How do you start discipline after 8 years?

Debbie - posted on 08/08/2009

Let him know it's not ok to talk to Mommy that way and remind him you don't talk to him disrespectfully. I would also try to ignore requests he makes if he is being rude. Tell him plainly. "I don't listen when you talk that way." When he doesn't get the response he wants, he may escalate to start with, but it will fade away when he sees you mean business. As you pointed out, he's modeling what he has heard from his dad. Keep modeling for him the way people who love each other should talk to each other. He'll figure it out. And please don't feel guilty for parenting him (discipline is defined as 'teaching' NOT as punishment). Kids of divorced parents learn quickly how to play one against another to get what they want. What they need (and want, even though they don't realize it!) are clear limits and consequences that match the 'crime'. I teach preschool and have 3 children of my own (grown now, but all pretty cool people who learned to treat others with respect). Sometimes the more strict I have to be with an unruly child (taking the time to let them know why a behavior is not acceptable and what other options they could have tried), the more that child responds in a positive way. Kids just need to be taught what is acceptable and what isn't. If they can get positive attention, there's lots less need for negative attention-seeking behaviors. Hope that helps. Hang in there! Debbie

Alison - posted on 08/07/2009

I hate to say this but how did it get this far these last 8 years? Is this a new thing or has he been gradually ramping this up over time? If so what has your response been - do you think you have allowed this and let him off with it? My guess is you probably have. You are noticing this now and you don't like it which is a very healthy sign so stop him in his tracks every time he starts. Do some kind of time out that removes him from you and gives him the chance to think about it. You might even want to have a bit of a heart to heart with him and just tell him that you realize you have let him do this but it is not good for you and it is certainly not good for him. You want him to grow up to be a very special and kind man and that won't happen if this continues. You can do it! Best of luck!

Oni - posted on 07/29/2009

He's old enough for you to have a talk with him. He needs to be made aware of his actions. Every action has a repercussion or reaction. Desarae's response made me smile b/c that's exactly what my Mom would've done. With my daughter she has her moments where she gets beside herself. I call her on it immediately. Then I excuse her from my presence and ignore he for a few moments. She doesn't like it at all. Then I point out how she had other options and could've handled that very differently so that my response would've been more desirable. Believe it or not she's 4yrs old and she totally understands. Give him options! It really works and he learns how to be a forward thinker and you don't have to be embarrassed or ready to knock him out! lol. Give it a try, he may just surprise you.

Best regards,
Oni

Desarae - posted on 07/29/2009

woop his butt...ground him...take stuff away from him..or even talk to him like that..maybe you will hurt his feelings and then you can explain to him that thats how he makes you feel when he talks to you like that.