I survived! Heres my story!

Samantha - posted on 02/18/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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It is nice to have a place to have conversations with other women who have been through went I went through. Now that my story finally has an ending I want to share with all you wonderful ladies so that you all know there is a light at the end of the tunnel! So please read…… My ex who I will call Fred and I met in July of 06, we met at a bar from a mutual friend (first mistake, bar) he seemed quiet and shy and that attracted me. Fred started out by tending to my wants and spending a lot of time with me (yes I said wants not needs). I found out later that he had 2 kids, found out by a friend (mistake 2) and that these kids were only 6 months apart. However, I was blind sided and looked past the fact he hid this from me and started becoming involved in their life as well. I moved in with him and learned he really had nothing to do with his kids unless his parents did all the work, then learned he had a real bad past….so the warnings came from all angles. (Mistake 3) Dummy me stayed, then I started hearing about how much I changed him, Fred is a new man! So things got more serious, and the more serious they got the worse things got. Fred became jealous over things like me going to school and having other guys in my class, carpooling with other guys and girls, running errands when I was off work and even began threatening suicide! Then Fred started getting violent, grabbing my wrists so tight it would leave marks, screaming in front of the kids screaming at the kids….I even had to call their mothers one late night because I feared for them! And all I could think about was if I leave he will hurt himself or worse his kids! I had to stay and protect them, I tried to confide in people but they would tell me to leave Fred (should’ve listened mistake 4). I wanted to leave so badly, but I couldn’t find myself to do it, the more I feared him the more I convinced myself I loved him! Around Christmas of 07 we decided we needed to split but wanted to wait until after Christmas for the kids, well next thing I know I’m pregnant! 100% his! After those things went progressively down hill, Fred became even more violent and possessive! He would corner me so I couldn’t go anywhere and would say things like “try to get by just try it see what happens!” Usually I would’ve but I was afraid for my baby, there were even times when Fred would pin me down on my bed! Our roommates broke up several fights and she was pregnant too! Things got worse and worse and I started to find excuses to stay at my moms, never told her the whole truth just that we were fighting. In July of 2008 Fred pushed me down so hard my water broke, I wasn’t due till September 2008! I wanted to tell EMS what really happened and the doctors but Fred refused to leave my side! I was in shambles, put on basic house arrest for the safety of my baby by the doctors but making easier access for Fred! I knew at this point I had to get out or Fred would hurt me and now our child. After my baby was born things almost seemed to get better for about 3 months…. I thought maybe were okay now, nope! Fred started to stay with his parents we decided it was over. BUT! I will never forget the date January 19th 2009 at 4:17pm after a night of partying at home (baby free) I went to bed and was awoken with one hand around my neck and another holding my phone in my face! I was pinned down underneath my covers couldn’t move or breathe! Luckily Fred was not the big or heavy and I was able to wiggle one hand out to free my neck and scream for my roommates. Fred jumped off so they wouldn’t catch him and when I got up he came after me. It was like one of the fights you see on you tube I’m sure, my roommates didn’t know what to do or who to grab. I don’t remember every detail but I remember being thrown into our closet over a shelf after a bunch of thumb tacks had spilled, I was cut and bruised from head to toe and my male roommate managed to get Fred outtalk the house! Fred had a gun and took off; I couldn’t find myself to turn him in! All I could think is thank god my baby isn’t here!

I spent at least 4 or 5 days in and out of court a month last year, lost a full time job because of it. It not only became a battle of me and Fred but his entire family, protective orders, harassment charges, assault charges, child neglect etc. I survived! So here it is over a year later and it’s all finally over! No Fred’s not in Jail, he should be but he is getting the help he needs mentally, I hope! After a year of fighting courts for the safety of my son and me, Fred has finally manned up and signed our son over to myself and my fiancé now. My fiancé has been my support through this whole thing, and he is my son’s daddy and now we can be a family. We’ve moved away, maybe to some people its like we ran away but that’s not it at all, its all over and my son and I can finally be free and safe! So all you hurting ladies out there this is a short version of my story, and I never thought I would see the end but its there! Don’t ever give up, and anyone who is maybe in a relationship out there GET OUT NOW!!!! People don’t just change! I got lucky, if I didn’t have roommates who knows what would’ve happened, or if I couldn’t get Fred off! Even so call the police, file charges, have proof cause when’s there is a child involved it’s not about you! Don’t be stubborn!

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3 Comments

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/15/2010

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thanks god you managed to get out, i was in a d v relationship and have been via the courts and everything for the last 18months my x has had an injuction against him but thi s hasnt stopped the messages nor did it stop him turning up at the door last year, just been to court today and i was totaly ripped apart by his layer he walk away from court laughing, all the injuction has been dropped and theres nothing i can do to stop him from coming to my house. i have now put in to be moved as i can not face any more from him. i feel toaly let down by the court and feel like he still has contorl over me. i honestly dont know how much more i can take

Samantha - posted on 03/25/2010

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I hope your court went well! Sounds like your county/state is better than mine, it didnt seem to matter how many times my ex violated he never went to jail! However, it is offically over! The consent for adoption papers are signed, and my fiancee and I have began the process. Some people say I took the easy way out, but I don't think that at all, yes I do feel lucky that he is outta my life for good and I dont find that my son who is only 18 months now will be effected by this. I also get the whole how can a take a father away from his son, but really Dylan was more prone to danger and it is the best thing for him! People don't really realize what its like to go through what we have been through so I can't expect them to understand. God forbid it happens to them! Me I'm not shy to talk about it anymore, because I feel I can help other women or even men!

Casey - posted on 03/15/2010

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God bless you!!! I can relate to an awful lot of your story... especially to the court part. im going through that now. my ex violated a PPO that was issued in december and is now in jail, pending felony harrassment/stalking charges... trial starts the 22nd of this month and im a mess about it!! hes already on felony probation for habitual domestic violence from 2007... i feel like i might be coming to the end of my situation as well, if i can make it through these next few week/months. i dont have anyone by myside, besides my 2 year old son, which can feel a little defeating sometimes but i have to put this behind me before i can move forward. im so glad you have a happy ending, i pray i will one day too :)

Sincerely

Casey

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