How do you deal with bad behaviour because of a new baby?

Kerrey - posted on 11/23/2009

OMG! I'm in the exact same situation...I just had my second child two months ago and my little girl is 25 months..she is acting out as well. Every time I try to get her to do something she either totally ignores me or throws a huge fit. She is also always wanting a snack and won't eat her meals..The only time I can get her to behave is when the tv is on and now I feel bad about that!! I try to discipline her but she doesn't seem to know what is going on..

Christine - posted on 11/23/2009

It is a challenge having a toddler and a newborn so close together. My newborn is one month and the big bro is two. At first it was not an issue, but I am starting to see the jealousy from my toddler when he is tired and wants to snuggle and I am breastfeeding the baby. I let him sit next to me and we read a story or just snuggle and he is also bringing me burp cloths and wipes. This seems to help a little. The toddler has not taken up his interest in potty training yet and was doing so well before baby came. I pray I can get him trained before I go back to work so he gets access to the better daycare center. (Cannot believe they expect a toddler to fully be able to wipe his bootie.) Yesterday was a trying day, getting the house clean and staying on schedule, but after all the crying kid meltdowns, I got through. It will be rough for the first 7 to 8 months and then your baby will be chasing the older sibling and getting into their own mischief. Yoga breathing is helping me thru the stressful part of the day, dinnertime. Plus music playing and the TV Off, helps out to soothe the mood. Hope it helps. Good luck to you.

Shannon - posted on 11/22/2009

i have a boy how is two and a girl how is 2 months and my son loves his sister but he hates her to he dont get in much trubel but he sometimes is mean to her if i am holding her that really makes him mad. but i try and get him to help me. i know changing a diper or making a bottle is going to take me longer but as long as he feels good about him self and still knows that mommy loves him just as much he is ok with it.

Melanie - posted on 11/22/2009

You are not alone! My son just turned 2 in October and my daughter was born in September. It's as though is terrible twos started as soon as she was born. He is always doing things that he know he is not allowed to do and knows it is easier for him to get away with it when I have my daughter in my arms. Soooo frustrating!

Tanya - posted on 11/22/2009

i have no advice sorry :( my daughter was very similar when my son came along. She was 2 n a half when he was born in oct 07, she was always quite and well behaved up untill then. After his birth she wasnt naughty in general, she took her frustrations out on her new little brother by pulling his ears, trying to sit on his head, on a few occassions i caught her trying to suffocate him. I myself become suffocated trying to hold my new son 24/7 to protect him from my daughter. And night times were even worse as she started bed wetting and waking up every night at mid night for 3 hours. I was so drained. I got to a point where i wanted to take my daughter and leave my new born son with his father.... i had to keep telling myself things would get better as my son was mobile and i was right thankfully, the more mobile he got, and the sooner he was able to get up and play with my daughter she backed right off and now there like peas in a pod, she protects him from everything! :) hope that gives u a little bit of hope? Hang in there they will be playing together before u know it!

Karlee - posted on 11/19/2009

I like your suggestion about the alternative. I never thought to do that, I just say no when she wants something that she cant have and leave it at that. I know that she can understand alot of what I say to her. Sometimes I am really surprised.
I actually dont have chips or softdrink in the house untill the weekend. As I mentioned it because her grandparents give it to her all day long on a sunday that she expects it from me too.

Griselda - posted on 11/18/2009

Wow, I can totall relat to you. I had my second baby when Aly, my toddler was 20 months old. Before the arrival of her little sister, she got into trouble once in a while but seems that it spiked when her little sister arrived.
I would literly cry because I felt that Aly was behaving this way due to her sister's arrival so I armed myself with the correct tools and put a stop to it.
I started up a routine at 6 weeks that my young daughter was born and when ever she fell asleep I read a book, played house, colored, played with play-doh,or watched a movie togehter. This drastically brought the acting up down. However, she did continued to have bad temper tantrums. Although, I as well as you know that they are normal I try to avoid them by all means. When I see that she's going to start with a temper I kneel to her eye level and tell her that "mommy doesn't like when she gets mad" and I firmly tell her that she cannot have a cookie or go outside at that moment and that she needs to wait. If she's already throwing a tantrum I wait when she momentarily stops crying and tell her "good you stopped crying" She doesn't expect that so she completely stops the crying... I then offer her an alternative.... "I have a snack/toy for you to eat/play when you are ready" and walk away. She'll follow me and then she's fine.
Also be consistant when you are telling her that she can't have something. For example you said ". It took me so long to get her out of wanting chips all day or coke"
At 25 months old, your daughter should understand the meaning of No but give her an explanation. Next time that happens or something similar tell her " I know you want a chips and coke but you know the rules" No chips or soda before lunch time... I do, however, have another snack for you... have a sit in your chair and I'll bring you grapes" Always offer an alternative.
Another thing you can do is either do away from all chips and soft drinks or hide them where she doesn't know where its stored.
I know that it sounds like it's a lot of hard work having to explain things and offer alternatives but in the long run it will be better for you and your toddler. Keep in mind tht the key to parenting right now is to built a strong solid foundation for the later years.

Like I said I can totally relate. My toddle is also 25 months old and it's been a constant struggle but I'm able to handle the situation so much better... Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 11/18/2009

hi i have 2 year old son and a 8 month old daughter. i try and get caiden to help as much as i can. and praise him loads when he passes a toy to her or gives her a kiss. he was fine till he turned two as soon as he was two he will do anything for attention but i think it is terrible two and he will grow out of it! i hope.

Karlee - posted on 11/17/2009

With ur comment about wanting to bite the baby, my little girl doesnt bite him but she is rough with him. And you can almost see the frustration in her face when she does it! She has been so terrible the last couple of days that she has succeeded in me paying all my attention to her and hardly any to the baby!
Everyone told me that it will pass, and I am trying to be so patient with her. Sometimes at the end of the day when my partner gets home I want to escape for the night!! If only that would happen.

Chloe - posted on 11/17/2009

Sorry i don't have a similar story - however this is going to be a helpful thread as I am due in january and I am pretty sure my son will do the same as your little girl.

I had put John in a big boy bed this summer so that it won't be new once the baby came. He slept better than he had in a long time.

My son really likes stickers- I don't know if you can start a sort of sticker chart to measure how good she's being and if she gets a certain amount of stickers she can have pop or chips or a treat to her liking. Just a thought

Maryanne - posted on 11/16/2009

I have 4 kids 7,5, 3 and 2 had this problem every time newborn came along, a favourite was to try and bite the baby. I got them involved in helping with the baby, holding bottle, getting nappies and wipes. I also really made an effort to spend some time each day one on one with each child, just reading a book or drawing a picture. I'm lucky because I have my mum and my mother in law both close by so they would come over and help. Also remember the more she is getting into trouble the more of your attention she is getting and the baby isn't. It's hard, but it does get easier. Good luck.

Karlee - posted on 11/16/2009

Thanks for your reply! I do try to get her to help. She is cute when she grabs the bottle or the dummy when she hears the baby crying. I always try to explain to her what I am doing with the baby. like "mummy is giving the baby his yummy's" or "time for baby to go to bed now" and she will come into the room with me and watch me.
She is just very independant, I might sit down and play with her but she either doesnt want to play with that toy, or not the way I want to play with it!
I understand about the throwing thing, we have the same problem at the moment. If she has something that she is not meant to she will throw it instead of giving it to you, and instead of building with the blocks she uses them as missiles.. which she sees as a great game untill I tell her to pick them up!!

Megan - posted on 11/16/2009

I have a two-year-old and a four-month-old, both are boys. One thing that I've found to be very helpful is to involve my two-year-old son Braeden in things that I do for the baby. "Involve" sometimes means that he physically gets to help, i.e. getting me a diaper for the baby or handing me a wipe, sometimes it just means that I talk to the baby about his big brother while Braeden is watching/listening, i.e. "Braeden gets to have a snack because he's being good right now". Other times being involved means I ask my son to do something for the baby, i.e. "Braeden, can you tell the baby about Elmo? What color is Elmo? Where does Elmo live?". I make sure to thank Braeden a lot and give him lots of praise when he does these things. I also tell him that the baby likes them ("Oh look, the baby is smiling and he likes it when you talk about Elmo!) and that the baby says "thank you." I can tell he has a sense of pride that he is a "big boy" and can tell the baby about things and show the baby things.



One other thing I try to do is to choose my battles wisely. He is a lot like your daughter - into everything! I try to let him express himself and make a mess or experiment with things when it's not dangerous for him or the baby. But certain things I have zero tolerance for, such as throwing, because he could easily hit the baby. When he throws something one time, I warn him. If he does it again, he goes in time out for two minutes. So far this works really well for me. I think you just have to find something to do and do it consistently to get results.