Stranger Anxiety - Last week or so...

Becky - posted on 06/27/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Hi - my son born 10/19 has so far been willing and wanting to go to anyone - I used to have this fear that he would get kidnapped somehow and he wouldn't care because he would go to anyone! But now, he has suddenly over the last week started wailing whenever someone new holds him, he chills out after awhile - but is anybody else having this? Just want to know.. and if there is anything I can do - or if this is just a phase that he will go through (and get out of!)

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Kelly - posted on 07/07/2009

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My daughter was also born 10/17 and does the same thing. If I am not around she will freak out. I realized if I hug the "new" person or show some sort of affection toward them she tends to calm down and go to them. I think this is a normal phase.

Adrienne - posted on 07/06/2009

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My daughter (10/17) does the same thing. She will also freak out if someone else is holding her and strangers come up to her and she doesn't see me. With my first daughter when she was a toddler I would tell her "it's ok, this is mommy's friend, you can say hi" otherwise I told her if she wasn't comfortable or didn't know the person not to talk to them. I don't want her thinking everyone she doesn't know is ok to talk to.



Also, I heard that this is about the time they start crying over strangers and wanting to stay with mommy.

Kelly - posted on 07/05/2009

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That happened with my son too at about 9 months. I think it's just an awareness and a preference for his own parents/caregivers that he's used to. My daughter, very alert, started that when she was still a newborn. It sounds pretty normal to me and I doubt he'll grow out of it. You just slowly teach him how to act around people. It's not a bad thing for a kid not to want to go to strangers bit they should learn to be polite to your friends and family at least.

Ashlee - posted on 07/02/2009

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between 6-9 months babies will "make strange" it's just their way of saying "hey I realize you are different and I want you to know that I know" they will also have separation anxieties when you or your spouse leave the room. They do get over it but it is a very important stage as far as development

Rachael - posted on 07/02/2009

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My daughter was doing the same thing with her grandfather for a couple of months but she's fine now. Anytime someone other than myself or her dad would pick her up she would start crying but we made her deal with it. She seemed to get over it very quickly and is now out of that stage. It was easy with all of our friends because they have babies or are pregnant with babies so they are willing to keep at it but grandpa would immediately hand her back. This last weekend was the first time in several months that she actually played with him and let him hold her. He kept saying she hated him and I kept telling him he needed to suck it up and work through the crying.

Andrea - posted on 07/01/2009

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My first son went through it and my third is currrntly going through it. It is just a phase! My son still cries a little bit aroung people he hasnt seen before but gets used to them after a while. In reference to what you said about your son taking to his cousin so quickly, i think that has something to do with babies knowing when adults are nervous to hold them because they know the baby is going to cry and the baby senses it. My son does the same thing ,he loves his cousin and my dad, but freaks out with my mom because she is nervous around him. Your son will come around soon, Good Luck!

Becky - posted on 06/28/2009

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Hi all - my son is going through the same as Kim's - he is fine with anyone that he recognizes - he is even fine at the gym kiddie center which he goes to for about an hour and a half on Saturdays. We have a lot of family in town who has not met him before, but he is fine around gm and gp (who he sees Monday-Friday). However, he has taken to his 6-year old cousin who he just met yesterday.

Kim - posted on 06/28/2009

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My daughter has been the same way lately but she will not let anyone new hold her. She just looks at them and starts crying. It is kind of sad becuase she does it to family members that she doesn't see very often so they really don't get to spend time with her because she won't let them. I have heard a lot of people talk about this and they all say it is just a phase and they will grow out of it and I believe them. It will just take time and everything will be good again with newer people.

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Around nine months, most babies begin to go through both stranger and separation anxiety. Before I had my kids, I worked in daycare. One week, we would have the loveliest, happiest baby that would break her mom's heart by coming willing to us without even a peep. The next week, the same child would scream and cry when mom left. It is just a phase, but it is a completely normal and healthy one as well. You shouldn't stop trying to let your little one go with others. It is an extremely important part of his development for him to learn that while it is sad that mommy isn't holding him right now, she always comes back. Also, don't do what some of the parents at day care used to do and "sneak away" when the child isn't looking. You should always say "goodbye" even though it will start the tears. It becomes a routine and eventually, the tears will become less and your child will be able to transition easily from you to others again. He will also feel more comfortable about that transition knowing that you will always come back for him. Good luck!

Jessica - posted on 06/27/2009

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Some days my daughter seems a different child. I like to blame her father's genetics for that LoL

Becky - posted on 06/27/2009

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Jessica - I hope so! I mean it really has only been a few days - but this is a big behavior change!

Becky - posted on 06/27/2009

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Hmm - I guess to give an example - today we went over to my in-laws (where he goes every day) and there were about 4 new people there (relatives). I should also mention it was time to eat, but he still cried after he ate. I think he is also faking a bit because he can turn it off very quickly. I know he is not crying for me necessarily because he goes to his grandparents every day just fine withouth crying or fussing.

Jackie - posted on 06/27/2009

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My daughter doesn't do this a whole lot, but most of the people we see are people she sees all the time. Whenever i leave the room though while she is playing she starts screaming. Also for some reason on Saturdays when i leave her to go to work she starts crying even though she stays home with daddy, but the rest of the week when she goes to daycare she doesn't cry when i leave.

Jessica - posted on 06/27/2009

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Sounds like just a phase. Just like our kids like playing peekaboo or searching under blankets for toys; they like to know that we are around. I've been moving this last weekend so my mom has been watching my daughter for hours. The first day was the toughest, she screamed for a half hour straight once she realized I was gone. The best method for us was to NOT make it a big production of saying goodbye and just sneaking out when baby is distracted/happily doing something else. Then I save the big ta-da for when I pick her up to take her home. Give it a try, vary it if you need to. make it work for you and your son! best of luck!

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