Different opinions

Katie - posted on 01/25/2010

Move to Canada ;) I was so pleasantly surprised at how many moms I've met since having my son have been into baby wearing (every other mom I know has an ERGO), and cloth diapering. BLW isn't as common but I think it's just because it's not really well known. I try to spread the word though. There are a lot of people here in Vancouver BC that are kind of "granola". People here love organic food and the outdoors so when they have babies they often tend to go a little more natural too. I don't know a lot of moms who are doing extended BFing but I think that is sometimes not as out there since many moms who do it tend to not nurse when they're out and about past a certain age. My son doesn't need to nurse when we're out very often anymore but if he does want it, he gets it:) As far as EC goes, I wish I had found out about it sooner! I learned about it when my son was about 6 months but what I read and heard said that was a pretty late start and so I became discouraged. C'est la vie. I do know one mom who I think was trying it out but I haven't asked her about it. I kind of have a feeling she didn't keep it up. I recently went to her house for her daughter's first b-day and I didn't see a potty anywhere in site. I guess that doesn't really mean anything...who knows. Maybe I'll ask her next time I see her.

All in all, I love to talk about all that jazz with other parents and I find that for the most part they at least pretend to be interested haha:) I don't think I've ever received any negative comments. And like someone else already said, if you are confident in yourself then people sense that. And I think it either gives them a good feeling or it scares them a little bit in a way like, "don't mess with her! she's still nursing her toddler and she does some kind of wacky out there things but nothing is going to change her mind about it so I'll just keep my big yap shut."

Elle - posted on 01/25/2010

I rarely have anyone say anything about "still" nursing or using a sling. Its one if the nice things about being a military wife, we are all from different backgrounds so we are use to everyone doing things differently. There are so few norms that only really extreme behaviors are thought of as strange. Using a sling is about the only way to go grocery shopping if your child isnt sitting yet, your hubby is deployed and your family is thousands of miles away:) It will be interesting when I visit my hometown this summer if any of my family or old friends say anything...

I understand how hard it is when your hubby doesnt agree. Mine thinks our 5 month old should be able to go to sleep in her crib on her own. I asked him if he was willing to get up with her everytime she wanted to eat, bring her to me and then take her back to her crib. Of couse he said no. She sleeps with us until she doesnt need me at night anymore then we will work on her sleeping in her own bed.

Becky - posted on 12/18/2009

I've been fortunate to never have anyone question me for breastfeeding, although my family did get on my case for continuing to breastfeed my older son until I was 4 months pregnant with my second. Everyone in my family breastfeeds though, so I have lots of support there. In my case, it's my own husband who questions a lot of the decisions I make. For instance, he thinks our 22 month old son should be able to go to sleep on his own - I still put him to bed and lie down with him until he falls asleep - and sleep through the night, which he can, but doesn't do consistently. He thinks we should make him cio, and I refuse. He thinks I hold the baby too much and should make them get used to being on their own more. And we disagree a lot on discipline! It's very hard when it's your own husband questioning you! However, I have more or less taken the stance that I am the mom, I am the primary parent, I spend the most time with them, and get up with them at night, so therefore, it is my decision. Discipline is harder, we argue a lot over that one.

Lori - posted on 12/13/2009

I know what you guys are going through. I rarely even talk about the fact that I'm tandem nursing a three-year-old and a three-week-old. People ask if I'm breastfeeding, and I smile and say yes enthusiastically, but only people who know us very well know that I mean both boys. As long as my son feels he needs to nurse at naptime and bedtime, that's what he'll do. I feel like a wimp for not being a stronger advocate, but I'm too tired right now taking care of a newborn to argue with everyone who thinks breasts are for selling beer.

Amy - posted on 11/23/2009

Well done you for pumping at work! I really don't know if I could do that. Luckily I can afford not to go back for a year or 2 so haven't had to really consider it!

Lucy - posted on 11/23/2009

man, that's difficult. But you have to do what feels right for you and your baby. Good for you for the extra effort it's taking! Keep it up!

Erin - posted on 11/22/2009

I live in an area of the country where breastfeeding beyond 6 weeks is out of the norm. At work the other day I had just returned from pumping and I actually had a coworker tell me that she thought it was gross. I am just doing what I feel is best for my children and I really don't like people judging me for it. I may judge them, but I would never say it to their face.

Candice - posted on 11/08/2009

i don't know...i've been pretty supported in my decisions. Maybe it's cuz i feel a need to "explain" why i did what i did...which i guess comes from an innate understanding that some of the things were against the norm. I still hold my daughter to put her to sleep at 18 mos...by now most parents would be on here asking how to keep their kid in the bed to go to sleep...i think "hold her!" ...just seems natural to me. I also couldn't bear the cry it out thing...my daughter EVENTUALLY learned to put herself back to sleep when she woke up at night and EVENTUALLY slept through the night...but not until she was 14 mos. i just took her into my bed until she went back to sleep. seemed natural to me. i agree that it seems like society has become more focussed on convenience than the actual research of attachment parenting. if i hear one more "if they don't learn to soothe themselves (at like 3 mos old?) they'll depend on you forever!!!" i can assure you...i won't be holding my teenage daughter to put her to sleep. SHe's become a very independent little girl already, and i'm sure when she's ready she'll move on from what's left of my "attached" methods. when she's ready. Until then, hey, i get to cuddle her more. and all the other moms who have a problem with it can go home and listen to their babies screaming for an hour before bed each night and leave me alone. lol

Amy - posted on 11/02/2009

I joined a the Mom's club in my area and had the same experience. I was one of the only ones who used a sling, nursed and everyone else seemed so different. Honestly most of the group seemed very snobbish. It was very hard because I don't know many people and was hoping to make some new friends. They just seemed so concerned over appearances and how clean and stylish their children looked vs. how much fun they could have with them. Needless to say I stopped going. In my opinion try to find some people who are on the same page as you.

Tiani - posted on 09/24/2009

Aw sorry you felt that way. It's easy to feel like you are the only one doing things the 'natural-but-not-extreme' way when you go to baby groups. Just don't let it get you down.



I really think that if you are confident in what you are doing, people will pick up on that and be confident in you too.

Dana - posted on 09/21/2009

Your baby isn't even 5 months yet and they're talking about you 'still breastfeeding'?! Give me a break... I also don't have anybody around who does things 'my way' either. I tend to hold my tongue as well. I don't really need them to agree with me, I know what I'm doing is right for me. I want so badly to tell people what I think of what they're doing sometimes, but it wouldn't accomplish anything. I know I'm not going to change their mind and they're not going to change mine.

Mandi - posted on 09/18/2009

I have felt this way. I am not a really extreme attachment parent, but I do some of the attachment things. But when I hang out with this one group of friends I just hold my tongue. I don't offer my opinion unless asked. But it does bother me when they say things like
"breastfeeding beyond 6 months is dumb, there are no benefits" grr and they are always asking me when I am stopping. But I just hold my tongue. It's not worth arguing over and it may offend someone else.

Amy - posted on 09/18/2009

Reflecting on this, I think I'm just disheartened that people who clearly have made an effort to read up on baby care and would be classed as knowledgeable parents in mainstream society and think that they are doing the 'best' things, but in fact have not got a full understanding of the alternative, ancient, back to basic, instinctive, parenting techniques...hey ho... I can't imagine the friction of being fully attached!! :-)

Marcy - posted on 09/17/2009

Amy-

Unfortunately you will be faced with this for a long time. I'm still nursing my kiddo who turned 3 end of July. You need to figure out how you can "handle" situations like this and if not attending is your choice, then so be it. We stopped hanging out with a specific group of friends because I just couldn't deal with their comments etc. Most people who meet my son think within minutes that he is sweet, well mannered and a pleasure to be around. When they find out he is still nursing, sometimes co-sleeps with us and never gets punished, they are so interested in our parenting style or (like my mother) want to hear nothing more of any of it.



Good luck!

Lee - posted on 09/17/2009

you're welcome!.
and i'm sure there ARE likeminded folks out there.... unfortunately i don't know any here, either (i'm in Canada)

Amy - posted on 09/17/2009

Thanks Lee. It's been a tiring day, struggling to get baby to nap and Springer Spaniel puppy not helping! I'm usually proud of my well researched (often against the norm)decisions, think it's just been one of those days! I must make the effort to attend some more local groups, there must be some like minded people around here somewhere!



I don't suppose anyone on this forum is in Northampton (UK)?

Lee - posted on 09/17/2009

all the time! i have a 9 month old and a nearly-4.... with some of the moms i know i'm the odd one out because i _ever_ breastfed, coslept, or took my child out of their bucket (erm, i mean pseudo-portable car seat)! and with others, i'm too far on the other side, because i'm not STILL nursing my 3 year old, and didn't carry my kids with me 24-7. *shakes head* i think that the best choice, most of the time.. is the 'happy medium' ... as long as it works for you!



don't worry, you're definitely not alone in the middle!



as for dealing? i just smile and nod, and if asked will put my opinion on the line. i just don't make a big deal about it. then i get to smirk (on the INSIDE) when they complain about tendonitis from carting around their baby bucket all day, or that little timmy just doesn't sleep well when he's in the crib all the way down the hall. :)

hey. it keeps me sane. don't knock it!



hope that helps!