Husband WILL NOT budge

Dianna - posted on 08/26/2009

Oh, I forgot...When I told my family I wanted a natural birth and the hypnobirthing philosiphy they weren't too happy. Then my step mother told me that her and my dad saw this documentary, "Business of Birthing" and although it doesn't totally follow the hypnobirthing comcept, it really opened their eyes and changed their persective on my birth. It's a very good documentary that was on showtime for a while, it has Ricky Lake in there. and I also highly recomend maybe watching that with your husband and maybe he will feel better about it...good luck!

Dianna - posted on 08/26/2009

Something that really helped me out with information and conidence about natural birthing was Hypnobirthing...It sounds crazy, i know...You should see if you have any classes in your area...When I had my son we wanted a completely natural birth, so we found a OBYGN that was midwife based and truely believed in what we wanted. Since they wanted what we wanted they choose the hospital that respected our wishes. Another thing that we did was create a birthing plan and sonething that we made clear in our plan was, "we plan on haing a natural birth, we know there are pain medications avaliable if we want we will ask for them." We also made it clear that we didn't what for anyone to discuss pain or pain management at all. That way it kind of stops the whole pain medication talk before it starts...anyways I can't recomend Hypnobirthing enough, it really was life changing.

Tessa - posted on 08/26/2009

just like, get prepared behind his back and like, not let him know your in labour until the babys half way out. hahaha

Sit down and talk to him, try saying things like "I feel...." and "when i was in hospital i felt..." because you cant really get angry at someone for the way they felt about a situation. I dont know its tough. Just really let him know how strongly you feel about doing it.

Wait I just thought of it! See a councillor, they will have GREAT advice on what to say, probs not to convince him, but to stop him getting mad and at least looking into it with you. try and get him to come along with you!

Anna - posted on 08/25/2009

I was wondering if a MIDWIFE would think you high risk. Sometimes a few of their definitions differ slightly with doctors. I would encourage you to call a midwife and ask to make sure. Also midwives can help direct you to alternative health supplements or diet changes (brewer pregnancy diet) to reverse certain risk factors.



My hubbie's mother is an RN, too, and it took a lot of reassurances from the midwife that she had all the needed equipment and training. Mil would worry about if the baby needed oxygen or resusitation....he would talk to the midwife, yes that's taken care of.....then mil would worry about______......talk to midwife.....yes......



(It was a cycle he had to go through.

I wasn't going to change my decision as long as I was healthy.)



After a few births, he's gotten pretty good at knowing how things go and being really supportive. He's been really wonderful, especially when we started to do waterbirths. I think he's more in touch with me because of the water.



Anna

Carlyn - posted on 08/05/2009

Since a homebirth is now out for you, I strongly suggest that you look into different area hospitals. I would not go back to the one you had a bad experience at! Shop around and ask for the facts, like the number of mothers who give birth without epidurals, how many births are assisted with a pict drip, etc. That way you can hopefully find a hospital that supports you in your efforts to have a natural birth. Good luck!

Allee - posted on 07/29/2009

It's what you feel comfortable with, so he should be supportive. A midwife is most of the time even more experienced that the OBGYNs at spotting complications. If it's time to go to the hopsital, she WILL let you know. That's what they're trained to do. The Business of Being Born is SOOOO goood! I own it. Try to get him to watch it if he will. Really... it's not his decision. People can be so naive about giving birth, because of the way we were raised...thinking birth is a medical emergency. I like this quote: "Birth is not an emergency, it is simply an emergence." (Jeannine Parvati Baker) Good luck.

Dawn - posted on 07/22/2009

If you are in an area that has more than one hospital you can do some shopping around and see which ones are going to suit your needs better. Also, I'd go with a doula or if you can't afford one have a friend there as your backer on what you want done. Also have a letter of instructions and make sure the staff reads it. I did that and have had great experierances with all three. Hope that helps. Oh and one other thing. I wanted to do the birthing center too but was high risk with all three. Oh the joys.

Kate CP - posted on 07/20/2009

Update ahoy!
Today I was hospitalized for mild pancreatitis (didn't feel mild, though) and was given a CAT scan. Found out I'm not currently pregnant but we're still trying. Turns out I would be a high risk pregnancy and it would be safer for me to deliver in the hospital. *sigh*
However, I plan on doing it without pain meds again and hopefully I won't need the stupid pitocin either. I plan on staying at home for as long as possible when I go into labor. I do have an *awesome* OBGYN, though. When I asked him about home birthing and midwives he didn't get angry and he talked frankly and honestly with me. What stuck with me the most was when he said "Well, I would like it if you would come see me while you're pregnant because I love my job and I enjoy working with you. But if you feel that a home birth with a midwife would be better for you then I'll do my best to back you up and be available for you if you need help." I'm feeling a little bummed about not being able to birth at home but it's safer for me and baby to deliver in the hospital. Thanks for the support ladies. It means a lot to me. :)

Dacia - posted on 07/20/2009

Can you schedule a meeting at a birthing center or with a midwife? Maybe if he toured a birthing center or talked with a midwife, it might set his mind at ease?

What got my husband on board was taking a Bradley class. It's a great resource and very husband-focused.

Tisha - posted on 07/18/2009

I would ask your husband what he's worried about with you birthing at home. I would then set up a meeting with a midwife and address all of those concerns. I would also MAKE him watch The Business of Being Born and read up on homebirth/ natural birth. A good book to read is The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. Show him that the interventions they do in the hospital have consequences of their own, sometimes deadly. If he doesn't have the facts about homebirth, how can he say it's not the best way to have your baby? I read Henci Goer's book and watched the business of being born and found an AWESOME midwife and that solidified my decision to have my homebirth. I had a wonderful home waterbirth and gave birth to TWIN boys. One of my boys had complications from birth (not related to the birth) and my midwives were swift in handling it, and handed it over to ems when it was beyond what they could do. Explain to your husband that midwives bring oxygen, monitors, pitocin to stop hemoraging, they know cpr, etc. They don't just boil water and "catch", lol. And remind him, to be completely blunt, that they get paid the same whether you complete the homebirth or get transferred to the hospital. They want a healthy mom and a healthy baby. And if they see that it is beyond their ability to birth you at home, they WILL transfer you. In the end, remember that it is YOU giving birth, and it is YOU that has to live with your birth experience for the rest of your and your baby's lives. Make it a good one that you're happy to look back on, not one that you're traumatized about. Hope this helps! Tisha

Lisa - posted on 07/18/2009

I'm of the opinion that if he isn't willing to learn or listen to you, why should you listen to him? It's a two-way road. Can you schedule a meeting with a midwife who can reaffirm the facts? Sometimes it helps to hear it from a professional.

My husband wasn't on board with a homebirth (I ended up not having one because of space issues), but after my two horrid hospital experiences, he is now. Same with breastfeeding, vaccinations and circumcision...he's come around finally after doing his own research. For whatever reason, me just saying the facts wasn't good enough.

If you both can't compromise by the time baby comes, you can always do the passive-aggressive thing and wait at home until its too late. :)

Kate CP - posted on 07/12/2009

I'm really hoping to not have to go this alone. I want the support of my husband. Actually my mother is pretty keen on the idea of a home birth. We hate hospitals because I have a compromised immune system and it's actually dangerous for me to be in a hospital. But my husband's mother is an RN as was his grandmother and so on. So he thinks the medical field is friggin' amazing and has the utmost faith in hospitals. I also just found out that he doesn't want our daughter present at the birth. I want our daughter there if she wants to be there to witness the birth of her sibling. Apparently this is going to be a nice, long fight.

Anita - posted on 07/12/2009

Who is giving birth you or him? Find yourself an experienced doula if you have no friends or relatives who support your wish to have a home/natural birth. I have had 3 of my 4 children at home (waterbirths).Luckily my husband grew up on a farm so had no problem with birth being a natural part of life! But my midwife did try to disuade me (for my husband's sake) I just told her it was my birth, my decision, knowing that she could not refuse me unless there was a problem as it's part of the English midwife's duties to assist at homebirths. Maybe he would benefit from talking to a Dad who has experienced a successful home birth. I think it's a very frightening thing for men to feel powerless over something they cannot understand or experience. Ultimately you will be happier if you own your birth and do what suits you. I found bonding with baby so much better at home and no nasty hospital diseases! Good luck!! Anita x