Bed-sharing....when to stop??
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Charlie - posted on 07/16/2010
I just have to say that I am a big advocate of not just child-led decision making, but child-and-mommy-(and ultimately family)-led decision making. Parenting is a relationship in which there are two or more people involved. It's good to know according to science and what-not what we think our ideal is when we set out. But then let the relationship go as it needs to with our research as our guidelines. If mom is getting stressed out with baby in the bed for whatever reason, then it could be time for baby to have his own bed even if she had originally thought she'd let baby decide. It has to be reasonable for the family involved - not just for some ideal. There's my two cents. ;)
That said, we've had a family bed with my 21 month old daughter since she was born. I've been beginning to find that I really, really, really want my own space. Between my husband and little girl (both of whom I love dearly) I'm beginning to resent the hot dog position I constantly wake up in! lol I felt guilty at first for really wanting more sleeping space for myself b/c I thought I'd let my daughter decide when she wanted her own bed. But I realized that, just like the advice I'd given others for breastfeeding and baby-wearing, this part of AP is also something that has to work for both mommy and baby. It looks different for every family and from child to child as well. I've decided to put a toddler bed in our bedroom and start transitioning my daughter to that bed. I'm guessing she'll come into bed with me at some point every night or morning. But I'm happy with that idea - that I'll have some more stretch-out space for a while every night! That's what will work in our family. :)
Leighanna - posted on 06/13/2010
My daughter was 14 months when she first went into her own bed but it was at the side of mine and she would roll backwards and forwards during the night. Now at 17 months she has her bed at the other side of the room from mine. She likes the comfort of being in the same room but we were starting to disturb each other so it was just time to move her slightly. I am getting her room ready now and although I am putting a bed in there I will keep this one in my room until she is ready to stop using it.
Tanya - posted on 03/26/2012
My 21 month old still sleeps with me for many different reasons; firstly, we live in a 1 bedroom condo, secondly, my husband works nights & thirdly, we love cuddle time. We read bedtime stories together & if he's sick, I can take better care of him instantly, without having to get up often. I'm sure that when we move to a home, he will have his own bedroom, but I will miss just having him right beside me. In the meantime, he's my snuggle-bug until we're ready.
Heather - posted on 01/03/2012
My son is 6 and still prefers to sleep with me. Sometimes I can get him to sleep in his bed but it takes A LOT of coaxing. He just loves to snuggle with mom. I love it! I know one day he won't won't to and I will miss these times, so I choose to enjoy the time as long as it lasts. My mother in law (as well as all my friends) think it is wrong and that I am teaching him bad habits. I don't know what the fuss is all about. I figure he will decide when to stop.
Lindsey - posted on 02/15/2011
my 2 year old still sleeps with me...partly because i dont have enough room in my room(still live with parents and younger sibling) and i have 2 drawers which are full of her things and my things...i love sharing a bed with my daugther and i think if she had her own bed she would sleep in it because when we have sleep overs at her dads she sleeps by herself so i think i need to make some adjustments in my room lol
Anna Marie - posted on 02/06/2011
DEfinitely a kid-by-kid answer. Right now we have all 4 of us in bed - my husband and I, 4 year old and a 1-year old. The 4-year old has NO interest in his own bed. If he goes to sleep in there - rare - he wakes up after a couple hours and comes into our bed. I think that perhaps when ds1 is ready to move, little brother may go too, then they can snuggle with each other and enjoy each other's warmth. But for now, they are both very comfortable in our 'big bed' as the 4-year old calls it. As others have said, we'll listen to them, and as long as all of us are ok with it continue to enjoy snuggles :)
Shawna - posted on 01/28/2011
My son is 19 months old. I am so excited I found out there is such a thing as co-sleeping. It just naturally happened for us after he was sick a lot and had croup and ear infections. We sleep better and he seems happier and smarter. My mom and friends were giving me a hard time and saying I was creating a problem for my son. But I have to listen to my intuition. He is not ready and not sure when he will be. I have a lot of hispanic friends and they believe in sleeping with all their kids until child is ready. I've talked to them and they say around 3 or 4. That they let their parents know when they were ready. They appreciated the love and feeling of being wanted and part of. So I am glad I have found somewhere that doesn't make me feel like a bad mom. I do NOT want my son to cry it out or feel abandoned so I guess I am in it until he is ready at least anther year. I will be here often to feel the love of sleeping with kids. THX
Elisa - posted on 01/25/2011
Help my 16 month little girl still sleeps in our room and our bed i should of put a stop to it months ago but just wanted sleep at night now i want to put her in her own room and i know its not goin to be easy so any suggestions please how i can make the move easy for her.
Tracy - posted on 01/09/2011
my kids(4) were all different ages.
My oldest at 18m, she got a new bedroom set, so it was easy to have her move...she was excited about her new room!
my2nd was at about 28ms or so, and she was a frequent visitor still.
My 3rd one was just about 10months old, and that was mainly because she was such a kicker, and was able to have a crib in my room, so she was close, and I didnt have huge anxiety!
#4DD moved to her own crib at about 14months old for night, she would nap in her crib at about 8months and on, and then fully in her bed at about 14months old.
I think its childs comfort level and your own. Do what makes everyone happy!
Jenny - posted on 01/01/2011
Sorry..late post, *and"...cannot read all the posts above at the moment so you can take this info and do what you wish with it..:-) My answer.....it's their decision (kids) because I think they simply love snuggles and close contact with their parents. PERIOD. My main rule of thumb is...If I myself am uncomfortable and am not OK with it because I need space or am losing sleep (and this changes) then everybody out! Including my 2 year old! She'll sleep with my husband on the comfy couch, or I'll sleep on the couch. We have an odd family....kinda musical chairs sometimes. The main thing is we all love snuggles and being together in a big warm bed most of the time and sometimes we need our space. And I love it too!! In fact, my nine year old will still pop in on occasion if it's really cold or if he had a nightmare. Over the holidays, I had all three of them in bed for days because my husband loves sleeping on the couch near the tree and watching A Christmas Story and he kept falling asleep on the couch. So....I invited all the kids to sleep in the "big bed" to stay warm and read book after book until we all fell asleep. My eldest read to the other 2 and it's so much fun! Now-a-days it's just my 2 year old the majority of the time of course, and she is showing signs of wanting to sleep in her own bed. When she does, we put her down and say goodnight and she's as happy as a clam.
Moms/Dads do come 1st though, after in many ways, for example if we are losing tons of sleep or if the working parent (in our case Dad) has to work a 10 hour day the next day, he/she should not be sleeping next to a sick, feverish, sneezing baby that wakes up every 10 minutes. So we work it out. I do think, if one had to pick an age, I'd say age 2 (from my experience) is when the parent comes 1st as far as trying to get the toddler to sleep on his/her own. But if the toddler cries, alone in a room, then too bad for the parent, the toddler is just not ready. If the parents want to sleep alone, keep trying each night to put the baby/toddler down in their crib/bed, but if they are not ready then they are not ready. I never added to this post, so apparently I just typed in my every single belief and opinion on the topic, didn't I? Well there you go!
Lucy - posted on 12/21/2010
We're still co-sleeping with my 22 month old. I love it, since I work in the day, to get that extra snuggle time at night. But I think my husband is ready for the baby to move to his own bed. Hopefully we'll work out a way to keep us all happy.
Rebecca - posted on 11/28/2010
i've always done a combination of co-sleeping and individual sleeping, my kids have always had their own beds and generally had naps in them sometimes went to bed for a few hours at night but ended up in my bed after a few hours, they went through fazes of sleeping only in their beds for a few weeks here and there but always came back to my bed eventually, they are now 41/2 and 51/2 and its only the last six months that they have been in their own bed every night, they liked being told that they were 'such big girls' sleeping in there, it was a gradual process that wasn't pushed by me or them and it always worked for us. i love having our kid free bed now but i still love the cuddles i get when they come in in the morning, apparently even 'big girls' can sleep with mum for an hour or so as long as the sun is up
April - posted on 10/10/2010
my son sleeps with us in our room, but not in our bed. he sleeps in his crib nearby. i don't know when the day will come that he will want his own room, but i do know that one day he will. right now, it is not something i am comfortable with...i like to be able to actually SEE him, since I am hearing impaired. Besides, my bed shaker that wakes me up when he cries only works if he is in the same room.
Sandie - posted on 09/28/2010
my son, now 16months, moved out of our bed at 10months because he fell out of it in the night, we decided he was too much of a fidget bum, it was too dangerous, so we moved him into a cot by our bed. when we moved house he had his own room and sleeps much better, he would wake everytime my hubby or i turned over in the night, tiny sounds would annoy him, now he has a quiet room to himself...but he still gets snuggles in bed with us if he wants to, and every morning for at least an hour....plus hes capable of getting himself off the bed safely now!! lol
Michelle - posted on 07/01/2010
ann is right....let them decide...its much less stressful and when they do it, it will be their choice....our 3 yr old just decided a few months ago he'd had enough and now we don't see him....typical male, though...let them think its their idea and its the best one in the world....lol!!
Ann - posted on 06/10/2010
It sounds like a smart alecky answer, but - when he is ready. We moved our oldest daughter when she was about 18m because her little sister was on the way. She was still a VERY frequent visitor and we had musical beds for a long time because she wasn't really ready, but it wasn't safe to cosleep with a toddler and infant. DD2 moved to her own room when we moved to a new house and she had a room to move into. She was 3 and she was SO excited to have her very own room that she did great and has for the 2 years since then. My son is 18m old and sleeps very well in the crib sidecarred to our bed, so I have no desire to mess with success. If he wants to move or we need him to for some reason, we will move him out.
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