How do you start the 'Time Out' routine?

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2010

Last post, I promise.
Seriously. The idea of parenting is that your are the PARENT, NOT a friend, NOT a sibling, A PARENT. You are not going to earn your childs love and trust and respect by standing there while they are screaming in frustration asking them to tell you how they feel, or trying to empathise with them to the point of almost throwing a tanty yourself!
Between the ages of 1 and 5 years old, the neurons in a childs brain develop and grow. at around 5 years old, the neurons the child isn't regularly using shut down. teaching your child that it's perfectly fine to express their emotions however they want will severely affect their development later on in life. Set boundaries, teach limits. When I say limitations, I don't mean career limitations and so on. I mean behavioural limits. Otherwise, they will think it perfectly acceptable later on in life to, say, express their hatred for a decision someone makes by lashing out at you, as they haven't been taught LIMITS.

THIS IS WHY TIME OUT AND OTHER WAYS OF TEACHING AND GUIDING YOUR CHILD IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN!!!

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2010

So Clara, when your daughter turns to another child and slams a block into their head or punches them, or causes another child pain or god forbid serious injury, will you "validate" her actions then? I doubt it greatly. I agree with the probation officer, set the child boundaries.

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2010

And one more thing; Don't threaten something you aren't willing to do, ie; put them in time out!!!

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2010

Start time out as early as possible, at 18 months is a good age. Designate a mat or chair for time out sessions.
When they throw a tanty, wait patiently until they have finished. When they have wound down, take their hand and take them to the time out area. Explain as briefly as possible why they are there, and leave them alone on the mat. If they move, take them back, sit them down and gently explain they must stay there until you say it's time to move.
Keep the time relative to their age. eg; 1 year old, 1 min, 9 years old, 9 mins.
PERSEVERANCE IS THE KEY!!! Keep at it! They will get that they need to stay there due to their behaviour which was unnaceptable.
A few hints. Make the car time out on wheels when out.
If they behave badly whilst out, take them away from the situation and away from the embarrassment of being chastised in front of friends or extended family when you tell them what they have done. Don't acknowledge the problem in front of the friends or family after the discepline has finished, it is between you and your child, not them. Let your child keep their pride.

To avoid feeling like the bad guy and shortening the discepline, therefore lessening it's power, Get an egg timer. Then when your child asks if they can move(when they get older) Explain that the timer hasn't run out yet so they can't. It takes the pressure off you.
Hope this helps, hun.

Alexandria - posted on 05/27/2010

I agree with trying to identify and minimize the triggers. I wasn't at all a fan of the time-out idea because I felt that it was best to allow my son to understand his emotions and trust that they're a natural process.
While I still believe this, the attempt at a single time out made a massive difference. He now understands that he's not to smack the kitty (something I was struggling with for weeks) because he had a time out because of it. I rarely have to resort to putting him in a time out, and never threaten him with it, but if he's really worked up and is starting to lash out, I'll discuss with him some options (one of them being time out) and he usually calms down and decides for himself where/what he'd like to do. Because of this he doesn't see time-out as a punishment, but a place to calm down and reset.

Kristi - posted on 05/24/2010

If my son can understand "Wesley, you need to grab your shoes and walk out to the car" then he can understand that there are rules.

I have to stop reading this post now - some of the posts are making me angry - and are making me think that many of these children will be on my caseload in a few years because they have been taught to only worry about their feelings and emotions - and not taught that there are rules in the world - whether or not these rules all make us "feel good"! (I am a Probation Officer)

Kristi - posted on 05/24/2010

And just another thought (sorry, I have a few sometimes!!!) I have read many of the above comments and have heard the word "control" a few times ... while I don't attempt to control my son, I do believe that he needs to understand there are rules and guidelines in the world we live in (that's a fact, can't argue that one).

I want my son to be a child, I really ENJOY him being a child ... but I also believe that he needs to understand that there are always rules to situations - and he needs to comply with those rules!

Kristi - posted on 05/24/2010

Hey Vina,

Just a thought - (you are SO lucky that your kids don't act up) - I am a firm believer that children will do what is required or expected of them. By that I mean - if you need to start time out at some point soon - the kids WILL sit there, because you will EXPECT them to sit there, and will REQUIRE them to sit there. I have a very active little boy, who sits in time out when I tell him to ...

Kristi - posted on 05/24/2010

I stopped reading about halfway down, so sorry if I am repeating someone else's ideas. We use timeouts with our son ... he's a very - um - active and crazy child. He's very spirited and a whole lot of fun. We use timeouts as a way to remove my son from a situation. For example - he is to clean his toys up before bed (he understands that this is what we do, and he understands HOW to clean up). I sit with him and help him clean up, I encourage him throughout the cleanup time. But when he's "done" he will start to throw toys or just whack them around. I tell him "no Wes, we have to clean up, if you don't start to clean up you have to have a time out" - if he does it again then he gets a time out. We don't have a "time out spot", I just sit him facing away from the tv or other interesting thing and tell him "you are in time out". He gets it and sits there and usually cries for a minute. I make him stay there for about a minute and then we hug and I explain to him what he did wrong.

This works great for us. He tried to stand up a couple times, but was instantly put back in the spot. He hasn't tried to get out of time out for a couple months now.

I believe Wes just needs me to be his "external brain" sometimes, to turn his brain in a different direction! Good luck!

V - posted on 05/24/2010

Interesting reading various opinions and views. Haven't started time out in our house. My twins are 18 months old and honestly they are quite well behaved without needing time out. They haven't started with temper tantrums and when I say "no" they listen the 1st time and I don't have to keep saying no. They stop what they are doing that is wrong or shouldn't do and go onto something else. I didn't think at 18 months they would really understand time out nor would they sit there. I know my two wouldn't sit still for 45 seconds let alone 2 minutes. When we are out and I tell them to stand still for a minute they listen and aren't running around uncontrolled like i have witness other children at much older ages. I have gotten several comments from others about how well behaved my kids are and I really haven't done anything other than make sure they knew what "no" means and not joke about it so they think it is all a game.

Laura Brody - posted on 05/12/2010

The timer is a good suggestions. Little ones don't have much concept of time and saying "you have to sit here for one minute" doesn't mean anything. However, "you can play again when the bell rings" just might.

Clara - posted on 05/05/2010

Imagine a world where we could just let our children be children, without the imposing our adult ways and thoughts on them. Imagine trusting that the process and knowing that he/she will develop to the best they are meant to be, by just loving them without boundaries and accepting all the stages of development, without judging them, ourself or accepting judgement from others.

Would you parent differently if your child was on the autism spectrum or had developmental delays?

My daughter is special, even though she is normal, I cannot determine whether she is going to be a doctor or a poor artist. All I can teach her, is to be herself, to be ok with herself, by accepting all the tantrums as passing phase.

My daughter does not deserve to be put in a corner, she deserves to be acknowledged and validated. She deserves to grow up with the ability to communicate her feelings and learn to understand and control her own behavior.

I will love her without boundaries and accept without judgement !!

Bex - posted on 05/04/2010

There are lots of posts that i agree with, i found it really difficult to get my baby into a really good sleep routine so i never use his room as a "thinking spot" as oppose to "time out" because we really want him to keep having positive experiences in his room (eg: good sleeping patterns).. Usually in the hallway is where most of the dicpline takes place for us in our household. The main thing i feel is getting down to their level when you speak and staying near them while you initiate "thinking time" if they move off the space firmly pop them back on until the desired time is up... like everyone else stated discuss issue, praise their efforts in listening and seeing "thinking time" through.. Good luck! To all of us :)

Amy - posted on 05/03/2010

I have a portacot in the lounge room and if my 18 month old throws tantrums because I eg "held the biscuit the wrong way" or won't stop say - pressing the buttons on the TV. I pick him up and put him in the portacot and say "this is a tantrum, no tantrums" or "Mummy said no, no tantrums". I walk away and continue what I was doing beforehand or play with my 5 year old and not give him attention. I wait for a quiet moment and say "oh good you are finished" and get him out and give him a cuddle and repeat why he was there "we don't throw tantrums" or "we stop touching the TV when mummy says no" and then include him in what is happening or let him play with his toys.

I agree that we don't want to "control" our children but we need to teach them how to regulate their emotions. It is much easier to do this with an 18 month old than with an almost 6 year old who can answer back and you can't physically put in time out (ie you have to keep putting them back) or reason with rationally.

Heather - posted on 05/01/2010

We have done time out she doesn't get it very often but it's usually just for 1 minute. She will cry a little bit but does stay in her time out. As far as the mom's who don't believe in time out or discpline I have been watching kids for a long time (14 yrs.) and in my experience the moms who didn't discipline when unacceptable behavior started it just continued to build and become worse as they got older. And I can tell you that they rarely behavior that way for me because I have shown them that I have expectations and what is an acceptable way to express themselves besides screaming and kicking or hitting. They know if they act out this way they will get a time out. If I see the start of a problem I say what should we do or say. And they do think about it and react in a more acceptable way and it's more peaceful. Redirection is good and of course showing them the proper way to handle things but time out in my opinion is needed from time to time

Rachel - posted on 05/01/2010

There seem to be a lot of differing opinions here. We haven't tried the time-out thing in our house yet, but that's only because we don't want to do something that he's not going to understand. If our son throws something he shouldn't, I take it from him and tell him not to throw. If he acts out over it, I tell him not to throw and go and do something else or sing a song to redirect him.

He's very "passionate" about the way he feels things should be handled. He yells and passes out because he holds his breath but he's pretty much stopped hitting. We're working on using words rather than punishing. We ask him to tell us what he would like rather than whine or point or simply scream when there is something he would like to have. We're forecful with our words when he is doing something that could cause him harm, but we're pretty laid back about most things.

We absolutely refuse to allow him to act like a monster in public. No matter how he acts when we are at home, he seems to understand, for the most part, that those behaviors aren't acceptable when we're not at home. If figure, in time, he'll learn to control his emotions better and we'll be able to communicate.

Seriously, he still doesn't know not to pee on himself. Can I expect him to control his emotions when he can't even control his bladder? All of these things will come in time.

Nisha - posted on 04/26/2010

Put him in his cot and leave the room - 1 minute for every year (so I do 1min 30secs for River). Then it doesn't matter if he moves around cos he can't get out.

River's dad puts him on the end of the sofa and tells him to stay there. Most times it works, but if he moves he will just pick him up and put him back in the same place - only takes a couple of goes if he's being stubborn.

Megan - posted on 04/25/2010

Clara and Brenda, you said everything I would have said and much more eloquently. Clara, can I steal your parenting declaration?

Jaclyn - posted on 04/24/2010

Well at first it's gonna be hard and you'll need a lot of time. I give them one warning "if you don't do this(etc) i will put you in timeout and this is your warning". If you do put them on a chair they will hop up off the chair plenty of times but do not say anything or give them any attention just pop them back on the chair and walk away. At first i would put them on there a little at a time just so they get used to timeout. You can always put a drink of water in the microwave and put the chair next to it so he understands that when the microwave beeps time out has finished or you could get a little timer that dings when it's finish. They say that timeout goes for 1 yr old=1mind 2yr old=2mins so just remember that because he's 17mths old take down the time a little. My 3yr old gets 3 mins. But whatever you do do not use his bedroom as a timeout as i have been told previously that when time out starts in the room they see their room as a form of punishment and will end up hating being in there. Hopefully my info helped. Good luck

Brenda - posted on 04/24/2010

I think it's a sad society that we don't put more effort into trying to understand other's feelings (aka EMPATHY), what a nicer world the place would be ... so that's why i'm doing it with my child, so that when he grows up he will have more empathy for others. You can only give empathy if you receive it, and a lot of us weren't shown empathy as children, so now it's hard to give it to our children. Don't get me wrong, my little boy is reprimanded when he hits, throws his toys or does something else that isn't "nice", but i don't put him in time out because it doesn't teach him the "lesson", he's much too young to deal with those types of emotions and concepts, even tho he's a bright kid. We have boundaries here and he doesn't get away with much.

To me, taking time to understand the motivation behind the tantrum will help me connect with my little boy and when he grows up HIS motivation to do "good" will come from within and be intrinsic to his personality and he not because he's worried about being put in time out or reprimanded.

You're right, we all have our own parenting styles, and i'm trying to base mine on the latest social research, with some heart and common sense thrown in...i just don't think our parents had the right formula so am trying some different approaches.

Try to think back to when you were put in "time out" - i've done a lot of thinking about it and "hitting" and I resented my parents for both of these parenting strategies - i didn't think about the lesson, i thought about how much i disliked the discipline.

Those kids who've been in court are likely from homes where the parents don't give a rats, rather than them being understanding - they were probably ignored and not given love or understanding...

seriously, check out the books i've recommended above for some evidence based strategies...all the best :)

Danielle - posted on 04/24/2010

i have to sit down with my lil man. i sit next to him with his hand in my hand and tell him. your in time out for 1min. he still cries but i think he is starting to understand. i hate yelling at him but i do this and it seems to work. good luck

Elizabeth - posted on 04/24/2010

In response to Brenda's addition to the post, no adults do not get time outs but they do get reprimanded. If a time out is saying "I don't really care about how you're feeling right now...", then it actually would be a good method to prepare them for the future. I don't know any school or workplace where they try to sit with you and understand your feelings when you do something wrong. That is kind of contradictory. We don't "not care about our daughters feelings", obviously we talk to her about what she did when we put her in time out, then walk away for one minute, and reiterate the reason that she was there when the time out is over. She is not an awful child. We don't necessarily put her in time outs for temper tantrums, but if she happens to hit then of course we would. Let your child hit someone at school and see how they react. It just seems like a lot of people on here are contradicting what they say, and being so "understanding" when your child is acting out is not a way to raise a child that will be successful in school or life in general. They will expect this from everyone, and that is not what our society is about, thank goodness. Like I said before, I was a teacher at a court/community school for children that were expelled from school for having knives, drugs, etc, or who just came out of juvenile hall. I can't imagine if the system had been so understanding with them. The problem is that a lot of their parents were "understanding" and did not react to their behaviors, which is why they were in the situation to begin with. Of course, everyone is going to parent their child as they see fit, it just seems that if some parents were around grown children that acted out and were violent at home and school, they may think twice.

Amy - posted on 04/24/2010

my son just turned 17 months old. we put him in time out and usually have to stand in front of him so he will sit there. We only make him stay there for 1 minute.

Brenda - posted on 04/24/2010

being responsive and caring doesn't mean NOT setting boundaries - but it's how you react to their response to those boundaries - think about what you are teaching your child using "time out" - do they get "time out" in their adult lives or in the work environment, generally not, it's basically saying "I don't really care about how you're feeling right now, go and be by yourself and figure out your own emotions", which of course is impossible at 17 months. Clara, you're on the money honey :)

Brenda - posted on 04/24/2010

In addition to Clara's book recommendation, I'd like to add

Heart to Heart Parenting by Robin Grille (Australian Author) and another of his books Parenting for a Peaceful World.

Brenda - posted on 04/24/2010

Using time out on a 17 month - are you serious! I agree with the sentiments of Clara above - connect emotionally with them to try to figure out why they are acting out this way - doesn't mean you can't have boundaries - eg. if my little rascal is doing something he shouldn't and i respond by telling him not to and he throws a tantrum, i sit next to him and empathise by saying "mummy know you're angry and frustrated because you can't ..." that way i'm helping him to identify what these emotions are he's feeling, i usually then divert his attention to something else and within a matter of minutes we're onto the next thing and the tantrum is forgotten.

another strategy we've implemented is if i want him to stop doing something he likes, like riding in the paycars at the shopping centres, i give him a good amount of time to play and then i give him a couple of minutes notice, then tell him to say "goodbye" to whatever it is and then lift him out, if he resists i still pull him out asking him to say goodbye, because if i left him in there he'd know that next time he's got it over me :)

Resa - posted on 04/23/2010

We use time out for our 17 month old daughter for primarily for dangerous situations, such as jumping on the couch. She's quite the adventurous child and we use time outs to establish boundaries. For us, it's best to do time out in our lap for one minute. For tantrums, we use redirection and distraction. I love the techniques in Harvey Karp's Happiest Toddler on the Block book.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2010

my son would NEVER sit in a time out... but what I do is... when he does something that he shouldn't . I pick him up and place him in facing the wall and I have to hold him down to sit. he HATES it and screams and cry the whole time (longest 45 seconds of my life) but he knows he is in trouble. when he is older and understands more of "time out" I will get a chair, but for me, right now what I am doing some what works...

Clara - posted on 04/23/2010

We get alot of critism about our choice in parenting, but like I said, my daughter is a calm, gentle child. We choose raise our daughter to be compassionate and self-diciplined. Campassion has the greatest lessons about boundaries - If you cant help some-one, at least dont hurt them.

I trust that my daughter will develop in a loving enviroment, we choose freedom, power and joy over reaction and struggle.

If I am authentic and true to the truth in me, my daugter will be the best she can be. I dont parent with my haert mostly.

Thank you for the concerns, but the coin flips both ways ?

Naomi Aldort`s book explains it better - http://www.naomialdort.com/book.html

Elizabeth - posted on 04/22/2010

I taught in a court/community day school and if you asked any of the children there if their parents enforced any rules in the house, they would generally say 'no', they were allowed to do what they want. This being said, I think time outs are a great idea, and seem to work better then spanking or doing nothing at all. We just started doing time outs, since it was recommended that any earlier than now was way too young. We bought a little chair at Ikea that my daughter cannot really get down from. Her feet are about an inch from the ground when she is sitting. This seems to work great! Before, we would place her into the designated time out spot and she thought it was funny to run from it and try to 'scare' you while laughing the entire time! I watch Supernanny and even tried to put her back a million times but it did not work. We use the Supernanny guidelines...1 minute per year of their age. Now that we have the chair, we put our daughter in the chair, get down to her level to tell her why she is there, and then set the timer for one minute. She has not once tried to 'escape'. When the timer goes off we tell her again why she was there, and then she gives us a hug, since she can't say 'sorry', and her time out is over. Works like a charm!

Julia - posted on 04/22/2010

Clara, I agree with Amanda - you may be in trouble! Kids with no boundaries feel very unsafe. I think you will pay for this later...the world will not let her do anything she wants - what happens if she hits another child? Will you tell the parent of that child that she will learn in her own time?. Time outs are are a good way for children to learn to calm down and understand what is acceptable and safe.

Rachel - posted on 04/22/2010

I agree with a lot of you, My son is 17 months as well and we have a specific time out spot and that is our pak in play. He (no matter how many times I put him back in a chair for time out or mat will always get up) there fore in the pack in play (which we don't use for anything else) is where he is put for 2 min. I know that when he is in the pack in play that he can't just walk off and I know he can't get hurt in there either so I am able to walk out of hi sight and watch him from another room with out him noticing for the 2 min. Ignoring him during his tantrums seem to help him get over his tantrum a lot faster. And stand your ground because if they see that they are pushing your buttons or that you are starting to give in to whatever they are wanting or not wanting then they will keep at it. Just stand your ground and keep with it is my advise. Good Luck!

Cathy - posted on 04/22/2010

We just started time out/in. I have only done it a few times for hitting. She hits me and I say no hitting and redirect. If she hits me again, I give her a warning and say if you hit mommy again we are going to time out. Well she hit me again so I picked her up and moved her to a spot behind the couch. I sat her down and looked at her and told her we were sitting in time out for hitting and we don't hit. I sat with her for about 1 minute. At the end I told her again why she was sitting there and asked for a hug and a kiss which I got and we went on to read a book. I have only had to do this twice. We never do it for tantrums. We just ignore those or try to prevent them by recognizing the triggers. We are only using time out/in for bad behaviors.

Veronica - posted on 04/22/2010

My son will be 17 months old tomorrow and we have been using time-outs for about 2 months now. I started them when he started trowing tantrums over things that were absolutly not ok to do. I use the rocker in his bedroom and would take him in there, where it is quiet and I don't have to worry about the tv and sit him in the chair and then go to the door and stand there for about a 60-90 seconds with my back to him. After his time is up I go in and tell him what he did wrong and then give him a hug and kiss and go on with what we were doing. Usually his offence is screaming. He has always been a screamer and now he does it when he is mad. If it isn't outrageous screaming then I just ignor him and he will stop. It was quite a battle at first but now for the most part we don't use time-out, all it takes is telling him if he doesn't stop he will go sit and that will atleast make him settle down even if he is still mad. I agree that he is a child and that he has to learn but I think that time-outs are a learning tool. It allows for a cool down time for everyone and as he gets older he will learn to go somewhere quiet and calm down when he is mad instead of yelling or hitting or anything like that. I also agree with distraction depending on what he is doing. I take any opprotunity I can to teach him right from wrong so if it is a big rule he is breaking then I don't distract so he can learn the consequences of his actions, if it is something small like getting mad over not wanting a particular food then I respect his right to like and dislike and move on.

Jessica - posted on 04/21/2010

i personally dont think time out is what you need have you tried the time in aproach?... making the child sit with you ,,, there is always a reason why they are doing it....you need to figure out what triggers them.... there could be many but once u know them u can help to reduce them before the tantrum starts... as by giving ur child time out its basiccally saying u dont want to deal with it and they have to fix it on their own they cant do that... they dont have the capacity to do so and they often dont even understant why it was wrong.... they are told its wrong but why !?!?! ... another technique is when ur child is having a tantrum u can ignore it and quietly without saying a word go and sit down on the floor and play with a toy or draw and he /she will join you everytime and forget about what it was they were yelling and kicking for ... it distracts them.... it works for me but i suggest that u try the last idea .... hope i was some help ! :D

jessica

Vicky - posted on 04/21/2010

Genevieve I agree w/ Maggie do not use the bed or high chair, we just use the a corner in the kitchen (on the floor). If she does something bad, we will warn her twice, if she still insists on doing it or throws a tantrum we put her in the corner and tell her why. She still cries while there but she's fine a few minutes later. It's been working out ok, but try not to use the bed or something from her daily routine because she will not want to associate with that later. Good luck

Genevieve - posted on 04/21/2010

Ok, thanks, Maggie.

Maggie - posted on 04/21/2010

Genevieve, I think that it is better to have a designated spot at least so that your son doesn't start to associate time ots with sleeping or eating. That could lead to some problems for you.

Genevieve - posted on 04/21/2010

Do I have to designate a chair/mat for the time out period? Can I simply put my boy back to his dining high chair or his cod for the time out?

Michelle - posted on 04/21/2010

I was told that 30 seconds to 2 minutes at this age is good enough, just to ignore them gives toddler the idea that things aren't okay. I've noticed that alot of the tantrums is just attention seeking behaviour anyway, so I try to ignore them as much as possible and he seems to realise he's not getting his way and try something else!

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2010

Ruth, the issue is not that the child is "acting out when they are hungry", they are acting out over things that are unacceptable. There is a difference between a child wanting something because they are hungry, which mine never throws a tantrum for, and throwing a tantrum because they don't want to sit in their highchair for dinner.
I believe that time outs are a perfectly reasonable punishment because it takes a child away from the situation that they are upset about and gives them time to think about what it was that they were doing that was unacceptable. Yes, 17 months may seem young, but by establishing a routine and schedule at a younger age will help the child to understand more clearly what is expected of them when they get older.
Time outs are not about singling a child out or hurting them, it is about putting them in a place away from the upsetting situation. Most parents, after the child has been in time-out for about a minute, go to the child and talk with them. Ask them why they think they are in time-out, ask them what they should have done rather than the action they took.
Time-outs are also very good for parents... it gives us time to sit and cool down rather than acting out of anger (when things much worse could possibly happen).

Ruth - posted on 04/21/2010

I have been told that time outs are not recommended any more. The best strategy is to identify the triggers that lead to the tantrum and do what you can to minimize or avoid them. (e.g., if child acts up when hungry, then feed a snack before they can act up). Time outs are apparently not the best way to train your child... Now, this is just what I have been told by the educators in my region. Daycares also no longer use time out (not allowed by law) in Ontario, Canada.

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2010

Clara, no offense, but do you not believe that your Parent Declaration is asking your daughter to do what she wishes? Permissive parenting can truly lead to detrimental outcomes when the child grows older.

Time out is a way to teach a child boundaries, they thrive on knowing that they cannot do things, it allows them to understand that, when they get older in life, they cannot get away with whatever they wish.

Liz - posted on 04/21/2010

I totally understand where your coming from...My daughter is exactly the same. I 've been doing time out for about three months now. In all honesty we're stil having problems and it doesn't always go plain sailing but she's a VERY strong willed individual. I only do time out for 40 seconds at the moment. This is because I feel 1) shes too young to do much more than a minute anyway 2) Its stil quite a new thing so 40 secs is suffice to keep the tantrums down to an acceptable number (she is a child after all, so she will test the boundaries, seek independance and cause mischief naturally)
It didnt work for at least 3weeks...she loved tim-out oddly enough bless her.... I'd say (after the warnings) "Isabella, I told you if you were to .....you'd have to take time out" and she'd reply "YAY!" and run 2 her time out chair lol... but when she figured out the concept she kicked off big-style but I've kept with it and we're now at the stage where just mentioning the word time out stops the behaviour but if not she'll kick off, move from the spot, try and cry for sympathy but I dont start the timer until she calms down and if she moves from the spot the timer is re set. After I give her the biggest hug in the world and tell her why I put her there, that I dont want to have to do it again but I wil if I have to!
IT WILL WORK IN TIME :) Have Faith! lol Good Luck!

Clara - posted on 04/21/2010

Personally we dont believe in the time-outs, we respect our daughter`s developing personality - tantrums ! All this will pass, they cant communitcate, that`s why they have tantrums.

I respect the fact that our children differ enourmesly, you have a highly spirited child and mine is very gentle and sensitive. We try so hard to tame our children, so that they can fit in with our lives, when maybe we should schedule our lives around our children and their needs.

This is my parent declaration:

1. She will act like an adult, when she is an adult - I must make sure she is safe, its not her responsiblity to know what`s dangerous, she will learn in time. A teaspoon can be dangerous at this age.

2. I dont expect , so she never dissapoints me - every day is diffrent

3. She will learn from my behaviour and leadership, not control - She learns her manners from what I do, not what I say.

4. I trust and wait - this is part of the deal, this too shall pass !

5. I stop to think if I am applying a momentary convenience or a long term sense of self for my daughter. Do I really want to get mad, angry, then dicipline? will I be sorry afterwards?

6. Even in the tantrums I enjoy her for who she is, she will never be this age again.

7. I take care of her emotional needs, and take my own else where. When I am tired or frustrated I act inappropriatly, I dont want to parent in automatic drive.

8. I celebrate her uniqueness and mine. She is sensitive and I am laid back and kind, we enjoy each other. Time-outs wont work for her, I teach her its ok to be upset, validate her, then we move on so that she can accept her reality, and she does.

If you really need time-outs, maybe have a parent declaration, so that you and your partner are on the same page, mine is on my fridge.

Maggie - posted on 04/20/2010

We have a mat in our living room (we chose a mat so that we can take it with us when we go to a friends house or over to a relatives house). I know that Becky knows what this mat means because she will actually skirt around it when walking near it (lol). We have been doing a two minute time out (I read that it is supposed to be 1 minute for each year rounded up). If Becky does something that she isn't supposed to I tell her "No!" and I redirect her. If she does it again I say "No Becky. Do you want to go into time out?" and I redirect her again. That usually works now and she will stop but sometimes she persists and does the naughty thing again and I tell her "I told you that if you did such-and-such again I would have to put you into time-out." and I do. I sit her on the mat and put a timer on for 2 minutes. She will sit there for a couple of seconds and then go to move off the mat. I don't say anything, I just move her back onto the mat and I keep doing this until the timer goes off (without talking to her). Once the timer goes off I tell her that such-and such is naughty or dangerous (whichever is appropriate). Then I give her a hug and tell her that I love her and we carry on. What I am finding hard is getting my husband on board with this. During the week it is working but then he is home on the week-end and he says "Oh, you can't put her in time-out. Just let her play. She isn't doing anything wrong." What are you guys doing about a husband that is having a hard time diciplining (sp?)?

Samantha - posted on 04/20/2010

My twins are 17 months and i have 2 of the little tikes wooden chairs in our living room. when they do something wrong, I tell them it's bad and put them on the chair and tell them to sit. They understand what I mean when I say to sit down since they are told often to sit down in their high chairs. if they get up before their time is up I say no you need to sit and put them back on the chair. After a few times of being put there they're starting to look at me and wait for me to give them the ok to get down.