Any other liberal pro-spanking moms?

Morgan - posted on 12/30/2011 ( 35 moms have responded )

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Just wondering if I'm the only liberal mom who still believes in spankings?

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Candace - posted on 01/02/2012

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YES!! I don't feel that you have to spank for everything that your child but sometimes it's the ony way to get your point across. There is nothing wrong in my opinion with spanking your children. That's what is wrong with our youth today. Everyone wants to talk and rationalize everything. I have news for you, you can't reason with a 3 yr old. I love my son more than anything in this world. When I do have to spank him, which isn't that frequently, I remember what my mom used to say. I do this because I love you and it hurts me more than it hurts you.

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Actually the bible does not say that, I wish people would quit using it. It is a guote from a poem by Samuel Butler, the Bible depending on your version say's



"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."



The reason I bring this up is because the rod is not used to hit it is used to guide sheep.



I have spanked my children btw

Jen - posted on 01/14/2012

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Not at all. I even, on rare occasion, put soap in my six year old's mouth (though I couldn't even tell you the last time it happened). I used spanking more when she was younger. She is quite a dramatic little diva, and has a tendency to get herself so worked up that a quick swat is the only way to get her attention. I haven't spanked her in a quite some time, though. Since she's a bit older and has a better understanding of consequences, I find taking away privileges to be a better way of disciplining. I don't like spanking so I avoid it at all costs, but if she needs it, she gets it. However-I have not, and will not, ever use anything than my open hand. Unless I happen to have a wooden spoon in my hand and she's being a PITA and I can whack her on the bottom as she's running laps around me, which causes both of us to giggle ;-) P.S. I've been working with children for 10 years and have had several DCF Mandated Reporter Trainings, and spanking is ok by them as long as you don't leave a mark. There is a difference between discipline and abuse.



Candace has a very good point. You cannot rationalize, or even really explain discipline, to a 3 year old. I currently work with toddlers (about 20 months until 36 months, or older if they're not pottytrained.) And they really don't understand a lot. You can talk until you're blue in the face, but most of the time, they don't grasp 90% of what you're saying-though I do blame some of this on their parents, because most of them treat their children like overgrown babies, and don't really "talk" to them). As I stated before, I used spanking much more frequently at this age than I do now. By about 41/2 I had more or less stopped spanking altogether. I am just not opposed to using it if it's needed, which once in a rare while, it still is.

Pat - posted on 10/30/2012

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I am a mom of three. Occasionally, I did have to spank them. One of my children only had to receive one while the other two got more. I think it is a case by case situation. Not every child has to be spanked. As an African American, it is usually the rule to spank as opposed to the exception. I choose to use it as a last resort. Now they are teenagers and of course I have moved to other methods of discipline. For example, If I say we are going back to 1983, they immediately straighten up because going back to 1983 means: We have no technology, we have no privacy, and it gets darker earlier...so go to BED!...It works trust me it works lol.

Teresa - posted on 06/17/2012

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Hi Karla, I honestly feel that in todays society, being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, no matter where you live, there are so many other distractions that make parenting a difficult and sometimes hard task role to take on, I am always in pleasently suprised by wonderful mums such as yourself and your mother, who work hard at finding the right way to improve on their parenting skills, your children will be I am sure secure and happy in that they have a mom who takes the time to really work hard at showing that the boundaries you have are for their safety and security as much as for encouraging their good behaviour, I would hope that other moms consider what you have written as a guidline also for how to put in place boundaries. well done you!

And yes I have to agree there are more serious issues that could be debated on here , and I for one will be looking out for them! I am not sure what sort of President Obama is, and coming from a country which has a great deal of socialist background to it, I can see there are lots of simular thoughts? maybe I could be wrong, as I have said I am not American but look on with interest in what changes he is making to the USA, as yet I can see many postive changes that seem to have been met with some loud disagreement?
I applaud his stand on Gay marriage, and his changes to your medical services, as far I can see the medical Insurance companys seem to have quite a hold on these changes occuring but again I could be wrong? We have had a NHS (NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE ) ( Free Medical Care) here since 1947, and do not know any diffrent, I can not imagine having to pay to see a Dr or for having a baby or even for any medical treatment, all which is free regardless of age or class or your finacial situation. However we do have private medical Insurance for those who would prefer it, but not masny use it, I have spoken to some Americans who have lived here and have received hospital care and medical care from Dr, and it is very much the same as the treatment they would of received if in the USA. Having said that this does cost the indivdual in heavy taxes over here our vat is 15% and the tax on income is very high and each person pays a weekly insurance allowance which is automatically taken out of their wages caled NI (National Insiurance) this is to cover the NHS. the payment is usually a fixed amount of about £8.00 per week probably about 12 dollars to you. which is probably a lot cheaper than a large insurance bill each month. Anyway I look forward to further discussions . take care .

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BryanDoyle - posted on 08/07/2013

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I voted for Obama TWICE and I believe that spankings are very appropriate very positive discipline for sons and daughters who need DISCIPLINE!

Karla - posted on 06/17/2012

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Teresa, well thank you! Actually my children are older, ages 27, 23, 18 and 15 - so they have already told me what they think of my (and my husband's) parenting, and I'm getting very good reviews! lol I feel very sure each of them will become thoughtful and loving parents. ;-)

As for Obama: I am happy about the changes in the Affordable Healthcare Act [AHA] (aka "Obamacare") but honestly, I wish we could have gone to a National Health Care system like yours. It's much to late for that and the Insurance Industry is huge, and they have too much leverage with our legislators. It's amazingly frustrating. I fear we will not see workable change until the Insurance Industry has bankrupted us all, and then we won't be able to afford the change. One of the good things that the AHA does is require accountability from Insurance companies when they raise premiums. We went for years with premiums going up 15% each year at the same time our income was going up 2 or 3% each year. That's a recipe for disaster.

I joked with my husband the other day that we buy insurance to save us, and in the process is killing us. I pay over $3500 per year for health related insurance, my place of employment pays $12,000 for their portion of my families health insurance, and I still have to pay a co-pay between $20-$40 when I go to the doctor. It's a ridiculous amount of money that is fueled by a for-profit system. (And this doesn't even account for life insurance, disability & liability insurance {for my self-employed husband}, and auto insurance. We have a huge amount of money going toward insurances.)

I am so envious when I hear from people like you that have National Health Insurance. When I compare it to our system I think the US is a twisted sister - the crazy ones. lol

Thanks again! Have a good week!

Karla - posted on 06/17/2012

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Thanks Teresa,

While raising my children my goal was to avoid using spanking. I admit I failed from time to time; and I have read that it's easy to slip into the pattern in which you were raised so I guess I'm average. I read books like "Raising your Child Not By Force, But by Love" and "How to Really Love your Child" etc. They really helped me understand what, in my opinion, are better parenting skills.

My mother also worked toward bettering her parenting methods, so I had a good role model. I only hope that my children will also strive to improve their parenting as compared to mine. IMO if we take an attitude of progression, rather than stagnated methods, then through the generations we will see an improved society.

I gotta admit, that I'm a little disheartened that in the "Obama Mamas" community on COM that "Any other liberal pro-spanking moms?" is the most popular thread. Oh well.

Teresa - posted on 06/17/2012

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Hi Karla, thanks for your message, I dont live in the USA ( would love to though ) and I can see that it seems it must be depending on what state you live in, I live in the UK, where 'corporal punishment has been banned from ALL schools, and there are no exceptions. It is also frowned apon for parents to use physical punishment, and is illgal to use physical punishment on younger children. Parents are encouraged to think of alternative ways of punishing their children. If you want to know how this has changed parenting in this country their are lots of disscusions about the pro's and con's, personaly it has been a postive move for the children and young people, schools are responsible for educating our children, part of that eduaction should be to teach them how to self regulate their own behaviour, and to be able to listen to others with respect, and importantly to communicate in ways that encourage honesty without fear of the consqences, to accept that they will have a consequence to pay for their behaviour.

Karla - posted on 06/16/2012

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Teresa, I really appreciate your views on this. I have to say though, that if you are in the United States you should know that saying "physical punishment has not been used in schools or by child care (givers) for years" is wrong. The laws about corporal punishment in schools varies from state to state.



http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/...,8599,1915820,00.html

[ETA my link to the Time article isn't working, but if you search "corporal punishment usa schools" it should come up.]



And this opinion piece has some maps to demonstrate what states use it and to what extent.



http://nomodernslaverynow.blogspot.com/2...

Teresa - posted on 06/16/2012

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Hi Morgan, as parents we all have our own ways and thoughts on how to discipline our children, and hope that we have made the right choice to help or children make the right decsions in how they behave and treat others.
Having said that most parents will discipline thier children in the same way they were also disciplined, physical punishment has not been used in schools or by child carers for many years, mainly because it was felt to be an inapproapriate way of teaching young children how to treat others, if hitting a child to control their behaviour by an adult is used, this can be interpreted by the child as something they can do. Having to control a screaming two year old and a difficult child is of course very hard and sometimes the alternative to spanking is time consuming and draining for parents, although I feel the child will come to respect you for taking the time to explain, listen and understand what is going on for them, and to show them also that all bad behaviour can be changed in a way that is less threatening, which in turn allows them to self relegate their own behaviour, which they will use in the more difficult stages of teenage life.
I am sure there will be many debates on this subject, and of course parents are the best at knowing what they feel is the right way to monitor their childrens behaviour, however sometimes the short term quick response can in the long term, cause issues for the child if they are unable to help themselves by understanding what exactly is expected from their parents, and shown when in a situation where they may have made mistakes or caught in a difficult situation, they would be fearful of the consequences, and therefore the parents would be unable to help them when they are most likely to need it.

Gayathri - posted on 05/25/2012

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There is a big disagreement between my In Laws and me because i believe kids with a little spanking is no harm. They feel their grand daughter's morale would go for toss etc., Me and my FIL are not in talking terms because i was trying to discipline her and he tried to say she is kid etc.,

Candace - posted on 05/23/2012

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Hell yeah!! That's how my husband and I were raised and I feel that we are better parents because of it. I don't see anything wrong with other forms of punishment but sometimes spanking is the only thing that works. Spanking has a way of saying, " Get yourself together and listen."

TINA - posted on 04/25/2012

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Im a pro spanking mom of a two year old. When I spank her it is one time to her butt (pamper covered) and then imediatley tell her what she did wrong and that although she is a good girl naughty behavior is unacceptable. I then hug her and tell her that i love her. I find that she is okay with this and knows when she is being truly naughty because she will run off laughing covering her butt. Mind you though my daughter gets told no and time out before hand. She is the only two year old in our play group that regardless of who is there will go to time out and stay there for two minutes when she is being naughty. My daughter does get spanked and I belive that there is nothing wrong with that as long as you only use your hands and not go over the number of spanks vs thier ag ie my daughter is two and never gets more than two swats.

Tyeshia - posted on 04/23/2012

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Coming from the professional side, children do understand that you do love them after you spank them. If you do spank your child it is very important that you explain to them why you gave them a spanking and that you love them. It is more effective if you do all of this right after the spanking. One thing to remember is to never spank your child out of anger, this easily becomes abuse whether you know it ir not. If spanking is not your thing, that is fine. I understand both point of views.



Oh and I agree that you should never use an object to hit them with. You should use an open hand and only spank on the bottom.

Lyndsay - posted on 04/23/2012

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I am pro spanking... not for EVERY thing they do wrong, but "if the punishment fits the crime" YES!!!!!!

Lyssa - posted on 02/26/2012

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oh, and you all ought to go on to the mommies doing it alone and look at the thread hello any pro spanking moms or dads. you're going to meet few people who will make you want to use corporal punishment on them!

Maree - posted on 02/23/2012

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I can't imagine ever thinking it is a good idea to hit a child then explain to them that they were so bad that they deserved for their mother to inflict pain on them.....i don't think a child would be understanding how that is "love" ...

Karla - posted on 02/22/2012

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Thanks Michele,



Here are a couple other web sites that address the issue of the Bible and discipline.



http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/



http://www.churchesfornon-violence.org/T...



This last article says:

"We parents are the shepherds for our children. By applying the rod of protection,guidance, care, and nurturance, we can guide them into adulthood.



Discipline is about instruction, not beatings. A child cannot listen to someone he/she is afraid of. Lessons cannot be integrated by one who is in shock from having been struck.

What they learn is distrust, fear, and violence.



It’s funny how much wiser our parents get as we grow older. Fifty years ago my father wrote, “You wouldn’t take a hammer to a television set that doesn’t work anymore, so why beat up a child that is much more delicately adjusted? He got the point, I only hope other parents can too."

Lyssa - posted on 02/22/2012

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heck yes! i believe if you've tried everything else to stop the behavior, then yeah, a swat or two in the butt isn't going to kill them. there is a fine line between spanking and abuse though, like never use a belt, or wood spoon, etc. and i also think you should sit and talk to them about it afterwards so they understand why and make sure they know you love them

Kimberly - posted on 02/16/2012

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I'm an avid believer of spanking as the Bible says, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". However, I do not think that children should be spanked while the parent is angry or just out of frustration and I think that it is very important to communicate to the child the reasoning behind being spanked so that they'll have a clear understanding of why they are being punished. The idea here is for your child to learn to respect you and not fear you.

Karla - posted on 02/14/2012

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My kids are older now, but back in the day I got a lot of help from these books:

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

"Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

"How to Really Love Your Child" by Ross Campbell

and

"Raising Your Child, Not by Force but by Love" by Sidney D. Craig

Allison - posted on 02/14/2012

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Spank away for appropiate punishment. i do it. i dont go crazy or use tools but i use my open hand on thier little butts when they dont get it otherwise. my six year old boy is a drama king. and sometimes spanking is the only thing that works. i will even admit depending on what comes out of his mouth he will get slapped in the mouth. i wont do the soap thing because i cant help to feel that cant be good for them. my youngest currently is going through his here let me bite you stage and rip your hair out. sometimes a spankon his but is the only way he will let go.

Gloria - posted on 02/11/2012

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I totally believe in spanking, especially when children are very young and not capable yet of reasoning. At that stage, it's like dog training - mom is the pack leader and needs to be minded. I actually think that the willingness to use physical punishment (and let's not get crazy - we're not talking anywhere near child abuse) helps children feel safer - there is someone powerful in their world, who loves then, who can keep the really scary things away. What's more, my kids (17 and 10) believe in spanking. When they see wild younger children and their hapless parents, helplessly trying to put them into time out, they always roll their eyes and later expound on how those kids needed a good spanking.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2012

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You are not alone. :) Spanking is just like any other disciplinary technique. It cannot be used effectively for every situation or every child, but there are times when it is completely appropriate. Personally, I do not think it should be done in public, because that is more about emarassment and shame than actual instruction, but when used in moderation for severe offenses it can work wonders. My child knows he has crossed a very bad line when a spanking is mentioned. Because we don''t do it often, he understands it is reserved for behavior that can not ever be tollerated. And I find that using it that way, he does not repeat the behavior. Time outs, loss of priveleges, and extra chores work for day to day naughtiness, but for things like foul language at a grandparent or intentional injury to an animal nothing really gets the point across like a smack on the bottom. It is especially usefull in the case of a child causing injury to animals or other children. When they have to physically face what they have done they understand why it is a bad thing to do.

Tyeshia - posted on 01/14/2012

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You are not the only one. Although I do not spank my daughter often (she's 7 andd has probably only had 2 or 3 in her life) I know a lot of parents who still believe. I flick my daughter if she does something she knows better doing, which is still not often.



I do think it was more acceptable when I was growing uo though.

Karla - posted on 12/30/2011

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I doubt if you are the only one. As for myself, it was not a preferred method of discipline. I find that spanking creates a different effect than I want. I want my kids to feel bad about what they have done, and if they get spanked they just feel mad that they got spanked. My kids are older now, but back in the day I got a lot of help from these books:

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

"Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too" by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

"How to Really Love Your Child" by Ross Campbell

and

"Raising Your Child, Not by Force but by Love" by Sidney D. Craig



I did on occasion spank my kids, but it was not my ideal. My theory on parenting is that if we all strive to do better than our parents did, then the world will improve one step at a time. I pray my kids parent better than I did.



(edit for clarity)

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