Tantrums

Misty - posted on 03/15/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Just curious...does anyone elses 15mth old throw temper tantrums? My two will get upset about something and literally fall out into the floor, roll on their backs, kick their legs and scream and cry. I try ignoring them but they are persistent and dont just stop. I will put them in the crib and just let them cry it out and that seems to help but im its hard to deal with when we are not at home. like just yesterday, bryleigh did it at a birthday party, in front of everyone...kind of embarassing, so i had to pick her up a try and calm her down but i dont like sending the message that this kind of behavior is acceptable and will always get her picked up or get her way. Any advice??

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Tine - posted on 03/22/2010

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PLEASE read 'The Science of Parenting' byMargot Sunderland. I always suggest this,but it's because it explains it all far better than I could in such a limited forum!

Our kids are NOT at an age where they can understand the approaches you are trying to take with them. Thier brains are VERY limited, and disappointments and frustrations that seem nothing to us are unbearable for them. Their brain chemistry means that they experience these difficult emotions as real PAIN - that's why they scream and throw themselves to the floor.
They need help with thier 'big' emotions - understanding and guidance, not being left alone. Leaving them alone triggers off very primitive fears of abandonment and makes it all much much worse- they are not 'calming down' or ;figuring it out', they are giving up on help ever coming when they stop crying like this. What does that teach them? Kids treated like this are more prone to anxiety,anger and depression later in life,because it actually changes their brain chemistry for the worse.

Please think about what your child is feeling, and reduce the triggers that set off the emotions - she's still a baby and needs your support and guidance!

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Mary - posted on 03/27/2010

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oh yea mine does it too. i just let him throw it. but im with u 100% if u get good advice plz share. lol

Tine - posted on 03/26/2010

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Guys, please consider reading 'The Science of Parenting' .. it really does explain the problems you're having from the kids' perspective, so you can understand what's going on and use loving and VERY effective ways to help your child and yourself. You really don't need to spend your time fighting your child!

My 16 month old is strong willed,clever and very certain of what she wants, but she NEVER has to resort to banging her head or anything like that to get my understanding or to feel she is being heard. That's a terrible sign that something's wrong in your child's world, and is a common result of using 'cry it out' techniques, which are a brutal approach to supressing a child's needs. You can set boundaries on behaviour without resorting to fighting your child, believe me, I do it every day, and it works like magic - you have a calm, responsive respectful child! My daughter has never ever cried for more than about 10 - 20 seconds except if she's hurt herself. If she wants something she can't have, I simply say no calmly and reflect backunderstanding of her disappointment and frustration, then say yes, she can have that later or suggest what else we could do. That's it. End of problem, she calms right down and is generally very co-operative because she feels understood and doesn't have to fight to be heard. She offers her things to others, give people presents, helps with things as far as she understands how.

Toddlers this age have a natural need to grow, to have some autonomy and control over themselves and thier world, and need parents to be loving, consistent and respectful in the way they set boundaries and teach their child about the world. They want to feel involved, important to you,and really usually wan tyour approval more than anything.They have very little to no control over their emotions because the higher processing areas of the brain simply aren't developed yet.

PLEASE consider reading this book, or 'Toddler Taming' by Pinky McKay, or any of the Dr Sears Attachment Parenting books, for effective ways to connect with and understand your child.

:-) Best wishes! :-)

Cheten - posted on 03/26/2010

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I guess I am not alone in this bandwagon. My 16 month old son can scream that can be heard from miles away. He has to have his way. He has a lot of people at home taking care of him so it is hard to maintain a routine with him. But I am hoping this too will pass. All the best to us all

User - posted on 03/25/2010

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My 16 month old is doing the samething and i don't understand it.. she is also hitting herself in the head.. is this normal?

Sarah - posted on 03/24/2010

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my 16 month daughter packs the most amazing tantrums. She bangs her head on the floor pulls all the books of the book shelf bites her hands and feet and her sister too if she can get to her. She was doing it every day for a while and we used the controlled crying method from docter greens todler taming, At th start we ignored her for 2 min then picked her up and calmed her. if she wouldnt be calmed after a 30 sec to a minute then we put her back down for another 2 min. we gradually increased the time of ignoring her and eventually she got to the stage that he would wind down after 2 or three minutes on her own.
she does still pack some wicked tantrums but mostly stops on her own now.
I feel you about the tantrums in pulic but trust me-95% of people will smile knowingly at you as you walk down the street with a tantruming toddler strapped in the push chair. I found all the quite allys and back streets to take her when this did happen in town to use the controlled crying. the other way I found good in town was to tell them that thats it and you are taking them to the car to go home and have no more fun in town.
Have a read of dr greens stuff, its a funny good read with loads of advise from toileting to tantrums
Another good one I read was Kaz cooks Kidwrangling.She is really funny to read to.

Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 03/24/2010

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If Thomas throws a tantrum because i have said NO to something he is doing/just about to do/done then i ignore him while he is in his tantrum after explaining why i said no. Once he has finished his tantrum then we have a cuddle.
If i don't know what has caused the tantrum then i pick him up and cuddle him and try to find out what the problem is. Obviously he can't tell me but he knows i am there and that i understand he is upset about something and ready to help. Once he's calmed down he has a drink and a big cuddle and just gets on playing as if nothing has happened. I don't like any tantrums but when you don't know what is causing it then it is just as frustrating for you as it is for them so they need to know you are there and ready to sort it out as soon as you know what's up. Thomas has started communicating a little now when he has one. Once he has calmed down a little he is will show me that he was frustrated because he couldn't fit a square object into a round hole or something and we'll sort it so he knows the square goes in the square hole and the circle goes in the circle hole. His tantrums when i say NO are a lot shorter than they were because he knows he will be ignored but the other tantrums will continue i guess until he knows how things are in his head and learns more about problem solving himself xx

Ashley - posted on 03/23/2010

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My daughter just started doing this about 2 weeks ago; she's 16 months old. I do try redirection if I'm unclear what it is that's upsetting her, but if she's trying to do something that may get herself hurt and I say "No" or remove her from the danger and she throws a fit then I say something simple like "you could get hurt" and then I ignore her. In the beginning she would carry on for 5+ minutes, and I would look at her a few times and calmly say "that's enough" or "you need to stop" and she would calm down. She did this pretty consistently for about 3 days and after ignoring her unacceptable behavior the tantrums have significantly decreased to maybe 1 or 2 in the last 4-5 days.

Gianna - posted on 03/23/2010

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I'm having the exact same problem. Cassandra has a mind of her own. If you find a solution please let me know. .Talk to you soon.

Carolyn - posted on 03/20/2010

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it deifinitely just the age they are. terrible twos happen before they actually turn two and may even last til after their second bday. my little guy is the king of tantrums. i ignore him..but in between his breathes i try to make eye contact and say his name so that he will calm down (that was the advice from his pediatrician)...sometimes it doesnt work...but good luck! and remember the times they are sweet make up for all the little tantrums :D

Jen - posted on 03/16/2010

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my 15 month does he will scream throw him self on the floor cry n i just say fine ill leave u there then as he wont stand up n throw all his body weight bk so he cant stand its just the age they grow out of it.

Cathy - posted on 03/15/2010

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My daughter is the queen of drama so we are getting the tantrums too. If she is in a place where she can't hurt herself we ignore her. This really bothers her so she tends to stop. We don't pick her up unless she has calmed herself down and stopped screaming. We try redirection while in public but if it gets too bad we have to leave. We have been lucky that most of her tantrums are at home or daycare and we are both ignoring since she is doing it for the attention.

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