Throw myself in front of a truck!!

Tanya - posted on 07/27/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

I know its not a nice thing to say, but thats how I feel right now. Just to end it all.

Firstly, I am a 26yr old wife and Mother. My one and only son is 8 n a half years old.

Most mothers usually have something nice to say about their children, Or love boasting about how much they love their children. But, I think my mother put it in words for me the other day. "I loved you cause you were my child, But I really Really hated you." Now most of you would think that would be enough to make me break down and cry and want to hurt my mother, But I can honestly say, I know where she was coming from with that! I was "Borderline ADHD" as a child because I was "female"... That was the Dr's excuse. I dont think there was much research back in them days to do with ADHD. Anyway... My son is about 10 times worse then I ever was, he is also on ritalin. For example, yesterday, He decided that he had the shits with hubby and I so he thought in a fit of anger he would kick his foot through his bedroom glass window ... Thank heavens he didnt cut his foot bad enough to sever tendons or veins and only needed a small band aid for a small laceration. When we found him in his room after hearing the glass smash (I was tending to my garden out front) we both rushed in to see what had happen. He was sitting on the floor with blood all over his foot screaming that "I'm going to die im going to die"... As mean as it sounds, I couldnt help sitting there laughing after checking his foot out. I laughed because I could see how scared he was. The last time i seen him that scared was a few weeks ago when he was sent to his bedroom after raiding my cupboards and breaking one of the doors, to which he went to his room and god knows how, but stabbed the gasline in his airconditioner. Same thing happen, scared shitless, screaming "im gonna die im gonna die" which we both then had to laugh at his own stupidity!

Anyway, this week has been full on and hes just got to a point that I feel like throwing myself in front of a truck. We have been seeing a place called Child and Youth mental health here, to which they can see the family has made a difference in the last few months. But from what they reckon, I need to go to parenting classes. Now how is that? Like I'm being punished for my childs abuse and anger towards me! Nothing like anger management classes for him for his issues or seeing a psyc himself.... I am sick of feeling like I am being Punished for my childs behaviour, I cant help what he does, I cant help that he doesnt think things throught before doing it. I am sitting here in a blubbering mess with no idea on what to do anymore. I cant send him to his biological father anymore cause he doesnt even know how to look after himself let alone my child, like the last time he had him. I got calls from a daycare centre that was in the next state asking me to come pick my son up cause it was 8pm there .... WTF or when his "sperm donor" left him at the hospital and child welfare had to put my son on a plane back to me. I fear the age of teens with my son. I sit here thinking adoption? But thats too radical. Way to radical, but I feel i may not be able to stick through this. I may not be able to survive this. Its going to be the death of me. Heeeeeeeelp!! Anyone else in this boat?