Help me please! I don't know what to do.

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok my husband and I are in our 20's and our first house isn't the greatest so we are going to move out in October. That isn't the problem, my mother-in-law is a foster parent and she has lived in her house for six years now and she's about to pay the house off in seven more. She is going to give the house to us, which is great BUT.... she just called us yesterday and informed us that she was going to stop being a foster parent because she was fed up with the teenage boys she has. I can see where she's coming from its very hard to be a foster parent, they have stolen from her (and me), ran away, treated her badly ect. The only thing is she can't afford her mortgage without her being a foster parent. So she also asked us since we are going to move out anyway if we wanted to live with her until she found an apartment, then the house would be ours.

Now I love my mother-in-law but we don't see eye to eye on many things. She treats me like a child, she takes advantage of my husband, I set rules and guidelines for my daughter and she doesn't follow them. There are many other things but I wont go into that but trust me, us living together would not be a good thing. We have before, when I was in the first couple of months of my pregnancy and it was terrible.

I don't know if we should move in with her or not because she's saying that she's going to move out but I know her, she'll never leave! She's not the only one living in the house, she also has her sister with her who has said would be moving out as well, which I believe because she already wants to move, she also asked if her niece would like to move in with all of us!! So that would be FIVE adults and ONE baby in a two bedroom home! My mother in law is staying in her living room which she turned into now bedroom, her sister would be staying in the basement, we would be staying in the master bedroom and her niece would be in the room down the hall. Which would leave no room for my daughter which I do not like. My mother-in-law suggested that we'd have to let her sleep in our room but I am not doing that. I happen to like being in my own room with my husband doing things that husbands and wives do and that would all go to crap if our baby was in our room. She wouldn't be able to sleep,she has to have complete silence and darkness to be comfortable.

I just don't see how this is going to work, we can't all live together. They would all be working and I would have to be the one to clean up after everyone else,cook dinner etc. which Im not doing. My job is to take care of my baby and husband not everyone else. I know my husbands cousin and aunt would move out after about a month ( actually I'm best friends with his cousin so it wouldn't bother me if I lived with her) but his mother just wants him to pay the bills and expenses because she doesn't want to do it anymore. She uses him for money all the time and makes him feel horrible if he doesn't.

Soo I know your just saying why don't you just not move in?! Well if we don't she'll lose the house and then we wont get it. That house is great and my husband really wants it, he knows how sucky his mom is and she doesn't care if we get the house or not. She would let the house get taken and not think twice about it.

I don't know what to do this is killing me because I can't stand the thought of living with that women who would never leave, never get a job and leech off of Brandon (my husband). He doesn't want to live there either because he and his mother don't have the best relationship (because of the horrible things she does and says to him). I just don't know what to do we've talked about it we still cant figure out what we're going to do. We could never get a house like that until we were like 60, if we get it now it'll be paid off when I'm 26 and my husband wont have to worry about mortgage payments and wont have to work the rest of his life for a nice house for our family.

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Well, it seems like you could do one of two things. You could choose to forget about it, which seems like shooting yourself in the foot. Or, you could sit down with her and talk out your concerns. Trust me, I understand the difficulty in talking things over with an obstinant MIL (or Mother, for that matter, lol), but if you are even considering moving in together, you are going to have to do it eventually; better to get it out of the way in the beginning. Be up front with her. Start by trying to show her that you understand her difficulties with foster parenting and that you understand the financial crunch that leaving that is going to put on her. Follow that up with your concern about her future financial independence. Don't state it that you're worried she'll never leave; just say that you are concerned about how she will be able to afford her apartment WHEN she moves out. Tell her that if this is going to work, you'll need to work out the living arrangements and the responsibilities before moving in. Also, there will need to be some sort of loose time schedule in effect for when everyone will be moving on to their own residences. And, if she can't sit down and talk about your concerns, you'll know that living with her on a daily basis would never have worked in the first place. Good luck. She's put you in a tough position, but I hope it works out for you. It would be a shame for that opportunity to pass you by. Keep us posted.

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