how do I get my 18 year old to get a job or go to school or do anything

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Hayley - posted on 08/06/2012

1

0

0

hi my 18 year old daughter wont go to college . she didnt even stay in 6th form at school .she stays up all night talking to who ever on internet . and then stays in bed all day . she doesnt do help around the house .she speaks to me like rubbish she keeps me and my partner up all nite by banging around in kitchen .then going out side making telephone calls so we cant hear whom she is talking to .she just will not listen to me i have said that if she does not start college she can find some where else ie her dads . all i get his i aint going to dads i am 18 then starts crying blameing every one else for the way she his . she does not drink smoke or do drugs that i do no for sure . i relly donot no what to do with her any suggestions would be a blessing thank you

Ronald - posted on 04/18/2013

2

0

0

My 18 yr old is abusive, won't get ged, job and only helps when bribed.His Mom and I are disabled and divorced, she nor I dont want to throw him out but we are not able to enforce doing this, have called police on him before he will put on front to them he doesn't drink, his mom was going to homeschool but that didn't work. ..HELPPPP!!!

Lynn - posted on 08/02/2012

5

29

0

My daughter will be a senior in high school this coming year. She'll be 18 in September. She's an outstanding student and will do chores @ home but has not found a job and doesn't want to volunteer instead. She babysits on occasion. I don't stress her too much about the job issue because she really is a good kid and is trying very hard in school. My ex and I are also not on the same page about her working, etc. Whatever I suggest for her he finds a way to undermine and tell her she should do the opposite. I'll be glad when she goes to college.

LaShelle - posted on 10/24/2009

3

20

0

Write out a contract with him giving him a time frame to get a job or he has to move. When the day comes and he does not have a job ask for the house keys and tell him he has to go but he can always come back to visit. You have to be very strick on your kids or else they will just run over you and never believe what you say. He is 18 yrs old and has to learn responsibility.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

37 Comments

View replies by

Debra - posted on 01/18/2014

1

0

0

I am currently in the same situation with my daughter, I have taken the car away now and she will not get it back and I am fixing to take her phone. I have had her in rehab 4 times and she is back into the same grouping of hoodlums and doing some of the same things as before the rehabs. My daughter - in her Junior year of high school was a member of FBLA and an officer, was in Medical Assisting class and earned her certification, was academically sound with a 3.36 GPA - was accepted to Morehead Univ., Western Ky Univ Ky State Univ. & Cumberland Univ. and could have been accepted by more but didn't apply herself. She had a job as well. Then in her Senior year she did try out for cheerleading and made the team, was still a member of the FBLA - ended up quitting both within the 2nd semester of school. Her GPA dropped to a 2.3 and she got in with the wrong crowd of people and has done many things too numberous to mention. She did Graduate May 2013 - she lost her job and has wrecked her car twice. So much more. So I REALLY SIMPATHIZE with you. I don't want to kick her out but I am unable to financially or emotionally deal with all this drama.

Rey - posted on 10/04/2013

8

0

1

I can only imagine your frustrations, I cannot relate but I thought of something that I thought could be helpful for you....try contacting job core! free living, and education while on a monitored and secured campus.....:)

Kyrie - posted on 08/31/2013

87

12

4

For my 18th birthday, my dad asked me when I was moving out. I got the hint. Even though I got pregnant 4 months later and his parent bought him and my uncle a trailer to live in when they were that age. Lame. I would not let my kids mooch like that. They need to be working hard and/or in college.

Donna - posted on 08/27/2013

7

0

1

My 20 year old lived at home with me, with no ambition to do anything, at all. I set her up with my friend, and they are now getting married, with came with a whole new set of issues. But at least she isn't mooning all day in her room anymore.

Karen - posted on 11/03/2009

35

26

0

I am going to ask you this....Would your mother let you live in her home without a job, school, or something...If your answer is yes...they Hey...that is why she is doing it....But if your answer is NO, then why are you allowing her to live in your home and not get a job, go to school or something?

Courtney McKizzie - posted on 11/03/2009

5

21

0

Wow, great responses! I SO hope this doesn't happen to our family. All I can say, is that IF it does, I can only imagine how FRUSTRATING it must be to have "raised" a young adult that just won't get moving. HOWEVER, I can promise you that at 18 I did not have it figured out either. I am convinced that peeps under 25 shouldn't get married, and an 18 year old is still, in the grand scheme of things, a child. That doesn't mean he should be "enabled", but seeking the guidance counselor like mentioned above is a super idea Go with him and continue to show some interest in his future. Go with him to enroll for school. We assume that because one is of legal age they have it all figured out. I am 36 years old, a physician assistant, have an Avon business, and 7 and 4 year old boys; I'm still trying to figure things out--but aren't we all? After helping your 18 year old sift through it all, if it ain't happening, THEN it's REAL WORLD TIME!

www.youravon.com/cbuzbee

Tereasa - posted on 10/26/2009

8

10

1

Hey there,
My two boys are 20 and 18 and I know how you feel. The first son has DS so he will be with me and yes he has chores and he earns money from house sitting or doing things for the neighbors, but my 18 year old who is in college by the way and I hope he stays there and finishes, gave me run for my money no pun intended. lol. I was a little scared of showing tough love but I did it and it did work out. He has worked since he was 15 because he knew I could not afford to buy a lot of luxuries. Don't be scared of laying down the law and stand by your rules for the house and even though they say they hate you, what they are really saying is that they love you.

Jennifer - posted on 10/16/2009

16

39

0

I agree with Miss Rachael Wilcox cut him off even threatn to kick his butte right out you are not helping the situation with giving him what he wants and supporting his butte , he needs to be more independent.

RuthAnn - posted on 10/08/2009

15

26

1

set a time limit - must start school or a job or find a new place to live - then stick to it! I know it is tough!

Shownda - posted on 10/07/2009

14

4

2

To the job question. Do not give anything to your 18 year old financially. Once the well is dry. Your 18 year old will have no choice but to get a job.

Jodi - posted on 10/06/2009

46

33

14

Tell him/her that they have to either go to school or get a job and pay you rent.I had to do that with my oldest stepson.He quickly got a job and moved out.He's been on his own and doing well for himself ever since.All they need is a little push to get moving sometimes.GOOD LUCK!!

Tai - posted on 10/06/2009

15

7

0

Honestly, if you're confident that you have given your child the tools to be an independent person then becoming an adult should be easy. By the time I was 17 i was enrolled in college, had a job, and a savings. I moved out by myself and I was fine. This was not so long ago(1996). My parents taught me how to fix common household problems, how to budget, keep myself safe, balance a credit card, and then they let me be. I had problems, sure, but my parents gave me confidence and they believed in me enough to let me go and I never came back home. The same with my sister. Don't let your adult make the rules and choose to do nothing. Your yelling and nagging days are over. It's time for your child to take responsibility for himself and make a life for himself. Make a time line and stick to it. If you don't stick to it you'll be living with an adult teenager for many years to come.

LaLasha - posted on 10/06/2009

147

31

4

Umm give him/her 60days to get a job or register for school or they have to get out they are adults now much as we as mothers hate to admit it but you are no longer raising your child now your child is a mooch and needs to be treated like one. Stop paying for everything and when asked why explain you are a grown up now and if you want things you need to pay for it youself also try makeing a few meals with only enought food for the working adults and minors in the house your adult child will get the point quickly and grow up just as fast.

Romel - posted on 10/05/2009

2

20

0

I wouldn't suggest kicking them out in the street because you think you have troubles now, your child being in the streets would open up a whole new can of worms. I would suggest cutting off his finances completely. Good Luck

Terri - posted on 09/30/2009

2

42

0

Try what you call tough love. It worked for my 21 yo. It comes a time when the child reaches adulthood you have to let them get out there do something for themselves whether they want to or not because you will not be around for them forever. That was something I couldn't grasp until my mother passed.

Cynthia - posted on 09/29/2009

4

56

0

the kids can't do no more than what you allow them to do in your house. if you are buying them everything --then they will stay forever---but it always take directing and instructing your children in all phases of their life. Just do it. If the kids are hard headed and don't listen--their are stragedies to make them work with ya. Because kids will try to take over your household--you have to let them know you are in charge. help them--keep pushing them. My son thank me today for pushing him into the airforce because its has totally changed his life. He loves the independence and being his own man. My daughter wants and plans to follow his footsteps. She's going to a community college and she's teaches kids how to dance for christ --she sings on the college gospel choir--she's involved in her youth at church. She's not perfect---yeah she got upset because she didn't want to follow my guide and threaten to leave. My son did the same---but I stood my ground.

Tonya - posted on 09/26/2009

5

5

1

girl stop given him evrything let him do for himslf its time for hm too be a man ....not your man !!! time is really ticking he has to start somewhere u are in my prayers

Tanneka - posted on 09/18/2009

2

96

0

Stop providing for your child. Cut out help wanted ads and leave on your child's door. Don't go grocery shopping for a couple of weeks and let him/her complain about not having what he/she likes to eat. Things will start to change,once he/she realizes the importance of it, the search will begin. You have to have a college degree nowadays to really move forward in the corporate world because there is so much competition. A bachelor degree is the new standard now, when before it was just a high school diploma. Keep talking in his/her ear about it. Stay positive. It's tough, but stand your ground and be strong.

Lucy - posted on 09/17/2009

1

13

0

I'm in the same boat. The first weekend in October is "eviction day." He has made feeble attempts at finding a job and is only taking one college course. I asked him last night if he is aware and mindful of the time-frame; which he insists that he is. His alternative is to live with grandma (so he's not necessarily out on the street), but she is just as adamant that he find a job to live in her home.

Virginia - posted on 09/14/2009

3

1

0

Hi Lori!
I'm sorry about your frustration...it is so common! I want to let you know that I am a college preparation and admissions counselor, and I also do resumes should your son decide to get a job. I always strongly encourage kids to go to college though; as you know these days it is almost imperative to get a college degree to get a good job. I always do a free consultation if you want to get together and talk. I can tell you more about my qualifications and you can tell me more about your needs :) Hope to hear from you! Virginia Ruehrwein (619) 713.5866 (answering machine is generic now - I must change it!)

Christina - posted on 09/09/2009

21

12

3

ha ha...on this hot one! Yes, lay down the law. She needs to live by example and she will respect you more. Not easy, but I come from a family of enablers! She has already been indulged from the sound of it. Cut her off and set both feet in concrete. Again, it won't be easy, but I have seen the damage of my Mother still providing and enabling my sister who is in her 40's! Responsibility and No Excuses or she won't be able to retain any employment. If she attends College, and gets decent grades, she can live there and have food and necessities (which is not a phone, car or otherwise).. Give her a set date to enroll in school or get a full time job or "you will evict her" and keep it posted as a reminder. How much do you pay on her phone? limit her minutes or cut it off if you can.. maybe put a freeze on it. Good Wishes, It is not always easy being a Good and Responsible Mom!

RuthAnn - posted on 09/08/2009

15

26

1

Give her a time limit - say 3 months - to 1) find a job working at least 20 hours per week, 2) enroll in school at least 1/2 time or 3) find another place to live - then stick to it! Cut her off financially and she will do something pretty quick. Do not give her money for anything - make her earn her own. The key is to stick to your guns tho, and not back down...

Kisha - posted on 09/07/2009

41

8

1

i agree with some of the mothers, stop supporting them financially. When i turned 18, I was working and going to school full-time, my mother start charging me rent. Not alot, my rent was paying the cable bill. That taught me how to pay bills, so when I do get my place I was prepared. This is what I suggest, even if they go to school they still have to work somewhere and charge them something. You have to prepare them for the real and what they'll tell the landlord, 'oh I can't pay rent because I go to school'. Also they have to put towards the groceries.

The goal is to make real and uncomfortable so they will want to leave on go on their own. Stop making it too comfortable, then they'll never leave

Angie - posted on 08/30/2009

2

16

0

I would never suggest kicking a child out on the streets. Tough love,yes,but not that tough. My daughter will be 20 in Novemeber. She has a part time job and she goes to college. The trick is to help them with the FAFSA and enrollment the first year and let them know that they are responsible for themselves from this point. This is her second year of college and she did everything herself and she knows she has to make money to spend money. She does her own laundry and is pretty self sufficient. We have kept a strong bond. She knows I am here for her but I am not here to do everything for her for the rest of her life. Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 08/28/2009

16

11

2

Not to sound cruel, but kick his ass out and when he comes crawling back to you, let him know the stipulations of living with you. If you want to establish boundaries with people the consequence for violating that boundary needs to be strong enough to let them know that you are serious about it. doing it this way, he will either go out on his own and start taking care of himself (which is unlikely) or he will come crawling back, or beg you not to throw him out at which point you get to state clearly that you are not going to tolerat the current behavior.

Aisha - posted on 08/26/2009

5

25

0

Tell your son that he has to be productive in order to stay at home.
Go to school Go to work 20 to 40 hours
Otherwise, he will never leave home

[deleted account]

Rachael got it right- stop paying for your kid's stuff- car, allowance, food, gas, $ for movies- NOTHING! He/she will get a hint-

He/she will learn very quickly that going to college is their only option now- there are no jobs out there, even people with degrees can't get one.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

Simple--cut them off financially. They want something? They have to use their own money to buy it. Clothes, entertainment, dining out, etc... I've known some parents to go as far as charging their kids rent or billing them for some expenses such as food, cable tv, or utilities. You'd be amazed at how quickly some kids realize the value of a job and money once they start having to pay for everything.

Deanna - posted on 08/22/2009

4

16

1

I hae no idea...I've been trying all summer to get my 17-year old to just look for work...of course it doesn't help when her dad, m es-husband, thinks it's stupid for her to get a job...good luck.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms