I need your brains - Why I choose to not let my babies cry!

Dana - posted on 01/23/2010

My reasoning for not letting my son cry is the same as for any decisions I make about parenting: if it doesn't feel right and breaks my heart, it can't be natural and must be the wrong approach.

Mandy - posted on 01/23/2010

Thought I'd pass along this brief news article [first published in 2006] because for a number of years even Ferber himself (the 'father' of sleep training, controlled crying and leaving a baby to 'cry it out') stated he would NOT repeat this with his own babies given what we now know to be true about the physiological, psychological, and emotional damage that CIO has on infants, children, and human development. Unfortunately, the 'controlled crying' bandwagon that Ferber started many years ago (maybe even with good intentions?) has continued to roll out of control and parents are regularly given this very detrimental advice to ignore their baby's only means of communication - her cry. We know there are cultures where babies' needs are met 'round the clock, and as a result, they rarely ever cry. Why shouldn't this be the case for our little ones as well? Let's not do them any more harm. I would have to agree with the author's final statement -- there likely will come a day when we understand just how much damage we do to our babies, their neuro development and social attachment (and future children, adults, damage to even society in general) -- that we will come to see crying-it-out as another horrifying form of child abuse.


Research suggests that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes brain damage.

by Dr. Stephen Juan

Experts warn that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes extreme distress to the baby. And such extreme distress in a newborn has been found to block the full development of certain areas of the brain and causes the brain to produce extra amounts of cortisol, which can be harmful.

According to a University of Pittsburgh study by Dr. DeBellis and seven colleagues, published in Biological Psychiatry in 2004, children who suffer early trauma generally develop smaller brains.

A Harvard University study by Dr. Teicher and five colleagues, also published in Biological Psychiatry, claims that the brain areas affected by severe distress are the limbic system, the left hemisphere, and the corpus callosum. Additional areas that may be involved are the hippocampus and the orbitofrontal cortex.

The Science of Parenting (2006) by Dr. Margot Sunderland points out some of the brain damaging effects that can occur if parents fail to properly nurture a baby -- and that includes forcing them to "cry it out." Dr. Sunderland, who is the director of education and training at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London, draws upon work in neuroscience to come to her conclusions and recommendations about parenting practice.

In the first parenting book to link parent behavior with infant brain development, Dr. Sunderland describes how the infant brain is still being "sculpted" after birth. Parents have a major role in this brain "sculpting" process.

Dr. Sunderland argues that it is crucial that parents meet the reasonable emotional needs of the infant. This is helped along by providing a continuously emotionally nurturant environment for the infant.

Allowing a baby to “cry it out” when they are upset will probably be regarded as child abuse by future generations.

April - posted on 01/19/2010

Positive: lower incidence of SIDS in cosleeping children (often because they hear their mother's breathing if they, themselves "forget" to breathe)
Positive: Cosleepers raise children who are more secure human beings because they haven't felt abandoned
Positive: Cosleeping allows kids AND parents to get more sound, peaceful sleep

There are more . . . but your question caught me off guard!

Kylie - posted on 01/14/2010

just say we all sleep really well together..it works well for my family..people have been co-sleeping for centuries. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to her..its your family and your children. She will see you are all doing well and are rested and that should be enough.

April - posted on 01/14/2010

tell her that you appreciate that she cares

Jackie - posted on 01/13/2010

I am sorry for your loss and I hope your trip goes well. Unfortunately I am not very much help with the whole being polite about unsolicited advice on sleeping; I would end up just telling her that she isn't the one putting my child to sleep so she shouldnt worry about how I do things. I guess you could just tell her that your family is more comfortable and gets along better with using this form of sleep tecnique.

Belinda - posted on 01/05/2010

Thanks Brenda. They sound like nice gentle ways to say 'shut the heck up!' I'll use them!

Brenda - posted on 01/04/2010

I've used these:



Well, I'll glad that you want to give us advice, but we are doing just fine the way we are.



I have researched and chosen this method of parenting, but I appreciate your desire to help.



I guess we just do not see eye to eye on this. I'd rather not discuss it any further, since I won't change your mind and you won't change mine.



:)