HELP! 22 Month DD hits and started to push others including me!

Angela - posted on 09/22/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I did not have this problem with my other DD so I do not know what to do! It seems as my Claire enters closer to age 2 years her personality has changed. I know this is normal, but I do not know how to stop the behavior.
If for example she does not want me to take her from her Papa's arms she will hit me, if she does not like what someone does or does not get her away she hits! She also kicks! Yesterday while playing with a little boy she pushed him! Then later when we I had to put her in her baby stroller she got so angry she fell to the ground kicking and screaming. This happens almost every time she does not get her way.
Any tips? I get constant stares and worry not anyone will want to play with her. That thought makes me sad.
I have tried saying be nice, no, stop... ignoring it but it just becomes worse every day!

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Karen - posted on 09/23/2010

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You could try making sure that she knows you understand how she's feeling. "I know you really don't want me to take you away from Papa right now ..." You could try giving a 2-min warning before expecting something from her. "In 2-mins I'm going to put you into your stroller." You could try giving choices. "Do you want to climb into the stroller by yourself or do you want me to help you?"
As far as pushing and hitting goes I'd explain that those things hurt and make people feel sad and are hands are used for gentle touching.
Hope some of those ideas help.

Jean - posted on 10/04/2010

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well she is turning 2 and this kind of behavior is actually normal for her age group. Some kiddos get it worse than other some don't do it at all. she is just trying to assert her desires and wants her way no matter what. Buck up Mom she will out grow this. Now is the time to start time outs if you haven't already. When she exhibits a behavior that is not desireable then give her a warning, only one! not multiple warnings. If the behavior continues put her in the corner/time out chair/area. I use corner because you can always find a corner no matter where you are. Tell her " Mommy is putting you in the corner becasue you _________" then put her there for one minute of age. Ignore her if she cries, screams, whatever as long as she stays in the corner. If she gets out do not say anything just calmly (the hard part) put her back in the corner and restart the time. When she has completed her timetake her out and say "Mommy put you in the corner because __________" then have her say sorry and then give her hugs and kisses. At this age they don't understand what "be nice" means. Also if you are worried about stares DON'T just deal with her. She will have other kids play with her eventually. at this age kiddos don't play with each other they play NEXT to each other, playing together comes later. Stay consistent, stay firm, don't give in and take care of it right away. You can do this

Jazi - posted on 09/30/2010

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For my family, static time outs work only soso.

With hitting/kicking and full out tantrums/meltdowns, we result to a holding timeout. Where we hold him for his time out restraining his hands and feet from kicking until he is calm again. Then once he is calm, we keep explaining that hitting is not good, it works for a while, but a few days later and he's back at it, though not nearly as bad as before as long as we are consistant. That's OUR problem, not being as consistent as we need to be.

Nichole - posted on 09/28/2010

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When my son started hitting, I would just cut it off before he could actually hit. When you see that hand go back, you grab it before they can hit you or anyone else. You grab their hand, and you hold it. You make them look you in the eye, and then you tell them "No hitting", or whatever it is that you want to say. You don't let go for any reason until they've calmed down. Even if they pull and you think it might be hurting them, you don't let go. If it really hurt, they would stop pulling. For the kicking, make them sit down. MAKE them sit down. You can't kick from a seated position. Then again, make them look into your eye and you tell them why you're not letting them do it. I've never dealt with public screaming, but I would simply pick my kid up and leave(if that's something you can do). They simply need to know that you're not going to put up with that type of behavior and that they're not going to get what they want. It might get worse before it gets better, but once your daughter realizes that she's not getting her way, she'll start growing out of it. Hope this helps!

Ruth - posted on 09/22/2010

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My daughter has also developed a temper in the last few months. Some of it is frustration--she tries to do things, and can't do them well enough yet. Some of it is just getting mad at Mommy or Daddy for enforcing the rules, and such, particularly when she's tired. When she hits, we sit her in time out (usually only for a minute or two, her attention span isn't very long), and tell her "No hit." After time-out, we'll sit and talk to her for a minute about why it's not nice to hit or kick. She generally cries and gets upset, but she needs to learn what the rules are, and why they are there.

One trick I've found that works surprisingly well is, when I'm first telling her not to do something, to say it sharply--the same tone of voice I use when I'm upset at her. I'm NOT upset, I just sound like it. She reacts to the tone of voice, but I still keep my temper under control, and don't let my frustration get the better of me. I don't have to BE mad at her, I only have to give the signals that I'm serious about what I'm saying.

Most importantly, though, be consistent. If it's not okay to hit, then try not to let it slide, even when you're tired and don't feel like disciplining her.

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Angela - posted on 10/07/2010

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Been there with the carseat, getting coat on, etc. If I can give a choice IE want to go bye bye, we have to go in our seat, get coat on. If she gets angry I say then we can't go. If I don't have a choice I just say we must go in our seat everytime we go in the car. I also use BIG girl a lot. I say BIG girls go in seats, Big Girls hold Mama's hand. But in the end sometimes I just have to let her get mad and hope the police are not called :)

Jacqui - posted on 10/07/2010

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thanks for posting this.. and I'm so glad we are not alone! My 22 month old has the worst tantrums! she will kick, hit, throw herself on the floor kicking and screaming if she doesn't get her way. I have been more of the mind of ignoring it, but that hasn't been working, so now it's on to time outs.



What do you all do when you are out? One of the times we are having an issue is getting in the car seat. She's fine when we leave home, but when we go to come home from the store, etc.. she screams and kicks and fights getting in her seat. I swear someone is going to call the police, thinking I am kidnapping her! How would you deal with that one?

Angela - posted on 10/07/2010

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Good luck Suzyo, I have to say it has not stopped 100% but it has improved greatly. I give a warning for time out only once. Then I just tell her you are not acting nice and we can not hit, kick etc. I then place her in her room with the baby gate closed. I think she is too young to ask to sit in a corner,chair etc. but as he gets older will use that if needed. Removing her from me makes a big impact. I noticed she mostly does that with myself and her Daddy. Soon she will start day care 3 times per week so we will see how she is with others. I hope good! By far the most important thing is to not let it upset you and show it!

Suzyo - posted on 10/07/2010

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I am also experiencing this with my son and have been at odds about how to get him to stop. thanks to all of you and to Angela for posting the question. I will try time out and try to be consistent but most especially try not to show my frustration with his behaviour. will let you know how we progress.

Angela - posted on 10/01/2010

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Well I have to say being consistent, time out with understanding, IE they are tired etc but making sure she knows this is NOT acceptable is helping... she is definately better in just the time I first posted my HELP request. I did not do time outs before and now I think they are good. Just short ones like a few minutes work.

Lindsay - posted on 10/01/2010

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This was a really great and helpful post! All of you! I've been speaking to her calmly and telling her why she shouldn't do things like hit or scream, but I think I'll try the time out in addition to that.
Thanks again guys! =]]

Angela - posted on 09/28/2010

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@Nichole well I do hold her hands when she try to hit me, she also will kick from a sitting posistion, laying down she basically is having a fit. When she hit she is quick and I don't always catch her. The public melt downs I have left when I can. We go back to the car or stroller etc and I tell her we need to calm down to go back in. But at times leaving is not an option IE doctors office, you are in the check out line with all the weeks groceries already on the belt...
I do think it is partly frustration and she can't communicate it well yet. I am slowly seeing it get better with hitting, kicking but the meltdowns well that is another story. In her defense it is usually when she is tired, hungry etc. and that is my fault more than hers.

Angela - posted on 09/28/2010

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Thanks Amanda, so far so good, It has only been this week but the time outs are helping. Today she hit me because she was tired(almost nap time) and frustrated because she could not open the back door so she came over to me and hit me. I said stop, that is not nice are you tired. She responded with a hug and said muss which is Kiss :) We did not need a time out... we just went up to read a story and do nap time.

Amanda - posted on 09/28/2010

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I do mostly the same as the other moms that have replied... Aaden will sometimes hit and kick when he does not get his own way, this is usually at it's worst if he is tired or hungry. I let him no that it is not okay, show him gentle and that's his warning and if he does it again he will get a time out. Usually only does again if he is tired, then gets a time out and will usually stop or go for a nap... so keep it up it does work and they do understand that it is not okay. Now when Aaden does do something he shouldn't he mostly looks at me and knows right away he shouldn't have, and says Mommy nice and touches me gentle saying "tiss" which means kiss! lol they are so funny sometimes. Keep it up .... it does work! Good Luck

Angela - posted on 09/27/2010

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Well I have to say I used a little of everyones advice. I put her in time out once... just put her in her room to cool off with the baby gate closed while I was in a close by room. That worked and I have been giving choices, warnings and say nice touch etc.
It is helping! Much better

Angela - posted on 09/22/2010

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@ruth and Cathy, After reading both your replies I realized I really have not disciplined her or give her a consequence for her behavior. I was just saying no and holding her hands or ignoring her. I am going to try time outs. I hope it works!

Cathy - posted on 09/22/2010

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We work on gentle or nice hands and model that behavior after she hits. If that doesn't work she gets a warning and then if she hits again she goes to timeout. We tell her why she is sitting there and when she is done usually a minute or two we tell her again why she had to sit there and then tell her we love her and give hugs and kisses. It has worked for us. She is getting fiestier as she gets closer to 2....

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