Toddler not sleeping well after Daddy gets s new job

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Hi Everyone,

I'm looking for some advice, if anyone can help me out. Please bare with me as its a bit of a long winded story

In Aug11 my husband and I purchased a restaurant. Prior to this our living/working arrangements were pretty much 50/50 with both of us working and parenting in equal amounts. Since purchasing the business I have become the full-time caregiver and my husband works round the clock. in aug we never saw him except for an hour in the morning and maybe Sunday evening. This isn't to strech the truth, its just how it was. We now have one whole day/week together as a family and at least one and sometimes 2 other nights.

When we first purchased the business my toddler (who will be 2 in Dec11) would ask for his dad but still slept reasonably okay, occassionally getting a little upset at bedtime but mostly settling and only rarely waking up through the night asking for him. Our routine was bath at 7, bottle/story/song and mummy out of the room with bub wide awake by 7.30, no tears, not tantrums, I would almost close his door and could go and do my own quiet activity without any problems.

To add further disruption (though this was unavoidable) we went away in sep/oct for my husbands sisters wedding, this trip split the family up with myself and bub going for 10days without dad, then the 3 of us together for a week, then myself having to come home for uni committments for 10days before daddy and bub coming home. After getting over the jetlag bub was back in his routine for about a week before hell broke loose. When my husband was on his own with my son he would rock/drive the car/do whatever bub wanted, to get him to sleep, he did not stick to the routine because bub made a big deal about it, my husband has never left him to go to sleep wide awake, it was always my job because my son knows i;m not hanging around.

Now i'm in a nightmare, bedtime it between 8-10pm, my son starts crying at bathtime for his dad, and this can be full on tear streaming crying, i can calm him down somewhat but its tough. finally get him into the cot, more tears, i was sitting beside the bed until he fell asleep but have managed to move to just outside his door but if i move and he realises he will climb out of the cot and come looking for me. If i manage to get away from his door without his noticing if he's still awake i have to sit in the dark and in silence until he is asleep. the whole thing is 3 times worse the nights my husband is home with one night me relenting and letting my husband drive him around to go to sleep. then we're starting to have crying fits in the middle of the night ontop of this, i don't think it's quite night terrors because my son is specifically asking for his dad and wants me to sit by the door until he goes back to sleep. I am expecting and exhausted and at a loss as to who to turn to for help or what i can do to rectify the situation, my husband is at home as much as he possibly can be but it's like the more he is around the worse this is getting. i thought it was the disruption in his routine when we were sepearated for 10days but he did get over his jetlag and get back to his normail routine for a week before all of this happen.

I am open to all suggestions, thank you so much for bearing with me

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3 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 12/01/2011

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AWWW poor little one and poor Mama! my husband works out of town full time and there is weeks that the kids seem out for my blood because their dad isnt here, and then there are some where all they care about is mama mama mama. its a huge adjustment for all of you, its sounds hectic, but it will pass. i wouldnt give in. how far r u in ur pregnancy? u must be feeling at the end of your rope...we have a stract 8pm bedtime here. i know it would be hard on you, but maybe its time to cut naps and just do bed times? maybe he could be too exhausted to fight it? either way my heart goes out to you because i know how it feels to be married (yet still single parent) with a husband away from the home, being pregnant with a toddler running around is sooooo not easy.

Lindsay - posted on 11/26/2011

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My husband too works some crazy hours and always seems to create chaos when he manages to spend some extra time at home. The bigest thing is to get Daddy on the same page as you. It will take time, but we found that having daddy tuck kids into bed and laying down the law by doing the same routine that I would do with them made a big difference. It took some time, but once my kids realized that mom and dad were on the same page it tapered off and then stopped all together. I would have to say ANY variation on dad's part from my own routine my kids picked up on it and extorted it to the fullest extent. Even now, after over a year of being on routine if daddy does something "special" (like last night he did a "sleep over" with my 3 year old) we will be dealing with setting her back on routine for about a week.

Michelle - posted on 11/18/2011

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See if he can have some special time with just him and dad. That's one of the things my husband and I do because he travels for work.

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