Still not sleeping thorugh the night!

Amanda - posted on 10/16/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Hi All,



Was wondering if any of you are having problems in the area of sleep??? My daughter still wakes up anywhere between 1 and 5 times a night. She goes to bed around 8. Some nights she only wakes up once but some nights it can be as many as 5 times! We are soooooo tired and need some advice. She usually can fall asleep on her own but when she wakes in the night can not fall back asleep on her own! HELP, any suggestions. My husband will not let her cry at all and I don´t think that helps. I don´t like to hear her cry but think that she has to learn to self sooth!!! What do you all think. I am open to any advice and/or criticism.

Thanks,

Amanda

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Ashley - posted on 10/16/2009

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If you move her bedtime up a bit (like between 6-7pm) it will help her to wake less. Babies this young need to be in bed within that hour because it's the hour that their brain naturally tells them that it's time for bed. If the baby is kept up much later than that then their brain becomes overstimulated and won't rest well. Secondly, when she wakes up at night, the less stimulation and/or interaction you give her the easier it will be for her to go back to sleep. She does need to self-soothe (she's old enough) and she's crying because she wants to go back to sleep and she's accustomed to you helping her go back to sleep. If you truly want to break this habit the fastest way to do it is to let her cry. You can peek in at her and make sure she hasn't pooped or whatever, but then leave her alone for 1 hour. If she is still crying consistently for 1 hour then go in pick her up and calm her down (but stay at the crib) then put her down again and start it all over again. It sounds cruel but it works and the only reason she will cry because it's a change that she must get used to. It will take 3 nights of solid consistency before you will notice progress, but it works. I did this with my daughter when she was 3 months old because she would not fall asleep when I rocked her. My husband was not 100% behind the idea but he is so glad we did it. Now we all get an undisturbed night of sleep. Now my 11 month old sleeps for 11-12 hours straight and sometimes I do check on her and she will be moving around a bit but goes right back to sleep without a peep. Occasionally when she's teething she will wake up in the middle of the night (mostly because she gets diarrhea when she teeths and has pooped and it wakes her up) but after a quick diaper change she goes back to sleep without crying, only some moaning, babbling, then quiet. Most anti-CIO people don't understand that the crying only lasts a short time and it's the baby's natural mechanism of learning a new process and winding down. At this age the babies brain that processes emotions is not fully developed, so they don't feel abandoned or un-loved, all they feel is a little stress at the change of routine (if she's used to you coming as soon as she cries and you rock her, then she uses you to soothe back to sleep) and the crying is their way of dealing with the change and learning a new way to accomplish going back to sleep. Ultimately the baby is the only one that can put themselves to sleep...we can rock, sing, hold, bounce, whatever...but they decide when to shut their eyes, relax, and give in to sleep. If you do decide to use this method be prepared that it will be heart wrenching to hear her cry, but if you remember that she has to learn how to do it herself, that she's fine just tired and trying to go back to sleep it's a little easier. And, it doesn't last forever...just a few nights of hard crying and she will catch on. Good luck! Feel free to message me if you need anything! :p

Ofri - posted on 10/16/2009

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Hi Amanda,

you need to try this "brutal" method, but believe me it works:

When she wakes up at night, you come to her bed, let her know that you are there, kiss her and say good night, put her back in bed, go out for 5 minutes and let her cry. After 5 minutes you go in again and repeat this until she gets tired.

Finally she will give up and go to sleep.

This method needs to repeat for 3 nights, I suggest to make it on a weekend.

After 3 nights she will learn that crying will not help.

I suggest also to make sure that when you put her in bed make sure she is not hungry, or thirsty, some time this is the reason they wake up.



P.S. excuse my bad English.

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Megan - posted on 11/02/2009

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We just fixed this exact problem last week. We do let her CIO during her daytime naps, but I had a REALLY hard time with that at night. What if she's hungry, teething, congested, etc? After talking to my husband we decided to let him go in at night (because he has more will power than I do) starting on a Friday night when he doesn't have to be up the next morning. If I go into her in the middle of the night, she expects to nurse. Friday night, when she woke up, he let her cry for 5 mins then went in to her and held her for a few mins and put her back down, when she cried again, he waited 10 mins, and then 15, and then 20. He probably got up about 3-4 times that night. We repeated this on Sat night and he only had to get up twice. Sunday night he only had to get up once. After that, neither of us were getting up at all...then we had to "fall back" this weekend, but she just got us up early instead of in the middle of the night.

We read that most likely, her little internal clock was just getting stuck and fell into the routine of waking around 2AM, and just expected to get to nurse. I noticed when I was getting up that she would only suck for a few minutes and not take a full feeding.

So, that's what worked for us. I hope it helps you to know that you're not the only one out there with this problem. My husband and I decided that we would rather listen to her cry for a few minutes for a few nights instead of having to get up EVERY night until who knows when.

Genevieve - posted on 10/28/2009

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Hi Amanda, we tried the "No Cry Sleep Solution" and it didn't help. I think the reason is she doesn't include a set routine in the book. We are now using "Save our Sleep" with a great deal of success. If you don't want to let her cry you could combine the routine in Save our Sleep with the night techniques in the "No Cry" book. Hope this helps, but make sure you have a night light in the room as when I tried the night feeding in "No Cry" I found bite marks all around my nipple the next morning.

Kristine - posted on 10/27/2009

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hi amanda, well i dont really know what to say i have a friend who has a similar problem she has to get up 5-10 times a night so she just cosleeps otherwise she wouldnt get any sleep at all, i do believe in leaving them cry for 5-10 min but she has a hard time with that...my baby has never had a problem sleeping at night and has slept through the night since 2 months but if she was not then i would do exactly what some have mentioned....but on the other hand when you baby is ready it will just happen....i wish you all the best and i hear your pain i been with my friend a lot to see her struggles so my heart goes out to you

Jayme - posted on 10/27/2009

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My daughter was having this problem too, the best thing to do is get them on a schedule we do dinner bath and then story time and then bed time and I try to do it the same time every night. I have her in bed by 7:30. And I know its really really hard but you do have to let them cry. It only last a few nights and then they learn very quickly how to put themselves back to sleep. It does work.

Katia - posted on 10/26/2009

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I read the sleep scense system by dana obleman, it consists of pretty much what Ashley is saying, but different strategies at different ages talks about crying, and it worked on my daughter since she was 5 months... you can download it online, it is SO worth it. it took her 2 nights and the 3rd she slept 12 hrs!!! HALELUYAH!

Janine - posted on 10/25/2009

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nothing wrong with letting her although my husband does the same thing call the karitane help line maybe they can help

Alayna - posted on 10/22/2009

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well I stand by my view that cio is not the best option for mother and baby. and I'm not the only one out there that feels that way. Many experts have said that it can be damaging during a time when their little brains are undergoing so much development. Plus the first year is full of pain from growing and new teeth, plus learning so many new skills.
It's totally natural for babies to wake at night. Even toddlers. Here's a link you should check out
.www. kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html
And I will put some quotes from pediatricians and other experts who don't advocate cio tomorrow.
Do you nurse? If so have you ever checked out llli.org? It's a great breastfeeding website and has a mother to mother forum where you can get support from others in your same boat. I know it can be so hard to not get a full night sleep, but you are doing great and this too will pass! and it's so so SO awesome that your little one sometimes only wakes 1 time! I can't wait until the day! I'm excited when my guy sometimes only wakes 3 times! But he will only be a baby once, and I am glad that i can meet his needs.

Marie - posted on 10/21/2009

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Is she teething? If she is, you're in for a long night for a long time. Alexis, my daughter, had a problem sleeping through the night forever, actually she's just lately gotten through the night ok. Make sure she goes to bed with a full tummy and a dry diaper! And when she cries, let her cry for a few seconds. If she's getting really upset, go to her and comfort her. If she gets too upset she'll never go back to sleep! And remember, baby's have dreams and can get scared at this age, so be extra quiet after she falls asleep. And make sure you keep lights and noises down when you do go to her. Try warm water with a teaspoon of sugar or breastmilk instead of formula. Just try to stay quiet, calm, and still. And always listen to yourself before others if nothing makes sense. I hope I've helped a little!

Lunathi - posted on 10/20/2009

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My daughter is 11 mnths and she wakes up 2 times during the night. I normally give her a bottle and she will feed herself and fall back to sleep. I tried the CIO method and it did not work for me as I would find her standing on her feet on her cot and sometimes jumping and that was scary.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/18/2009

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my son is te same and i dont know what to do with him either... i wish i had one of those babies that sleep through the nigth..i just think i must be doing something wrong !

Jen - posted on 10/17/2009

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WOW- you need to get some sleep, girl! We followed BabyWise (the newer version) and he's been sleeping through the night since 4 or 5 months. I know that CIO is hard, but I will tell you it can work. I would not, however, go into the room and give the baby a kiss and say goodnight every 5 minutes. For my guy, I know he'd get more upset seeing me and me not picking him up. If anything, I'd send my husband in after 15 minutes, just to make sure everything was okay. Chances are, things ARE okay. Just remember two things- one, the crying is really hurting you to hear more than it's hurting her to cry, and two- nip this in the bud now, versus when she's old enough to get out of her own bed.

Jen - posted on 10/17/2009

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I totally agree with Ashley. I did it when my baby was 5 months, and also except for a bad few nights of teething she sleeps 11 hours per night, no wake ups. If it's too hard to hear her cry turn on a fan in your room and turn the monitor off so you can't hear her as loud. It is SO worth a couple of nights of crying for a lifetime of good sleep!! Mommies need a full night of rest too!

Alayna - posted on 10/16/2009

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Lennon still doesn't sttn, but I trust that he will when he is ready, and like your husband I won't do CIO either. We are working with some of the ideas from Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution with some success. He has gone from waking 5+ times a night to 3-5. "Baby steps" is a saying that applies to all things you teach your child, even sleep!

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