Group Guidelines and Welcome!

Brenda - posted on 09/10/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Welcome to No More Tears. Just a few general guidelines for everyone.



This can get to be a heated topic, so let's make sure we keep things civil. Please do not use derogetory or inflamatory language, and refrain from insulting others who may have an opposite view from you. I will close conversations that get out of hand. I do not anticipate this happening, as everyone who joins will have the same goal in mind. I do encourage debate, because that is what makes us stronger in our beliefs of doing the right thing for our kids.



Do not solicite work at home stuff here. Circle of Moms has other places for that. Such posts will be removed and/or locked.



I just want to give a description so we are clear on what we mean by certain words that will often be used and have some vague definitions in most people's minds:



-Sleep Training: This term in general refers to any methods that force an infant, toddler or child to conform to a set way of sleeping. This can include place of sleep, time of sleep, time of feeds during sleep, among other things. Controlled Crying and Cry it Out are types of sleep training. Sleep training, in essence, goes against our purpose with this group because those two areas are types of sleep training, however, we can discuss these things to hash out if we believe them to be a true sleep training method or something else.



-Controlled Crying: This type of training is often suggested by doctors and nurses. This is typically Dr. Ferber's methodologies. Dr. Ferber is not lumped under Cry It Out, partially because Dr. Ferber himself is adament that he never used the terminology of Cry It Out. He does however advocate some controlled crying, and not going immediately to an infants cries is most situations. Controlled crying can be staged, ten minutes, then check on them, fifteen, and so on and so forth.



-Cry It Out: CIO for short, these methods are any method that allows a child to cry for any amount of time, either accompanied crying or alone. Cry It Out methods are described in many parenting books today, and I will endevor to make an ongoing list of books that advocate alone or acompanied CIO. If a baby is being comforted during crying, such as a colicky baby, it is NOT considered CIO. Babies cry, and we are not trying to say that if your baby cries you're doing something wrong. The difference is in the reaction to the crying.



-Co Sleeping: Co sleeping is generally sleeping beside the infant. Cosleepers (those sidecar bassinets for your bed) or having your crib beside the bed without the side is considered cosleeping. Co sleeping includes the baby sleeping in the bed with you.



-Bed Sharing/Family Beds: This is just what it sounds like, having your child or children sharing the bed with you.





Other than that, Welcome, and have fun posting!

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7 Comments

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Lesley - posted on 01/07/2011

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Just updating now that Isabella is 2-years old - she was weaned from breastfeeding shortly after her 2nd birthday. She still co-sleeps with me but she falls asleep on her own now and sleeps 12 hours straight. She is bilingual in English and Greek - happy, healthy, full of love, hugs and kisses. And smart! She counts to 10 in both languages, knows her shapes, colors and ABC's (working on the Greek ABCs now), says her name, knows her body parts, etc. I still get backlash for her sleeping with me but I've said it before, I'll say it again "my child and it has no effect on you so why do you care?"!

Melanii - that is EXACTLY why I refused the CIO method. Why put your child into that state? Is it normal? I think not! Keep doing what you're doing - it obviously works for you. My daughter woke up every 1 hour to 1.5 hours until her 14th month - that is when I cut the night feedings. I didn't force her to do anything she wasn't ready for and look at her now! Sleeps 12 hours straight a night. Give him your attention, your love and support as you are doing and your son iwll get there when he is ready. Good luck to you!

Melanii - posted on 10/30/2009

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Thank you for this group! I have attempted the CIO method on the recommendation of friends and didn't last longer than 5 minutes. The state my 8 month boy was in when I finally went to him was enough to discard it then and there.

I am in a similar situation to Amber, above, in that Aidan sleeps in his own bed every night but then ends up with us in the early hours. Mums can tell the difference between a grumble and "I need my Mum!" and I'm not going to ignore "that" cry. I bring him in at about 5am each morning and he then sleeps soundly until 9.30am. I am not going to feel like I'm a failure any longer for this! He is a happy healthy boy and is yet to get a cold or even a fever.

Good luck to us all, I hope to get some useful tips and help others.

Amber - posted on 09/23/2009

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i second this, when i tell my mother in law that my son 5 months old is just sleeping with me because it is just easier that way she is like "oh u started something" i have to contain myself because i want to lash out and say "well he was in my belly for his whole existance forgive me for wanting him to continue to feel secure and get some sleep. I think it is just old school way of thinking. He doesn't sleep with me all the time, but if he keeps waking up i think he wants to see me so he just comes in bed with me. Plus I am working full time and I dont get all the alone time I used to get with my daughter when she was little (because I didn't work) so this is our way to spend time together even though I am not there in the daytime.

Brenda - posted on 09/15/2009

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Quoting Lesley:

Thank you for starting this group! I have an 11 month old daughter who is breastfed and co-sleeps with me. She does not go to sleep on her own without nursing or going for a walk in her stroller or in her car seat. She cannot be rocked to sleep by anyone but me. I have many people telling me for months now "it's not normal - all babies sleep - nip it in the bud now or else" and I am really tired of hearing all of this when Isabella is a very happy, healthy baby. She is not whiney, she does not cry for the sake of crying, she laughs, she's bright, she plays, she eats solids, she's not afraid of people and most of all, she is continually getting a monthly clean bill of health that her doctor never has anything to say to us other than "keep doing what you're doing". So why is everyone so concerned that she still sleeps with me, that she nurses to sleep, that she can't sleep by herself? None of this effects them - she is my child. And I am happy with the way things are. I have the "No Cry Sleep Method" book and I will follow that for sleep training. I will not risk my daughter losing confidence in me that she has had solidly for 11 months now. I can't bear to hear her cry in her room, in the dark, wondering where mommy is. Breaks my heart. I look forward to reading tips from other moms and giving support when needed! Thanks again! xox



You know, that's the thing.  I just get so tired of hearing how wrong it is to love your kids like this.  I mean, I just don't understand.  And science is finally catching up to back us up on this, if people would pay attention.  The article I posted in links suggests cosleeping til three helps reduce anxiety and depression, and there is so much other data out there people just don't know about because doctors are still pushing moms to make their children independent before they are ready.  At least here, we can all gripe about it together!

Lesley - posted on 09/15/2009

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Thank you for starting this group! I have an 11 month old daughter who is breastfed and co-sleeps with me. She does not go to sleep on her own without nursing or going for a walk in her stroller or in her car seat. She cannot be rocked to sleep by anyone but me. I have many people telling me for months now "it's not normal - all babies sleep - nip it in the bud now or else" and I am really tired of hearing all of this when Isabella is a very happy, healthy baby. She is not whiney, she does not cry for the sake of crying, she laughs, she's bright, she plays, she eats solids, she's not afraid of people and most of all, she is continually getting a monthly clean bill of health that her doctor never has anything to say to us other than "keep doing what you're doing". So why is everyone so concerned that she still sleeps with me, that she nurses to sleep, that she can't sleep by herself? None of this effects them - she is my child. And I am happy with the way things are. I have the "No Cry Sleep Method" book and I will follow that for sleep training. I will not risk my daughter losing confidence in me that she has had solidly for 11 months now. I can't bear to hear her cry in her room, in the dark, wondering where mommy is. Breaks my heart. I look forward to reading tips from other moms and giving support when needed! Thanks again! xox

Brenda - posted on 09/14/2009

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I have thought about it for a while now, but when browsing groups I saw a group for sleep training moms. That locked it! LOL

Louise - posted on 09/14/2009

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Good on you for starting this group!!!



Can't wait to read what other like minded mums have posted and I look forward to discussing sleep time strategies with other parents who who just can't listen to their baby cry.