Was given advice the other day...

Marie - posted on 04/05/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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And it is still bothering me! SO MUCH!

I mentioned that my daughter feeds ever 2-3 hours day and night and was told I can train her out of this. The very word TRAIN her bothered me, red flags were erected and then all the advice and telling me what to do followed.

Let my daughter reach her threshold during the night, but don't feed her. Give her a bottle of warm water! She wont ask anymore after a few days. She will train herself to sleep cause she knows you wont give it to her!

THEN! She looked at me like I was crazy when I said I will nurse my daughter aslong as she wishes to be...she asked me "Well, until she has teeth right?!"

UM NO! I wanted to say but am a pacifist and just didn't want to argue with my good friends sister. I said, " I'll see how it goes, I have an open mind" Which, I feel I do.

She scoffed at me when I said my daughter doesn't like the bottle and has never had formula. "Well what if there's an emergency?! What if you're sick?!" She asked.

Anyway, I just wanted to bonk her on the head gently and say wake up! But, she has two kids, and is 8 months pregnant, so I was not going to argue with her further more, infront of my friends. She has the right to raise her kids how she wants just as I do...but it hurts to hear this advice, so I let her give it to me, smile politely and thank her. She thinks she is helping, right?

What do you do in these situations?

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Amanda - posted on 04/07/2010

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Ahh.... I just "love" conversations with people who don't see eye-to-eye in the parenting styles department! :p It breaks my heart to hear parents talk about "training" their kid -- we train dogs, not people for heavens sake! And, why does a baby have to be independent anyway? I figure we'll deal with that in the natural progression of life.... why bring it on any earlier?
I often think that these parents aren't allowing themselves to truly enjoy the littleness of their babies. We live in such a busy, selfish world and a majority of people have taken that mentality into their parenting. Right from the beginning, my husband and I vowed to enjoy the little moments. These days don't last forever. My daughter just turned one and while I miss her tiny-babyness, I can honestly say that I don't feel as if I missed out on anything. We soaked up her 1st year as much as we possibly could -- at the expense of our sleep, our social life and "ease" in life. Who ever said parenthood was about us, anyway?
Keep doing what you're doing! The rewards of knowing your child is receiving the love and attention that she needs is worth all the sleepless nights and frequent nursing sessions! These days won't last forever.... soak her up!

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Allison - posted on 06/09/2010

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I was really sick after my son was born - 2 severe hemmorhages, lots of time in the ER and hospital - about 8 days in all within his first 2 weeks, plus a surgery at 2 months - but he came with me for sure :) The ER nurse did say "This is really not a good place for a baby, you might want to take him home." and my husband said "Well this where his food is, so he needs to be here" end of story :)

Jessica - posted on 06/06/2010

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Wow!! A bottle of water?!?! I am also pretty passive with peoples advice. My family and friends often have negative comments about me co-sleeping with my little one and how I do not use a play pen but I just brush it off.

Tricia - posted on 05/19/2010

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Or, I mean, you could probably just let the baby nurse while you're unconscious. You'll probably be flat on your back anyway, and even tiny little ones can figure that position out as long as hubby unhooks your nursing bra. :-)
My pat answer to the "So how long ARE you going to breastfeed him?" question has been, "Oh, probably forever." If you say it sweetly with a smile, people usually leave you alone.

April - posted on 05/18/2010

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again...what do people think women did before formula? if i ever get sick...i will be nursing in the hospital. and yes my husband totally has my permission to pump my boobs if i go unconscious!! lol.

Lauren - posted on 05/16/2010

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LOL at Nicole! My boyfriend just asked me the other day "since you hate when people give babies formula, do I have permission to pump your boobs if you go unconscious?" I think I got a little tear in my eye as I told him "I expect to have my same milk supply when I wake up, so you better!"

Lauren - posted on 05/16/2010

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People who dont breastfeed just dont get it! You need to nurse at night to keep your milk supply up and your baby full!

When people give me poor advice about baby "training" I usually say "Her behavior (nursing at night) doesn't bother me, I enjoy meeting her needs. So I dont feel like its time for me to stop her yet." That usually shuts them up, because they feel like its a problem, but if you tell them its not, then they get confused for a moment.

It happens a lot to me because I dont give my daughter a pacifier. I've gotten comments about how "mean" i am to her because babies like them. I usually smile and say "Rayne doesn't like pacifiers, she prefers the breast, and I don't mind nursing her as often as she wishes." A few times people haven't even realized the connection between pacifiers and nursing (duhhhhh), and I just walk away knowing I dont have time to educate them.

Nicole - posted on 04/22/2010

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A bottle of warm water????!!! Oh, poor babies that have this happen to them! That just sounds so cruel to me! "Oh, you're hungry for love and food? Here is some warm water." Could you imagine being hungry and someone offering you some warm water? So sad.

I love the "What if there's an emergency/you're sick question"s! LOL My husband knows that I better be dead. Otherwise, my baby is coming with me, I don't go, and even if I am not conscience, he can put my boob in my baby's mouth! LOL But, seriously, I am not worried about emergencies or illness. I am MORE worried about what would happen to my baby AND myself if he was NOT receiving my breast milk.

I think you just have to take that kind of advice in stride. Usually "unwanted" advice is "bad" advice. No matter what parenting style you have.

Nicole - posted on 04/22/2010

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Wow! 8 oz!!! All I can say is: at least she was nursing him after wards! It could have been a cereal formula bottle to top off that 8 oz! EEEK!

See it is this mentality that helped add to the obesity crisis in America!!! So many parents expect their babies to eat SO much and be SO full that they go 8 hours without needing to eat. If you ask any nutrition and fitness expert, they will tell you that eating smaller meals every 2-4 hours is healthiest. And we have stomachs the size of SOFT BALLS! In comparison to babies who usually have stomachs the size of chicken eggs.

Jennifer - posted on 04/15/2010

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I can't believe he even wanted to nurse after 8 ounces of baby food! HOLY MOLY!

Shonda - posted on 04/07/2010

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Wonderful advice! haha. Not quite. I totally agree with Amanda about enjoying the littleness of our babies. People want babies to be mini adults. I want them to enjoy every stage of life as that stage is meant to be for them. This weekend I witnessed my sister in law feeding my nephew (3 days younger than my LO) 8 ounces of baby food followed by nursing - all at one sitting! Yikes! Yes, I said EIGHT ounces then she also nursed and the heaping spoonfuls going into his poor tiny mouth... I almost gagged myself. I said, "oh wow! he really likes that!" because she saw my eyes popped out of my head and I wanted to be diplomatic. So her hubbie backs it up with, " oh yeah! this way he only eats like every 4-5 hours and sleeps 13 hours straight at night!" Well, alrighty then. Just load him right up so he does not inconvenience you!

So what do you do. Say nothing. Let them live there wonderfully blissed lives and you live yours.

Anne - posted on 04/07/2010

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Got that exact same advice from my GP today. You did better than me - I didn't want to argue so I just said 'mmm'.

Jessica - posted on 04/07/2010

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i wouldn't follow that advice, but that's me. my lulu is 6 months old and still nurses frequently at night, at least every 3-4 hours. i don't mind it at all. she sleeps with us, so all i have to do is take my breast out and give it to her and i can go right back to sleep, since she does the same thing when she's done. our pediatrician told us to give her infant cereal to help her sleep longer but i won't be following that. i just don't agree with the whole "feed her solids so she'll sleep through the night" stuff.

Rachel - posted on 04/07/2010

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I usually just smile, nod and then tell them that my daughter is happy and healthy and so am I doing what I am doing but Thank You for you concern.
I also got alot of "you're STILL feeding,don't you think you've done enough" comments from family when feeding baby 3 and 4 as they were breastfed for 2 years and 18 months respectively. I can only imagine the comments will start again soon as baby 5 is now 7 months and possibly cutting her first tooth.
I also know the feeling of wanting to bonk someone on the head and say wake up but they are entitled to parent the way they think is best for them and I will do what is best for me, it's just a little frustrating to see people doing things I completely disagree with like feeding solids early.

Emily - posted on 04/06/2010

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I think you need to find some new friends. :) Only joking... but really, I agree with you. I hate the "train" word too. These are babies, not our pets! Eating every 2-3 hours is normal. Hell, I still eat at least every 3 hours. LOL



You're doing an awesome job meeting your baby's needs. I find it really hard actually to be around people that say things like what your friend said. Becoming a parent has really shown me who my true friends are! I would just stick to your guns and keep doing what you're doing. Perhaps just by being that example of what attachment parenting can be, you're planting a small seed in her.. also you've probably given your other friends something to think about!

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