CONTROLING MAN

Megan - posted on 06/20/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND TREATS U LIKE CRAP AND DOESNT RESPECT YOU AND CALLS U NAMES SHOULD U LEAVE HIM OR STAY FOR THE CHILD?

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Clara - posted on 07/06/2010

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here are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this!
When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you,
loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk.
Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that,
They came out from us that it might be made manifest
that they were not for us.
For had they been of us,
no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you,
you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person,
it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you’ve got to know when people’s
part in your story is over so that you
don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over.
Let me tell you something.
I’ve got the gift of good-bye.
It’s the tenth spiritual gift,
I believe in good-bye.
It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful,
and I know whatever God means for me to have
He’ll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something
that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life,
then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains …
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you …
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction …
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude…
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better…
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new
level in Him…
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship….
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help
themselves..
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ….
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying “take your hands off of it,” then you need to…
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past.
Forget the former things.
GOD has new plans for 2006 !!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then
LET IT GO!!!
“The Battle is the Lord’s!”

Kim - posted on 06/27/2010

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Staying in an unhappy relationship for the child is never the right thing to do; kids are very sensitive to their parents and their emotions and it is more damaging to have 2 unhappy parents than one happy one. Trust your instincts and have faith in yourself. Us women are tough and can do anything we set our minds to :)

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36 Comments

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Ashley - posted on 03/04/2012

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I would say if it is that bad PLEASE do not stay, you are only teaching you child that it is acceptable behavior and setting you child/children up for dis-functioning relationships, teaching a daughter it is ok for a man to treat you this way and teaching a son that women are not to be respected. I would say if it is as bad as it sound leave, you will all be better off. Don't forget everyone argues and disagrees but there is that bellow the belt line.

Michelle - posted on 01/05/2012

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Children learn by example....do you want your child to treat their life partner with disrespect & anger? I personally do not believe in staying together for the children. It's creates a resentful hostile home enviroment. Can't be good for anyone involved, especially the child. My ex & I separated when my daughter was two. Home was too angry of a place for me to raise a loving, caring, respectful child. Besides which, if you are no good to you, you are no good to your child, being around any abuse whether physical or emotional is not healthy & is NOT being good to you. My daughter has grown into a beautiful loving 22 year old, and I am happily married to a man who after 20 years still adores me and treats me with nothing but respect. Good luck darling, and remember being true to yourself will in turn help you be a loving strong mom.

Brandi - posted on 12/30/2011

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I was in this situation. My daughter's father was very disrespectful and just downright mean to me. my daughter started to become agressive because she was witnessing this. And after I saw how it was affecting her, I said, "It's not worth it if it's going to hurt my child in ANY way." I packed up and left. Smartest thing I ever did. You deserve to be treated with respect and your child deserves to see his/her mom be treated with respect. Staying because of the child, in the long run, will probably hurt him/her more. It's better to have parents who aren't together and happy than to have parents who are together and absolutely miserable.

Anja - posted on 07/20/2011

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get some speace between you 2 sometimes things changes and from there you can deceide whats best for you and whats best for you will make you child happy too..

Anca - posted on 07/13/2011

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I was a child brought up in such situation. It was awful and it handicapped me for the rest of my life. Abusive men will also be abusive towards the children. I grew up dreaming of killing him or wishing him dead; useless to say, I really wanted my mom to leave him. She said she "sacrifices herself for me by staying in the relationship". I'd be a much more self-confident and smarter person today if I did not had to experience all the abuse. Just to give you the child's perspective (I'm 35 now, but still remember everys econd of it. it was awful. you have to be honest with yourself and decide how awful it really is or if you wrote the question in a moment of sadness or after a fight. If it really is bad, then do know you're not staying in the relationship for the sake of the child, but for other motives. It serves the child no good. You either need to work hard on making things better, if there is any chance of that. if not, then...

Michele - posted on 06/21/2011

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leave it's what i had to do other wie you take the rik of your kids treating you the same way

Autumn - posted on 07/06/2010

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Good luck to you Megan... what a tough place to be in. I hope you are able to make the decision that best suits your needs. I hate to give advice since I am not in your position, but if you posted this I think you know what's best. Best of luck girl!

Sonja - posted on 07/01/2010

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You need to do what your heart is telling you to do! Just remember your child is watching it all and is taking everything in. I was in a similar situation and some one asked me one day "what if that was happening to your daughter, what would you say" That really got me thinking, After that i ended up leaving my spouse and I ended up so much happier! This is deffently something you have to think through and make sure you surround your self with great support, weather it be friends or family! Good luck with everything!

J - posted on 07/01/2010

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Don't stay in a bad relationship for the sake of the child b/c it the end your child will have emotional scars and issues. My mother stood for yrs in a bad marriage and I still have issues being in a home where there is no harmony peace or respect. You as a woman also deserve to be respected and to live in a peaceful home. While being a single parent is not easy by any means its better to be alone than miserable with someone who is no positive influence on you your child

Mirrhya - posted on 06/30/2010

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Dr. Phil says it is better to come from a broken home than have to live in one. I totally agree. Babies make a situation more stressful not less. Get out for your child, don't stay there.

Crystal - posted on 06/30/2010

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It deoends o your situation I guess. I personally feel that you should get out of any relationship that is toxic. If he is disrespectful to you all the time then your child will see that and will you you guys constantly fighting and then your child will learn to do that as well. "Staying for the child" is almost never a good idea and usually never works down the road anyway. If your childs father wants to be in the picture, he will be even if you guys are not together.

Kim - posted on 06/30/2010

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How would 'staying for the child' help ANYONE? If he is abusive to you he is gonna eventually be abusive to your baby...

[deleted account]

Here's the problem. It's better to have NO example than to have a BAD example. Do you want your child to treat you that way? Do you want your child to treat others the way your man treats you? If not, you must eliminate the example. There's nothing you can do yourself as long as the example is in the child's life. Also, if you aren't happy, that leaves the child with two crappy parents. If the child comes first, you have an obligation to give him/her one good parent.

[deleted account]

Leave him~ the child is better off with one loving parent in a stable home than two unhappy parents. At the Red Cross they teach you that to help others, you need to keep yourself safe first; as a victim you aren't able to be the Mom you want to be to your baby and as they grow up, you set an example that will perpetuate a cycle of abuse.

Holland - posted on 06/29/2010

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Leave. It I no benefit to the child. Andif you stay and let it continue you are teaching your son how a man should act or you daughter what shhe should look for in a man.
if you wouldn't want your child to be like or with someone like that than you should leave.

April - posted on 06/29/2010

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Hey, Megan. I'm in a similar situation. I've stayed with him for almost 3 years because of our daughter, but I've had it because he's teaching her to disrespect me. I'm planning on leaving as soon as I can afford it. But do what's right for you and your child. Good luck, sweetie.

Christina - posted on 06/29/2010

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Leave... the environment is not good for a child. A child needs to live in a healthy environment to grow into a healthy individual.

Shivani - posted on 06/29/2010

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Leaving as fast as you can will make everything better. Your child does not see you being treated like crap. You need to be cared for as well. Dump his *** and life will be better for you. YOu may eventually meet someone that does deserve you and your child. Good Luck - be strong and do not look back!

[deleted account]

I agree with what alot of these people are saying. My children are much much happier without the fighting and chaos going on. Mommy is happy and not stressed out and they are loving life not having to listen to arguments, name calling and everything that goes along with it. they love just having Mommy healthy and in turn they are in a healthy environment.

Clara - posted on 06/27/2010

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in the same situation, i odnt believe in staying for the kid i think thats more harmful than a divorce depending on the severity of the sitation (i grew up in a stay together for the kids environment and it totally messed me up). Do what right for YOU. I'm waiting till im finished with school so i can afford to take care of my daughter cause i REFUSE to lose custody of her because i cant afford to take care of her. again you need to do what is right for you and what will in the END result in you being happy...i honestly dont see a point in staying in a relationship with a person if they make you miserable and refuse to change.

[deleted account]

Love and Respect isnt about name calling and control. Its about insecurity taking you for granted, and pure ignorance on his part. You have to know you deserve better and also that your children most of all deserve to be raised in a healthy, loving environment. I am assuming you have tryed to work this out with him before with no success.

Katherine - posted on 06/26/2010

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I was in your position with my daughters father and I left, if you look at it from their perspective what are you teaching your child by staying in that relationship? They learn from your actions and they may end up believing thats what a relationship looks like and Im sure you wouldnt want your child being in a relationship were they were either disrespecting their partner or being disrespected by their partner, they learn from what we do and it could mean your child thinks that behaviour is ok because they see it in your home. It's a decision that you need to make yourself. But think very clearly about it and about what you think will be best for you and your child.

Kristy - posted on 06/26/2010

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Staying in a abusive relationship is never good for the child. If your happy your child will be happy. If your miserable your child will be miserable. Your children should never see you be mistreated or disrespected.

Jade - posted on 06/26/2010

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i think it depends.. is he taking something out on you.. like maybe he is super stressed and doesnt know how to deal so he takes it out on you.. or is he just a jerk.. if tis something else maybe try working with him on how to fix it or deal with it.. if hes a jerk i say leave him

Brittany - posted on 06/26/2010

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i left and we were split up for about 3 months but we are now back together yes we have problems but its stuff we can work out just dont give up if their not hurting the child and not doing idiotic stuff in front of them ... just try to work it out now if its something that cant be then let them go.... i was always told if you love them let them go.. if they come back then you know its meant to be

Catherine - posted on 06/26/2010

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In your question you asked if you should stay for the child - as moms we always want the best for our children - we make sure the eat right, we make sure they are clean, we make they get enough sleep and we love them. We also need to make sure that we are taking care of their emotions health. It is not good for a child to be in a abusive or very negative home. Good luck to you

Lorraine - posted on 06/26/2010

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i was in the same situation i left but he sorted him self out an now we are back together its been like it's back to the way it should be i told him if he wants me to do right by me or im leaving for good ido have to let u know that i had know where but a refuge

Alexandra - posted on 06/25/2010

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You should already have left. Do you want your child to learn that so that he/she will behave like that towards their spouse in the future? You should already have left.

Carrie - posted on 06/25/2010

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In all honesty its a question no one but you can answer, haveing lived in that situation for 8 years myself i can also say no matter what anyone says the choice still remains only yours and untill you decide to leave youll stay there reguardless of weither you believe you need too or not dear. My prayers go out for you for strength because thats what it takes to leave. God bless

Emma - posted on 06/25/2010

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do you love him? is it worth fighting for? only you can make the decision, good luck!

Rae - posted on 06/21/2010

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Megan, if this is a daily thing then leave. Its not good for you or your child. Dont stay with a man, that makes you doubt or feel negative about yourself for the sake of the child. Im sure that a child would rather have one happy parent than two unhappy argueing ones. If you want to ever have a chat, just IM me. I hope that he pulls his finger out and starts to see how he is making you feel and betters himself.

[deleted account]

U deserve better than to be treated like that especially when u had a baby with them. U deserve to be loved and respected . Its not healthy for either u or baby to be exposed to that treatment. U should let him know that your relationship won't last if he keeps treating u this way, n that if things don't change u may leave him. Hopefully knowing u won't continue staying when treated badly will wake him up n make him start treating u with the respect u deserve:) I pray things get better for ur family n things get resolved:)

Louise - posted on 06/20/2010

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You do what is right for you. There is no point staying with someone who disrespects you in front your child, that child needs to be brought up in a loveing home and not one with parents at each otheres throat. If you can't work it out then leave. You have a right to be happy too.

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