Time outs

Resa - posted on 04/02/2010

We use time out for our 16 month old when she stands on things she's climbed on as a safety measure. She got it within a week and now does not stand. Otherwise, we use redirection. We reserve timeouts for danger and firm no's and redirection for exploration boundaries. When she begins to show outright defiance and misbehavior rather than developmental exploration, we'll use timeouts for that. If you think your child can understand that the time out is for a behavior, then consistency is the key. May take time but the investment is worth the outcome. And I don't believe that children will associate the time out situation (holding in your lap, like we do, or using the crib) with the non-time out situation like cuddling or sleep.

Terry - posted on 04/01/2010

We started time outs at 12 months for both our daughters. We put them in their crib or shut the door to their room until they could understand to stay in a time-out chair. I know people say putting them in their crib for time-outs affects their sleeping in the crib. This did not happen for our girls. Both knew when it was time out time or sleep time.

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010

Allot of people are saying that 15 months is to young to start time out. But I think it depends on each child. If you've been consistantly doing it for a month now and he's not getting it maybe you should try a different approch. It took two weeks of putting my little girl in time out before she got it. Everyone who takes care of your child has to be on board with it. Just becuase a child goes to time out for something dosn't meant that they will never do it again I think at this age they haven't fully developed their impulse control. Explain to them that they are going to time out and why. Now mine gets a warning that she will go to time out if she continues whatever behavior she is doing. If she continues to do it then I follow through. I think people underestimate what children understand. If he goes back to what he's doing after he gets out of time out give him another warning and then back to time out. He'll catch on. Hang in there and good luck!

Victoria - posted on 03/31/2010

The handful of times I tried a timeout on my daughter have been effective. She only has one offense that I consider to be worth a punishment and that is hitting my 4 month old daughter or the cat. She hasn't ever taken a swing at me or my husband. And although I don't think she tries to hit them to be mean, it is a behavior that I feel needs to be stopped immediately because she could hurt one or both of them. When she does bop the baby on the head I pick her up take her into any other room and close the door for 1 minute. When i open the door I bring her back by the baby take her hand put it on the baby's arm and say "i know you are sorry for hitting, be nice." And then she strokes the little one's arm a few times and goes back to playing in the same room. I wouldn't bother with the corner or the crib because i can't make her stay in a corner at this age and last thing I need is for her to hate the crib since she's a good sleeper.

Kristi - posted on 03/31/2010

Hi Again Clara, I do understand your point of view, and I hope it didn't seem as though I act one way and expect my son to act another (that isn't it at all). Probably shouldn't have responded when I did - I was in the midst of craziness at work and was "taking a break" ... he he he, got myself a little worked up!



I do believe that children need discipline and rules - that, I think, goes without saying.



It is my goal to raise my son to be independent and outspoken like me, I value those in others, therefore would love to see them in my son. I also value empathy, compassion, and care for others.



I wish some days that I had a relaxed child, but he is not the one I got :) Mine is absolutely spunky and crazy and out there all the time. He doesn't stop - even when he's sleeping he's flinging himself all over his bed! I see myself and my husband spending the next many years chasing around our little man - and using disipline along the way ...



Again, sorry if my response seemed judgmental, I was trying to express my opinion ... I look forward to continued debate and conversation!

Clara - posted on 03/30/2010

Kristi

We are not trying to make you mad, we just have diffrent ways of parenting, nobody is attacking you or any other parent. You do what works for you.

For me and my family this concept works, I believe its not my job to teach and mould my child, she will learn from what we do, if I am kind, compassionate and caring, she will know nothing else but compassion. Of course she will have her own personality, but these are the values that matter to me. She sees that her dad treats me with respect and I in turn with the love and respect he so deserves.

We want diffrent things for our children, and we do what we think is right.

I am blessed with a great support system and a gentle child, I have no need to dicipline, because there is no reason for it. I embrace my daughter and enjoy the freedom my approach to parenting gives me.

Every child is diffrent - my definitly is....

Kristi - posted on 03/30/2010

Oh ... just another thought. It is so not true that a 15/16 month old cannot understand discipline - my son can understand when I say "Wesley, put that block down and come into your bedroom", don't tell me he can't understand ...

Kristi - posted on 03/30/2010

I know I am going to make people mad ... but seriously - you CANNOT compare how we discipline and raise our children to how we "treat" our spouses. It IS NOT my job to show my husband how to be a good man, if he doesn't know yet, he likely won't learn. However it IS my job to TEACH my son to be a good person, and a good man ... and sometimes that means I need to show him that his behaviour is inappropriate. When I say "no", he laughs at me, when I tell him to stop, he slaps me harder ... when I swat his hand - guess what - HE STOPS HITTING ME. And yes, he comes to me and gives me a hug afterward.

I am really really really annoyed with the "treat as you want to be treated" ...

Megan - posted on 03/30/2010

Thanks for the good read Clara!

Clara - posted on 03/30/2010

PLEASE . PLEASE READ :
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_...

Tine - posted on 03/25/2010

Oh, Blair, I agree with Kylie - that's abuse, pure and simple! What's it teaching your child? Will you hit him too when he starts hitting other people because he thinks that's how you make them stop doing things you don't like? Your ped MUST be stopped from giving out this sort of 'advice'!! There are so many ways of working with trying behaviour that are positive and build great reationships rather than using primitive fear and dominance tactics like hitting....

Clara - posted on 03/24/2010

You dont !

Kylie - posted on 03/07/2010

Blair - hitting a 15 month old with an implement like a wooden spoon is sick and abusive. Talk to you ped about this please. It is not OK.

Tine - posted on 03/06/2010

Hey there. Our kids at this age are WAY WAY too young for time out!!! Their brains are not even close to being mature enough to understand what you're trying to do, all he registers is abandonment, which sets off a very primitive part of his brain into a fear response... please please do some reading before you continue working with your sone, because really it's so importatnt to understand where he's at. Read 'the Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland, or Pinky McKay's Toddler Tactics ... please don't continue trying to discipline him in this way! He just can't make the connections at this point, and his behavious is NOT deliberately naughty - these books explain beautifully why he is doing what you describe. :-)

Leah - posted on 03/04/2010

i think time out could work for some infants of this age but by the sounds of it your little one isnt yet. i dont think my little one is ready either and to be honest i dont no if that kind of punishment would be best for him. i just say no in a calm but firm voice and explain why its a 'no' and sugest something he could do instead. its already started to work with biting- i'd say no explain that it hurts mummy and he should kiss me or blow raspberrys instead. now he kisses and blows rasperrys ALL the time and every now and then he will go bite and i'll say are you blowing raspberrys and he'll stop and start blowing raspberrys instead :). good luck with whatever yo decide to do x x

Clara - posted on 03/03/2010

Time-out



The husband starts to argue with a visiting friend. The wife tells him "It's not nice to argue with your friend! I won't have this! Go sit in the bedroom for half an hour!"



Will the husband become less argumentative? Will the embarrassment of the situation set him straight? Will he feel like apologizing to his friend?





The goal of parenting - Treat others as you would like to be treated - please read:



http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_...

Rebecca - posted on 03/02/2010

We say "NO" a couple of times & if it's obvious he is deliberately disobeying us, we put him in his crib and close the door to his room. At first I was a little worried this would make him associate his crib with feelings of negativity, but he doesn't. Sometimes he almost seems relieved when I put him in there, like he was just feeling overstimulated and needs to re-center. And sometimes asking him "do you want to go in your bed?" will turn his behavior around.

Also- don't underestimate the value of positive reinforcement. When they are behaving nicely, point it out and love on them/clap your hands. They should learn that good behavior is rewarding for everyone.

Elleanor - posted on 03/02/2010

i didn't read the other replies/ my 15 month old is mature she has been walking since she was 9 months throwing out her diapers in the am and pm she gets out her milk and puts it away and she is showing signs of potty training. i think she does all this because i watch my 24 month old niece 5 days a week....but she sits fine in time out she didnt at first but if you stick to one thing it normally works if your child is old enough to understand why they are sitting there.....all the daycare would tell you to redirect

Blair - posted on 03/02/2010

I just talked to my ped about this. Fifteen month olds just aren't old enough to understand time-outs! However, in his opinion, they're old enough for a swat or a spanking. We don't use a hand, because you don't want to confuse your hand as a hit, but instead use a wooden spoon. It has worked super well for us! If he grabs something he's not supposed to, we say no, if he does it again, we grab the spoon and give a little swat. It's gotten to the point where all I have to do is reach for the spoon and he'll stop!!

Nienka - posted on 03/02/2010

My fourth child is 16 months and I couldn't imagine doing time out. She doesn't understand 'naughty' yet. If she is getting too active and into stuff she shouldn't be, we just put her in the playpen or cot with a few toys to keep her distracted. We also use a firm "no" now when she is doing unnacceptable things like throwing a tantrum or putting her food on the floor.

Amber - posted on 03/01/2010

I've started time outs with my 15 mo as well and she is starting to understand them. I agree with just being persistent, a baby is always learning and if you start them early they will eventually pick up on it. All babies learn at their own pace so it might take a little while but if you're consistent in your actions they will learn.

Shelly - posted on 02/28/2010

My 15 month old understands a time-out!! He knows what it is and when he's going to get one. It may be from watching his older brother, but he sure is a stinker! He will run from me and thinks the word "No" is funny, so the time-out is necessary sometimes. I would keep at it. If my little guy hears me say "do you need a time-out?" sometimes (and I stress sometimes) that is enough to get his attention and he will behave. Hope this helps :)

Natalie - posted on 02/26/2010

We have a 'naughty mat' and make her sit there for a minute. Sometimes I have to sit and hold her down and then take her over to what she got in trouble for and say "no (and then explain to her in a quick sentence what not to touch)I always give her a kiss and cuddle after! Apparantley for their age, their actions are impulsive. This means that even though they know not to touch it, they CAN'T HELP IT! My daughter will touch it and say "no!" at the same time and look at me and I say "Thats right! No touching" in a stern voice. She will go back time and time again, but that is where I follow through and put her on the naughty mat. You need to remind them! She even goes over to the naughty mat and says "Naughty!" Therefore...she is learning!! Just make sure you are not expecting too much from him and if you make a rule...be persistent...otherwise he'll know where your patience ends and that you'll give in! Good Luck! :)

Caitlin - posted on 02/26/2010

I've only given a "time out" twice to my daughter and that was only when she put herself in danger by not listening to my warnings. Both times she was trying to grab the milk from the fridge (and she has an anaphylactic allergy to milk). Both those times, I put her in her high chair and ignored her until she stopped crying, then I explained why she couldn't play with it and she didn't do it again (both times were baout 2 months apart). She's not too young to understand discipline for sure, she knows when she's done something wrong.

Rachel - posted on 02/26/2010

He has a decent grasp on what he should and shouldn't do, We utilize a loud clap with our hands to get his attention. The sound means "Go somewhere else". We also use catch words like Hot, and no touch. If its dangerous it results in an immidieate spanking, like running in the street or reach on the stove. Time outs don't work for my son either, but the words are working good. We also have lots of things for him in the living room. He has his own chair, and a box of toys that he knows he can access.

Dawn - posted on 02/26/2010

15 months old is too young for a time out, but not too young to understand NO. You have to redirect his bad behavior and remove him from the situation. Trust me he will learn..I have a 9 yr old son, a 7 year old daughter and a 15 month old son.

Clare - posted on 02/26/2010

I use time out with my 15 month old because he showed signs of having the ability to learn and understands what it means and he does now.
When my son repeated his inappropriate behaviour after time out, I took him straight back to time out again and after he finished that and we had our hug and kiss afterward (again!) I take him back to same room or in same situation except I would get really excited about a different activity in order to distract him completely and start again on a positive note. This seems to do the trick. If he carries on and behaves inappropriately again anyway always take him back to time out, but once he is there use that time to think how you could distract and avoid the situation. 15months isn't too early as long as they show signs that they are capable of learning and understanding time out however they are still young so if they keep doing the same thing you have to start taking some responsibility, think what you could do in a positive way to help. But you must still so time out if behaviour happens again to make sure they link that behaviour with that consequence consistantly. Hope this has been of some help xx

Jacqueline - posted on 02/26/2010

My 15 month old understands completely what a time out is. She knows when we tell her NO that it is a big deal. She wont do it again, if she does we tell her to go to timeout an she whines a little bit but walks right over to her princess bed seat and sits until we tell her its okay to get out. We explain to her its a no no and she apologizes by giving us love (either a kiss and a hug or just a hug). You just have to be consistent with it, and firm, and dont give in. You have to let them know that your serious. Dont yell, no need for that. We had to sit her ourselves at first but she learned after a couple of days. Mind you this is before turning 15 months. Trust me they are never to young to comprehend discipline. Mine already know sign language for Please, Milk, Eat, More, Cookie, Mommy, Daddy and can blow kisses say hi and bye.

Jen - posted on 02/26/2010

a time out for a 15 month old is a bit mature for a 15month to understand i have a 15 month old son n when he is naughtey i just say no in a loud n firm voice n he stops n winges cus he knows his been told n doesnt do it again

Kylie - posted on 02/26/2010

A firm NO and the redirection/diversion of his attention to something else is what works for us. I think time out at this age would confuse and cause more upset than it's worth.

What is your 15 month old doing that requires the discipline? The naughtiest things my LO does is eating cat food, running off with my perfume bottles/makeup or getting plates out of the cupboard and running with them lol.... hardly punishable actions but he definitely needs to be redirected for his own saftey.

Megan - posted on 02/25/2010

Redirect, you need to teach him acceptable behavior, "we don't do this but it is okay to do this". Timeouts or spanking are things that his brain just can't comprehend, it is not developed enough. We have had great success with a program call Love and Logic, you should really check it out.