how do you let go after they have grown up

Laurie - posted on 08/30/2009

My oldest is moving in a couple of weeks to Oregon to go to college and I am feeling the blues. I support her in what she does but I am really going to miss her. I think that this is the hardest part of being a mom is letting go. I know that I am always going to be her mom and she will always love me but this is hard. It's just part of allowing her to group up and letting her live her life.

Zephanie - posted on 08/20/2009

You can't!!! I tried with my first that graduated a few years ago and I still find myself "holding on"

Linda - posted on 08/17/2009

Boy that is a good talk in our church's small group we belong to.....my 5 kids are now married and 4 of the 5 are living out of state....3 on the West Coast...and I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and prayer...for they are sruviving and God is using them. But 3 of our Mom/Grandma;'s are in depression and are striving to lure back their kids to home. One Mom even bought 2 homes near her and gave them to her sons and daughter-in-laws and then feeds them almost everyday....NOT ME>>>>> I cut the apron strings a long time ago. BUT then I will say I miss my kids and cry every so often about being soooo far from them... But God has brought children into my life by going to church and doing actvities with the families, and I adopt these children. Its a tough world out there and I say moving on is the answer to finding work,. is a choice we have made.

Jeannette - posted on 08/09/2009

I am at that same place myself. My oldest daughter just graduated high school and is giong to live about 1 1/2 hour away to go to college. I have been close to all of my kids all their lives. My 2 daughters especially because we love to hang out and talk, as does my husband and son like to hang out. My oldest moved out about 5 weeks ago. I wont get into the long story (surprise! for those who've seen my other posts :0) ) anyway, she moved in with her best friend. We didn't part as enemies, or in the middle of a fight...I just remember shaking and sobbing as she was leaving. She felt she needed to be "on her own" for a spell before going off to college. She lives less than 5 min away, I talk to her often, text her often, see her as much as I can (her hours at work have picked up). I didn't even realize how depressed I was at first. In 5 weeks I was gaining weight, stopped exercising, was really moody. I'm getting better at this, because I have 2 other kids I have to still be mom for, but I had a real hard time. Especially on 4th of July, because she didn't spend it with us. Like I said, we all still are very loving, and talking, and there is no animosity between any of us...she just wanted the experience I guess. I'm getting watery eyes just typing this.

Kerrie - posted on 08/09/2009

My husband's mother refuses to let go and it is most definately causing problems in our marriage. It is very unhealthy for your grown child to be placed in a situation where he/she must choose between the parent and the spouse. I believe that the dinamic of the relationship MUST change! Not to stop loving, caring for, supporting your child, but to be respectful of the fact that they are all grown up and don't need mom/dad as much any more. They are smart, and if you have taught them well, they will make good choices in life. Will mistakes happen? Of course, we all make them, no matter the age. But they will learn and grow from the experience and, hopefully, become a better person for it. Support them, but don't interfere in their lives. You don't want to be seen as meddlesome by your child or their partner.

Lynnetta - posted on 07/28/2009

You never let go you just watch from distance. You hold on to the fact that you have given them the tools needed to make proper decisions and hope that they remember the “home training” that you have given with love and they received with love. Our children are a reflection of us and they will not let us down. And please hold on to the fact that they know that they can come to us for any reason and they will come.

Maria - posted on 07/21/2009

My daughter is 30 yrs old and she is moving out of state and it is hard but I know she has to do this onher own, Letting go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do,

Cheryl - posted on 07/19/2009

Hi, I am relatively new here and boy do I feel your heart in your question. I am a mother of 4 and 3 of my children(the girls) have left home to start their lives. My heart broke a little each time one would go. When my baby girl left home I truly thought I would lose my mind. She was the one who promised me she was going to stay with me until she was 40 (lol)_I know I shoud have gotten that in writing.I still have a son at home but he is entering highschool at this point and just like the others these years will fly pass too. I have learned that they fall but they still get up (I taught them that) things are tough but with determination you make it through (I taught them that) Remember yout strengh lies within you ( I taught them that too) My biggest fear was their first few steps alone without my watchful eye. But then came the joy of seeing them fly. Yes they still call Mommy and they still whine and they even come to visit. I have grands all all. Letting go of the control was the hardest of it all. Many days I wanted to go back to that time when I could put my foot down and get my way. Gotta accept that this was no longer. I also had defined my self in being the mother as my reason for exsistence. As they started to leave I thought I was loosing my definition of who I was. Just like them I had to realize that this is not the end of anything. It is a new chapter being told. With many more pages hopefully to be written. Stop veiwing it as the end. It truly isn't. I am not going to tell you that it is easy to see them go, but as they soar you can see many of your words, love, teachings are still with them. Keep the umbilical cord right where it is. We don't lose our title or meaning. We get to see the greatest thing we did right florish. I did pretty dang good. Yes I hold tightly on to my son and I make sure I enjoy every moment I have left with him. I guess a way of viewing is we have worked this job for many years with no vacation, very little sick days . We finally get payment and that payment is watching them do thier lives well.

Tamara - posted on 06/27/2009

You keep reminding yourself that your goal in raising children is to make them contributing, independent, successful, happy members of society..... :>) It's not always easy, but when they do act independently and are happy and successful you feel such pride.

Pamela - posted on 06/25/2009

It's very hard I take baby steps with my boys (for my sake not theirs) Its scary because you dont wont to see them hurt, hungry, sad or disappointed. I still give my advice from a far and let them make their own decissions, and just be there to pick them up when they fall. Like you did when they took their first steps its the same feeling and they learned to walk (smile)

Judy - posted on 05/30/2009

I agree as well,you NEVER let go...you grow. Positions change you evlove. Enjoy each phase and each stage its a wounderful journey

Renee - posted on 05/26/2009

You're absolutely correct you DON'T let GO ever, ever, ever. I've attended all my daughters school trips and when she was in the fifth grade she told me "mommy I love you, you can come to all my trips through college and everywhere with me". It brought tears to my eyes. I replied," honey when you get older and have more friends you're not going to want me to go with", she said, "yes, I will mommy." ok, ladies she is now going to be a senior in high school and the last three years or so, every trip, movie or outing she went to I asked do you want me to go. " she said no ma, you could just drop me off and pick me up". So, I constantly tease her that she said for to go everywhere with her forever, and of course she doesn't remember the conversation. So, good Luck and by the way we are still close just not in public she's embarrassed go figure the nerve, but, I'll take it. LOL :- )

Evelyn - posted on 05/25/2009

Quoting lequita:

Quoting Evelyn:

You don't...you just loosen the umbilical cord a bit. ;) LOL As a mommy, you never let go completely!

  its hard to loosen up my oldest just graduated from high school adn i still see her as my baby.LOL!!!!!!!!!

omg I can only imagine. I home school my daughter, and I work at home so we're together pretty much 24/7 and I LOVE IT!  I know it's going to be difficult for me when the time comes to let her go off and do her own thing, but I just trust that the Lord will protect her and provide me w/peace of mind lol. I'm so close w/my mom, we're best friends and we spend as much time together as we can! We're actually going to look for homes located in the same neighborhood soon so we can still do our morning coffee...so I know my mom has never had to totally "let go" . I'm pretty sure my little one and I will have that same sort of bond when she gets older (although right now the sun rises and sets on her "mima" my mom lol...) Just remain close w/your daughter and your relationship will blossom into a beautiful friendship as well as mom/daughter relationship. :-)

Lequita - posted on 05/25/2009

Quoting Evelyn:

You don't...you just loosen the umbilical cord a bit. ;) LOL As a mommy, you never let go completely!

  its hard to loosen up my oldest just graduated from high school adn i still see her as my baby.LOL!!!!!!!!!

Evelyn - posted on 05/25/2009

You don't...you just loosen the umbilical cord a bit. ;) LOL As a mommy, you never let go completely!