do you believe in smaking ur childs hand if they r doing some wrong when u have told them not to??

Jaclyn - posted on 04/16/2010

Well i actually use time out alot with my 3 year old because for some reason my 3yr old and 16mth old don't like to listen. But bring Daddy into the picture and he says 'no' they are sure to listen lol. But i think if it's something dangerous that they are doing or hurtful to someone else a little smack doesn't hurt and just explain that what they are doing is wrong. My 3 year old mostly gets timeout for mainly not listening to mummy when i ask him to do something but my 16mth old recently fractured his skull from climbing on the couch and falling onto my sisters tiles and now we have to reppremand him when he climbs up on things where he can fall.

Lisa - posted on 04/10/2010

I’m a mother of five and my children range from mid 20s to 1. I use time-outs, spankings, and restriction but consistency is the key. I teach my children a simple phase, “No means NO means No”. I never spank unless the behavior is dangerous or outrageously disrespectful. I also determine what type of discipline is needed based on age and personality. Time-outs don’t work for every child nor is it necessary to spank every child. I think spanking should be the last resort and should always be followed up with a loving conversation about how much you love your child. I always explain to my children that I’m disappointed in the behavior and not in them.
Being a consistent parent is so important for your child’s development (a parent is never off duty). Children learn where the boundaries are and what‘s acceptable behavior through repetition, consistency, and positive reinforcement. It hurts me to see parents allow their child(ren) to do something one minute, and then punish them the next. This sends mixed signals to a child.
I’m also troubled by parents that constantly yell at their child(ren). I believe we should save the yelling for the time when your child is going to put themselves in danger. If you continually yell at your child they will tune you out when you really need it the most.
Lastly, remember there is a major difference between spanking and abuse. Children will not need counseling because they were occasionally spanked and it doesn’t teach them to hit others. However, if you strike your child out of frustration and/or anger THAT IS ABUSE. Disciple only works when the parent displays self control and has the child’s best interest at heart.

Julia - posted on 04/09/2010

I think that hitting of any kind only teaches hitting. Time outs are good when needed but teach your kid what you DO want him to do, and lead by example.

Kylie - posted on 04/09/2010

We have the rule with my son that if he does something dangerous, like trying to touch the oven, he gets told no, and redirected, (and given a warning) if he tries to do it again he gets a smack on his hand. If it is not serious, like throwing toys, he gets told no, and redierected, (and given a warning) if he does it again he gets put in his naughty space. Also, being told about things like the oven, he shakes his hand, and says "o0o0o" like don't touch it.

Christine - posted on 04/08/2010

Kristi, I am a teacher and a parent of three. I am well versed in child development and I know that at this age the child's logical reasoning isn't advanced enough to understand the connection between a time out and the action preceding it. It makes more sense at this developmental stage to teach the child the appropriate actions to perform rather than to focus on a "punishment" for undesirable actions. What is the desired outcome? We do not want the child to repeat the behavior, right? If we teach the child to behave in a different manner, rather than "punish" aren't we better serving to reach our desired outcome?

Adena - posted on 04/08/2010

I think it is ok to pop their hand...they need to know not to touch it such as the electric plug...i also learned that sometimes they learn by themselves such as curling irons....my son touch them and realized how hot they were now he says hot and wnat go near them

Kristi - posted on 04/08/2010

Christine - where did you get your information that children at this age do not understand discipline. I completely disagree that they do not. I do think we should lead by example, but I also believe that discipline is necessary and appropriate at this age.

Christine - posted on 04/08/2010

I haven't taken the time to read any of the other posts, so sorry if I'm repeating anything. Children this age do not understand discipline. They only understand your example. Therefore, smacking their hand is only going to teach them to hit. It's extremely frustrating, tiresome, and sometimes can seem like an endless task, but you need to use redirection. When your child is going to touch something he or she shouldn't, say "no" in a firm manner (don't yell), take them away from the object, and get them interested in something else like a book or toy. If they go back to that object, just repeat the process as many times as necessary maybe taking them in to another room if possible.

Alicia - posted on 04/07/2010

A light smack on my older son's hand when he was a toddler worked great. I only used it if he 1) didn't listen to my "no", and 2) whatever he was grabbing for was a danger to him.
My youngest isn't going for it. When I smack his hand, he laughs and tries to smack my hand back. I have to physically separate him from whatever it is he's trying to grab. It is the only thing I do that seems to send the message, "If you try to touch taht, you will end up not being allowed antwhere near it." So far, it's working. When I say no, he will generally stop what he's doing (though there are those times when he's stuborn!)

Caitlin - posted on 04/07/2010

I've hit my daughters hand a few times, only to stop her from doing something dangerous, otherwise i use "no" (which rarely works, it tends to provoke the "oh yeah? make me" face) or the time out, or taking away the offending toy.object as consequence. 2 weeks ago for the first time I said "i've told you not to do that, if you do it again, i'm going to put you in time out" and she stopped! It was amazing to see, she just turned around and went and did something else. They get it eventually. Our time out chair is a high chair at the moment, she gets strapped in in time out because she refuses to stay in the chair, she's another one that never wants to stop moving.

Tiffany - posted on 04/07/2010

I am a psychology major and a smack on the hand once every blue moon will not lead to them doing it to other kids. If your child is going to do something that can harm them and the timeouts are not working then yes I would pop his hand (not hard) because I would personally rather do that than my child get seriously hurt by something else. I can count on 1 hand how many times I popped my children's hands and they by no means think it is ok to hit any other child. It all depends on your parenting strategy but with whatever you come up with stick with it and be very firm.

Jelyn - posted on 04/06/2010

Mine just Laughs when we say NO to him! He doesnt listen at all or take his naps and its so hard i have a 2 month old also i dont want him to go through this too

LaToya - posted on 04/06/2010

My husband and I both act as a disciplinarian, it works. They get popped and spankings when needed (not that often). We usually ask our son if he wants a spanking and he'll straighten up. As far as what others are saying about " promoting violence" and whatnot, my kids do not hit or bite others. They are so sweet and well behaved. People tell us all the time how they are beautiful and they express how impressed they are by their behavior (like it's rare). I think as long as you are loving and make your child understand what they have done wrong, it's all good. It doesn't work for everyone though. You have to be firm as well. The word "NO" will have more impact too, I know.

Kristi - posted on 04/06/2010

I completely agree, Clara ... relaxing is the best thing for us and for our kids :)

How were you able to 100% baby proof your house ... I am in no way interested in crazy house stuff, but haven't been able to completely babyproof my house !!! I have toilets (and he has learned to open the lid, even with the lock thing on there ... )

Clara - posted on 04/06/2010

I bought a book - Raising our children, raising ourselves, by Naomi Aldort- you can look her up on the net / as it is appropriate with my daughter. She is a very mild mannered, sensitive child. We are attached parents, so it works for us.



But I cannot say that we found the solution, because all children differ, as long as you trust your own instincts and not the movies that play in your head, you will be the best mother ever !! If something doesnt sit right with you, dont do it, just because everybody else is doing it/ or because your get critism from others ?



I learned to just relax ....



Parenting is no longer a struggle, I actually appreciate what other would think is naughty, but I have a 100% baby safe house, because I no finesse for interior decorating.

Amber - posted on 04/05/2010

yeah elizabeth does even when we put her in a time out she still laughs at use of course after shes done throwing a fit because she knows that she did wrong and she doesnt like to be punished when she is doing wrong

Kristi - posted on 04/05/2010

Wes laughs at us when we say no ... we are consistent with him too - ARGH!

Shelly - posted on 04/05/2010

We decided not to go that route. We have an older son also (3 1/2) and we decided that it would be confusing for them both to see us "hitting" his hand and then telling them they were not aloud to hit. We use a time-out chair with him if he does not listen to "no" the first time he is told and it has been working very well.

Kristi - posted on 04/05/2010

I too am struggling with how to discipline my son. He's a crazy little kid, never stopping. Loves throwing things (which I encourage in appropriate situations), but sometimes he goes overboard, like this morning he hit me really hard in the head with his "cell phone" (he loves the noises so we bought him a toy one). I did smack his hand but immediately afterward realized that I did it out of frustration, and not out of trying to teach my son right from wrong.

My husband and I am constantly working on how to discipline our son, as he requires quite a bit of it, because he never ever stops, even while sleeping (he's flipping all over the place).

Just a note though - I don't think "tapping or smacking" a little one's hand is "violence" and I don't think that doing it when you feel it's necessary will make your kid violent. I think that's something that gets thrown around way too often and is unfounded!

Amber - posted on 04/05/2010

i do put her i a time out and she still does the things that she knows that shes not supposedd to do it just doesnt seem like it is working

Kylie - posted on 04/05/2010

No way. Hands are not for hitting!! I feel strongly about this because i know violence teaches violence. I don't hit my pets, my husband, my friends or family so what would give me the right to tap/slap/spank/hit a toddler 1/6th my size.

Jacqui - posted on 04/05/2010

I agree with the previous poster that positive parenting works the best. I know sometimes it feels like you have to do something such as smacking their hand, but I find that most kids respond better to timeouts, etc. I personnally don't believe in smacking my DD's hand or anything else physical... I just don't find that it's effective, and kids then think it's ok to smack another kid who does something that they don't like...which is not ok.. just my 2 cents.. :)

Liz - posted on 04/05/2010

I think it depends on what it is you dont want them doing...If its something that will prevent you or them from harm or death then I do think some children do need a hand smaking when they refuse to listen to your warnings and directions....however...if its something that just purely annoys or inconveniences you then no I dont believe its the right thing to do...just because from past experience I found that it's usually a way of venting your fustration and showing control and authority rather than doing it for the sake of parenting. I've been on a parenting course recently (as I was struggling to find effective parenting skills such as discipline) and I learnt that positive parenting was more effective...things like time out....home rules...non-physical methods....Its been 2 months since I began trying these methods and honestly, my lil girl's still doing things I've told her not to...but time out is starting to work so most times I only need to threaten her with time out and the behaviour ceases! Fingers crossed...it will work long term lol!Good luck! :)