. You have to tell him upfront that you appreciate what great of a father he is and how wonderful he is with your daughter but then also tell him that you feel neglected when he is not taking care of the other things in the house that need to be done and that you just really want some time with him and you are craving his affection. Tell him you feel like when he is choosing to play video games rather than spend time with you that you feel like you are not high on his priority list. Talk it out before things get beyond that point and you two cannot repair your relationship. Also remember men are not so good at picking up on our feelings so you have to straight up tell them how you are feeling since they are so dense in that area..haha.

Esther - posted on 08/05/2009

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Wow. It's great that he takes an active role in your daughter's life and that he does his share of the household chores, but I don't think I would ever stand for being called a trashy whore. I think name calling is always a really bad thing to do in a relationship (or at all really). God knows I get frustrated with my husband too and although it's hard to imagine, he may at times get frustrated with me in return ;) I too have to nag my husband sometimes to get certain things done. We've been together 16 years and I still haven't figured out the solution to that one. Let me know if you do!

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