Does anyone feel depressed??

Christa - posted on 01/31/2012

I'm a SAHM to a 4 year old and an almost 3 year old. I felt like that for a long time - like I was missing something or that I should be doing something. I don't have anyone right now that can watch them and don't have many friends. I live in a different state than my friends that I grew up with - although none of them have kids and definitely don't know what it's like! Find something that you enjoy doing! I love lifting weights. I started going to church every Sunday and I'm now doing 3 bible studies on top of that which is a great way to meet people. I'm very shy so I have a hard time connecting with people but just being around others has helped immensely! I've also changed the way I perceive being home with my kids. It is the GREATEST gift you can give them IMO. I've noticed a HUGE difference between my kids and kids in daycare and I honestly believe it's because they've been here with me. I would have given anything to go to school or work 8 months ago, but now I could not imagine being away from them and trusting someone to do as good a job as I can! I have one friend that I love seeing but I haven't seen her in about 2 months - we met because she stopped me and asked me a question while she was taking a walk and I was at home with my two sons (I think she was taking a break while her husband stayed with their two little ones!!). We met up at a TaterTots group on base and have kept in touch since. We have kids within months of each others (her daughter is a few months older than my son and her son is a few months older than my second son) and just because of that we have so much in common! The biggest change I think I've made is the way I perceive things. I made some big decisions in October regarding our family and my marriage. Going to church and being in two marriage bible studies has completely changed the way I view marriage and my role as a wife and mother. I feel happier than I've felt in years and I would not change one thing right now!

Zara - posted on 01/01/2010

*Hugs* I felt that sometime after i had my son... but it's gotten much better now. Leave you daughter with someone trustworthy and experienced enough to look after an infant.

Try retail therapy, pampering yourself. Get urself pretty and do some detox. Good for ur mind and body!! Trust me dear, u need some time to pampr urself. Go out and have fun once awhile. You deserve it!!!!

Veronica - posted on 12/31/2009

I am a stay at home mom of a 7yr old and a 15 mo old. When my son wa 11 mos old I felt the same, we had just moved to a new state with no family near. My cousin told me about MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) that they had groups all over the world. It was the best thing I ever did. MOPS is a christian group but is not pushy they are just like us or have been where we are. Check it out @ MOPS.org.

Melissa - posted on 12/30/2009

I was determined to be a stay at home mum with my first. When he was about 14 months of age my husband took me out to dinner and gently asked "do you want to get a job?" "YES!!!" I screamed. Then it was just a case of finding a stress free job that I could just enjoy and go to without impacting our family too greatly. I am a better mother the rest of the week because I go to work 1 or 2 days a week. Might not be the answer for you, but it was right for me.

Bianca - posted on 12/30/2009

When you have a child - your whole life changes, all of us mothers know this! When your fast paced career and social life is replaced with diaper changes, washing, potty training and trying to come up with healthy and tasty food for your baby - it gets a little boring.

I also have noticed some of my friends and I do not have the same relationships we used to - so i FORCED myself on them hahaha.. without baby I would leave her home with her father, and started to slowly have adult conversations about adult life and tried not to talk about Sophia-Rose too much... it let them know I was the same person and 9/10 they would ask me about her and open the doorway to conversations about my life!

I miss working too.. but treat my time with Sophia-Rose as the most rewarding job ever! We go for walks and we talk to nearly everyone we come across, they all want to say hi to her.. this is how i also get interaction with BIG KIDS! hehe

Forums like this are a GREAT way to be a part of something actually relative to your current life and lifestyle! we are all mums with kids around the same age so we can talk about the good and bad with no reservation =)

Goodluck.. Happy New Year!

Erin - posted on 12/30/2009

I am a stay at home Mom of 4 kids, which include 14 month old twins. I find it very difficult to get out of the house some days and can find myself getting very depressed if I am not careful. I try and get out in the evening when my hubby is home. I also have the younger kids in as many programs as I can afford especially during the winter. It gives them a outlet for their energy and gives me a chance to socialize with other Mom's I know from my older kids that it does get better as they get older and more independant you will find that you do have more time for your self. Take care.

Julie - posted on 12/30/2009

Angie, YES! I too felt like I should be doing something else. I am at home full time with my 14 month old and 4 year old. My mom suggested I look into working part time from home for vemma. It's a liquid nutrition company that gives one bottle of childrens vitamins to a needy child for every bottle sold. 4mykidz.vemma.com is my website! It truly does make extra money so I felt like I was producing something for my family while taking care of my children : ) Best of luck! Julz

Beth - posted on 12/29/2009

I'm in MOMS Club, and have just recently started getting active with our local group. I'm really enjoying meeting and getting to know other moms, and having a chance for my daughter to play with other kids - or to occassionally stay home with my partner while I just go play with the grownups for a little while.

Nic - posted on 12/29/2009

Me too. I stay at home with my 14 month old and don't have family nearby to give me a break. My husband is great, but I still find it difficult to find any time for myself. I don't excercise regularly anymore or do any of my hobbies. Its weird that eating my lunch or having a shower uninterupted is a luxury nowdays! It can get me down sometimes. I love spending time with my little girl, teaching her, watching her grow; I do feel blessed to be able to stay at home, but not having any time to myself does make me sad. Im in the process of trying to make that 'me time' happen... its difficult when I feel guilty taking it! I think its helpful to belong to some kind of Mums Group. You could try "Moms Club" - email them at momsclub@aol.com and ask if they have a gathering in your area. Good luck. Remember you're not alone. xxo

Letisha - posted on 12/29/2009

I feel the same way

Amilia - posted on 12/29/2009

I am also a stay at home mom with twins 14 months. I am home all the time and it drives me nuts! I would love to get out even with the twins but its difficult to carry them out alone. I wait sometimes after 8pm whem my husband gets home so I can just go for a walk or a ride about an hour! Even just to go to the market. Maybe just try to get out more with your daughter and do things with her. For me the 2 its more harder!

Candice - posted on 12/28/2009

Angie-
I was in a post pardum group and it help alot! call the hospital where you had her and they should help you find a group but other then that because your daughter is being independent now and doesnt need you 24/7 trying doing something for your self like reading a book or crossword, i am learning how to crochet since in can be in the same room with Hunter while he is playing independently and i can still watch him but do something for myself! Good Luck and your a great mom for staying at home to take care of your little one

Robyn - posted on 12/28/2009

WOW... there are tons of other moms who feel the way I do. This alone has lifted my spirit for the day. I went from working a solid 40 hour work week and making a 6 figure salary to staying home with my now 14 month old daughter while my husband has been in Iraq for the last 11 1/2 months. Rarely, if ever, do I get a break from being a mommy 24/7. There are morning activities for kids in my area, but with my daughter taking an hour and a 1/2 nap in the morning, I cannot afford to give up this time to be somewhere else. This is when I clean, work-out, etc. Angie, hang in there, we will all get through this. I feel guilty sometimes for wanting to return to work, even part time when my husband returns, as I do not want to miss these important developmental years with her. But for my own sanity, I will need to find a better balance in my life, which I know will start once my husband and daughter get reaquainted.

Claire - posted on 12/27/2009

Hi Angie,
I hope you find comfort in the fact that the rest of us are out here feeling the same way you are. Though I'm not a full-time stay-at-home-mom, I do spend 3-4 days a week at home with my kids (27 mos, and 14 mos). They are precious and wonderful and I enjoy watching them grow while learning new things each day. On the other hand, I still feel like I missed most of my daughter's first year being pregnant with our son. He was so large that I couldn't even pick her up or sit her on my lap until after he was born.
Going back to work was a financial necessity for me, but it's also a great outlet and escape. There's another world for me where I can be "me," not "mommy." Even if it's just volunteering for Saturday mornings or something at the library, it's a refreshing change of pace. I also agree with Betsy about joining Freecycle.org. It takes your mind off of so many things: clutter, outgrown clothes and toys, and it just makes me feel better by helping other people. Getting everything done around the house isn't a necessity, and your husband won't look down on you if it's not perfect. Don't look down on yourself for not getting it done, either. Your "job description" as such is "stay-at-home-mom" not "housewife" so remember that his name is on the mortgage, too!

One of my more recent accomplishments was getting over my fear of taking both kids out by myself -- not meeting my mom at a store -- completely alone. Yes, it took me more than a year to try this alone, but it was a great sense of pride knowing that I did it! Depending on where we go, at least one of the kids is in the stroller and my daughter walks along with her safety harness (leash -- yeah, I'm paranoid about losing her). Even getting the kids outside for a while is a feat in itself since we're on the second floor, but it's worth it.

In regard to your friend situation, skip it. Mommies are friends because we're in the same situation. We're here for each other, even when we're up at 3:30am because that's what we're used to for feedings. Other people just don't understand.

Hopefully what we've all been telling you is helping somewhat. (try to) have a nap, have a hot bath, and have a good cry. We're all here when you need us.

Adrienne - posted on 12/27/2009

I am a stay at home mom of a two and a half year old and a 14 month old. It was really hard at first since we don't have any relatives close by so I rarely get a break too. I also feel really lucky to have a spouse that can support us and that I am able to stay home with the babies and raise them. I guess what I'm trying to say is never forget how important your job is : )This is what has helped me: Make a list everyday of everything you plan to do so you feel a sense of accomplishment each day. Take your baby to the park or even a set play time in the back yard (If you have one) so you and your baby get fresh air and sunlight. Set a schedule of mealtimes and naptimes so your body also know when you can rest or nap. Also, when your partner is off work, have him watch the baby so you can go grocery shopping or even go see a movie once a week. Even a couple of hours away from home each week alone will make you a happier and better mom. Also, start a hobbie or take a college class on-line! Hope this helps, I'm sure you'll find what keeps you sane and good luck!

Betsy - posted on 12/26/2009

Angie, I felt that way with my first child. It was hard for me to go from a full time career to a stay at home mom. I found out this was my opportunity to pursue things I wanted to do before but never had time for. I now, bake a lot, sew, crochet, make candles, and lots of other projects. I've painted almost the entire inside of our house and taught myself how to use coupons to get groceries for free or cheap. Now that my oldest is 3, her and I work together learning letters, numbers, etc. Make yourself busy with things you like to do. I also started selling AVON. Join Freecycle.org. It's an awesome site as well. Good luck to you. Happy Holidays

Deanna - posted on 12/25/2009

I'm a full time mom and a part-time RN. I only work a few days a month. But, it is oddly refreshing to go to work. Staying at home is the greastest gift, aside from my husband and daughter, that I could have ever hoped for. But, it is fantastic to get away from it every now and again. Part-time work my be the way to go. Mothers-Day-Out might also be an option. Best of luck to you.

Larissa - posted on 12/23/2009

Hi there i feel down at times too i have a boy of 14 months and he doesnt sleep wont wean still, and can be genarally pretty hard going. its hard, try pushing yourself to go to a toddlers group, also there are places that will take a child of that age for a few hours a day for about 5 pounds. ru single? hope your ok if you need to chat gimme a shout x

Allison - posted on 12/21/2009

Angie - I'm not even a stay at home Mom but your subject line about anyone feeling depressed - oh yeah - my 14 month old is amazing and I love her more than life itself but I always feel like I'm doing something wrong or not being as good a parent as I can be because she's now in the tantrum stage and wants everything her way. Wish our life could be less about crying and more about having fun. Good luck and hopefully after the stress of the holidays you'll feel better. True friends supposedly will be there no matter what but I've had issues with that just recently too so I really have no advice! Just wanted you to know you're not alone feeling depressed!

Samantha - posted on 12/19/2009

I too have a 14 month old daughter and am a stay at home Mom. I used to work all the time, before I got pregnant, as a server. I was in constant contact with people all day, and had friends. Then shortly after I let people know I was pregnant I lost my job, and my friends distanced themselves from me. Because I wasn't working my husband was working like 70 hours a week to support us. This is when the lonliness started for me. It was really hard to sit home all day by myself when I was used to a completely different lifestyle. Then when Kiley was born I had new meaning and for awhile this was good. Watching my daughter experience new things was amazing. But I too felt I was missing out on something, what that something was/is..I still don't know. I have my good days when I am so proud and absolutely love being a stay at home Mom, and then there are also other days when i wish I could go back to work at least part time or something, anything just to have interaction with other adults. We have scheduling issues as well, with not having anyone to watch our daughtr so my working is not really something that would work out. So I have started to think of little things to do just for me, to make me feel good about me. I started going and getting my nails done again, which I gave up when I got pregnant. I started regularly ppainting my toenails, which is amazing how much looking down at nicely painted toenails can brighten my day! On my husband's days off, I get up when Kiley wakes up and feed her then I go back to bed and she will play in her crib for an hour or so, then I have my husband get up with her and he will give her breakfast, so I get to sleep in for awhile. I have also just decided to go back to school which I put on hold to start my family, most of the classes I will be taking from home, but there are two that will be on campus, and I am really looking forward to it, because I will have interaction with others, ( that I can hold an adult conversation with!) Also I find that if I am feeling lonely, I will put Kiley in the car and we will go shopping, grocery store, retail, where ever, and i always get interaction with others this way because people love babies and always want to talk about my daughter. I find taking unexpected outings also helps to break up daily routines, which can become incredibly mundane, good for your kid, not necessarily for you!
I hope any of this might help, Samantha

Kat - posted on 12/19/2009

Hi. I find that I am depressed mostly when I'm tired, & lately I'm tired all the time. I am 11 weeks pregnant & lacking in motivation & energy to do anything. So the circle starts. My house is a mess & I have energy to clean it, then I'm depressed at the sight of my house. I try stay home alternate days & usually go out on Tuesdays & Thursdays to break up my week. My daughter does Music & Swimming so these are great for both of us. What is my greatest blessing is that 2 of my best girlfriends had babies this year & the 3rd is due next month. Then I will be due in July. So we are all going through similar things & all feeling pretty much the same way.
I find the difficult thing to understand about myself is that I desperately need a break, but can't stand to be away from my daughter & husband. I love them so dearly & love their company that when I am alone for more than 5 minutes I miss them so much. How weird, there is just no pleasing me is there.
Sometimes I get frustrated with not being able to go to the toilet uninterrupted or having my dinner or anything. Even if my husband is home (who is great with our daughter) there is always a question.
The repetition is one of the hardest things I find. But I have been thinking to myself that I need to start getting creative & find some other things for my daughter to do. I'm sure she also finds the repetition boring & uninspiring.

Melissa - posted on 12/18/2009

I have twins and joined a local Mothers of Multiples group. Best decision I've ever made. Maybe find a local Moms group or playgroup. Its so great to hang out with women who know what you are going through and you can get great advice too. Good luck.

Angie - posted on 12/18/2009

Stacey...that is exactly how I feel!! I am so glad that I am not the only one. Reading your post has made me feel better. People always told me that staying home was the hardest job in the world, but until it happened I didn't know how much! Thanks!! :)

Stacey - posted on 12/18/2009

Angie, I feel the same, I have been a stay at home Mum for about 3 years now, I love being able to spend so much time with my kids, I hate being away from them for long, but it does get to a point where every day feels pretty much the same, you feel like you get little or no time for yourself (even being able to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea/ coffee without being interrupted seems like a treat) and you feel starved for adult conversation. I have also grown apart from most of my friends or they dont live nearby, and sadly enough most of my outings revolve around the kids (catch up with family/ friends with kids, taking the kids to playgroup etc). It can be very lonely and our lives seem to change so much in comparison to our Husbands/ partners. So dont worry, you are not alone.

Sherree - posted on 12/17/2009

I think I know how you feel because if I were not back at work 2/3 time, I think I would be quite depressed and crabby. I was starting to get that way at the end of my maternity leave - blowing up at my husband over stuff. I was just bored and lonely. I expected him to fill that need when he got home, I guess, and he wasn't. I felt like my life had completely changed for my daughter, but his life and the lives of my stepsons hadn't changed at all. In retrospect, I was right, but does that make it my right to accuse them? Just thoughts. Anyways, I don't know how you do it. I was worried about other people looking after my daughter too. I and my 4 siblings were not raised that way - my Mom stayed home. But once I found an awesome sweet caregiver, and I see how happy my daughter is there with the other kids in her home, I am completely happy. I look forward to going back to work full time next year, and feel a bit guilty as well and worried for my daughter, but I realize that it's what makes me happy.

Tina - posted on 12/17/2009

I misunderstood your posting. I often read WAY too far into things and I tend to be very literal. Your complaint sounded quite dire & feeble (pessimistic) but obviously you lead a life that is neither. In any case, I am glad I could make a depressed person laugh. Best of luck.
Jack's mom

Angie - posted on 12/17/2009

LOL that's cute!! Actually I am married, and have a wonderful husband. We both met at work, and got married and had Emily. He left his job to pursuit his own business, which is very successful. I was planning on going back to work, but did not want anyone else raising our child so I decided to stay home. I am actually very fit - I am back down to my high school weight and am training for a half marathon. I think a lot of my problem was when I was working (I was manager for retail) I was constantly on the go, and with other people. With me staying home I just don't see people as often. Trust me, I am truely blessed with what we have, and I don't regret it...I just feel like sometimes I am missing something. And Melyana could be right...I could be just too tired right now...with all the stress from the holidays and everything. But thanks for the advice. It was cute reading your post because I actually do all of those things. :) I guess its just something I am going to get through on my own.

Tina - posted on 12/17/2009

Angie,

Do you not have a husband or other family to help watch your daughter so might get a break on occasion? It is important to get a break, especially if you are feeling depressed. But as a mom, it is now your challenge to see just how many things you can do with your baby along. I leave the house almost everyday and take my 14 month old son with me while I do all kinds of things. At first I carried him around in a sling, now that he walks, it is more difficult but he is learning at an early age to be comfortable & to behave as he accompanies me everywhere I go. It isn't always successful but as long as I make sure he is fed & rested before we leave and try to get back before the next feeding/nap it is fairly smooth.

I consider being able to stay home with my son a huge blessing. I left a lucrative position and it has been the best decision I have ever made. Over the next 5 or so years, I will forgo hundreds of thousands of dollars of productivity to be at home with him and his sibling (I am currently 4 months pregnant).

Parenthood is a new life. My husband and I used to travel all the time and we no longer have the time or money to do that. I used to have a very busy social & business schedule but I knew when I decided to become a parent my life would be somewhat on hold for a while. I get through my sad days reminding myself that children do not remain demanding babies forever (if you raise them right), there will be time to be 'me' again in the future. But for now, I try to soak up all my son's "babyness" before it is gone and remember the reason I stayed home in the first place, to be an integral part of his most important developmental stages. I take such delight in teaching and snuggling him. I couldn't imagine allowing someone else to to have this time with him.

It does sort of worry me that you would even concern yourself with old, so called "friends". Friends are readily available. My husband is my best friend and I really don't find much time to maintain other friendships because I am too busy making a happy home & life for my family. But if what you want are friends, try to rediscover your hobbies and passions and you are likely to come across new friends in the pursuit of bettering yourself. I have found so many new mom friends participating in groups like this that I can't keep them all. My sister-in-law participates in a church and has found a plethora of very good friends that she feels comfortable sharing mother duties with.

And, yes, there are oh so many things you ought to be doing. I would suggest among the first things is to grab a copy of "Learned Optimism". In this book I read about a study of stay at home moms. As many as 30% of the moms interviewed were depressed. The ones that were not depressed had these things in common. They had good relationships with there husbands, some sort of work or hobby, & less then 3 young children to care for.

My mother was one of those depressed moms, she had an awful relationship with my alcoholic dad, she had no work or hobbies, & she had 6 children all 2 years or less apart. It also says in this book that a child learns their level of optimism or pessimism from their mother (or primary care giver). I wasted the last 15 years of my life being the pessimist I learned to be from my parents. I only recently broke the cycle by shear will to give my children a better mom & therefore, a better life. I might suggest that you get a copy of "Learned Optimism" if for no other reason but to provide yourself with some insight to your current state of depression and to learn not to pass your tendencies on to your daughter.

Personally, I find that proper exercise & nutrition, especially omega 3-6-9 supplements, improve my mood and energy. Nutrition holds a panacea of restorative potential. The way we eat can make us sick, even depressed. My sister is a sugar-aholic and suffers depression regularly. When I decided to eat primarily "whole foods" I felt notably better. Whole foods are the opposite of processed foods. If you are unfamiliar, you might research it if you have the inclination to improve your mind & body from the inside out.

Sorry if I come off as though I am lecturing or some kind of know it all but I am just trying to help.

Sincerely,

Jack's mom

Melyana - posted on 12/17/2009

Have yourself a me-time, a time when you can enjoy yourself, while your daughter is asleep. Everyday me-time is the best, but if you couldn't make it, just take a little time to relax, take a nap or else. I also find myself feel more depressed when I'm too tired.