How do you guys deal with your child being violent towards other kids at his pre-school?

Valerie - posted on 08/22/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Today when I picked up my son from his pre-school the teacher told me he was called to the office as he had grabbed by the neck and shock a girl and then later on threw a toy at a little boy's face.

I told him that was he did was very serious and unacceptable and tried to explain he could have really hurt them but I'm not sure how to handle this. I guess I let him watched cartoons that show this type of behavior and I believev that's what he had in mind even though he said it's not the case. He just says he doesn't know why he did it and sorry...

Any thoughts or suggestion or experience about this?



Thanks!!!!

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Bobbie - posted on 09/06/2012

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Valerie - I am afraid that violence is learned by those around him. I am not sure how you handle your frustration and problems that arise in your life. If you are unable to handle all situations calmly without becoming physical, such as, slamming your hands against the steering wheel or getting visibly mad when someone cuts you off in traffic, then you are unknowingly setting the wrong example for him. You can correct those situations in the future if you slip and always say things to him "Mommy needs to work on not getting so angry. How do you think I could feel better when I get upset? This will make him think he is helping you and he may say very cute things to boot that will make your day. When he is surrounded by adults that handle their frustration and solve problems effectively it will teach him by example to work through his own feelings in a non violent way. Not knowing how to deal with the frustration of having to share something that they really want can be the simple reason for his violent outburst towards another child if he doesn't learn non violent ways to cope.

Hopefully he works through his emotions with the help of his teacher and the violence doesn't continue. But if it occurs again the best conversation to have with him is about how he was feeling when it happened. MOST IMPORTANTLY turn your conversation into a chance to teach him the proper way. Ask him how will he handle it if the same thing happens again and he gets that angry.

Please don't give him reasons for his behavior by mentioning violence on tv. Keep those thoughts unspoken to him. This teaches them early to find someone or something other than themselves to blame for their bad behavior.

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