Friends:(

Renee - posted on 12/26/2009

Quoting Amanda:

Friends:(

My 10 year old was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten, he will be going into year 5 in 2010, he still doesnt have any friends. Is there any advice as to how I can help him? We are on a waiting list for social skills group.

Hi Amanda,

My daughter is almost 7 and was diagnosed with ADHD approx. a year and a half ago.  We have gone the whole route with social skills groups along with the psychologists and psychiatrists.  Honestly, I don't believe the social skills group worked very much.  You have a group of children, even though its small, who each have their own issues and don't truly want to be there.  Then you try to find one that has a psycologist who's teachings you agree with... on and on and on. 

For Kaley, who every child just thought was strange, odd, and crazy.  I let her be herself.  As we found a medication that helped her calm down a bit and be able to have some focusing abilities, she started to realize that she was a bit "odd" compared to the other kids.  She calmed down a bit and since these kids have known her since preschool they noticed the difference and gave her a chance.  Not all but some.  Her best friends are boys; I think the gender differences deal with her energy and free spirit better. And it is a very small group.  She doesn't allow alot of people in for (in my belief) a fear of being rejected. She also can be a loner, simply leaving the group for a while to do whatever it is she pleases.   But... she has a boyfriend (lol) who is great with her.  He ignores her when she is too much.  But is always there for her (Yes, I cannot believe this really happens in first grade). 

We have her in Yoga which believe it or not she loves and actually calms down in, therefore being able to have friends there.  Then we simply looked at the sports she enjoyed the best and got her involved there; where she has also made friends there who share the energy.

 No one can truly tell you how to help your child for every child  much less childeren with a diagnosis such as this is different.  What does he/she say about others at school? Does he/she want friends or is your child the loner type?  When other kids are around does he/she expect them to do whatever it is that he's doing and not what they were (Kaley does this alot and turns people off)?  I would, even though it can be VERY difficult, try to see what he says about others and what he would like to do... what he sees as the problem with getting friends.  And I think its important not to 'harp' or make the subject a huge deal and or debate.

  The only other thing I have is that my husband and I are trying desperately to keep her in the same school (not public, it is a charter and worked much better) for the duration.  That way she is with the same group of people and can grow with them.  Per the pros and cons on the subject we see being that relationships with trust are hard for her so we don't want to break what she's made.

I don't know if any of this helps but it's been my personal experience.  Happy holidays!

Renee