What is the most difficult part for you in not being a regular part of your child(s) life?

Julia - posted on 11/23/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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would like feedback for my research. I am thinking of writing a book on my story and the story of others (with anonymity for those who choose to participate)

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Lori - posted on 08/08/2010

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I've missed out on so much over the past 6 years. I was with her every day until she was 15 months old and I decided to leave her father - not her. He was so hurt and angry that he vowed to keep her from me at all costs. It was never about his love for her, it's always been about making me suffer. I'll tell you what, losing your only child like this can make you a little crazy. I've missed so many of her firsts. I get two weekends a month with her, 1 week at Christmas, and 5 in the summer. I relish this "parenting time" and I crave her presence in my every day life. It's so hard every day - even now, 6 years later. There is no chance of me regaining custody, so I just have to take what little time I get with her and make each of those moments special. When she's not here, I sit in her room, hold her toys, and cry for our lost opportunity.

Luan - posted on 12/30/2011

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The most difficult thing for me has basically been summed up by every other woman on here. Unfortunately I'm not just down the road from my child. We live 2 hours away by plane from each other. He lives in Melbourne and I live in Brisbane. I only get to see him one weekend a month plus a week of school holidays per term. Each time I see him he is taller, more mature and more grownup, I miss seeing him grow up and I miss attending his school events, just recently I missed seeing him play his guitar in a school concert, very sad but what can I do, this is our life now.

Syrina - posted on 11/14/2010

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I think the most difficult part for me so far is that I feel like I not know my child. They change soo fast. I not really know their fav. food, fav color tv show. I would just love to be cuddling with them at night reading them a story instead of being on the phone and having someone else tell them when bed time is. I would love to be there to help with homework as well.

Julie - posted on 08/09/2010

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I have a 12 and 10 yr old, both girls.... I miss not being able to randomly hug and kiss them, tell them I love them, watch them sleeping, walk and hold hands with them, kiss their bumps and bruises, hug them when they're sad or scared or hurt, sit and watch movies and cartoons, play games, dance silly, help them with their homework, watch school performances, buy them clothes, school supplies, favorite snacks, cook for them, wash dishes together, do laundry together, watching them learn and discover new things...

Jill - posted on 01/13/2010

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the hardest part is all the little things i used to do with my son on a daily basis- helping with homework, reading bedtime stories, getting him ready for school in the morning and activities in the evening. i really miss being a part of his day-to-day life. luckily, my ex and i have a good relationship, so i can be involved as much as our different schedules allow, but it's still difficult.

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User - posted on 03/31/2012

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I miss just being a daily Mom....and homeschooling my kids. I missed my youngest getting her first period (I took my older dd out to celebrate when she got hers...welcome to womanhood kind of thing....) so every celebration is delayed til I see them again, I hate not knowing and being there to hug them with hurts and emotional issues, etc. Their father does not initiate extra curricular activities for them so I feel loss for them as they could be doing so many enriching things. I live 1200 miles away from them, and I have pain daily for missing their faces, their laughs, even their asking for advice. I don't feel as much as a 'mom' anymore as much as a person who my kids visit now...it is like I went through the 'empty nest' syndrome too early. I also feel like they are kind of getting more distant. my 16 yo rarely tells me a lot anymore, unless she needs money. My 11 yo....I always feel so sad when we are on the phone and she gets off quickly...and I imagine she is crying. Just heart wrenching!

Melinda - posted on 10/08/2011

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Every single milestone she makes! I feel like my daughter's stepmom is trying to replace me. She was running the schools girl scout troop and gets to do all the back-to-school shopping. She even wants her to call her mom.

Bridget - posted on 03/20/2011

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Hoping and praying he will make it through the emotional and mental abuse from his father. He has been sick a week now and his father still hasn't taken him to the doctor. Yet, I can not take him cause he will not let me near him, the ex claims that I abducted him although I have physical custody. I can not get my son pending custody battle after being in my care for 11 years and father never taking part in his life.

Brokenhearted - posted on 02/09/2011

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theres not one thing i miss the most.. putting ina nutshell, i miss the fact that my son is simply not home where he belongs... taken and manipulated by his father after 15 years of me raising him.. i miss knowing hes not at home sleeping in his bed.

Ida - posted on 09/09/2010

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Missing the little things. Not getting to kiss the booboos. Not knowing their favorite food of the moment. Or what TV shows or music they like. I miss them so much it makes it hard to breathe. Everytime I have to send them back home I spend at least a week being depressed and trying to pull it back together.

Christina - posted on 07/30/2010

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the most difficult part for me is knowing my son isnt getting the proper care by his father. that i didnt do anything wrong to lose my son, and now my son is suffering because of a selfish father. that he's had bruises on him every visit since march and i cant do a thing about it.

AnnMarie - posted on 04/10/2010

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I miss tucking my kids in every night, helping them with their homework, getting them ready for bed, reading to them cuddling with them, playing with them, driving in he car and singing on the top of lungs .....the lsit goes on. I dont have a caar and I live about 25 minutes away from my kids. When I had a car my daughter was with me almost everyday. My son is now growing up and is starting to do his own thing with his friends. It's very painful for me because I am missing everything they do now. I missed my sons 6th grade dance....his first dance. I often cry and get very depressed after a visit with them because I dont want them to leave and they never want to go home....it's horrible. I think about my kids from the time I wake up in the morning until the time I finally fall asleep at night,

Emily - posted on 02/18/2010

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I missed my sons 1st steps, his 1st words all the 1st's including his birthday. It absolutely killed me. I sat by myself in bed all day crying clinging to his stuffed puppy and when my mom came in to check on me all I could say was that it wasn't fair that I am his mother and I should be with my child on his birthday of all days.
That was 2 years ago.
I've missed both birthdays since then getting him a week later or a month later depending on when his dad decided I could have him if at all.
I miss singing him to sleep and reading to him. I miss being a part of his everyday routine.
I totally missed him growing from an infant into a toddler.

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Not knowing the little things they do everyday.

Sending them home after a long visit, I usually spend the day after they leave immobile, I get depressed.

Jeannette - posted on 12/08/2009

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The most difficult part of not being in my children's lives is they believe the things their father said about me. It hurts a great deal that, after living with me for so many years and knowing my character, they would believe the trash he has told them. Due to the fact they believe him, they do not want to see me. However, we all live in the same (small) town and see each other on occasion downtown, but they look away or cross the street.

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