Anyone else having problems with 15 month old defiance?

Heather - posted on 02/26/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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My son will do something that he knows he's not supposed to do and has just gotten in trouble for 5 minutes before (i.e. dumping the dog water bowl out on the carpet) but he can not keep himself from doing it again and again even though he know he's gonna get in trouble. Ugh! It's so frustrating! Anyone else having problems like this with your spirited little one and do you have any suggestion of how to correct it?

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Kathy - posted on 03/05/2010

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My daughter is the same right now her no no task is CLIMBING EVERYTHING I call it early terrible 2's .... they are testing us(parents) to see what our boundaries are the only solution ive found in mags. books. and others is stay firm and strong because this is the time they find out what they can get over on you for the rest of their lives....and also some things we don't see as a 1.5yr old is when he tips the bowl over or she climbs is they just found out they can do something NEW and they are sooo proud of themselves(that's what im learning now too. so when rylie does something i look at it through her eyes and then react)

Natalie - posted on 03/04/2010

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I think I have posted some info about this before...They have an impulse to do it again and again...sometimes they are being a little cheeky! You just have to follow through and stand your ground! :)

Jeanine - posted on 03/03/2010

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Yup...you have a normal one there! :-) they reference the "terrible two's"...but really it starts around 15 months or so and goes until 3 plus. Sorry momma :-) ...they are learning so much right now and exploring and testing is how they do it. Hang tough on the dangerous and disgusting (pet food/water is SOOO fascinating!) and let the little one explore the rest of his world. Redirecting really is the best way to go. Telling them "no" repeatedly is ineffective. Take his hand and lead him to a book or a toy or whatever else is wonderful to him and he should forget about the dog's water (at least for THIS moment). Good luck!

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Maggie - posted on 03/08/2010

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my little tyrant thats what i call my daughter cos the person that gets hit the most is me, from getting slapped in the face, to getting scratched in the neck., she once hit me with a hair dryer cos i was sleeping and she was awake,- now i put her in her cot for misbehaving. she whines but then gets a new interest - throwing out anything thats in her cot, - the other week when i was sick, she had a feast, pulling everything from the dresser, destroying everything in her way. i feel good to know i m not the only one, the one thing that annoys me is when she starts crying when she sees me but when she is with other ppl she is the coolest little lady. i m following your advise, i think this is the coolest network.

Tania - posted on 03/07/2010

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hey tell me abt problems wt a 15 mnth old, ya he does the same repeatedly doin wat he's not supposed to, i can't go shoppin at him anywhere as soon as i enter a shop he'll start whining n pullin clothes off hangers, n throws such a tantrum and as soon as i'm outta the shop he's fine, aggghhhh seems as thu life's come to a standstill, apart frm being wt him n doin wat ge wants.

Jazi - posted on 03/07/2010

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Oh thought of a new one - Distraction - My son has decided to love the wiggles (not NEARLY as offensive as that hideous creature that is *shudder* barney) and We are lucky enough to have access to them via on demand with cable at home, and via Satilite at my parents/sisters homes (LOVE SPROUT) plus a couple of VHS and DVDs of the show.

Distracting him from bouncing from one "don't do that" to another "Zander you know better" with a simple hand sign of "want wiggles" and saying "Do you want to watch the wiggles" results in a smile, a return sign of "wiggles please" and some lower stress moments of music, dancing and laughing with the kid. Plus doing the dances with the Wiggles while easy, really burns some calories

" can you point your fingers and do the twist"..

Siobhan - posted on 03/07/2010

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i had to laugh at the last part of your reply it was hillarious as that is one of my all time favorite songs! :D but on a more serious note thank you so much for your advice it was extremely helpful and i shall deffinately be trying some of it out (although i dont think i can accept the drinking out of the toilet thing quite yet lol) but deffinately time out and the no conversation things :D once again thank you

Siobhan - posted on 03/07/2010

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unfortunately i'm having this problem with my very stubborn and independent 15 month old daughter lol she will pull clean washing out of the washer and dryer, play with the bin (ewww!), attack the cat and press every button, knob etc she can get her hands on and i have tried everything to control her behavior but every time i try i come up against my mother and her "she's a baby Siobhan" and "isn't mommy nasty" i'm at my wits end i have tried EVERYTHING! from time out (in her playpen) to putting her down and ignoring her, tapping her on the hand etc every single method reccomended by parents, health visitor, books and internet but nothing seems to work she just had a strop for 5 mins and goes back and does it again does anyone have any idea how to deal with my lil terror or my mother for that matter!?

Anna - posted on 03/07/2010

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I feel your frustration. My 15 month old actually checks to make sure your watching before doing something he knows he will be in trouble for! Little booger LOVES turning off the TV esp. when his 3 year old brother is watching Diego! He also loves slamming the glass entertainment center door, thank God for tempered glass!

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i really don't think they think the way we think. they don't necessarily view "getting in trouble" as a bad thing. they think it's an interesting result and they want to see if they will get the same result every time. it's like an experiment to them. That's my take on it. Takes tons of patience, which i don't always have. i have to put her in a safe place (like her crib) and walk away sometimes. It is definitely not easy.

Crystal - posted on 03/07/2010

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My daughter is 15 months. If she's old enough to understand she shouldn't do something and choose to do it anyway, or throw a tantrum bc I said no...she's old enough for time out. I started doing time out about 3 weeks ago. i always start with telling her "that's not for marlie" or whatever and if she continues I warn her that she will go in time out. She KNOWS what that means and sometimes will immediately stop and sometimes not. If not she goes in time out for about a minute. Even if she's still crying after a minute I get her up and remind her why she was in time out and love her up. she may not always understand every word I say but you'll be amazed at the amount they actually do understand and the more you actually talk to them the faster they learn. Right now I just put her in her crib. I am VERY clear that its time out not going to bed, I stand her up and leave the light on she doesn't have her baby or her blanket or anything she associates with bed time. She has never had an issue going to bed because of this bc time out and bed or nap time are so completely different. We have to remember that they're still exploring and learning about their worlds...and most of all learning moms limits :) there will always be something they're doing that we'd rather they didn't. That doesn't mean we should let them do whatever but remember that even if they keep doing whatever it was we just "disciplined" them for we're both learning. keep your cool, try not to get too frustrated and eventually it will all fall into place. Its really not about what we do or how we discipline...we just have to be sure that whatever we do its clear and its consistant.

Lori - posted on 03/07/2010

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Love reading all your stories and glad to know I'm not alone in the michevious lil one. I will take some of your advice to heart too. Thanks!

Kiera - posted on 03/06/2010

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My 1 and 2 yr. old are the same way. I think it's because they trust that we love them unconditionally. With that, they can test the bounderies a bit more and test the waters as well. They r perfect angels with anyone else they come in contact with!! LOL

Dalisa - posted on 03/06/2010

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Just keep saying no and taking away whatever it is he wants to do. They do not know yet, but he will learn repetition. Starting discipline now is the best way to go because when they are older it will be harder to start. So even if he goes on and does it, just take it away and say NO!

Jazi - posted on 03/05/2010

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I am on my first child - Zander is just 15 months himself and has been doing this type of action for about 3 months now. I agree it's frustraiting as all get out. I've had some extra experiance in child care with "almost" nieces and nephews as well as some time working for a special needs child care center. Here are things I have learned.



1) Attention is attention - say no once, then the next time let them do the bad, scoop them up with a disipline grasp (hold them differently than you normally do so they realize it is different and negitive) and place them away from the object without acknowladging them, 3rd time with the same issue - disipline grasp again, (swat is optional depending on your belief system for punishment) and deposit into playpen/pack n play for time out.



Yes time out does work for children as young as a year - 45 seconds of isolation from mom can have an impact. Me I wait till my son stops crying then grab him. A snuggle and a love and a let him go he's just fine and so will your child be. Don't go over 2 minutes at this age - no more than one minute more than the number of years they have.



2) strangers are scarier than mommy and dad, so children listen to them more.



3) Dog and cat food is made to a higher standard then some human foods we eat. it will not kill your child, it is a loosing battle - buy smaller sized kibble. and let them drink from the toliet, the water in your toliet is often the freshest in the house.



4) if it's something you can ignore ( ie: gagging himself until he throws up) ignoring it is the fastest way to get them to stop.



5) the Great God Grandparents gave us Playpens (pack n plays) and Baby Gates - utilize these tools and learn from their mistakes.



6) Get a dog - they clean floors much better than anything else after mealtime. they also do a bang up job on the baby and the high-chair. Children raised with pets from a young age have few incidences of allergies and asthma. Also a dog makes a very good playmate very quickly.



Hope that these tips help - I know that they are helping to attempt to keep my mental facilites from gettting any worse. At least I don't see any nice men in their clean white coat... *looks around warily* they're comming to take me away hee hee....

Sharon - posted on 03/05/2010

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tell him no then don't worry about it in the end he doesn't get the attention he wants from it and will go on 2 something else seams wrong i now but going though it with my little man the dogs bowls do go out of the way till hes not about still it makes my dog eat his food in 1 go hope this helps sorry if not all the best :0)

Rachel - posted on 03/05/2010

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My son tests limits everyday I think its normal for this age. Its part of learning. I don't think there is much you can do as far as discipline goes. I think for time out it matches the age so if he's 1 time out would be one minute. But I think at this age they don't understand that. Just be consistent and redirect them to another interest.

Stevie - posted on 03/05/2010

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my 15 month son does it all all the time 24/7 unless he is sleeping and i am just at wits end sometimes and soo exasuted and now that im also expecting again that just adds on even more excpet now i feel sick and more tired and most of the times my hips hurt lol i love my boy but i am really missing him taking his two naps like he use to idk what to do either i wish i did i just keep having to say no and listen to him cry all the time

Sharon - posted on 03/05/2010

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my 15 month old daughter is exactly the same she loves to play with the dog water bowl even the dogs food bowl and shes always turning my tv off or picking up my phone or throwing the clean washing on the floor im telling her no

Zoe - posted on 03/05/2010

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Same thing here! My 16 month old loves to throw tantrums! If he doesn't get what he wants he just throws himself on the floor. The best advise that I have had is to ignore it. Of course make sure they don't hurt themselves but the more you say no the more they will want to do it. So when he throws himself on the floor I simply say "Mommy, will talk to you when you are calm" And then he stops. He is testing the waters with biting everyone now! UGH!

Stevie - posted on 03/04/2010

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I am having troubles with my little 15mth old Sophie. She does things she knows she isn't allowed to do cause she has gotten in trouble for them before and when we tell her no....she throws and tantrum. I didn't think that was supposed to be happening yet, We ignore the tantrums but it doesnt seem to work, she still throws them. They are big too like throwing herself on the ground and crying. Any help here??

Jenni - posted on 03/04/2010

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To preserve my sanity, and that of the other kids in the house I have toddler proofed our main living area and baby gated it's exits. Jazzy has 'free run' of this safer space and yeah.. she's an imagiative little menace at times but generally by keeping one area safe for her to play I have found life more pleasant and less stressful. At 15 mths their really too little to understand a lot of things but a gentle pat on the bottom is usually enough to discourage her. She howls like she's just been belted though and I feel like such a meanie!

Jeanine - posted on 03/04/2010

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Mollie...those are both tough ones. I think you are on the right track. With the hitting...you might try taking her hand and having her gently stroke your face saying "We use gentle touch." The demonstration could help. If she continues to try to hit...I would put her down and walk away. They tend to repeat actions that get a strong reaction...even if it is negative. Again, they are learning a lot right now...and repetition is part of that learning process.

With the food throwing...I have found that encouraging my daughter to put her food in her bowl gives her a new task to focus on. She enjoys cleaning up when she is done. The other option is to take the food away and get her down from the table. "When you throw food, you are all done." Watch her and see WHEN she is throwing the food. If she is done eating, it may be that she is just entertaining herself now.

Hope this helps. And know that we are all dealing with these things now. This is part of their learning and development. It is messy and frustrating but you will get through it! Hang in there momma! :-)

Mollie - posted on 03/04/2010

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We are struggling A LOT at the moment with her throwing food on the floor ...and slapping our faces. Everything I read says to avoid saying 'no' too much and to try not to make a big deal out of things, but I can't get my husband to believe/buy into this advice. He gets SOOO angry when she smacks at him or at the spoon if he's trying to feed her, and he thinks I'm being too soft on her. I know she can't understand why we get upset, and I typically just tell her 'We don't hit', 'we don't throw food on the floor', but it doesn't seem to phase her, except maybe to drive her to do it again (as if she's saying 'I DO throw food on the floor...'). I'm not sure how we can be consistent in disciplining her when we can't agree on the way forward. Suggestions?

Lucinda - posted on 03/04/2010

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I am going through the same thing as you Tami... My mom watches him and he listens to her when she tells him no and he cant have that. But once he comes to my house he thinks he owns EVERYTHING and i tell him no or will spank his hand and he just laughs as well. My mom likes to throw it in my face that he wil listen to her, but i just think its cuz he knows he could get away with a lil, more with us (his parents).. Our son is our 1st too so were still in the learning process.

Tami - posted on 03/04/2010

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I'm sooo glad it is not only my son-haha. I am actually considering unplugging the lamp in the livingroom so I don't have to keep telling him to stop touching it=) The only part I don't understand is that my husbands aunt watches him for us and he listens to her after the first time? She just tells him no no and he walks away.......When my husband or I tell him no he smiles/laughs and tries to grab whatever it is he was going for.

Michelle - posted on 03/03/2010

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its the age i have 5 kids they all do it....my 15 month old will stand with her hands behind her back and slowly slowly try to touch again if you look at her she quickly puts her hands behind her back again and looks down

Debi - posted on 03/03/2010

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Like playing in the garbage can! Ugh - I even slapped her little bottom (not hard!). She just smiles and keeps going back to it. I am so tired of moving things or locking things. I hope this ends soon. I can usually redirect her with a book.

Jen - posted on 03/03/2010

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my 15 month son is always getting up to mischeif i say no n then he will throw his hole body weight back n throw his head forward n bang it on the floor and then scream. i jsu say your tantrums dont work you cant always have what you want. his too young to do anything else there not older enough to know why they shouldnt touch the fire for example to them its big n shiny n looks lots of fun. they will soon understand when there older

Cathy - posted on 03/03/2010

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Yup, my daughter can be quite a spirited little one sometimes. She just discovered the dogs water dish so we are constantly redirecting and saying "that is the dogs not Kiya's". It works usually but not always. She is too young for time out so we redirect. We try not to use the word no as we don't want her to add it to her vocabulary and it makes her scream so we say things like "We don't touch that, hit that, eat that, etc".

Roni - posted on 02/26/2010

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My 15 mth old can be an absolute terror somedays. And he's the same way, does things he knows he's gonna get into trouble for. Most of the time if I catch him before he does it, then I just have to tell him no and to walk away and he'll listen. But if I'm not looking then he just goes ahead and does it anyway. I guess you just need to be consistant with the dicipline, whatever form you use, and don't let him get away with it.

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