Quietly struggling

Victoria - posted on 07/14/2010 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Please tell me that there are other Mums out there that don't have tidy houses, scream into pillows sometimes and generally feel that Motherhood is not easy ?
I am finding it so isolating at the moment and when I visit other Mums they seem so 'together'. And I am left wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Don't get me wrong i am not depressed and most days I am very happy but I have to say most days my house is a mess and I can't seem to regain my domestic goddess crown any more !

I seem to find myself muddling through each day and feeling embrassed that I am not some model Mum. My daughter is now four months and I suppose I get the impression that I should have things sorted my now.

I don't really have a lot of support, which I think is half my battle. My husband and my Mum run our very busy garden maintenace company so they are never around. My friends are good but I feel like a drama queen when I talk to them.

Some support from other Mums on here would be fab !

Thanks x

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10 Comments

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Carla - posted on 08/04/2010

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My boy is 10months now, and my house has been a mess since i can remember lol, but i would rather play with him, nurse him and give him all my attention then miss out on all the growth spurts and new challenges there is always time to tidy up when they are asleep or when they are at school lol

Joyce - posted on 07/28/2010

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I have 3 boys and a 3 month old. My house is never clean. I always seem to have a pile of clothes waiting for me to wash or fold or put away. I sometimes have dishes that still need to be washed. When I do get the whole house all cleaned up, it doesn't even last 5 min. unless the boys are sleeping over my moms. I do have a cleaning lady that comes once a month to help so i don't feel so overwhelmed. My daughter's room is still so very unorganized. I some hand me downs that I did divide that I haven't gotten around to putting it away. To me what really matters is that my kids are fed and that they have some time with their parents. If I tried to always have a "Clean" house, I would never have time for my kids.

Charlie - posted on 07/27/2010

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Victoria ~

You are not alone , my midwife told me it should be least of my priorities to keep the house spick and span and trust me my oldest son is a tornado ! i generally try to pick up after him but i dont obsess over it , my house is a mess during the day i really dont care what people think when they come around i would rather spend my time playing with Cooper and making mess with him once everyone is asleep i clean the house but it only lasts until he awakens in the morning and messes it up again , its so hard without support but just remember your a mother first and foremost cleaning can take a backseat .

Oh and dont tell anyone .........i have a whole room dedicated to unfolded washed clothes : x

My motto is if we haven't made a mess or my child isnt covered in dirt from playing outside then we haven't had enough fun LOL.

Kelly - posted on 07/27/2010

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You are not alone! I feel like most moms experience the same feelings but they don't talk about them because it may make them feel like a 'bad mother'. Keep talking and crying and know you are not alone!

Merry - posted on 07/19/2010

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My house is a mess too, I clean one room but then the rest are a dump! I go room to room and it's never all clean. I do laundry when I have to but it's usually all washed in one day, and put away the next day or two. I unload the dishwasher if I can otherwise I just pull dishes out as I need them. The sinks always full of dishes. But I do clean up the cat box every day, priorities you know. So yes you are so very normal and tell your husband to read these posts if he thinks you should have time to clean more. It will get better one day, I don't know when but one day it will. Oh yes, chores! Once our kids can have chores then maybe we will get a clean house back :)

Charlie - posted on 07/16/2010

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I also am constantly struggling with household chores and keeping my sanity! And my kids are 13, 11, 9, and 1! lol From what I gathered we are normal. :) Just remember to take time for yourself! Get out and do something here and there just for you. :)

Amanda - posted on 07/16/2010

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OH HONEY!!! I have a 3 (almost 4) year old and a 2 year old with one on the way and I don't remember the last time my house was actually CLEAN!! Picked up sure, cleaned in spots sure, but the house is generally a wreck! Being a stay at home mom is much more work IMO that going to a job everyday. When our oldest was a baby I worked and my house was mostly clean, but we were never there! Only at night for a couple of hours and on the weekend. When I made the switch to SAHM the house went downhill. You know what though? I don't even care. I get to nurse my babies and play in forts and get messy baking cookies or cakes! Then we are all off to the shower to clean ourselves. They are only litttle so long and you can't do everything. I can't hardly take a shower with my two and they are pretty self sufficent! If I go without them I come out to a torn up house! Motherhood is rough and we deserve credit for just surviving the poop and nursing all day! There will be ups and downs...some month you will look back and think OMG my house has been tidy and laundry done for over a week and then the next week you baby will learn something new or hit a growth spurt and be attached to you every moment. My advice is sleep, eat and play with your baby before your baby is grown. There will be plenty of time for a tidy house when they go to college!

Marcy - posted on 07/15/2010

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Can you afford a cleaning lady...even every other week. Mine comes in every other Saturday for 4 hours. It costs me $75 but I would rather starve then lose her. You know, everyone always says that a messy house goes along with having kids. I think if you are like me (I like things neat and organized) its kind of stressful when your house is a mess and you don't feel in control. Besides my cleaning lady the only thing that has worked for me is to pick 1 thing per day and then do it. For instance, this morning I got up 20 minutes early, did a load of laundry and attempted to put the mounds of clothes away that are stacking up in the floor of our bedroom. Its too overwhelming to try and get your house 100% clean all at one time. I also have those wipes in the bathrooms and kitchen. When my son is in the tub I will wipe down the surfaces in the bathroom...just so I feel a little better.

it does get easier once your child gains more independence....when they are walking, eating by themselves, playing by themselves it allows you more time to get things done.

If you can't afford a cleaning lady now is the perfect time to try and find a high school to babysit for a few hours a few times per week. Even if he/she takes your little one for a long walk it will give you time to get more organized.....

Good luck...you aren't alone.

Emily - posted on 07/14/2010

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Dude you should see my house. Even when I clean it, it's clean for about 2 seconds. I truly think the moms that seem to have it all together are just putting on a show. There's no way any of us can be that perfect!

[deleted account]

Oh, my dear, don't worry. My daughter just turned one and I STILL have yet to regain my domestic crown. You aren't alone, motherhood isn't easy. Just think of all the time you are spending with that fabulous child of yours and remember what it is all for. She will grow up strong and healthy, all because you didn't stop to clean your house instead of rocking her to sleep. Hold strong, I'm here with you!

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