Working Moms VS. Stay At Home Moms

Marissa - posted on 10/15/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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OK. So, I was watching Dr. Phil yesterday (not exactly sure why), but the show was titled "Working Moms vs. Stay-At-Home moms. I am curious as to why there is such a debate between the two parties. I, myself, am 20 years old and I work full time. My fiance works full time, plus some, and I am getting sick and tired of being told I am not as good of a mom because both my husband and I are working to try and make a better life for our children. I personally feel I am a better mom because I work out of the home, and I feel that way because I get a chance to "de-stress!" One point that I was strongly against was when a stay at home made a comment about it not being about the parents feelings, but about the childs....Now, while I agree with that comment...DOesn't my mood effect my children? I thought so, but apparently, I know nothing. lol. Also, she had said that everyone could afford to stay home if they got an older car and a smaller house....I'm sorry, but it really isn't that easy. With the way the economy is, it's not that black-n-white. There is a lot of gray areas, and it is really bugging me the way people are so judgmental!
Are there other moms out there, stay at home or working moms, who feel the way I do? Please respond however you like. I don't get offended easily. lol. Please try and help me understand why I am considered a bad mom because I work outside my home.

Thanks!
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6 Comments

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Cheryl - posted on 11/17/2009

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It is a strange debate, working moms vs stay at home moms. I am a stay at home and homeschooling mom. I believe that kids need their parents influence more than anyone else's influence. When kids are in daycares, they have a higher incidence of anger and acting out (I am not saying yours do, but they are exposed to that behavior and will have a greater likelihood of adopting the same behavior themselves). Not all daycares produce the angrier kids, but the lack of parental involvement and the larger number of kids per daycare provider contributes to less time per kid to develop good character traits. Even teachers in today's schools are spending too much time with children with discipline issues and are not able to spend as much time actually teaching our children.
Some families should check their budgets and see if the second income is actually helping them get what they think is important (material success is not very important to me, happy and healthy kids and husband are far more important to me). A lot of times, the second income is just covering the costs of child care and work clothes/gas/food out for the second working parent. That is not a great logical trade off. There are lots of groups out there to give moms time off from kids, like MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers).
Some families, especially those hit really hard by the current economy, cannot make ends meet without both jobs and free babysitting.
The question really isn't whether you are working outside the home, because even stay at home moms can leave out the important stuff. Are you spending enough time with your children that you can develop good character traits in them? Are you able to provide them with the love and attention that they need to know that they are unique and lovable and God's best creation? Are you imparting to them continuously the values that will make them productive members of society some day?
Ask yourself those questions. I do. If you believe that you are doing everything your child needs to become a responsible, productive, adult citizen, then stop feeling a need to justify yourself to others.
I am trained to be a lawyer, yet I stay at home. I believe that is best for my family. I homeschool because I believe that schools are no longer a good training ground for responsible productive citizens. (Not every school is in this category, not every teacher is ineffective, not every school program is lousy - they are where we live and in plenty of other places as well). I get plenty of raised eyebrows when I say I went to law school but stay at home - when I add the homeschooling ...I have peace in my heart that I am doing the right thing. If you have that in your heart then ignore the naysayers and keep on doing everything to raise your kids to be good adults! :)

Sheila - posted on 11/13/2009

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I'm a SAHM and I have to give it up to the working mothers. They put in their 8 hours then come home and still have to put in another 8 hours. I think us SAHM have it easy. I do feel sorry for the working mommies though; not only do they work a lot, but they don't see their children as much as they should/need to.

Kim - posted on 11/03/2009

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I think its great that you work. Just because you do doesn't say anything about what kind of mom you are. It works for some to stay at home and some to work. For me mine goes to work with me and let me tell you there are days i think i could pull my hair out. so now i take him to a friend who watches kids, on fridays so i have one day a week with no kids at work with me. It has helped me so mutch. But not only that, My son is so excited to have some away time as well. I think its as good for the kids to be away from the parents some as well as good for the parent that never gets a break. I totaly agree though about people being judgemental. They can just keep there mouths shut. lol

Michelle - posted on 10/26/2009

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If you stay at home with your children or if you work, it doesn't qualify you as a "Bad Mother". If you can stay at home with your kids great! If you want to work or have to work than more power to you. I don't think you should be judged by this perticular debate. Why is it a debate anyway? If you work or stay at home someone is going to judge you. We're danged if we do and were danged if we don't. I wouldn't worry about it. :-)

Erin - posted on 10/21/2009

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My husband and I have one car, live with my dad, and I'm a stay at home mom, because there isn't a job out there that I'm qualified to do that would help me support my family ,and pay daycare costs for a 3, 2, & 1 yr old along with the hours a daycare runs its just not feesable for me. Even though I live with my dad, I take care of my children full time, he doesn't lift a finger for them unless he offers to make dinner. I am stressed out more often than not by being with my children 24-7. My husband works in retail at a mall so his hours are different day to day, week to week. Durning Back to School & Christmas time he works 6 days a week 12 hrs a day most days of the week. Its a very hard and trying time. We'll be moving due to a promotion here soon and I won't even have the comfort of having my dad around for adult conversation to look forward to when he gets home and my husband has to work until 11 or Midnight.

So I wish I was in your shoes and could even have a chance at finding work. I miss my old job, I miss getting out of house for something other than grocery shopping. So no I do not consider you a bad mom. Because I would take a job working a couple days a week just to get out of the house and de-stress and a chance to have an adult conversation once in a while.

Ginger - posted on 10/17/2009

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Hi Marissa I am a stay at home mother and I know how you feel. Alot of people have put me down because I am a stay at home mom. However, I wish I did have a job, for a matter of fact I am looking for one as hard as I can. My fiance works full time and then some also. It is sometimes stressful and trying to be a stay at home mom but dont get me wrong Im glad that I have been here to witness all the little things that she has accomplished. And as far as the parents mood effecting the child..O I so believe it does. Just like a childs mood effects a parents mood also. But I dont think you a bad mother at all. Now if were making unsafe choices for you and your family or if you didnt try to provide for you child either physically (clothes, house, food and so on) or mentally and emotionally then yes you could be considered a bad mother ... but sounds to me like you are doing a fine job as a mother. I think Im a good mother not for the $ aspect but Im the one teaching her new things and Im keeping her clean and fed and so on. So its all in helping raise a child or children that makes you a good parent.

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